The mares and stallions of the Ponyville Police Department are sworn to protect and serve their fair community from any danger from outside and within. These dedicated officers are the only thing keeping order in the town, and thus are the first line of defense against any trouble or danger.
Well, usually. Most of the time. Actually, perhaps... maybe. Sometimes? On the off chance probably... not.
As it turns out from these recordings from the emergency dispatch center, the police really suck at their jobs. Who would have guessed?
Chapters (5)
Oh boy. Here we go.
First call earned you a like. Second one earned you a fave... As if I should have expected anything else. RainbowBob's at it again!
Dude, lol. Love it! Keep going!
Ultron approves of this.
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Thank you my black mastah.
Heh. Now this is great.
Upon closer inspection, I've determined that this story sucks ass. So please write more of it.
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If it sucked dick, perhaps.
Sounds like the police department alright, except it's kid-friendly.
These are the people that are supposed to protect the town. How appropriate.
Ya know, Ponyville could use a SWAT team.
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Technically they are protecting it. With emotional support. Totally counts.
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Sounds like counselors can replace their roles then.
Oh, this is going to be fun. Just wait until the Crusaders get going...
You yellow sponge bastard
Playing my weakness for Discord in costumes
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Baby you know it.
Brilliant, just brilliant. Pi love this already!
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Suck your own dick
Dammit, RainbowBob, that's not fair. You don't get to use an image of Discord staring seductively, yet playfully, out at the ready while beckoning them into your web of deceit and lies. You do that well on your own.
This is hilarious.
lel,
s6.postimg.org/dd47s96ap/Pirate_Approved.jpg
Accurate.
Looking forward to more of this madness!
I can just tell that I'm gonna love this.
Are the P.P.D ponies going to get names just so we can call them out.
Let's be fair: the average small town police force [1] in the US probably wouldn't be up to taking on an angry bear the size of one of the larger dinosaurs, either.
[1] Well, before 9/11, anyway. You never know now which podunk town cops have been equipped by a concerned government with their own tank or missile launchers to handle cyborg Osama zombie clones.
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Really, most towns in the US have enough rifles in them to probably repel a T-Rex; the main problem is that, well, unless you know what you're doing, the first few shots are probably just going to make it mad.
But, you know, eventually, it will bleed to death.
Or someone will shoot it with a .50 caliber sniper rifle, or a 26mm one.
Because, you know, those are great for hunting deer.
I have written a review of the first two chapters of this story; it can be found here.
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More like a Diplodocus. While you're waiting for it to bleed out, it's going to trash one hell of a lot of your town. Bears shot in the heart have gone a 100 meters before falling. There are feet of hair and flesh to penetrate to get to the heart, and if it's skull is proportionally as thick as a grizzly, we're talking maybe 15 inches or more of bone in the thicker areas. That being said, since a 50 sniper rifle can penetrate an engine block, I suppose it might do the trick if you hit the head in the right place. (Which is a rather small area compared to the size of the head as a whole).
But argument is pointless in any event, since this isn't just a cube-square-law defying bear, but some sort of glowy celestial life form, and we have no idea what its vulnerabilities are. Perhaps bullets go right through it with no effect, or maybe it can be slain with a slingshot stone made of the compacted bone powder of a hanged Pony murderer dug up at midnight. Magical creatures are like that.
Actually, the crown finally figured out that they could just paint cardboard and give it to the Ponyville police force, and they would happily bow and scrape for them. Since they didn't do anything anyways, they figured they might as well pay them according to their work.
Don't worry, these cops have never even seen your tax money.
This needs a reading. Two people, one of whom is the dispatcher, and whoever has a gender-appropriate voice for the caller in a given chapter. It would work just like those dispatch recordings you sometimes see on the news, where both sides are played with subtitles.
Aww Bob, what's with you and coming up with the best, off-the-wall concepts to make stupid fics with? You got a gift, man!
The question is, will they be freaking out during the bunny stampede like everyone else, or will you subvert our expectations and make them actually competent briefly?
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/188/d/a/bunny_stampede_by_nerfster-d56c8yr.png
...nah, probably not.
Make a Monty Python reference and I will cut you.
That's hilarious!
What's next?
Three times, RainbowBob... three times!
Other than that, good chapter.
Ponyville Police Department motto: "To Protect and Serve... Ourselves Coffee and Donuts"
Who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters!
"I accidentally whacked her repeatedly!"
Reminds me of the first Llamas with Hats...
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Goulbusters...
And I accidentally summoned an Creature because I got bored, now I have a number 1 assistant to I don't know, troll tia with.
...well, that was different.
I laughed a few times but now I'm left feeling a little angry. Good work so far though.
Aww, c'mon, Twilight would wipe the floor with this guy! The rookie should be the one on the ground, preferably with his own nightstick rammed up his ass
Strangely enough, the Rookie is more competent then the head cop in this chapter. He actually tracked down the cause of disturbance and arrested her.
Kind of.
im calling to report an armed robbery of my laughs by the ponyville police department, the weapon used was incompitance
Not the face!
I'm surprised the rookie got some blows in on Twilight! She must have been thinking about books.
This re-enforces about 99% of everyone's headcanon that the Royal Guards are pretty much just mall cops
Thank you!