• Published 8th Jun 2015
  • 2,338 Views, 58 Comments

Life, With Style - Friggin Jake



Rarity and Rainbow Dash's life together as a couple one moment at a time.

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Rainbow Dash's Unexpected Move

“Rarity, this sucks, can we just go home?”

“Bite your tongue, Dash, and use your indoor voice.”

“You sound like my mom, you know that?”

“Well maybe I wouldn’t have to sound so much like a parent if you didn’t act so much like a child.”

“Ooh, diggin’ that one up again, are we? Dash is acting childish, that one never gets old.”

“Well, you keep giving me reason to dust it up, so to speak. If you just for once indulge in something I would like to do and spare me your pathetic attitude, I wouldn’t have to condescend to you all the time.”

“How about having some cool interests, huh? Why is it on me that you never wanna do anything I would enjoy?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Dash, how about because when you date somepony, you do things with her that she would like to do because you love them.”

“I never got that logic. Like, yeah, we’re living together and screwing and stuff, but where does it say we have to do stuff like this together?”

“Are you dense? We are a couple. This is a date! Now get with the program! And for goodness’ sake, clean up your language, this is a formal setting–”

“Erm, ladies?”

WHAT?” Rarity and Rainbow Dash snapped at the young waiter sitting by their table.

Trembling in his polyester vest, he replied “I-i was just wondering if I could start you off with something to drink?”

Immediately composing themselves, the two smiled to their waiter.

“I’ll just stick with water, thanks,” Dash replied, hoisting her glass of tap.

Browsing through the wine list, Rarity remarked “I’ll start off with a glass of Lunaire Rouge, and you can go ahead and leave the bottle, kind sir.”

Taking the wine list from Rarity, the waiter nervously nodded before scampering off to retrieve the lady’s wine. Once he was gone from site, Rarity returned to her antagonistic glaring at her date, while Rainbow Dash simply looked around the lavish Manehattan restaurant and sighed.

“Look, Rarity, I’m not trying to be a jerk, but this just really isn’t my scene.” She fidgeted in her shiny dress. “And unless I’m meeting some primo celebs, I don’t see why I gotta wear this getup.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “You really can’t leave your precious comfort zone for one night just to make me happy?”

“And I’m telling you I don’t know why I have to do that. I’m not asking you to come to my competitions or whatever... I mean, I’m glad you do, because I like when ponies cheer me on for being awesome, but still, you don’t have to.”

“You’re right, Dash. I don’t have to. And yes, your interests are certainly out of my comfort zone, but you know what? I still gladly take part in them because I want to, and it makes me happy to see you happy because we are da-ting.”

Just then, the waiter arrived with the bottle of red wine, of which Rarity immediately uncorked and poured herself a glass. Drinking it all in one gulp, she looked to the waiter and daintily purred “We’ll need just a bit more time deciding our orders, darling.”

The waiter nodded and shuffled off, leaving Rarity to continue her scolding.

“Honestly, I’m baffled I have to even explain this to you,” she said, growing sadder with every word.

Dash raised an eyebrow. “Um... are you going to drink that whole bottle?”

“May as well!” Rarity replied in sardonic glee, pouring herself another glass and then drinking it in another gulp. Hiccuping, she continued “I mean, clearly it’s too much to ask that I want you to go out with me to a nice restaurant in nice clothes and generally have a nice time.” She began pouring herself another glass. “I obviously ask for too much. I mean, that’s my life, right? Like, I can’t have a charming prince, he’s just a fool.” Down went another glass. Going through a fit of goosebumps, she continued, a bit louder and less refined in her voice: “And Trenderhoof, well, why would he want me when he could have a hard-on for Applejack, right?”

Dash blushed. “Um, hey, you know, ponies might be able to hear that, you should tone it down a bit.”

Rarity guffawed. “Oh, oh, that’s rich. Isn’t this what you what, Dashie? I mean, it’s not like you want someone of class and style if you don’t even want to go to the effort of making them happy every once in a while, right? No, you just want someone to get drunk and shout in public!”

Dash grimaced at her. “No, that’s not what I want at all. Come on, Rarity, stop. You’re fine just the way you are.”

Rarity began to pour herself yet another glass, but before she drank it, she lowered her head and voice. “You know... I’m really not that bitter about Blueblood and Trenderhoof. I mean, after all, they weren’t the stallions I thought they were, and I’m much happier having realized that before it was too late.” She took a deep breath before drinking her glass. Wiping off a stain on her lip in a broad sweep, she continued in a guttural tone:

“And then you came along, and I thought... wow, I am I really doing this... with her? With a her?” She giggled. “I must have been out of my mind... but I knew what I felt was real. It may not have been what I expected, but you know what? I was happy!” She looked into Dash’s eyes. “Weren’t you?”

Dash cleared her throat. “Yeah, I was...” she reached out placed her hoof on Rarity’s. “Heck, I still am, even. Aren’t you?”

The two looked into each others’ eyes for a long time before Rarity let out a sigh. “Some nights, like these, for instance... make me wonder why I put in so much effort.”

Dash removed her hoof from the table and slunk in her chair. Sighing in and out, she looked off to the side. “...Wow.”

Rarity began only sipping her next glass. “Maybe we should just go home, this was clearly a disaster,” she said, beginning to rummage through her purse for some bits.

“No, no,” Dash interjected, getting out of her seat. “I’ll go.”
Rarity’s eyes fluttered as she reached out with a wobbly hoof. “Dash, please, I’m just being maudlin, I’ll snap out of it soon enough, you don’t have to leave me here.”

Dash sighed. “Look, this was really important to you, so I won’t get in the way of that. You just have a nice dinner at this really nice place...” she looked to the bottle of wine. “Just, uh, make sure you drink some water with your dinner, alright?”

Rarity nodded as Dash turned away, dejected, and slunk out of the restaurant. Alone at last, Rarity set her head on the table, a storm of sadness and crushed grapes swimming within her.

“So, uh, sorry your date stiffed you.”

Rarity’s head shot up as she looked around before meeting gaze with her waiter once more.

The waiter cleared his throat. “But, uh, are you gonna order something or are you just having wine?”

Rarity looked at her bottle and sighed, reaching into her purse and tossing out a tiny sack of bits to her waiter. Exiting her seat, she proclaimed “suddenly, I’m in the mood for a big honking pizza.”

“Oh, we have those.”

Rarity scoffed. “Screw that.” She hiccuped. “Like hell I’m paying fifty bits for something probably not any better than the filthy ratshack down the street...” Rarity hiccuped again. “Um, no offense.”

“Oh, none taken, this food here is horribly overpriced. You rich ponies are a bunch of chumps.”

Rarity giggled. “Perhaps, but...” grabbing the bottle from the table. “Damn, if this isn’t fine wine.”

“We get those from the grocery store and just slap a new label on them. No one can tell the difference.”

She kissed the bottle. “Still worth every bit.”


Settling for an entire Manehattan-style pizza in a hotel room, Rarity was only able to sleep at the behest of the wine in her body.

Riding back to Ponyville in her cab, she was only able to stay half-awake as the thought of sleeping all day through her hangover was quite tempting. However, she kept forcing herself to stay awake and think of a proper apology for getting Dash so upset. They would kiss, make up, and life would go on as if nothing had happened. True, Rarity could easily have been coming up with arguments for why Dash should be the one to apologize, but she was too tired and homesick to make the effort.

And in the end, she really couldn’t expect much from the mare she loved. This would have to be another thing Rarity would have to accept.

The cab pulled up to Carousel Boutique and Rarity hesitantly stepped out, immediately putting on her sunglasses. “Just charge it to this place,” she weakly called to the driver, flailing her hoof in the direction of the Boutique.

As the cab drove off, Rarity stumbled toward her home, ultimately deciding that apologies could wait as she just wanted to sleep for now. She entered the house, disregarding all the ribboned boxes and brand-new wine glasses lying everywhere in the kitchen for some reason. Frankly, she couldn’t care less at this point, and just assumed she had an order from some eccentric client who wanted glass outfits. Making a note to write that idea in her idea journal when she awoke, Rarity finally reached her destination: an empty bed.

Strange, she thought, as she crawled into her sanctuary. Dash wasn’t scheduled for work today, and yet, she was out of bed, and out of the Boutique for that matter. Before finally succumbing to sleep, Rarity just assumed Dash was taking a marathon of power naps in a cloud somewhere.

She was predictable like that, Rarity could at least expect that of her lover.


Rarity awoke in a haze. The hangover was gone, but she was still physically exhausted from the draining events that preceded her day-long slumber. She smacked her lips and swallowed, feeling the near-suffocating dryness, deciding it was high time for some water.

Leaping from her bed and trotting downstairs, Rarity quirked her eyebrow at the rumblings coming from outside. It sounded like a gathering of some sort. Odd, seeing as how it didn’t sound like a party, Rarity would be able to tell from the sounds of party cannons that it if it was a Ponyville party.

Pouring herself a glass of water in the kitchen, Rarity noticed another peculiarity: there were blocks of cheese lying around everywhere. Usually, she could remember ordering this much cheese, especially if it was of such obviously fine quality (she tested herself, and nearly had a taste-gasm).

Munching on her gorgonzola, Rarity pondered these anomalies: Dash nowhere to be found, kitchen littered with good cheese, Fancy Pants standing outside her window...

WHAT!?” Rarity yelped, immediately ducking behind the sink before Fancy Pants caught sight of her. Breathing intensely, Rarity desperately tried to make sense of what was going on. Just what in Equestria was Fancy Pants doing outside her window?

Rarity crawled toward the back door, hoping not to be seen by anypony. She crept outside, but stopped dead in her tracks upon the sight of her yard:

A veritable who’s-who of Equestrian fame and fortune were strewn about her lawn, drinking wine and enjoying cheese. Everypony from Fancy Pants to Hoity Toity to Captain Spitfire were in their best finery like it was the Canterlot Garden Party.

Rarity had trouble breathing, thinking she was either dead or this was one of those dreams where she had gone to school naked... though, that wouldn’t be a very sensical dream, seeing as how she never wore clothes to school, but regardless, she felt very underdressed at the moment.

She scanned her eyes across the gallery of celebrities, catching a glimpse of Fancy Pants, still in front of her kitchen window, conversing with Fleur de Lis and Hoity Toity.

“I say,” Hoity proclaimed. “The theme for this gathering is simply marvelous. Who else could have thought of posh meets podunk aside from Miss Rarity? The absurd juxtaposition is most fetch.”

Rarity arranged this party? Having no memory of this, she wondered exactly how much she drank last night.

“Oh, Hoity,” Fancy Pants replied. “Years now, you’ve tried in vain to make ‘fetch’ the catchphrase of the season. Give up the ghost, old boy.”

Hoity waved his hoof. “Fancy, dear friend, I am a trendsetter, and though my contemporaries of questionable taste–ahem–scoff at me now, I shall be lauded by generations of tomorrow for my bold innovations.”

Fancy chuckled. “Indeed, if by ‘lauded’, you mean held up solely in detached, ironic celebration, then yes, truly you are your own oracle. You just can’t accept that none of us quite have the brilliance that our friend Rarity as, and–ah, speak of the devil, there she is right over there!”

Rarity’s eyes glazed over. It was true. She was dead, and this was hell. She was never one for faith or superstition, and clearly, this was cosmic punishment for such arrogance. As her greeters approached, she felt herself growing smaller and smaller, eventually slinking down to the ground against the backdoor.

“Miss Rarity!” Fancy Pants enthusiastically called. “Splendid gathering this is. I daresay this has been the social event of the season!”

“Here, here,” Hoity and Fleur complied.

“Tell us, Miss Rarity,” Fleur asked. “Just what inspired you to invite us all for such a fancy gathering in such a backwood community.”

“I-I... I didn’t think of this,” Rarity weakly replied.

Fancy Pants guffawed. “Such modesty, this one has. Really now, Rarity, don’t be shy, tell us who or what your muse is.”

“Fancy Pants, I swear on the life of the princesses that I had nothing to do with this, and whoever threw this party together must sincerely have it out for me–”

“Hey, Rarity!” a raspy, yet markedly feminine voice cried out.

Oh, no.

As Rarity pondered to herself what vengeful god or goddess she offended the most, Rainbow Dash, in her dress from the most recent Grand Galloping Gala, joined the group conversing with her.

“Hey, babe,” she said, kneeling down to Rarity’s eye level. “I was wondering when you’d be up.”

“Ah, Rainbow Dash,” Hoity remarked. “It would seem as though you were able to leave the good Captain Spitfire’s company for a scant few minutes. Quite a feat, I must say.”

Dash stuck her tongue out at their snarky guest. “Yeah, well,” she nuzzled Rarity, “some ponies are a little more important... some.”

“Oh, dear me,” Fancy Pants moaned. “You’re coming dangerously close to making me shed a tear, Miss Dash. I haven’t done that in twelve years, and I don’t much care for the sensation of it.”

“Well, maybe you guys could skedaddle for a bit, I think Rarity’s got a few questions for me.”

The three nodded as they dispersed to other sections of the party. As Rarity simply stared in disbelief, Dash beamed at her.

“So, whaddya think?”

“...How...why...what–”

“When I got back to Ponyville, I looked through your address book and invited every posh pony I could, pretending to be you. I even had Twilight write to a few ponies herself just to coax’em even more. Then I spent the day getting wine, cheese, and fixing myself up just for this.”

Rarity sat there in silence, processing this dump of information. With Dash’s help, she finally stood up and looked around.

“...But what about–”

“I also gave Pinkie some money to have a grand ol’ time in Manehattan. Let her get wild and crazy in some other part of Equestria for a change, right?” Dash chuckled, but grimaced at Rarity’s lack of response.

Reaching out to touch her, Dash said “Hey... are you alright?”

Rarity cleared her throat. “I am, it’s just... why did you do this, Rainbow Dash?”

Dash sighed, kicking up a bit of dust under her. “Everything you said last night? ...Well, you were right. I don’t make enough of an effort the same way you do. Some nights, I just gotta suck it up and try to enjoy the things you do. I ruined last night for you, and I don’t wanna make the same mistake ever again.”

She brought Rarity into a tight embrace. “I did this because whatever stuff I had in my mind about what couples should and shouldn’t have to do beforehand doesn’t matter anymore. I’m with you, and for you...” she kissed her cheek. “I’d do anything.”

Rarity felt herself beginning to tear up. “Oh, Rainbow Dash... thank you.”

Dash squeezed tighter. “You are so, so worth it.”

They stayed like this for a while, until...

“OOF!” Dash screamed as she felt the sharp pain of a punch to the gut from Rarity. She glared at her. “What did you do that for? I thought you were happy!”

“That doesn’t excuse how you’ve made me look like trash in front of some of the most important ponies in Equestria! Honestly, Dash, the nerve. Did it not occur to you that I would need at least day’s notice to get my hair, makeup, and dress properly put together?”

“I wanted it to be a big surprise for you!”

“The nerve, Dash, the nerve!”

The two stared into each others’ eyes for a bit, both haggard in breath, ready to tear each other apart until Dash cleared her throat again.

“But, uh, we’re cool, right?”

“Oh, yes, absolutely. I love you, Dash.”

“Killer.”

Comments ( 35 )

There is no part of this that I do not love. Jake you are a gentleman, a scholar, and a credit to your profession.

Are you gonna write Rainbow and Rarity coming out as a couple to their friends?

6071168
I already did that in The RariDash Project, so no.

6071277
Congratulations. Now punch yourself in the dick.

6071275
bats and I are Best Prereaders.

“Oh, none taken, this food here is horribly overpriced. You rich ponies are a bunch of chumps.”

As someone who works in a restaurant the truth of this statement killed me.:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Its quite funny!

6071640
Thank you so much!

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Which writeoff is this from? :O Multiple?

6072005
"Rarity's Cure For A Hangover" was an entrant in The Best Medicine

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

So are these just a bunch of random collection storys with no connection

6075565
Think of it like a sitcom. It's not serialized, but continuity will be kept in mind.

6075596 ahh makes senses thats what i was thinking

6071287

Dude, overreaction much?

6075824
How's about I notify you with a pointless test comment on your stories, eh?

6075836

Sure, it'll be amusing at the least.

Did you...just make a Mean Girls reference?

I read every chapter so far....


IM READY FOR MORE!!!!

Oh I like this.
Please continue.

This might not be my ship, but with a story this fun who cares. I really want to see more!

6077919
You are quite literally everywhere, aren't you? How'd you do it? What's the secret? Do you have clones reading all the fanfiction?

6079444
Everyone on this site is actually just an alt account I created.
Except you.

6079451
Of course. That makes sense! And, of course, you enjoy commenting multiple times on your own stories because, really, who doesn't do that?

Gotta be honest, there are times when I'm not fond of your interpretation of RariDash and this chapter is one of those times. The other three were pretty good, though.

6089030
Sorry you didn't care for it. Thanks for the honest feedback, I'll keep it in mind (anything specific that put you off?)

6089060
It's probably a matter of personal interpretation, but I'll write you up my reasoning on the matter as soon as I get back to a real keyboard.

6089060

The whole scene at the restaurant really doesn't do justice to Rarity and Rainbow in my opinion.

I certainly don't expect them to get along perfectly 100% of the time. Rarity has a lot of buttons to push and Rainbow is good at pushing them. The inverse is somewhat true as well, though less so. Some playful and even on occasion less-than-playful cattiness is definitely going to be the norm between these two. However, what you have here, I feel, is RariJack levels of dysfunction.

I can sympathize somewhat with Rainbow not wanting to sit still for a formal dinner, but she's being awfully rude to Rarity even for her. And as for complaining about the dress, despite certain popular headcanons, Rainbow has never turned down a dress on the show for dress-related reasons. She has shown annoyance for practical reasons (Inspiration Manifestation, where she was trying to work and the dress got in her way; and Swarm of the Century, where she was getting antsy from sitting too long), but never fashion reasons. She does want to look good.

On the other side, you have Rarity expressing concern that Rainbow's interests are outside her comfort zone. Certainly actually participating in some of the rough and tumble things Rainbow likes is outside Rarity's usual scope, but watching is canonically not. Rarity has been seen gleefully watching Rainbow fly (Read it and Weep) as well as enjoying a Wonderbolts show far more than the Canterlotians also in the crowd (Sweet and Elite).

All that said, I do appreciate Rainbow making everything right in the end, but just the journey to get there really rubbed me the wrong way and could have been handled better in my opinion. It would have resulted in more work to get the intended result of a broken date and a make-up surprise, but I also feel the scenario as a whole would have been stronger and more impactful if they had manged to have the same argument while having a more in tune characterization instead of relying on what I feel is a rather shallow pretense.

6089865
Thanks for the feedback, Jon! I'll keep what you said in mind for the future :)

I do hope this continues ówò
This is the cutest stuff

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