Unwanted Guests
“Unwanted Guests”
By TwilightSparkle3562
Ever since the centaur known as Tirek was returned to the dungeons of Equestria known as Tartarus, he could only imagine of the power that could have been his. He had every bit of magic that made Equestria what it was: he had unicorn magic, the flight of Pegasus ponies, the strength of earth ponies, the sun was his, the moon was his, love was his and even chaos itself was his. And just when it seemed Tirek was about to celebrate his ultimate victory as supreme God of Equestria, Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends unlocked the magic of friendship once again and stripped Tirek of all the power he had stolen.
Now, he was back in Tartarus, powerless and locked in a cage like a wild animal with only the three headed guard dog, Cerberus, for company.
“Curse that Princess Twilight and her friends,” Tirek thought to himself as he paced back and forth in his cage. “When I get out of here again, I will get my revenge on them for putting me back in here and their magic of friendship will be mine.”
Suddenly, the sounds of wings fluttering were heard and not one, not two, but four alicorns came down towards the caged centaur with looks of disgust deep in their faces. However, Tirek was not fazed by this and attempted to try and steal their magic again, only to discover that he couldn’t do so.
“Trying to steal our magic once again?" remarked Luna, smirking in a sly manner as she and the other alicorns landed in front of him. "It's not going to work, vile villain. Your magic was permanently destroyed when Princess Twilight and the other elements of harmony returned you here."
For the first time, Tirek's face began to drop from its determined look and he began to feel slightly afraid as the thought of losing his powers made him feel weak. But, he could still be manipulative and was determined to use it to his advantage.
"Do you know why we are here, Tirek?" she asked coldly, glaring at him. The ground shook as Celestia stepped up to the cage, staring down at Tirek like he was a nobody. When she didn't get a response from him, her horn glowed yellow and her eyes crossed with fury as she lifted up the cage with her magic.
"LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU!" she bellowed, glaring at him while using her royal Canterlot voice. "WHEN I ASK YOU A QUESTION, I EXPECT YOU TO ANSWER!"
But, Tirek only chuckled at Celestia's rage as a small smirk came onto his face. His plan of using his words was about to take action.
"Oh, dear Celestia," he snickered, looking at her. "Do you think words will get you anywhere? Why you are still the pathetic and weak pony you were when I sent you and your sister and niece to Tartarus. Had I not lost my magic, I would have done it to you again."
This made Celestia even more cross as she released her grip on Tirek and threw him down onto the cage floor violently, the sounds of his shackles loudly rustling. After a moment, Tirek managed to get onto his feet and shake off the abuse that Celestia had imposed on him.
"Why don't you just surrender your magic to me now?" asked Tirek, rising to his feet. "I can see the fear in your eyes; you are just like my brother, merely wanting to offer me the choice of being reformed like that pathetic Discord.”
"Leave them alone!" she snarled quietly, her horn glowing with raging magic as she walked around the cage. "I told you that you will not prevail, Tirek. And when I say words like that, then I mean it. Even without our magic, we were still going to find a way to defeat you and thanks to Princess Twilight and her friends, that prediction had come true."
"In addition," added Luna, joining her sister in swarming the cage. "You expected us to rot here in the same manner as yourself. But Cerberus knew that we didn't belong in Tartarus and protected us from your allies who intended to kill us once and for all. Had it not been for him, we wouldn't have been alive when you were defeated.”
This made Twilight get a lump in her throat as the thought of her mentors and sister-in-law being killed made her spine shiver in fear. It was bad enough losing her home and seeing her friends and Spike in danger, but having her fellow princesses killed made her feel afraid. Seeing her sister-in-law feel afraid, Cadence placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder for support. Seeing this as an opportunity, Tirek looked over towards the two youngest princesses.
"Are you trying to hide behind your savior, Princess Cadence?" mocked Tirek, seizing an opportunity to terrorize the leader of the Crystal Empire. "Afraid that I am going to take care of your pathetic husband and your subjects in your empire after I take care of you?"
This struck a chord with Cadence and filled her with rage as she raised her wings and with a death glare, she fired a blast of her magic right at Tirek's chest, causing him to roar in pain.
"Don't you dare mock my husband and my subjects like that!" hissed Cadence, not afraid to use her magic. "Talk to me like that again and I will personally destroy you the same way as King Sombra!"
Tirek felt the gust of wind from the Princess' voice push him back against the back of the cage, the strong light from her horn seemingly distorting the air around the criminal in preparation for an attack. However, A yellow light surrounded the Princess of Love before anything further could take place, Celestia stepping forward and draping a wing around her niece.
"Stand down, Mi Amore Cadenza." Luna spoke sternly, a glint of worry in her eyes as she stepped forward.
After a moment, Tirek rebounded himself and rose to his feet, shaking off the pain of the blast that came from Cadence’s horn.
“There was another reason to why I threw you down here as well, Princess Cadence,” coughed Tirek. “You killed somepony who was very close to me and the only true friend that I ever had.”
Cadence stepped back in fear upon what Tirek was trying to say to her. It was very clear that the friend that Tirek was mentioning was in fact King Sombra himself. After all, it wasn’t too long ago that Cadence led the Crystal Ponies in activating the crystal heart that ultimately destroyed Sombra, so it was very likely that Tirek could have very easily known about what had happened to him.
“What I did to you and your aunts were revenge,” continued Tirek. “Swift and mighty revenge, for the life of King Sombra, whom you took away from me.”
Tirek’s eyes glowed yellow as Cadence nervously stepped back to the protection of Princess Celestia, whose horn was ready to fire a blast of magic at him. However, it was at that moment that Tirek turned his attention towards the mare who threw him back into Tartarus, Princess Twilight Sparkle herself.
"Do you fear me, Princess Twilight?" he laughed. "Are you afraid I am going to destroy your castle the same way I destroyed your library?"
This did not sit well with Twilight at all and she leapt in front of Tirek with a look of pure anger on her face, blasting him with a ray of her alicorn magic, much to the shock of her fellow princesses. Like the blast fired by her mentor and sister-in-law, Tirek rose to his feet and chuckled slightly.
"Oh, Princess Twilight," he snickered, ignoring her anger. "Trying to stand up for all these pathetic ponies around you? You scare me even less than your fellow princesses."
But, Twilight was not going to continue standing for it as she stormed over towards Tirek, much to the hesitation of her friends and fellow princesses.
"Twilight, stand down," ordered Celestia, fearing that her youngest equal would do something rash.
"No Princess," cried Twilight as Cadence attempted to stop her, only to be pushed back by Twilight. "I need to have my say with you, Tirek!"
Twilight walked over to Tirek and much like Celestia, raised her glowing horn at Tirek's neck, a look of rage pasted on her face. Celestia wanted to stop Twilight from doing something foolish, but Luna raised a wing and allowed Twilight to face down the monster that had affected her the most.
"I speak on behalf of everypony here when I tell you that I hope you suffer for what you have done not just to my friends, but also to me!" she began, glaring at him. "All you ever wanted was power and greed, two things that you stop at nothing to get! Even if it meant destroying my home, putting my mentors and sister-in-law in Tartarus, using my friends as a way to get the alicorn magic and stealing all the other magic that doesn't belong to you!"
At that point, tears began to form at the corners of Twilight's eyes when she decided to bring up the loss of her library.
"I want you to think about something even though that you don't care about how I feel," she continued, trying not to cry in front of her enemy.
"I want you to know that when you destroyed my library, you only made yourself weaker instead of stronger. When you used my friends to get the alicorn magic, you made yourself weaker instead of stronger. The magic of friendship will prevail and that is something you will never take away from us!”
At that moment, Twilight had to turn away as Celestia placed a wing over her youngest equal in an effort to calm her down. It was then that Luna revealed the reason for why they were in Tartarus to begin with.
“If you think we were here to berate you, Lord Tirek,” said the Princess of the Night. “That wasn’t our intention. As my sister was trying to say to you: our true intention was to offer you a chance at clemency: to be reformed and learn the magic of friendship the same way as your brother and as the same way as Discord. What say you?”
When Tirek heard those words, he felt like laughing in a sarcastic manner. After all, he swore that he would never become friends with the ponies of Equestria and make the same mistake as Scorpan had made.
"Why do you offer such a poor choice, Princess Luna?" asked Tirek, stretching out one of his leg chains. "You know that I will never surrender to the likes of you and your sister. I would much rather remain here in Tartarus than to be among you pathetic equines."
Luna then produced a piece of parchment and a quill with ink on it and handed it to Tirek for him to sign. Instead of signing it, Tirek snatched the quill and parchment and ripped up the parchments with his hands, throwing the torn pieces back at the princesses.
"That is what I think of your offer!" retorted Tirek, his eyes blinking in rage of this offer. "If you think that I am just going to give up everything I have done to conquer Equestria, then you are wrong. I will one day escape from this prison and return to finish what I have started and that there will be nothing you or anypony else can do to stop me!"
It was at that moment that the princesses finally realized that their chance at giving Tirek a second chance was not going to happen. He was just far too evil to even be offered a chance.
“Then there is nothing we can do for you,” said Celestia, as they started to turn back towards the gates of Tartarus. “As of this moment, Lord Tirek, you will rot in this dungeon forever. Farewell.”
So, they all took to the air as Tirek watched from his cage, still determined to not change his ways at any cost, even if it meant losing his freedom once again.
He was a prisoner of Tartarus now and there was nothing he could do about it.
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a very interesting concept, my friend
Do you think you can make a story in which the princesses (Including Twilight sparkle the princess of friendship) take bendy from "Foster's home for imaginary friends" to canterlot and put him to death for his crimes?
5741300 Already fixed, Jarkes.
You know what will be even funnier?
They used their Rainbow Power, the Elements of Harmony were returned to the tree and aren't used anymore
Interesting concept with alright execution.
You seem to know what you want to say, but there's a rule to the art of writing that I think might improve your skills; show, don't tell. We know that Celestia's angry, we know that Tirek has fear of Celestia's power; but instead of telling us these things, do more showing of the things you want to tell. For example:
The last half of the last sentence isn't really needed, because we already can tell that Celestia's pretty angry at the moment. Do more showing; if you have to tell us that someone is angry or sad or feeling emotion, make it extreme. Go over the top with description, make sure to hammer that point home.
...That segways nicely into the other thing that could help: description! You could use far more descriptive text to fill in the void; we have a decent understanding of how Tirek's prison looks like in the show, but maybe more subtle showings of the Princesses' power in comparison to Tirek's. Have the ground tremble when they stomp, have the area light up brilliantly when they're charging magic, stuff like that. Again, this ties into showing instead of telling: if Tirek's afraid, no need to tell us that he has fear. Think of how you feel when you're afraid; your actions, your body language, your physical reaction. Be the thing you want to write.
A few more quotes for good measure.
Yes, she's not afraid to use her magic...but don't tell us. Show us. Say, something like...
Gets the point across, but it's more dynamic, sets the tone for what could potentially be a death sentence.
Again, same here; you're telling, not showing. A suggestion for you:
I apologize if I sound redundant, but...well, you asked for feedback. I felt like giving it.
I do hope this helps you, though! Perhaps you'll revisit this concept another day, or possibly revise it. Either way, I look forward to it.
5743088 All right, I have done the edits you recommended me to do. Let me know if there are any more that need to be done.
5744016 Waitwaitwait. I offered those quotes as suggestions; examples that one could use. I would rather appreciate if you didn't outright use them in your story; rather, use them as ideas from which you can apply to your writing.
5741300 But what separates Tirek from Bendy entirely is the fact how Tirek was a type of villain we bronies loved to hate, He who was the worst type of charavter, but we got so much enjoyment out of watching him that we end up actually liking Tirek, succeeding in every way that Bendy failed, even the Grinch singer would have felt like:
Lord Tirek vs Bendy: And given the choice between the two of you I take the uuuhh........
Bendy: Oh, Heck, No, I,m going with the....
Lord Tirek: centaur, well at least he didn't write....
A pal for Gary: A pal for Gary, That episode was a seasick crocodile!
I REALLY hate that guy
Woah. Love it when Celestia gets like this. Moar please.
I really like this concept, they only defeated and imprisoned Tirek in the show, never got a chance to attempt to reform him. However, some people really Do enjoy being evil. And I don't believe he would or should be reformed, it would be forced and untrue to his nature. But being true to Celestia's nature, she believes everyone should be given a second shot. Well done. Off to read the sequel!
6075626 That's prequel, but glad you enjoyed it.
Really good and I am glad, Tirek rejected the offer. It would not suit him. But I do not think, Celestia would freak out like that. I could understand, if Luna, Cadance and Twilight do it. But Celestia is far more calm and strict for doing so.
6102507 Celestia had every right to blow up like that, you know. It takes someone like Tirek to really get a calm pony livid.
They rage too quick, in a ooc way i dislike.
6232417 You are free to dislike this, but remember to ask yourself this question: how would you react if someone like Tirek would turn your world upside down like he did in "Twilight's Kingdom"? Would you hold in your feelings and pretend like it didn't happen or release your anger onto the individual and let him know how you feel?
6245478
Look at Discord.
They were mad at him, but not as much as they are at Tirek in this story, far from it.
6246450 At least Discord was sorry for his actions and apologized for what he did. In my story, Window Repairs, Celestia had expressed her feelings to him about turning him back to stone as punishment. Plus, in that story, Discord at least tried to atone for his actions by repairing all the windows he had defaced when he was aligned with Tirek. It wasn't until he got to Twilight's melted coronation window did he fully realize his actions. Plus, you have to remember that Tirek used Discord and lied to him that friendship was a form of imprisonment, when it really wasn't.
My headcanon is that the criminals of Equestria are offered a choice to either reform and learn the magic of friendship like Discord or be condemned to spending life or a lengthy amount of time in Tartarus.
6301521 I talk about when they reformed Discord, not when he betrayed them.
And Discord didn't really want to be reformed either, he maked fun of them, did they turn him to stone once again? No.
Not only would they not act like this with Tirek, they would even give him a REAL chance, they would have made him quit Tartarus and showed him what friendship mean. He would have returned to tartarus after if he really didnt care and tried to do something.
Discord: I don't want friendship! what happened? they still tried and succed.
Tirek in this story?: I don't want friendship! what happened? STFU STAY HERE AND DECAY FOREVER!
" "That is what I think of your offer!" retorted Tirek, his eyes blinking in rage of this offer. "If you think that I am just going to give up everything I have done to conquer Equestria, then you are wrong. I will one day escape from this prison and return to finish what I have started and that there will be nothing you or anypony else can do to stop me!"
It was at that moment that the princesses finally realized that their chance at giving Tirek a second chance was not going to happen. He was just far too evil to even be offered a chance.
“Then there is nothing we can do for you,” said Celestia, "
This is how I believe that should have ended : said Celestia as she calmly pulled out a weapon and shot Tirek three times point blank in the head. Tirek had a very surprised expression on his face. Then he fell down to the floor, quite dead.
Best case scenario: "Then there is nothing we can do for you," said Celestia quite calmly. To the horror of her fellow alicorns, Celestia's horn glowed, a thin yellow cord swimming away from the magical aura, straight into Tirek's chest. His face contorted into confusion, then the cord suddenly turned black. Celestia's eyes had turned red. The blackness in his eyes were slowly dwindling into white. The cord withdrew itself, returning into Princess Celestia's horn, which glowed a creepy, blood-colored red. Then, quite abruptly, Tirek fell. He didn't stir or appear to breath.
"Sister?" whispered Luna, aghast. "Did you-"
"It had to be done," replied the former. "I regret nothing."
"But what did you do, Celestia?" Cadence inquired.
"I took his ability to travel to other dimensions freely," murmured Celestia,"I plan on returning it to Discord quite soon."
(THAT NIGHT)
Celestia chuckled darkly at the knocked out human as she turned to the 'computer'.
"Now. . . what's this? Fim fiction dot net? Intriguing. . ."
What two brothers? Tirek is in the cage by himself.
What boulder? He was locked into a cage.
As for the story, this is very interesting. This begs the question though, would they give Chrysalis that same offer?
6581322
*ANIME GASP* YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Now I have to look up if there is a shipping FF about Tirek.
I think it's funny how Tirek refers to Sombra as a friend and that he was trying to avenge him when he, at the same time, brags that he only cares about himself and power. He never cared about Sombra, he's just using his death as an excuse to be crueler than usual. I think that's interesting.
Great story by the way.
"He was a prisoner of Tartarus now and there was nothing he could do about it."
Nothing he could do about it Indeed.
9766555 Yeah, until you teleported him and Cozy Glow aka Elmer Fudd out of Tartarus.
9767391
Exactly.
wait....
You think Cozy is like Elmer Fudd?
9767547 She sure sounds like him. I take you have watched Looney Tunes from your crystal ball, yes?
9768156
Of course.
But i don't see any resemblance.
Between him
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzQ9kxs6RL8
And the real Cozy Glow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPVeFm-88wg
This man, tirek was eating those blasts. He did not care.