Nighttide Star, born under the moon of a foreign land, is adopted by the Daedalus Institute of Research and Exploration when her parents are killed in an earthquake. Raised under the company's Labyrinth project, she is hoof-picked for a leading – and as of yet untitled – role for the government. Branded with the serial number LAB-1032, she is all but pure machinery by the age of eighteen.
While running an experiment on a prototype warp drive, Nighttide is lost to the ether and wakes to find herself in Equestria. Lost and injured, she is discovered by a timid mare with wings, and soon embarks on an unexpected journey.
Rated Teen for mild language, violence, and blood
Takes place midway through S4 of FiM
Character redesign and chapter illustrations by GloomyMark Goombot Cosmalumi
The description sounds interesting enough, although I have to say that last sentence is worded a bit oddly. I kinda feel like DIRE is bit too much on the nose, but I like the method you use to get Nighttide into Equestria. I'm also happy to see that the chapters are of decent lengths, so many writers just speed through chapters and completely ruin the flow. I'll definitely check this out when I have some free time.
5760549
It was either DIRE or PTPC -- "Post-Terran Pony Corporation", which ripped off an old video game I liked.
Can you elaborate on the odd wording?
The next series of events as she searches for a way back home? Isn't her search for a way back home going to cause the next series of events that will reshape everything she has learned? It's a bit redundant, isn't it? Maybe you could do something like: "As she explores this new land in a search for a way back home, she will come to question much of what she has learned under the rule of DIRE." What do you think?
Also, the use of the word *rule* bothers me here. In the top paragraph we are told that she was adopted and raised by DIRE, but in the last sentence she is ruled by them. Which is it? The top doesn't make it sound all that bad, but the way you use it in the last sentence kinda makes me feel like she's been oppressed or something. It feels like it's contradicting itself before the story even begins.
And just for the record, I do like the name DIRE, even if it does make the company's intentions pretty obvious. Talk to you again soon!
5766767
Makes sense! I thought you might have been suggesting at the "rule" part as well, as I noticed that after reading the description for the first time in a while. Thanks for the input, I'll make some tweaks this week.
Surprisingly good, considering the premise and the quality of which writers who come up with similar premises tend to have.
It intrigues me, although it sorta feels like Nighttide is a bit of a Do Anything Robot, or at least something between a Swiss Army Weapon and an Everything Sensor.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
5821825
Thanks for the comment. Indeed, Nighttide is a bit everywhere. While I have a set end destination for the story, how she and others get there is anybody's guess, including my own. This is my first time formally writing a fan fiction, so it's more of a "test bed" for (hopefully) other works later, learning how to incorporate character traits and just how to write fiction in general. I'm having fun with it in the meantime.
Ok Homeworld 1 and 2 references in this story nice
More
What is this a crossover of?
5914346
Shoot. It's not a crossover of anything official. Someone pointed that out to me before, and I thought I had fixed it. When I first posted the story, I thought if you made an alternate universe of your own, and someone / somepony "crossed over" into the MLP world, then you call it a crossover. Rookie mistake, but thanks for leaving the comment -- now fixed.
This has been an interesting story so far. Probably better than anything I could do. The Alien Robot War Machine in Equestria isn't too horribly OP, and the Mane-6 characters are more or less in-character, so you're well ahead of the curve there. A proof reader might be a good idea, but isn't that always the case?
You get an upvote. Huzzah!
I bookmarked have this on my Ipad a while ago and I want to say that I like it
If they wanted a war machine they should have built one that thought the way they wanted Nighttide to think
Why didn't she ask why Zecora puts rhymes into every single sentence?
So, will Luna be able to enter Nighttide's dreams or will that stupid computer interrupt and wake Nighttide up every time Luna tries?
6137742
Spoilers, mate! Keep reading and find out.
(Just remember it's still an unfinished story)
And thanks for the like, by the way.
I'm wondering why you didn't post this story in any of the groups 0.0
6144183
Actually, it was because I wasn't sure where to post it. Most groups seem to be iffy about OC-centric stories, like the Adventure groups. But if you (or anyone else) have any recommendations, please share! I'm still a novice when it comes to the whole group stuff anyway.
6144627 There is this one https://www.fimfiction.net/group/199207/my-little-droid-friendship-is-logical
6145079
Added. Thanks.
Pffft, that's a funny typo. I pictured her grabbing Scootaloo from out of nowhere and pulling random medical supplies out of her mouth.
6262004
OMG can I keep this typo forever? Like, plz?
Just kidding, fixed it soon as I read this. XD
This story is SO UNDERRATED! It needs way more attention then it already has. Seriously, this is great. Have a fave and a follow.
6266509
Why thank you!
I hope to have a new chapter out sometime soon and actually finish this thing.
The only thing I want is to know what happens next!
6262004 "Here, hold this Scootaloo, it'll make you feel better."
Dis is amazing. 'Nuff said :333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
It was fun to read, can't wait for the sequel.
5827556 ????? what
6883100
Some names of places reference the Homeworld series. They're going to change when I work on the sequel and I find some originality.
a baby pony with a bow and arrow. 'What in the world does that........ love me!!!
6883100
“Well… I was born to a family in the suburbs of Hiigara, 12th District, in the westernmost land of Tycho Brahe. It's located at the foot of a small mountain range called the Ferin Sha that borders the west coast of the continent. Or, it was… at one point.”
Hiigara is a planet in the Homeworld 1&2 lore http://homeworld.wikia.com/wiki/Hiigara
aswell is Ferin Sha that was a location in homeworld http://homeworld.wikia.com/wiki/Ferin_Sha
with the mantion of balcora sume were in the story text http://homeworld.wikia.com/wiki/Balcora
And i have playd all of the homeworld games so i liket that he/she use references from the game or atlest the names from it
6883221 its ok i dont mind
Hint: better that "crossover" for this story fits "alternative universe" tag, 'cause another dimension/planet.
6137281 It's easier, at least in the short term, to brainwash someone than to create a program that can follow and interpret orders while maintaining a sense of initiative.
6998975 no matter, everyone is asking for a sequel, so do the smart thing and make one!!!
There's a couple of "exercise"s that need to be "exorcise"d in this chapter.
7019521
Hey now, evil needs to keep fit as well.
Fixed. Thanks, mate.
Can't believe I took this long to finish this. Loved it! Got misty-eyed by the end of it.
I think one of my favourite aspects is the mildly cartoon-physics-ness of Nighttide's technology. That works really well here.
Nothing like speaking you're thoughts!
Ooooohhhh! Friends now huh?
Nothing like suspicious lack of somthing
any sequal plans?
7738285 ok cool
I bet it was Rubedo's interdimensional pet who fucked it up.
Whoa! What!? Oh c’mon Twilight doesn't this face scream MILITARY?
vintage.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/138063077767.png
I think you have-
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-failed the test, Twilight.
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Oh really?
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Minutes!? Wow pinkie, you are out of practice!