• Published 27th Mar 2015
  • 8,440 Views, 1,350 Comments

The Poisoned Barb's Tale - ManlyDerp



[Sequel Story] A mother, reborn into the mirrored world of her daughter's bygone years, desperately tries to find purpose in her second childhood. This is Barbara's diary.

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Entry 1, Part 4 (Chapter 9: Progression) {RE-EDITED}

Author's Note:

Dedicated to a friend who passed before his time. KHIII won't be the same without you, Ben. R.I.P.

“... Good lord, it’s like I’m trying to fit a whale into a dress here.”

“Oh hush, you. I know for a fact that you love every, square, inch of this beautiful bod.”

“Hmm, perhaps... I could always use an ‘upgrade’ though, or at the very least a model without as many... curves.”

“Hah! Hate to break it to you, hun, but they smashed my mold after I was made.”

“Hmph. Probably for good reasons no doubt.”

“Yup, good reasons indeed... They didn’t want to jinx perfection!”

“Hehe. Yes… I suppose that sounds about right, dear.”

“You bet your needle and thread it is… We good with this thing yet?”

“Just one, more, second… Aaannnndddd done. There, you have now been properly entombed in a fitting sarcophagus of fashion.”

“Great!”

Ssssssss...

“... ‘Cause now it’s time for this mummy to gather her ‘treasures’ for the next life. Come here, you.”

“Ah. It would be my honor, madam.”

Smmmmmooooocccchhhhhh~

“EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!”

Halting our loving kiss, my husband and I blink at one another for a time before turning towards this sewing room’s entryway. Immediately we spot a little boy’s head poking out from around the corner right as its owner attempts to beat a hasty retreat.

“Uh uh uh!” I halt the scamp with my teasing words before he can escape. “Where do you think you’re going, young man?”

“...”

… When I receive no response, I proceed to tap my high-heel shoe against the ground in a steady rhythm as I prepare myself to use the deadliest parental trump card in my arsenal...

The dreaded full name drop!

“Nathaniel Douglas Burns,” I recite loudly and threateningly. “Do you wanna come back here right now and explain to your momma why you just went ‘Ew’ over her kissing your daddy?”

A quiet voice from the hallway eventually ‘honors’ me with an answer.

“... Fine, momma…” mutters my son as he drags his feet across the carpet; entering the room proper.

“Well?” I again ask the dark-skinned, nicely dressed child before me with a huff. I keep on tapping my lady-stilt-clad foot as I wait patiently for his response.

Said response is to again mumble under his breath.

“... It’s icky…”

“Hmm?” I pry mercilessly using only a soft hum and a stink eye.

“... It’s icky,” he finally admits, gaining a blush as he looks away.

“...”

“...”

“... Hehe, what?” I question these words with a soft giggle, allowing all of my fake annoyance and anger towards him to melt away. I lighten up on my teasing as well… though not completely.

Can’t change who I am, after all.

Illustrating this point, I assure my son quite clearly that, “It’s not ‘icky’, babe...” I then turn back to my quietly chuckling husband beside me. “... Right, Jason?”

Jason Eugene Burns, my beloved, nods his head once for me as he turns to look at his son as well now.

“Oh yes… it’s simply horrifying, my boy; like she’s trying to suck my very soul out of my body with her succule-”

A quick punch on the arm, provided by me, effectively knocks that nonsense off.

“I-I mean it’s a lovely show of affection that should never be thought of in such a way, Nathaniel.”

“Darn straight,” I mutter to my hun with a cheeky smile. He happily returns this by sticking his tongue out at me. I simply snort in exchange, and so does he a moment later.

“B-but you can get sick!” Nathaniel quickly points out in a gasp, effectively interrupting our flirting to show off that knowledgeable little noggin of his. “Saliva has the potential to contain and transfer thirty known illnesses and diseases a-and-”

Whoosh

Smoooch~

One slyly given kiss on the cheek later, provided by the fastest moving plus-size women this side of the Mississippi (that would be me, as an FYI), Nathaniel is now one bird-dropping away from becoming a real statue right before my playful eyes.

“MOM!” he stutters out, jumping away from me and quickly using his hands to rub away the ‘cooties’ I had ‘poisoned’ him with. “Gross!”

Standing back up fully, and straightening out this custom-tailored dress as I do, I smile down quietly at my son as he continues to spit and gag.

Jason, meanwhile, laughs lightly in the corner as he starts to work on putting his sewing materials away. “You better not act up during this wedding today...” he jokingly scolds over his shoulder as he sorts his spools. “... when our not so little Ashley seals her vows with that Chad fellow at the alter.”

Nathaniel slowly straightens himself back out.

“I promise nothing,” is what he and I both soon retort for Jason, obviously in alternate levels of seriousness.

He snorts briefly at this as he resumes his cleaning work, and as Nathaniel cranks his head upwards to pout at me.

I grin at him softly as he does.

“... Sometimes we do things that hurt us out of love, baby boy,” I speak with him honestly, allowing the warmth of my heart to shine forth through my words. “We do it because it’s worth it.”

“...”

Nathaniel turns away.

“Hmph,” he grumbles, crossing his arms and lifting his nose into the air. “Still dumb…”

I choose to say nothing at all, and instead opt to run my hand calmly through the dreadlocks atop his head in a comforting motion. I keep on smiling as I do...

… Jason, meanwhile, suddenly lifts his head in a snap and remains motionless where he stands.

“... I sense a disturbance in the fabulouscity.”

Rolling my eyes, I take a step back as my obsessive-compulsive husband moves like the wind past me to Nathaniel’s side. His critical eyes scan our son’s painstakingly styled do for a moment… before the fashionista moves a single strand of it over, thus undoing the ‘damage’ I had just inflicted upon it. “Crisis averted,” Jason reports with a thumbs up to a now dazed Nathaniel before turning to point at me. “I will forgive you this time, dear… This time. If it happens again though...”

“Divorce, hun?” I offer sweetly with an innocent smile.

Super divorce!” he declares with a flare of his hands.

“I see,” I nod my head in a show of apparent comprehension, only serving to confuse Nathaniel the bystander even further. Compounding to his confusion; I proceed to lean down, and wrap my arms around him in a tight hug, as I tell his father clearly that, “I’m taking our son though, and I’m willing to go to court over it… That and the dishes slash silverware... But I’ll fight mostly for the boy!”

My statement is then soundly made legally binding by my highly mature, and extremely cultured, noisy wet raspberry. “Pffft!”

With a stage gasp, Jason takes a ‘frightened’ step back.

“You fiend,” my hun whispers lowly, eyes wide in ‘shock’. A second later he returns to something akin to ‘normal’ for him, though his eyes now hold a false hard edge. “... Very well. Though it pains my heart, I guess I’ll have no choice but to bear the burden of, alongside buying new dishes, only being able to watch my boy grow up from the comfort of the shadows… Nathaniel!” Jason then cries, animatedly pointing his manicured finger to the child in question. “Remember this here and forever! The fabulously cloaked figure in the stands will not be a mere lowly stranger in your eyes but instead your loving old father, fighting against a cruel and corrupt world! Remember me, my son!!

Letting go of our now thoroughly flabbergasted little boy, I stand up again and watch quietly as Nathaniel takes a single look at his father, a single look back at me…

… and then he starts to angrily stomp his way right out the door.

“Grown ups are weird!”

SLAM!

With that declaration, Nathaniel roughly forces the door shut behind himself as he exits completely out of both this room and (in his eyes only) strange conversation. Jason and I witness this passively at first…

... but then we both soundly burst into laughter.

“Weird?” Jason asks me around wiping happy tears out of his eyes.

“Us?” I inquire right back as I do the same.

“...”

“...”

“... Naaaahhh! Hahah!”

“... Naaaahhh! Hahah!”

More chuckling and hollering then follows, leading into a cooling period where the two of us simply stand in place and enjoy each other’s company. An arm gets placed over my shoulder during this downtime, bringing me closer to Jason’s side.

“... Ashley was like that not too long ago,” my hun mentions after a moment of silence. His eyes stare forward at the closed door before us.

“...”

… I shuffle closer to him, and place my head on his shoulder, in response.

“Y, y-yeah… T-t-thanks for reminding me, you, sniff, j-jerk... Sniff.

“Oh, darling,” Jason coos to me as tears of the sad variety begin to streak across my face. He wipes these droplets away with a finger as he stares deeply into my eyes. “... We knew that she couldn’t be our little girl forever, dear. Ponies and kindergarten had to give way to dates and college eventually. And now…”

“Our b-baby is all grown up,” I sniffle weakly, turning into a sobbing wreck. “She's not our little Ash a-a-anymo-…”

“Shhhhh,” Jason comforts me gently, bringing me into a proper hug. “Shhhhh... I miss our baby girl too, Barb.”

He hugs me harder as I shudder even faster.

“I miss her every day...” he continues. “... but I love who she’s become just as much. She’s her own beautiful woman now, and one to be proud of; don’t you agree? To fail to see such a wonderful thing would truly be a shame.”

“...”

I now lean towards him in our embrace, accepting his warmth fully.

“... I ‘hate’ you so much, Jason,” is what I end up saying in the end as I snuggle with him deeply. “For always being so s-stupidly right sometimes…”

“Heh, I have my moments... ‘Hate’ you too, dear,” he snarks right back; smiling just as brightly as he holds me tightly. “Someday I’ll be ‘free’ from you and that will be a ‘happy’ day indeed.”

Now weakly smiling myself, I playfully consider these words with a hum.

“Hmmm, yes… But that’ll still be quite a while I’m afraid, hun,” I report happily in jest. “‘Till death do us part’ and whatnot.”

At these words, Jason only ends up laughing harder.

“Oh please,” he snickers, pulling himself away from our hug so he can open the door for me. “You’re too heavy to float to Heaven, and you’re too big to slip into Hell... Knowing you, Barb? Ha! You’re probably going to haunt me until the day I die myself.”

“...”

I couldn’t help but grin brightly at the thought.

“Haha… Perhaps,” I chortle casually as I step forward. “I won’t argue there, hun… Hmmm… Well! I guess I better start practicing for this oh so important ‘role’ than.”

Stepping through the room’s portal into the hallway; I turn to face my beloved as he held the door, offer him my own hand, and then I happily smirk at him as he accepts it and joins me in one final embrace.

“Boo,” I utter seductively.

“Ah,” Jason fakes a scream... only to then lean in closer and passionately lock our lips once again.

I accept this touch without a second thought.

For all the joys he’s brought me: for all the ups and downs and wonders and sorrows, I shall forever love this man with all of my heart and all of my soul.

Smooooocch~

May this happiness never cease for us both, and only prove to grow stronger in time.

...

~Eight Years Later~

“Oui'na meypma du kad ouin raynd pnugah dryd fyo.”

No.

“You're liable to get your heart broken that way.”

N-no…

“Hehe… What fun!”

This can’t be real...

English. Elusive… E-Elusive just spoke in English.

… He spoke it better then me.

“What fun what fun!” the pony in question continues to chuckle to himself, laughing up a storm. He soon addresses me with a warm smile. “As you can probably no doubt imagine, little lady, I don’t get to use that often enough… Thank you ever so much for the opportunity!”

“How,” is all I’m capable of choking out in Equestrian as I take another shaky step back. My tail presses up against a wall as I do, cutting off my retreat... I stare up fearfully at the sole pony in the room as I again try to demand an answer from him. “H-how do you know that language?!”

“Hmmm…” Elusive playfully considers, raising a manicured hoof to his chin in apparent thought. He soon grins...

… As he does, Jason’s image replaces his own in my misting eyes for the briefest of seconds.

“Why, I assume I learned it in the same fashion you did, dear... through regular and daily application!”

“...”

… I now find myself rendered completely speechless.

‘... Prench,’ my inner voice begins to list. ‘Griffonese, Minatuarian scripture, Zebracan, Español de caballos, Breezilian, Equestrian; even ancient Equine! I’ve looked them all up! The Canterlot Archives has them all listed! I-I’ve spent years trying to find anything similar to the English language in this world...

‘... I found nothing in return.’

Elusive… knows English… Pure English... Learned through application of all things…

On a planet where it doesn’t exist at all

...

… This can’t be real.

This can’t.

W-where’s the trick?! Where’s the ‘but...’?! TELL ME ALREADY! Don’t string me along like this anymore, you goddamn sick world! He can’t know English, he can’t be human, he can’t be from Earth…

H-h-he… he can’t be… b-be…

“J-... J-Jason?”

“Hmmm?” Elusive asks with a start, having still been chuckling to himself this whole time. Blinking mutely for a second, he quickly cranks his head downwards to speak with me once again. “Oh… Oh, I’m terribly sorry about that; my mind was stuck in days long since passed. Did you just ask me something, miss…?” Suddenly he gasps. “Goodness me! I don’t believe we’ve ever been properly introduced! Hmph! Well, now that simply won’t do! Not one single bit... Better late than never, I suppose... Ahem!

With the clearing of his throat, effectively starting this whole conversation all over once again, Elusive, in the hands-down showiest fashion I’ve ever seen a pony do such a thing, rolls and raises his hoof to his chest simultaneously as he dips his head lowly before me. The result is a highly refined and eloquent bow.

“Elusive Belle of Ponyville, madam,” he introduces himself with a smirk, flashing his pure white teeth for me. “And you are…?”

The act causes my heart to skip a beat…

… B-but only for logical reasons, I assure you! It has nothing to do with how fancy or handsome it makes him look or anything. Really...

“... Barbara,” I eventually answer for Elusive in return; speaking as plainly as my voice can allow at the moment. I fight against the familiar urge to politely curtsy as well as I instead focus my eyes solely on the gentlecolt’s own. ‘If he is Jason...’ I contemplate as I wait on bated breath for his response to my hopefully familiar name.

Said response turns out to be a pause...

… He pauses far longer than a pony would normally pause.

“... That’s a pretty name,” the suspicious unicorn replies kindly with the same smile, and single nod of his head, that he had given me earlier.

My heart now races at lightning speeds.

With the long since thought dead flame of hope rekindling itself inside of my soul, becoming a painfully hot presence in my very chest; I drum up the entirety of my courage as I repeat my name for him one time more...

… My full, real, name.

“Barbara,” I speak as clearly as I can through accented English. P-please be my hun! Please be someone I know at last! “Barbara... D. Bur-

“Bleh.”

!!!

...

… A new voice suddenly halts me.

A new voice suddenly silences me completely.

… A new voice sucks the air from out my lungs; a new voice causes time itself to slow down…

...

… A new voice reduces me to a silently whimpering child right where I stand.

‘N-no,’ I pitifully plead to the powers that be for this not to be happening; for this to just be a bad dream. ‘No no no! Not now, not now!!

Begging desperately, bargaining pathetically, praying hypocritically…

... all actions turn out to be useless in the end.

I knew they would be, just as I now know that there’s nothing I can do to stop what is to come. I know this to be true in my heart, my soul, and in the deepest, innermost core of my being; I know that my fate is now sealed…

… I know...

… for you see…

Clipclopclipclop

... this is too inopportune of a time for Dusk not to suddenly reappear and ruin everything.

“Ugh. Thanks for the shower, man... I guess,” my dripping wet charge complains/shows gratitude to Elusive as he enters the room proper in all his purple glory. “Could have gone about it without zapping me with your horn, but whatever.”

I’d call his timing impeccable if it didn’t piss me right the hell off.

Clipclopclipclop

Despite how much I try to will them to stay, my earlier words now fade away into nothingness on my tongue as Dusk Shine approaches us fully... I know for a fact that they’re never coming back either.

I’m not going to be able to say a damn thing with him now here, breathing down my neck.

‘Not, freaking, f-fair...’

Truer words, self…

… Sigh… Time is still moving at a snail’s pace around me, and it’s showing no signs of speeding up anytime soon. Frankly, I should be grateful for being given these precious few seconds to organize my splintered thoughts… but I’m still incapable of doing that right now... or anything else, for that matter.

I’m still paralyzed with fear, after all.

With no real way to know such a thing beforehand, and with sure as hell no way of knowing now; Dusk Shine and Elusive Belle have somehow together managed to stumble upon the scenario that’s synonymous with my worst nightmare of all...

… They’ve somehow managed to trap me into having to choose between my past and current life.

“...”

My heart won’t allow me to speak another word, or uproot myself from this spot, because of this terror; it won’t allow me to take any sort of risk...

… Please, you must understand this one thing if you are to understand my situation. While it might sound silly to you that my body acts this way when confronted with such a, seemingly simple, choice... this doesn’t change the fact that this is still what I’m scared of the most in all of creation. More so than dying again, more so than being reborn again; losing family by not losing them physically but instead spiritually, by being forcefully ripped out of their hearts and minds by their own, free, will… Makes me shutter just thinking about it…

… It also keeps me up at night when I’m alone, causes me to quietly hyperventilate when in public, cry more the usual literally everywhere, and, when I was a young toddler still trying to regain control of her body... w-well let’s just say that I sometimes played my given role a little too embarrassingly well and leave it at that.

...

... If Elusive is actually my beloved Jason, I run the risk of being seen as a stranger by Dusk. This will no doubt cut me deeply; after all that we’ve been through so far, I’ve come to love him dearly. You need not look much further than my writings and ramblings to know this to be the truth… And if Elusive turns out to not Jason, and is instead just another human from Earth; well then I’ll be exposing myself to both him and Dusk for no real reason. This guy could be an ally or he could not be; I can’t really be certain anymore in this strange dimension. I once thought I had a good understanding of my new reality, and that I knew how things were going to play out…

Oh let me count the ways that this day has constantly proven that little notion to be false.

A single truth remains though; the choice between my past family or my current. I can’t pursue one of these lives without losing the other, essentially, and both routes have the potential for me to lose everything all over again. I barely survived the first time I was reduced to nothing; my greatest fear of all is being forced to endure such oppressive loneliness again in this, or any, lifetime.

That is my greatest fear of all...

… because I’d view Death as my only savior in such a scenario.

...

… Even if he did fail to show up the first time…

...

… Thusly do I then, as I bite my lip to the point of bleeding, remain silent as time resumes moving forward once again... and as Dusk continues to drip all over Elusive’s floor uncaringly.

The mentioned gentlecolt has a few choice words about this particular matter.

“Good heavens! W-what do you think you’re doing?!” our host suddenly wails at Dusk, and I quickly find myself having to fight hard against a sudden, painful, wave of nostalgia as he does. S-still the same voice as Jason’s, down to even the yelling. Not fair in the slightest, world...

“Er… There weren’t any towels?” Dusk shrugs with a blush upon realizing his mistake. His eyes focus themselves entirely on Elusive as he says this; my now pathetic form is thankfully being ignored by both of them. Nopony can see my pained expressions as I continue to fight against tears, regrets, the urge to speak, and my bleeding heart. During my battle with my inner turmoil, Elusive sputters uselessly as a result of Dusk’s words; his face is clearly displaying just how hard he’s trying to simply comprehend the ungodly levels of awkwardness that my charge is capable of generating through his mere existence.

I wish Elusive great luck in this endeavor; I still haven’t quite come to grips with it myself.

“Weren’t any-, Didn’t I tell you that the third closet from the right, past the hoof cloths… Oh, whatever!” he eventually shouts, having lost the unwinnable battle. With a huff, and a nose held firmly in the air, Elusive lights his horn bright blue as he uses its magic to grip Dusk’s ear and drag him further into the boutique. “Come,” the fashionista orders unapologetically to his fellow unicorn. “I’ll show you… And then, once you’re clean, we can come back and begin working on giving you a presentable outfit for your restored do!”

Dusk’s eyes widen thanks to this.

“W-wait!” he cries out in surprise as he’s again taken somewhere against his will.

W… w-w… w-wait!

This…

… t-this what I say as well as the two of them begin to leave.

My body is still shaking with fear, and my heart is still beating as loudly as a drum... b-but I still want my answers! I-I want them so badly... badly enough to act without thinking about my fears first… Damn it all...

It still gets the job done either way; it still stops Elusive like I was aiming for.

“... Barbara, dear,” he says to me sweetly enough, turning to grant me the same cheery smile. “I’m terribly, terribly sorry... but my muse is screaming at me to fix up your friend here! It shan't take more than a little while.”

“But,” I try to argue, not wanting him to leave; not wanting to go on a second longer without an answer to my burning questions. “B-but J-,”

“Barb?”

I’m suddenly left frozen in place all over again.

Dusk is staring at me now as well.

“What’s wrong?” he asks me innocently enough in his forced magic hold; completely unaware of the conflict he’s creating within me simply by asking.

As my heart and mind and soul wage a hellish war inside of myself for the right to take the reins, and as my body itself begins to break down into a shaking, sweating, whimpering mess...

… I stare back nervously at Dusk at first…

… then heatedly at Elusive thereafter…

“…”

“...”

“...”

… A-and then I, finally…

“... Nothing, Dusk...”

… tearfully fold.

“N-nothing at all… Sniff...

“...”

… I can feel it through my scales as Dusk’s soft eyes unintentionally drill holes into my turned head. Clearly concerned, but lacking the information to proceed... ‘H-heh… Dusk’s relationship with me in a nutshell, fillies and gentlecolts.’ The familiarity of it grants me a little comfort, actually... but does nothing to ease up this now heavy atmosphere one bit.

“...”

“...”

“... I think my little brother left a coloring book or the like up in his spare room, little Barbara,” Elusive suddenly offers to me after a moment of awkward silence. He blatantly ignores the prior mentioned heavy atmosphere to do so... which only makes him look even more like Jason then before. The unicorn’s memory summoning smile remains strong as he continues speaking. “You may help yourself to it if you need something to do... We can talk later as well, if you so wish!”

Twinkletwinkle

He then resumes magically gripping Dusk’s ear.

“For now though... I have bigger fish to shove into a fancy suit today!”

Dusk’s intense staring stops altogether upon hearing this.

Elusive had unwittingly just uttered the magic, trauma inducing, word.

My charge’s eyes dilate to tiny pinpricks right before my own wet ones. “S-suits?!” he whimpers in shock as he tries to turn his head towards the tailor with the still glowing horn.

“Oh yes,” Elusive chimes happily as he resumes dragging Dusk out of the room with him. Slowly they start to leave my sight completely. “Dozens upon dozens, dear Dusk! Old and new and strange and… oh this is going to be so much-”

With that...

clipclopclipclop...

… they were gone.

This left me here with only myself… and my now screaming thoughts.

"G… G-go after him!"

... N-no…

"Please go after him right now!"

I-I can’t…

"I need answers!"

B-but…

"I deserve answers!"

Pl-

"JASO-"

“What if he is him?!” I suddenly scream in a hush, successfully shutting both my crying heart and shattering mind right the hell up.

"..."

… Untrusting of both of my chatty organs at this time, I continue to talk aloud to the silence as I try to untangle myself from the big yarn ball of emotions I’m now unhappily ensnared in.

“W-what if he is Jason?!” I again ask no one, as I slide against the wall behind me; finally resting my drained body. “What… what would that even mean...?”

“...”

"... It would mean…” my mind pipes up, starting to slowly put things back together for me. "That he’s… dead… like me..."

“...”

"..."

… Then…

...

... T-then that means that N-...N-n-Nathaniel is n-now a… a-a...

“... Oh God,” I gasp in shock. “Oh God, no.”

My tears return with a vengeance as the implication of this begins to strike me harder than anything else before it.

“N-not my baby… Whatever god exists, not my baby,” I beg through a sob, my personal religious opinions be damned. “P-please don’t tell me that my baby boy is now an o, o-orphan. P-p-please… A-anything but, sniff, t-that!”

"Ashley is fully capable of acting as a godparent at her age!" my brain quickly points out for me, returning to being the logic spewing entity that I need it to be right now. "If Jason did die, then Ashley can legally cover as a guardian if my friends can’t be godparents like they said they would! I know that she loves her little brother... and Nathaniel isn’t a child anymore either..."

“...”

"..."

“... T-that’s still too cruel though,” I keep on crying quietly. Bring my knees closer to my chest, I hug them tightly for strength. “He might be a y-young man now, but losing both his parents so close to each other is still jus-…”

"..."

“...”

… Wait.

"That..."

“... That’s not right.”

"Why isn’t that right?"

It doesn't sound right for one thing.

“Why doesn’t it sound right?”

"What am I forgetting here?"

It’s on the tip of my tongue…

“Something obvious that I’m overlooking…”

"..."

“...”

… !

"!!"

“!!!”

If he died,

"either in the same year as me,"

“or afterwards...”

… then why is he older than me now?!

"... then why is he older than me now?!"

“... then why is he older than me now?!”

All at once the broken pieces of myself snap back together, creating a cohesive (if completely scared out of her gourd) whole. I stare blankly ahead and blink back tears, as my heart, mind, and soul try to analyze this newly realized detail.

“He’s… older than me,” I repeat in a whisper to the empty room around me. “He’s… as old as Dusk… He’s a teenager.”

Why is he a teenager though? I died almost eight years ago…

"He would have to have died… eighteen years ago for this to make any sense."

“...”

I turn towards the hallway and glance at where the two unicorns had left not too long ago.

“... He’s older than me,” I continue to list the facts, not allowing my emotions to bleed through. “He’s been on this planet longer than me…

“... He… can’t be Jason then… Right?”

"... Not… necessarily," my inner voice reluctantly points out, as another dark fact enters the light. "There is another possibility here..."

“...”

… My eyes suddenly fall to the frilly lady purse draped across my shoulder.

I consider it for a time…

“...”

… before opening up the strap and forcefully rummaging around in it as quickly as I possibly can. Not even a second later, I find The Poisoned Barb firmly gripped in my now shaking claws. Opening it, I rapidly flip my way through the small tome and look for a specific entry. “Four four,” I murmur lowly, searching for something between the few used pages. “Verse Verse… ah. Chapter four, verse.”

I flip a page forward, and find what I’m searching for.

“... Maybe everypony is a filly where here they are a colt,” I recite my own written words for myself, needing them now more than ever. “... or perhaps the whole dimension is simply... three minutes ahead of us... the possibilities are... endless...”

"..."

“...”

… With a small slam, I close the book and stare deeply at its cover; as I again gather together my wayward feelings and thoughts.

“... He’d have to be from the future,” I finally acknowledge the answer fully... though no part of me wanted to.

It’s too sad to even think about if it’s true.

“If… i-if he is Jason… then he died after me… He died lord knows how many years after me…”

"... He could have lived out his life fully, years upon years ago…

"...

"... He could have lived them out happily… perhaps even with…"

…another...

"... woman."

"..."

"..."

And thus my tears resume their falling.

“I-I shouldn’t hate him if he did,” I lie as I hold my face in my claws. “I-I-I shouldn’t, sniff, h-hate… I w-won’t hate him if he did. He… h-h-he had every right to be, b-be hap-”

My selfish crying soon overwhelms me, preventing me from uttering a single word more.


Clipclopclipclopclipclopclipclop

“... but regardless; it still looks much better this way, Dusk. Don’t you agree?”

“Well, yeah… but this is still just my old mane style though.”

“Oh? Then your stylist obviously has exquisite taste! You simply must give me his or her name this instant!”

“Er… It’s Gleaming Shield, but I highly doubt she’d be willing to… Barb?”

I barely move my head up to look at the two returning stallions from my spot on the floor.

Neither one of them comment on my now hollow expression.

“... Ah! Found that book I mentioned, have we?” Elusive asks me with a laugh, beaming brightly.

“...”

I look down at my claws... and discover that he’s mistakenly referring to The Poisoned Barb, which is still currently being held in my weak grasp.

“...”

“Hopefully that can entertain you for just a moment longer, dear,” he keeps on speaking, ignoring the odd look Dusk is now giving me beside him. He soon turns to him, though his words are still aimed at me. “It’s time for the fun part, you see!”

For the third time today, Elusive is successful in completely stealing Dusk’s attention away from me.

“We don’t really have t-” Dusk attempts to escape one last time.

“Nope!” Elusive chimes sweetly, using his magic to push Dusk onto the room’s runway and levitate several stacks of clothes closer. “I’m afraid the time has finally come to make you sparkle quite brilliantly, my new friend! You have just the absolutely perfect body shape for this new line I’ve been working on!”

“B-but I have t-” Dusk argues.

“Let’s start with a this combination!” he gets ignored completely. “The gems on this undershirt will complement the color scheme of this top hat quite nicely, I think!”

“But, b-but… Ugh!!

With that final frustrated scream, Dusk reluctantly submits to Elusive whims. It looks like we’re now on the road to perfectly recreating the cartoon’s first episode once again…

… Good.

This is a good thing.

Elusive is still Rarity. He knows English, but he’s still the same pony Twilight Sparkle became friends with. Dusk is still heading down the proper path; no major deviations have been found yet.

Everything is… fine.

Everything.

… My eyes wander downwards towards The Poisoned Barb.

I stare at it.

“...”

… And then I reach into my purse and pull out my pencil.

Opening to a blank page...

… Scriblescriblescrible

... I begin to write my thoughts.

◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠

I’m unsure if I should start this chapter with the words “Dear Diary.” On the one hand hoof I feel as though I’ll have many new things to write about in the near future, which would certainly justify the transformation of this journal into something akin to a diary. As the show starts in earnest, and as the adventures begin to ramp up, I know with certainty that I’m going to be granted more than enough content to fill out these pages within the many years to come.

On the other hoof though; telling my life’s story is but one of the two main goals of this journal. The other goal, one which I’d be neglecting upon turning this into a proper diary, is to educate others like myself in both the horrors and wonders of their second lives. Perhaps I can better highlight the "wonders" portion through the ritualistic sharing of my day-to-day life, but this might end up giving you a false image of how well my life now actually is.

Spoiler alert; hell is still preferable.

Regardless of what I’ll ultimately end up doing, I still feel the need to share with you, dear reader, my latest epiphany. Said epiphany is this:

You’re never going to be reunited with your loved ones.

Never.

The multiverse is too big a realm for such nonsense to happen. As romantic as the notion of reuniting with the love of your first life is, or being reborn into a lost parent’s arms, in the end these dreams are nothing but more than that; dreams.

For the longest time I dared to hope, and I dared to dream; but no more.

I won’t allow myself to fall prey to such flights of fancy any longer; I won’t build myself up any further in the delusion that I will see my Jason or my family ever again. You, dear reader, shouldn’t get your hopes up either.

Neither gods nor miracles are real, after all.

Duplicates of loved ones might exist in the worlds you inhabit, appearing as horrific reminders of all that you’ve lost, but take my next words to heart; they will never be the ones you’ve left behind. The sooner you accept this fact as the unquestionable truth that it is, the sooner you will be able to finally move forward.

And I need not remind you at this point that moving forward is always the goal, fellow reincarnee Lost Soul One. Never let it not be. The moment you stop is the moment you die in this, and all, lives. I have Elusive Belle to thank for this revelation; I have him to point to as the source of my inspiration. He speaks in the same tongue as me, as I’ve discovered, and when I first met him I saw him as possibly being my husband reborn.

No longer.

He may turn out to be a human like me, and he may even be Jason as well in the end, but nopony will ever be my Jason again.

Nopony.

My beloved is as good as dead to me now. May he live on forever in my heart.

And may I find love again someday.

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“... Too… sparkly… Now go on, my good sir! You were telling me where you’re from."

The sound of Dusk’s winces of pain forces my head up and out of my journal. Standing up, and stowing the book back into my purse, I watch in somewhat lighter spirits as Elusive uses his magic to forcefully try to pull a tight pair of dress pants over my charge’s hindlegs. As Dusk continues to grunt from the discomfort, and as Elusive grits his teeth from the magical strain; I find myself…

... giggling...

… Maybe I’m even smiling too... I honestly can’t tell right now. I feel numb, and I’m not really sure what to make of my life anymore…

… but Dusk is spending time with a pony who is, unknowingly, about to become a good friend of his. After this day they're going to go on adventures, save countless lives, make suits, read books, chat, hang out, go on picnics, stand by each other’s sides through thick and thin, come to understand the Magic of Friendship better than any other pony in history... and ultimately secure their own paths to happiness

together…

… I do know this much at least.

...

...

‘... Inhale… Exhale...’

...

... I’ve... decided on something else just now too, along with what I’ve written.

I’ve decided...

... that this event, right here and now...

… will be what ultimately leads to my happiness as well.

Yeah...

...Yeah

...

YEAH!

I… I get it now… I really get it! It was staring me right in the face, but I couldn't bring myself to fully accept, or even acknowledge, it. It's so simple...

... My,

life,

is,

overAnd I’ve now finally decided that that’s a good thing.

Simple.

My past opportunities, my original family, my assured happiness; all were snuffed out in an instant when a kid decided to drink and drive. It was tragic... but I can’t keep mourning any longer. I can’t stay chained to old ties, less they bind me forever. I can’t keep clinging to that which I don’t have. I have to take my own advice and move forward.

So then... let’s again start anew.

Ahem…

... Dusk Shine is not Nathaniel, Gleaming Shield is not Ashley, and Elusive Belle is not MY Jason!

There… I said it. I have to start looking at these ponies differently; I have to start looking at them as their own people, and not just as replacements for my family like I’ve been doing. I now see just how unhealthy such a thing was, and how much it was reducing me as a person. I need to… move on... That just leaves one more thing than that needs to be discarded for everything to be complete, and for me to finally move past this day.

I do not need for it anymore, so this will be one loss I won’t be mourning.

So, again… Ahem...

...

... I am NOT Barbara Debra Burns!!

Not anymore! She’s dead, but I still live!

I am Barbara The Dragoness!

That’s all that should, and will, matter to me for now on!

I will not cry!

I will not mourn!

I will not lament this life any longer, for it is mine and mine alone!

I’m seven, not forty-seven! I’m young, not experienced! I don’t have the wisdom of an adult! I don’t have a husband to hug! No children, no big beautiful body, no humanity; I have nothing substantial to my name!

What I do have is a sweet tooth for gems and chocolate! A love of reading and writing! A hilariously immature potty mouth and sense of humor! The friendship of a Prince and two lovely ladies who are stallions in another universe! I, am, awesome!

And, most importantly...

... I have the one thing that kept me moving forward; the one thing that stood as my beacon in this everlasting darkness. The one thing that shaped me into who I am today, and what prevented me from foolishly taking my lifetime and time again.

I have the magic of friendship on my damn side!

I, have, Dusk Shine!

BUCK YOU, my worst nightmares! You can't control me any longer!

I now choose my CURRENT life as the one I wish to live in!!

Huff… Huff…

H-... H-hehe… Haha! I’m…

... free.

I’m finally free from myself.

Slumping slightly, I sigh contently as I feel yet another great weight finally be lifted off of my tiny shoulders today. Heh... funny how you never really realize just how much you’ve been carrying until it’s gone.

True I still have memories of a past life, I still have a Lost One journal and diary to write, and I still have responsibilities and roles that I need to play in this life… But, you know what? That’s an awful lot for a little girl like me to worry about all at once.

Let’s take baby dragon steps, not giant woman strides, towards the future from now on.

Let’s start acting our age.

"Heh.”

Now, for the first time since entering this boutique today… I find myself smiling brightly once again. I beam as happily as I can as I resume watching two unicorns unwittingly bond with one another. ‘Hehe,’ I snort inside my head. ‘Poor Dusk; this must be a living hell for him… So funny! Ha!’

The sound of laughter now begins to echo throughout my newly cleared mind,

it triumphantly takes the place of the sobbing that was once so prominent as it does.

"I’ve…” my best and closest friend, who saved me from myself more times than he’ll ever truly know, tries to answer Elusive’s earlier question through his continued grunts of pain. His hindquarters are being crushed by his too-tight dress pants as he does… which hilariously raises the pitch of his voice until it’s almost a one for one copy of Twilight’s! Haha! I think I’m starting to sorta dig this cartoon world!

“been sent…” Dusk keeps trying to finish talking. “from Canterlot… to-"

"Huh?” the possibly secret human Elusive suddenly deadpans, dropping his magical hold on Dusk and allowing him to fall to the ground in a heap. “C-Canterlot?!” he gasps loudly soon after, drawing my charge’s now frightened attention. My own eyes fall on him as well as I internally laugh over his slowly growing sillier expressions of surprise. He then pauses…

... only for the fashionista to proceed to (I hope I’m using this term right) ‘squee’ in such a high pitched fashion as to make Rainbow Dash seem manly in comparison! S-snort.

"Oh, I am so envious!” Elusive admits in a proper flamboyant show of flailing his hooves and forming entrancing posses. “The opportunities, the regality! Sigh... I have always dreamed of living there!”

Standing back up, Dusk is now capable of taking an important single step back (to prevent being accidentally impaled by a horn, I’d imagine) as Elusive gets way too close to his comfort zone so that he can drape a foreleg right across his withers.

“Dusk Shine, buddy old pal?” the grinning white shark, formerly known as Elusive, asks his now thoroughly uncomfortable friend/victim. “We are gonna be the best of friends, guaranteed…” He then frowns, giving the suit Dusk is wearing something I can only describe as being a trained death glare. “... Rubies? What was I thinking? Let me get you some emeralds!"

With this plan of action having been settled, and after disengaging the one-sided embrace in the progress, Elusive promptly heads further into his store to search for more gems to beautify Dusk’s attire with.

"..."

Twinkletwinkletwinkle

Said attire is promptly yanked right off of Dusk’s person with the help of his glowing horn.

"Quick!” he then yells to me as he begins to gallop off towards the door. “Before he decides to dye my coat a new color!"

Dingalingaling

The bell atop the main doorway rings out loudly as Dusk roughly crosses the threshold and dashes off into the crowded streets of Ponyville.

"..."

I, meanwhile, remain rooted in place...

“... Heh.”

... but not for too long.

Dingalingaling

The bell rings a second time as I exit soon after Dusk does, willingly leaving all that resides in that boutique behind as I do.

Elusive… English… Jason...

... There’s no need to rush things. I’ll get my answers eventually; I know I will.

"I still have my whole life ahead of me, after all,” I cheerily speak with myself, as I briskly skip my way down the dirt pathway after Dusk. “I’ve waited for seven years thus far, Elusive; I can certainly wait a little while longer.”

Twinkletwinkletwinkle

"Come on Juliet!” Dusk suddenly growls at me from a nearby bridge, using his magic to levitate me through the air and onto his back. “We have to pick up the pace! We’re far behind as is here!

Rolling my eyes, and holding on tightly to Dusk’s fur as he trots, I sigh happily as the tension of the last half hour melts away completely, granting me with many reasons to smile honestly once again. “Fine, Dusk,” I answer him with my new grin as I pull out our shared task scroll once again. Though life may get strange; though it may bring with it as many fresh hells as new tragedies, I should never take for granted the little rare moments of happiness and joy that come along with it. They're what make life so worthwhile.

I can’t wait for Dusk to come to this same conclusion himself someday, with the help of his friends.

"Alrighty,” I soon repeat for my trotting friend, now focusing on reading over his list. “Let me just see what we have left to d-”

I stop speaking, however, when something suddenly crosses my mind.

I replay the last few minutes in my head for a moment…

... only to then ask a single question aloud.

"... Did you just call me ‘Juliet’?”

Now it’s Dusk’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Oh don’t act like you don’t know,” he snarks, briefly smiling again himself… though he then turns his head towards his back so he can give me a flat look instead. “... I saw you making googly eyes to your ‘Romeo’ the whole time back there, young lady.”

"..."

"..."

"... W-what?!” I choke out in reply, turning beet red in the face. “I-I wasn’t making googly eyes at him, Dusk!”

Yeah! I sooo wasn’t…

... Right?

Dusk simply snorts at this answer.

“Eh, whatever floats your boat, Barb,” he proceeds to huff frustratingly. “... To think I was worried about you too…”

"..."

"..."

"... He was kinda handsome, okay?” I finally admit for him and myself, with a deep blush; pushing the tips of my claws together embarrassingly. It’s… it’s not like it’s not true or anything, I-I guess… Sighing slightly, I shyly add under my breath, “... Thank you for caring about me though, Dusk. I appreciate it...”

"Yeah yeah,” Dusk grumbles in return, concentrating instead on where he’s carrying me off to. “Focus, my little wannabe femme fatale; what’s next on the list?”

"..."

... Oh how easy it’d be for me to set his mane on fire right now... You're lucky you're cute, pony.

Though I grumble to myself at first, I eventually clear my throat and give the list before me another quick once over. “Uh, let’s see... Oh! Music! It’s the last one!” I cheer in jubilation. Yes! It’s time for the last task and the last pony!

This means that this hellish day is almost over!

Yay!

We’ll both get to go to the library soon after this then, meaning that Dusk will finally get the chance to recharge himself. I know from experience that there’s only so much an introvert like him can handle at a time; he needs to take breaks, less he gets irritable. Though he probably won’t outright admit it right now, he is starting to get a little cranky after all he’s been through. Relaxing alone with his books during Male!Pinkie’s ‘surprise’ party, before being forced to save the world, should hopefully do him some good! I’d like the opportunity to rest myself too, but I have a feeling that I’m not going to be able to during the party.

Somedragon has to keep social ponies away from Dusk’s room, after all.

So I’m happy right now because of this news… but I’ll also concede as well to the fact that I’m excited that we’re about to meet a soft and shy little pony like Fluttershy finally. I wonder what his name is... Oh, wait; it’s probably on this sheet somewhere. Let’s see then… The chorus is being helmed by a stallion named... Butterscotch?

That’s…

... a really cute name, actually! Awesome!

Ahem. So, like I was saying; I’m happy that we’re about to meet Butterscotch! After the roller coaster of emotion that was Elusive and Rainbow Dash’s introductions, I’m looking forward to having something smaller and quieter to deal with at last. What better fits that bill than a male Fluttershy?

If Rainbow Dash is any indication, there’s no reason for this shy little pony to not still be a shy little pony in this universe. As I’m slowly starting to realize, genders don’t really matter here too much. Yeah, it changed Rainbow Dash into a femboy... but his cutie mark is still the same! That means he still flies fast and dangerously enough to make that giant rainbow explosion thing… the rain boom or whatever it was called... What that says to me is that he’s probably still that same daredevil tomboy under all that giggling and flower accessories.

Following that train of logic, Butterscotch is most likely still that cute yellow pegasus pony whose toy I once owned myself...

… Hey, what can I say? I really did mean it when I said that she was my favorite. Nothing wrong with a full-grown woman having a little plastic pony on her worktable, especially when her daughter was the one who bought it for her for mother’s day.

Resuming back on point; after the emotional hell that was the meeting with Elusive and Solaris before him... I think I deserve a little break from the madness, don’t you? Okay? Okay.

Tweettweettweettweet~

The entrancing sound of music on the wind summons me from my thoughts and returns me to the now. Dusk soundlessly turns to look at me queerly over its sudden appearance...

... and I return this strange expression with one of my own shortly thereafter. It’s clearly birdcalls, just like how it was on the show, but I’ve never heard birdcalls quite as pretty as these before. They feel otherworldly, beautiful, and even a bit nostalgic... and they only serve to hype me up even further. I honestly can’t wait to meet this, no doubt, sweetheart of a pony now. To command birds that sing as amazingly and delicately as these; I can only imagine that this stallion’s heart is as pure and kind as they come.

Fighting and losing hard against my (un-ironic) childlike excitement; I dismount myself from Dusk’s back and join him as we sneak our way closer to the music’s source. A row of bushes stands in our way but we, being in a wonderful too-tired-to-care-anymore mindset, don’t see this as an obstacle in the slightest as we unwaveringly bury ourselves deeply in the hedging in an attempt to pop out on the other side. I, being smaller in stature than my charge, manage to make my way through first and lay my eyes on the yellow pegasus stallion before he can. I take in this new sight now...

... and my brain halts all of its higher functions as I do.

...

"... I should have freaking seen this coming,” I tiredly moan under my breath as I facepalm, and as Dusk silently pops up next to me.

"Should have seen wha-” he starts to ask… only to then turn his head towards Butterscotch and receive his answer. "... Oh,” Dusk Shine says after a time, unknowingly reflecting my own thoughts perfectly.

"Yeah…” I agree, lifting my claw off of my face to further observe the sight of the unaware Butterscotch.

Dusk and I remain standing in the bushes for a solid minute longer, simply taking in this pony in all of his, er, uniqueness.

Just… wow

"..."

"..."

“... I,” I begin to say, no longer able to keep this detail to myself any longer.

It’s just too strange not to point out.

“... I was unaware that ponies could even grow chest hair, Dusk…”

“I was unaware that we could grow beards that long,” Dusk retorts in exchange, still staring at the giant, lumberjack-esque pony in the distance. “... Or as thickly pink…”

“...”

“...”

… Dusk then starts stoking the bare edge of his muzzle, and a look of quiet jealousy flashes across his eyes as he does.

“... I wonder if I should try to grow a beard like th-”

Fwoosh!

A warning tongue of emerald-tinted dragonfire, streaking across his field of vision, quickly expunges such thoughts from his mind before they can properly form.

“Try to grow one,” I punctuate my threat sweetly with a big old toothy grin. “... and I’ll burn it off your face in your sleep… along with everything else you ownDo I make myself clear, Dusty~?”

“...”

Dusk audibly gulps.

“C, c-crystal, Barb.”

I now smile just a tiny bit brighter.

“Good boy.”

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