37 - It's a Pretty Night
The sun had set, the moon had risen. Everything felt hollow and broken. Silver had barely touched the food offered. The princesses offered their congratulations and thanks for his part in the peace. They seemed to swell with anticipation and joy at the thought of true cohabitation and harmony with one of their old enemies.
They barely noticed as he slipped away. He wandered the halls of the castle, and found himself up on the roof. He'd never been up there before. The stars were twinkling gently up above, and the wind was cool and sharp. Silver trotted over to the edge, looking down at Canterlot, thinking of all the ponies that lived there. He thought of what he had done and seen since coming to this world.
He had met his pony self, who was now married and returned to his quiet life of reading with Trixie at his side.
He met Lyra, and the first taste of passionate love, though they never consummated it. He had wanted that mint-green unicorn, and her grounded friend, and they seemed to want him back. Violence and a local demigod put an end to that.
He met some good friends in grade school, though all had moved on to their adult lives. He wondered what had happened to the emotionally-crippled Tumble, and rubbed a spot where he had been beaten what felt like ages ago. He had helped them all leave, just as he made the wish that sent Lyra away. It was always his action.
He had forgotten Tirek, and he didn't protect Celine from his eventual arrival. She ran away, then she was gone, forever.
He had a fine school, a chance to be friends with Lyra, and he threw that away with a thoughtless spell. Maybe Rough and Trixie wouldn't have been captured...
But, of course, none that was as direct as when he didn't fight his wives about their coming. They had no business coming with him into that trap, and for his... neglect? abuse? Whatever it was, the world saw fit to snatch Fast away from him as punishment for the crime.
There he was. Another choice. Another bad choice. Maybe this world of magic and wonder just wasn't for him? The rainbows never seemed to arrive to save him, or teach him a lesson. The world seemed to wield a wicked spiked pole, while others got their rainbows. He was tired of feeling its bite across his snout.
Maybe it was time to take back his promise. Maybe it was time to break one last oath.
He looked over the edge and felt so little. It was painfully numb. A part of him wailed at the notion, screaming for him to consider what good remained. He had a wife, a pregnant wife that loved him. He had a mistress that also adored him, who also bore his seed. They would be so sad if he left, especially like this...
He was good at making people sad. It was a talent... He didn't remember stepping forward, only that the wind screamed in his ears and the ground was approaching far too quickly. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see it anymore. His tears trailed behind him, whisked away by the wind as he plummeted from the parapet. He struck something, but it wasn't nearly as hard or painful as he imagined. He heard the powerful flapping of wings and opened his eyes, seeing himself spread across Luna's back.
In an irrational fit of rage, he squirmed, "Let me choose my life! Everything is taken away from me. I'll put this one down myself!"
Luna's magic held him firmly as she raised high into the sky, and began to sing.
Silver squirmed atop Luna, curling on himself and weeping anew. Her words were like daggers. So gentle and soothing, and yet digging painfully into his soul. He said nothing as she carried him quietly through the night sky. Canterlot passed by underneath, unaware and uncaring of their moment.
As Luna's song began to come to its end, she landed in the hedge garden of the castle. It was dark, and they were alone. "I am not as blind as you would take me," said Luna as she gently set him to the ground. "But even I did not know your pain ran this deep. Rare is the pony that loses so much hope, that your way seems the correct one."
Silver sank in place, feeling guilty, so guilty. He had broken his sacred promise to himself, and almost caused more pain. "I... just want to stop hurting. I... I'm not a bad pony, so why do I keep getting the bad ending?"
Luna leaned in and nuzzled him gently. No words were said, and her presence warmed him. She settled before him, and they sat there in the dark.
Silver broke the silence first, "Do you hate me?"
Luna snorted gently, "There are easier ways of dealing with a falling nemesis than to catch them."
Silver quirked a smile, but it didn't last, "I must be disappointing, trying to run away like that." He nuzzled Luna's lower belly, "Would that I could be as strong as you, to endure."
Luna snorts, "If I thought you would withstand it, I would offer it to you."
Silver tilted his head, "What do you mean? Having wings?"
Luna wrinkled her nose, "Nay, you are male, and not destined for that besides." She gathered him up in her wings and rolled over onto her back. He was set on her belly. "I would gobble up your essence, and add it to the fragile one within me. You would start anew, truly."
Silver shuddered at the thought of it, "That would crush Night Watch, and what would be left of me?"
Luna tilted her head, "Not even a hint of fear of being gobbled? I usually get a stronger reaction."
Silver smiled at that, "I am not a true colt. You can gobble my backside if you want to."
Luna stuck out her tongue a moment, "You would still be you, at the core. It would take time for memories to return, for in the body of a foal there is no room for such thoughts. Poop, milk, warmth. That will be the extent of your life for a time, but you would grow past that, into an ungainly colt or filly, and your past life would return."
Silver smiled, "That... is more tempting than it should be, being your child and all, but, again, Night Watch."
Luna bopped Silver on the nose, "And yet you surrendered your life already? Perhaps this should not be a choice."
Silver shrank back, but his movements were slow. Some part of him thrilled at the idea of being so intimately bound to Luna, while the other quailed at the pain it would cause his perfect little Night Watch, and yet another jeered at the mess, watching cynically for Silver to mess up his life in a whole new direction. For every problem solved, new ones would be created. "What... would you do with Night Watch?"
Luna flicked a wing, "She would become my personal servant. I would watch over her and care for her. When our foals were born, she would wetnurse them all. She would raise you, ignorant of your past, not knowing she stared into the eyes of that lover who threw himself from the castle walls."
Silver recoiled violently, flopping over backwards. He wasn't sure which part of what she had said set him off so violently, but he shuddered in revulsion, starting to well up with a new wave of tears. "I just want to be happy... I don't want to leave her behind, crying, alone. She deserves better than that." He slammed a hoof into the ground, "She deserves so much better than that. It was my choice, again! I asked for her hoof. I took her away from the job she was so comfortable with. I exposed her to this new heartache. She wouldn't be hurting if it wasn't for me!" Silver threw himself away from Luna before flopping to the ground miserably. "I already had one restart, what will another change? That's just more... running."
Luna nodded slowly, "Do you tire of running?"
Silver nodded with a loud, sniffly snort.
Luna smiled wanly, "What goes one way, goes the other. There is another path." Silver winced at the word 'path', but she continued unabated. "I could give its essence to you. You would become my blood."
Silver tilted his head, "Why so eager to play with the essence of this child? Don't you care about its life? Its purpose?"
Luna poked Silver in the side, "I care about you more."
Silver wasn't sure what to think. Being more important to Luna than her unborn child seemed unreal. "Why? I'm just a pony. That's your child in there."
Luna shook her head, "You are more than that. You have an old spirit, and you ache to bring justice, to correct wrongs, in your own way. Fate, such as it is, has dealt you a cruel hand. I am quite old, and will become older still. Callous though it may be, I have time yet for more foals. The life of a beloved..." She leaned close, "Celestia has learned to say goodbye to her cherished ones. I have not learned that lesson, and I am uncertain I want to. What will it take to revive that fire of hope in you, and make you smile at life again? If being my child, in whole or part, will bring you back to me, restore that fire, you have but to ask. I know it is not money you seek. Magic you could learn on your own. You have shown no desire for political power. You want love. It is a simple desire."
Luna tilted her head one way, then the other, contemplating. "We could get your lover, Night Watch. She also looked up at the night sky, though her heart is not so heavy she considers what you did, she suffers as you do. Perhaps it was foolish of me to approach you without her." She spread her wings wide, then wrapped them around Silver. He felt the rush of teleportation magic and she withdrew her wings, revealing his bedroom. Night was curled on her bed, her glasses laying, shattered, on the floor. Her snout was stained with tears. His heart broke.
Silver galloped away from Luna, falling off the bed once before he succeeded in scrambling up its side and throwing himself onto Night. "I am so sorry! I am the worst stallion ever!"
Night rolled under him and soon they were hugging belly-to-belly, crying into one another's neck in the darkness of the room. Luna sat there, patiently watching them like a protective parent. However distantly, she was Night Watch's ancestor, so she had some right to the position. Her offers could wait until the tears were done. She had nothing but time.
Night bit into his neck with her sharp fangs, "Stupid stallion... where were you hiding? I needed you."
Silver squeezed her tightly, "I'm right here... We'll be together, forever. No matter what. I swear, and I'm so sorry. So sorry..."
Night pulled Silver all the tighter, feeling somehow as if she had almost lost him, "I love you," she whispered into an ear as she desperately held him close, "Don't leave me."
Stats
Page generated in 0.077 seconds
Total duration
1,043 users online
2,204,885 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Dang... Sadly this is what I was waiting for, there is only so much for him to hold on before he broke down.
Really glad this happens to show him that another change needs to happen in order there happiness to continue.
5783010 Silver has friends, close ones, even if he sometimes feels so alone.
This chapter...
Luna really just suggests the most out-there things, doesn't she?
Why would being her colt really change anything? It would be delaying his inevitable change back to who he is, with the same memories and potentially the same problems that he has. I guess there are more than a few that wouldn't be trouble. He wouldn't be an interloper, he wouldn't be a commoner, etc... But the difficulty he has due to his past would remain.
Also it just feels bloody twisted to have Luna ask him to trade her unborn child's life for his.
I agree with Silver, becoming Luna's foel would be just an other way of running, plus I have seen this type of story too many time and it would to predictable especially when the main protagonist is compliant.
5783082 Luna is a strange mare. A very strange mare. To her credit, she is showing sincere care for Silver, even if her lack of care concerning the unborn is strange.
5783014
Agreed, I'm just glad he had them or this scene would end up drastically different.
5783093 He has another option regarding Luna, or he could just get over his issues, though even if he does, Luna's offers are intriguing to him on a few levels, minus any part where Night Watch gets hurt. She doesn't deserve pain.
5783112 The whole chapter resonated with me. It was an odd experience writing. It probably doesn't help that Silver is a shameless self-insert. His promise is my promise. To consider what it would take to push me to that edge makes me extremely uncomfortable, and his tears show up on my face. That stupid song did not help.
ok I did not think it was possible but you finished tarring my hart out with this chapter.
first Silver jumping , then the song it is on my favorite play list.
and I am still watching for night (twins)
this is not as strong of a give away but it works.
When our foals were born, she would wet-nurse them all.
Harts Fire
*Offers hugs and cuddles if wanted*
I understand this had to hard to even come up with the words for. I don't know if it will help you or any of the other readers here but I just want to say something personal yet relevant. And yes anyone is welcome to use this advice or quote me or whatever.
Its ok to have depression its ok to cry and be sad. Its ok to ask for help even for something that may be so simple. Just know that yesterday was then, today may have been a bad bad day; but know this there is always...ALWAYS...tomorrow to try again because tomorrow is a fresh new day. And above all else only you can be the best you there is because no one can be you. <3
5783170
Thank you for the support. RL Silver is not near to approaching any roof sides, and his promise remains strong and unsullied. Have no fear, your author will continue to write. I just got a bit wibbly writing this one out.
Disclaimer: You have played Silver's character consistently so far, so the following is not a personal attack, but rather, what I would tell Silver Lining if I could actually meet him.
What? Fast Change didn't even die, she just decided she had something more important to do. Nobody rejected him, Night Watch is still devoted to him, but now he wants to kill himself? What keeps getting Silver into all this trouble is that he is selfish. He looks like he's being charitable and generous sometimes, but really he's telling himself that's he's a good person, and good people do good things. Underneath it all, he thinks of everything in terms of himself. Every time he is asked "what do you want?" he picks something bad because he is only trying to get something that's good for him. He doesn't want to be apart from his wives because he'll feel bad, not because he wants to protect them and care for them. I appreciate that he is in some pain about this unexpected separation, but he should realize that he is not the only person that has had bad things happen to them. He is not suffering more than any normal person does at some point in their life, and actually has it much better than many. The solution is to stop worrying about how he feels and what he wants. He will never have a perfect life, so he can never be happy that way. He should be worrying about his people, especially Night Watch. She can take care of herself most of the time, but that doesn't change the fact that his most important responsibility, as her husband, is to care about her all the time. If he was worrying about her and her foals, he wouldn't have even noticed how bad he felt.
He's young yet. I hope he learns what's really valuable before Night gets hurt.
5783595 Much of that was ground solidly in his snout when he was whisked into the room by Luna and saw the wreck she was in. That was why he clumsily ran up to her and they shared a good cry.
5783652 I really feel sorry for Night Watch. She has sacrificed a lot, but nobody notices most of the time because she doesn't whine about it. Everyone else is dumping on her, and she just keeps it all for herself. Being the stable one is hard work.
5783652 Oh dear, does Night Watch know he tried to kill himself? That would hurt her worse than anything else that's happened to her so far.
5783790 Nopony has informed her. Will Silver? Will Luna? That doesn't seem like something Silver would be in much a rush to share, but Luna has the tact of a heavy sledge at times, especially if she thinks this knowledge being front and center is vital.
Attempt suicide? For what?
Oh my god the song! I somehow felt that it's THAT song even before I saw the link in the text!
@all: there are times when you feel that enough is enough and for a short moment you stop caring about anything, all you ever feel is being tired and all you ever want is to end it all. It's hard to stop yourself and sometimes you feel regret already in the process of what you can't usually stop.
5784606 Pfft. I'm a stubborn jerk, and I haven't been abused quite so consistently as poor Silver.
I'd change that to "Silver had barely touched the food offered," since otherwise that sentence makes it sound immediate with regards to when that happened.
More generally, this sentence (and the next) seem to imply that there was some sort of celebration, but that's never made plain.
While you can put a hyphen in "demigod," it's not usually necessary.
The "emotionally-crippled" Tumble.
I'd change that first part to "He had forgotten about Tirek."
A part of him "wailed" at the notion.
Shouldn't that be "the extent of your life"?
Another part of him "quailed" at the pain.
5784097 He outlined the laundry list of reasons. You either agree with them or don't. Suicide is kind of a personal affair.
5784733 Typos laid across the altar of the typo god, may he be appeased. I would ask if you 'enjoyed' the chapter, but that feels like an odd verb to apply this time.
5784761 I used to be? Not currently. Ground floor.
5784755 This chapter did a very good job of putting Silver's pathos front and center, with powerful results.
I thought you did an excellent job of using exposition to showcase Silver's sadness at the beginning. Reflecting back on his life in Equestria, and all of the loss and pain that he'd gone through, felt very true to his character. Despair is the natural extension you get when portraying Silver's character at its worst. That he'd then be seized by a momentary impulse to end it all felt very believable to me.
Luna's intervention was a saving grace. While I found her proposals to ease Silver's pain to be rather awkward, that awkwardness itself felt apropos to the situation at hoof; unless you have special training, it's very difficult to deal with someone that's suicidal, and given how utterly rare that must be in Equestria, it doesn't surprise me that Luna is essentially bumbling her way through the entire encounter, hoping that she can use magic to radically change the very state of Silver's existence so as to make him want to live again. It's an incredibly appropriate irony that the correct solution was the one she used almost as an afterthought - bring him to Night Watch. Indeed, that was foreshadowed by the fact that Silver's main objections to Luna's initial proposals was "what about Night Watch?" Luna didn't seem to realize - nor did Silver, for that matter - that reminding him of her was the best way to snap him out of his suicidal depression. Silver's impulse to end it all was just that, an impulse; once it's defeated, it's unlikely to seize him again. He simply needed to be reminded that he wasn't alone in his pain.
Insofar as the solutions she proposed...I'll admit I breathed a sigh of relief that Silver didn't elect to be reduced to Luna's unborn child. That level of starting things over would have felt not only heavy-hoofed, but also would have (rather ironically) accomplished nothing from a narrative sense. Besides mandating a time-skip forward, all it would have done is repeat what happened at the end of "Clueless in Equestria" - he'd be reborn as a pony, but still have his memories up to that point. It would have been retreading the same ground. Worse, it would have represented a near-total break from everything that's happened up to this point in the story. Invalidating everything that's happened up to now is a poor reward for readers that have become invested in that same progression, to my mind.
That said, I was confused by Luna's offer to reverse the process of making Silver become her foal, and instead transfer her unborn child's essence into him. What would be the practical impact of that? From what I can guess, it wouldn't alter his age or memories...so presumably it would simply change his biology and powers, in essence making him a "lunar unicorn." Okay, that might be a cool alteration, but what does that do with regard to Silver's sadness? The bond between a mother and child is due to the time she spends nurturing her offspring, rather than being due to any sort of genetic connection between them, so it's not like this would offer a closer bond between the two of them. Indeed, I'm not sure how that'd change anything between them at all - Luna stated very plainly that she cared more about Silver (and her lovers in general) than her children, which directly contradicts the idea that infusing him with her child's essence would deepen their bond. The only way that'd work is if she made Silver into her child while they still remained lovers, basically making their relationship incestuous.
Also, this one is entirely a matter of personal opinion, rather than a critique, but I didn't find Luna's "Children of the Night" song to be sad enough for the scene of Silver's attempting to kill himself. Make no mistake, the song is haunting and somewhat poignant (and it's about Luna, which makes it highly relevant), but it's about departure, rather than death. While not nearly as specific to Luna's character, I'd have made her song something else.
The strongest part of this chapter, to my mind, was at the end, when they went back to Night Watch. Silver's appreciation for her pain was him turning a corner, since it drove home the fact that he'd hurt her even more if he abandoned her. That seemed to be a loud and clear indicator that he's not going to take Luna up on her offers, and that the two of them will get through this so long as they do so together (as much as I'd like to, I can't include Luna in that statement, simply because she and Silver aren't equals in this, as they aren't in so many things).
Great story, but that song you had Lima sing sorta breaks the mood a bit, it's a bit too upbeat and happy for such a turmoil filled occasion.
5995544 Huh. That song never struck me as happy, and all too easily read into as hinting at death as a way to avoid pain.
Subjective thing there, alas.
Night bit into his neck with her sharp fangs, "Stupid stallion... where were you hiding? I needed you."
Was Silver gone for a while I couldn't tell?
5995552 you do know that the original song was about a witch murdering seduced children?
6522528 couldn't see the video myself. Said it was private. What was the song?
6559134 the song was "Come Little Children".
for maximum feels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=111W8UeA2XY
TOO MUCH
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9pyc8dhJW1qm2frqo1_500.gif
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/mlpfanart/images/e/e0/Sad_Luna.gif/revision/latest?cb=20111008162308
½ a box of tissues later, still can't stop!
6927758 Writing these few chapters was rough for me as well.
You managed to get painfully close to perfectly capturing the essence of despair here...
Can't begin to count the number of times I've considered this course myself.
7749490 Never. I will not get off this ride until it kicks me off.
God I hate when authors link instead of embed. Makes it harder for mobile device users like me on my android to properly enjoy it, as using the link would force YouTube to open, risking lost progress on the chapter if the page refreshes.
7992178
Same... I have learned to embed like this...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW5n3k2VgZE&feature=youtu.be&t=60
This video unavailable.
11081545
Let us press F for the fallen.
5995552
You know you can eddit the link with one of the copies people posted when they decided to go under or with the original one not the cover done for the animation
11627143
5995544
11627188
This is so out of date I should feel shame, and I do.
But still, quotes.
This is a seductively sweet song about a terrible place, that she is calling gently to children too young to understand.
Life hurts, but I will take you to a better place, where good things aren't ruined. Come this way, children. It'll be alright.
This is not a joyful song. this is not one of jubilation. Sorry, had to get that out with proper quotes.