Cannot physically write word that make logic... But ohmaigod do I try. Currently has no Computer! Hooray for a ten year old laptop!
Jelly Bean is an oddity among ponies, her body consists entirely of goo. It is a mystery that has puzzled the best doctors in Canterlot for years. Because of this, Princess Celestia feels it would be best for her to get a break from her hectic and stressful life in Canterlot and sends her to Ponyville.
Meanwhile in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle receives a letter from Princess Celestia saying she will receive a package during the day.
What could possibly go right?
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5759710 You DO realise this author made a SUCCUBUS adorable?
You won't be finding clop here, just cute.
Lots and lots of cute.
Woulda been funny if one pony didn't disperse
Twilight: Well?!
Pony: it's my day off.
5759903 Neither are succubi. Alluring, yes, but not cute.
Yet this author does it!
Everything gets adorablised.
Adorablisations everywhere!
5759903
5760213
Funnily enough, that is the reason I made this story. In the Goo pony group there are 7 stories. 6 of them are rated M and have sex tag. The other one is mine.
Either way, I am glad I have pulled this off.
Alllllrighty then. [not sarcasm]
5761642
The story itself is an oddity as its the only goo pony story that isn't clop... From what I know.
That was... a thing. Not too bad overall, but you should have an editor go over it; there were several errors and places that were awkwardly phrased.
5761806
Yes, I do need an editor. While I do pride myself with self proof-reading, I didn't exactly pass literacy with flying colors. I'm hoping that my skills will improve with time though.
This better have as many puns as Dragon Quest 9 about slimes.
This concept has multiple interesting choice situations that could arise. Waiting to be exploited. You have my attention my good sir.
D'aww.
Have her meet the jelly-liking stallion that was in the Hearts and Hooves Day episode. That'll be hilarious!
5776761 I imagine he would try, and fail, to tackle-hug her.
Private,
But.
Apparently, Rarity ships twilestia
D'aww.
this story is pretty good, the only problems so far are the grammar, missing words, missing letters, and miss used key words. those need immediate fixing.
other than that, good story.
Just checking in a year later. Nothing new I see. Ah well.
Well... I'm definitely interested but the grammatical errors, spelling issues, strange pacing, and seemingly missing sections of dialog kinda throw me off. I mean, huge props for this being the only goo pony story I've read that didn't go "that" direction, but you could really do with an editor. If I wasn't so busy with work I might just volunteer. This story shows some real promise and seems to be doing pretty dang well considering the issues previously stated. Keep up the good work, and if you don't happen to get an extra set of eyes on this by the time my work load thins out I'd be more than willing to help out.
-I think you mean "escalate" ? Then again this could be pegasus slang, even if by happy accident.
.
-I believe that technically, referring to the forelegs of a horse as "arms" is acceptable, but I am not sure about "forearm". In any case, most brownies seem to avoid the word "arm".
Overall... it's a bit... tell-y.
I mean, the characters are done fairly decently, but all the exposition is with dialogue, not showing us within the story. Like, for example, the "dripping when sad" thing. Very solid idea, but the readers can figure that stuff out if you just describe the jelly pony's form in situations where he's sad or happy.
And then, the pranking stuff. Quite good for establishing personality, but you need to establish that by things happening in the moment, not stories of things happening in the past.
The story reads like you are learning about this jelly pony, rather than actually being there with it.
Anyway, I'm giving advice on a story that's four years old, so my criticisms probably aren't that useful. (The main reason I found this story is that I'm reading other goo pony stories before trying to write my own, to make sure I don't copy too much.)