• Published 9th May 2012
  • 8,630 Views, 131 Comments

"Have you tried turning it Off and On again?" - Deathscar



Twilight has to deal with the hardest enemy anypony can face in their life: Customer Service

  • ...
10
 131
 8,630

"Have you tried turning if Off and On again?"

Twilight picked up the device which sat on the table in front of her. Levitating it with her magic, she flipped the device around, revealing its ten buttons which were numbered from ‘0’ to ‘9’. The unicorn levitated a large package in front of her, reading off the label pasted at the top of the cardboard box.

“Cloudsdale’s Customer Service: Dial 20266537.” As she read the numbers, her telekinesis simultaneously pressed the numbers accordingly on the odd object she levitated. Pressing the last digit, she levitated the rectangular device to her right ear and was immediately met with a ringing tone.

The ringing tone lasted for a few seconds before a *click* sound filled her ears.

"Hello. You have reached the Cloudsdale Weather Factory Customer Service line. Please hold while we get a representative.”

(Cue music [Enable annotations for full loop] )

Twilight was pleasantly surprised by the tune that resonated from the phone. It was a calming song, yet it seemed so familiar to her. She found herself drifting her head in time with the music, a slight smile on her face.

However, this wasn’t the case as time started to drag on. Her smile quickly vanished into a frown as the repetitive music grated her ears.

“Won’t somepony pick up already!?” She screamed into the object at her ear but she soon realized that nopony could hear her cries.

Suddenly, a robotic voice appeared from the opposite end.

“Well, it’s about time! I need he-”

“Your call is very important to us. Please hold.”

When Twilight realized what the voice said, her head slumped onto her table as anger started filling her.

“How long does it take to answer one simple call!?” Twilight’s patience wore thin, her nostrils flared with each breath she took.

“It’s almost been ten minutes! When Pinkie gave me this device she never told me tha-”

*click*

“Hello there. My name’s Cloudchaser and I am a representative of the Cloudsdale Weather Factory. How may I assist you this fine day?”

Much to the dismay of Twilight, the repeating music did not pause, only turning softer as the mare on the other line spoke.

“Yes. I ordered a certain device from Cloudsdale a few days ago and lately I-”

“Now may I ask how did you order this device and what this device may be?”

“Well I ordered it from the mail. I sent my order form in for my-”

“Well, Miss Sparkle I’m going to have to redirect your call to the ‘Mail Order’ line. Would you please hold?”

“Yeah, sure. Wait a minute… how’d you know my na-”

*click*

Twilight was rudely interrupted as the elevator music intensified yet again, filling her ears with the same 50 second loop which played endlessly.

“You have got to be kidding me…” Twilight bitterly told herself.

‘Stay calm Twilight. Everything will work once we get to the Mail Order line. No way this can go wrong.’

The next few minutes was the most painful minutes Twilight had ever experienced. She wanted to leave the phone for a minute but the fear of another pony picking up as she did so forced her to stay on the line. As last she heard the familiar sound

*click*

“Hi there! I’m Thunderdome! I’m part of the ‘Mail Order’ line. Would you please state your problem?”

“Finally! I ordered the ‘Cloudsdale Cloud Maker’ and when it came to my place, it didn’t even work!”

“Hmm, what seems to be the problem?”

Twilight took the package in her hoof, turning around and pouring the contents on the floor. Various broken pieces scattered the ground of her library.

“It came in pieces!”

“Pieces you say? And it doesn’t work?”

Twilight couldn’t believe her ears.

“O-Of course it doesn’t! It’s shattered! It’s broken!”

“Hmm, interesting. Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

“W-What!? Are you even listening to the words I’m saying!? It’s. Broken. It doesn’t work!”

“I really suggest flipping the power switch up and down. Who knows, it might solve something!”

Twilight stomped up to the pile of broken pieces, scavenging through the various pieces until she found a small part with a tiny flick-switch and the words ‘On’ scribbled above and a ‘Off’ scribbled below. Flipping it once, it came as no surprise that it did absolutely nothing, considering that it wasn’t even remotely attached to any other parts.

“Hey. What do you know? It didn’t work.”

“Now that is definitely a problem. I’m afraid I’m going to have to direct your call to the ‘Cloudsdale Cloud Maker, The-On-switch-doesn’t-work-and-I-need-help’ line.”

“No wait! Don’t you dare-” But it was too late as the familiar tune continued its loop.

Twilight’s left eye twitched uncontrollably, her mane frazzled from the long minutes of waiting. The song had started to implant itself into her mind, much to her frustration and hatred.

*click*

“Okay! That’s it! I don’t care who you are but if you dare hang up on me again I swear on Celestia’s life that you will wish that you were sent to the moon.”

“Twilight?” The familiar raspy voice of the mare over the line caught her attention.

“Wait. Rainbow!? What in Equestria are you doing there!?”

“Oh hey Twilight! I work here when I have nothing to do. It’s so funny to see the customers freak out over the smallest-”

“Rainbow…”

“Oh right! So what’s the problem, Twi?”

“P-Problem? What’s my problem!? How about what’s the company’s problem!?”

“What’s wrong Twi?”

“I ordered the ‘Cloudsdale Cloud Maker’ from your company and it came in one hundred pieces! I called to get help but for the past hour, I’ve spent more than fifty minutes waiting! Not only that but the guy before you even dared to suggest to me to turn it off and on again!”

“So turning it Off and On didn’t work?”

“Rainbow!!!!”

“Okay okay, hmm… have you tried assembling it?”

“A-A-Assembling it?”

“Well, yeah! It’s self-assembly Twi! You did know that right?”

“W-Well…no.” Twilight blushed heavily, swearing that anypony could feel it through the phone. “I’m so sorry Rainbow, I didn’t know.”

“Hey! No problem. Well since you’re here why don’t I guide you through the process of fixing the cloud maker?”

“Y-You would do that?”

“Yeah sure. It’s not like I have anything better to do with my time.” There was a slight pause before Rainbow spoke again. “Okay so first you need the Particle Absolution Reticle Type elimYnator”

“The what-the-what now?”

“The large piece of metal with the words P.A.R.T.Y written on it.”

Twilight reached down to the pile, pulling out a huge piece of metal at the bottom with the word PARTY crudely spray-painted on the top.

“Umm… I think I got it.”

“Good now you need the Material Abort Giant Incineration Cannon”

“The Material what-you-ma-call-it?”

“That big nozzle with the words MAGIC on it.”

“Hmm… ah! Here it is!” Twilight lifted up a long thin nozzle with an old, worn out sticker which had the words ‘MAGIC’”

“Great now fit those two together.”

After a few seconds of fiddling with the parts, Twilight finally managed to get them to fit.

“Great. One step down, two hundred and ninty-two steps left to go.”

Twilight’s eyes widened at Rainbow’s words.

“Y-You’re joking right?” Twilight hesitantly asked.

“Huh? Oh no way! Come on, this might take a while. Step two, find the Great Enhancement Neutron…”

---------

At last, in front of Twilight sat a majestic device. Gleaming under the candlelight as night had fallen in the time it took to assemble the item. The shiny object conveyed a sense of accomplishment in the unicorn.

“Ahh… Finally!” Twilight sighed in satisfaction

“Okay now give it a whirl.”

“Okay!” Twilight trotted excitedly towards the huge machine, leaning down to a small switch found at the back of the ‘death ray’-like device. As soon as the switch was flipped upwards, Twilight stood back and marveled as the machine roared to life with small bits of blue energy filling the tip of the device.

And as the unicorn gazed in awe at her machine, she could only imagine the quality of clouds it would produce. However, the machine performed as well as one might think when its back had the word ‘GENEROSITY’ scribbled in crayon. This means to say it spontaneously combusted right in front of the unicorn, blowing shards of metal all over the room and covering the mare in a layer of ash while frazzling her mane.

“R-Rainbow…It broke…” Twilight said through the phone in a monotonous voice.

“Hmm that’s strange, have you tried turning it on and off again?”

Twilight’s left eye begun twitching, a twisted smile appearing on her face.

“Yes Rainbow. It works. Thank you.” Twilight launched the phone out of her window, letting it crash to the ground in a million pieces.

The unicorn trotted back to the shattered pieces that lay all over the library. As Twilight walked up to the switch, which was still stuck in the ‘On’ position a short distance away from the explosion, she reached for it, flicking it back down into the ‘Off’ with a soft…

*click*

----------

The End