- Member Since 23rd Feb, 2015
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
Harms Way
Admirer of Sunset Shimmer and Adagio Dazzle
Harms Way
Joined 23rd Feb, 2015 ·
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Odd... I'm fairly sure.. I've seen this before.
>.>
5730158
Or are you referring to a story by Jade Ring? If so, I've already spoken to him before even completing this story. Sure some parts may be similar, but in the end, they're two completely different stories.
The execution seemed lacking for this premise, especially the first sixth of the story being a word by word description/dialogue from the movie. I think you could have just started when sunset and twilight say the same words. Additionally Maud doesn't really play a large role in the story = she shouldn't be tagged as a main character. So I can't put this story into my favorites, but I will give an up vote for a good attempt at late night plot.
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon.
-Sky66
Wow....that was......wow...
Wow, I just read a laundry list of naughty acts. Despite the over-used trope, this could have been a good clopfic with better description and better transitions. I mean, Sunset was on top of Twilight when Maud walked in on them, then Twilight was all of a sudden completely naked sitting on the counter. I didn't know she could still teleport in the human world. And you over use 'then': and then she... then Twilight... then she... etc, etc. With some work, you could make a hell of a naughty fic. Hope this helps. Keep at it!
5771570
Yeah, looking back on this, I think I could have done a better job with the sex scene. Thank you for the constructive criticism. I've been trying to improve my skills on this with my newest story, My Little Human: Rule of the Dazzlings, specifically in Chapter 6.
5771687 I hope I wasn't too harsh; I was tired and about two sheets to the wind when I wrote the comment. I hope it helps, though, and I'll take a look at that other story. But definitely keep trying to make improvements! I certainly had some things I did badly or over-used when I first started writing and had to adjust; if I can do it, anyone can. Hope I helped in some small way. Cheers!
5774489
Its no problem at all my friend.
Can I just emphasize how quickly that turned sexual? It's well written, but, just...damn. XDD
6150405
Yeah, this story is one of my earlier attempts at writing stories of this type. Since then, my style has improved, as you have already seen. Thank you for the fave on this story though.
6151926 probably a little late to be asking but is this version of THAT scene now in cannon with your annonxdazzlings series at their mercy, hunted and a new beginning?
6231111
Nah, this is a completely separate story from that series.
6232331 ah, because what she said about horns instantly reminded me of that scene in new beginning.
6232855
I'll be honest. I completely forgot she said that in this story.
But still, this is completely separate from the Anon-Dazzlings series.
That was a great story.
6312836
Thank you.
Make a sequel where they do go back to the castle