Soarin's Pet Rock

by Beware The Carpenter

10 - Mr. Evil

Scootaloo and Button Mash were so cute on the way to lunch; whispering and laughing to each other behind Soarin and Rainbow Dash. Stoner did think it was a bit strange though that Scootaloo didn’t really look like Rainbow Dash… and she couldn’t fly. Rainbow Dash was a great flier; any sister of hers would at least be a good flier, wouldn’t she?

As they made their way to the buffet on Sweet Grass Road; Rainbow Dash kept giving Soarin these looks, when she thought no one was watching, like she was curious… and not in a careful way. It made Stoner uneasy; Soarin had had a crush on Rainbow Dash since the best young fliers competition, and Stoner had helped him plan ways to woo her, but Rainbow Dash deserved the real Soarin. The thought of the guy Soarin was now scoring her just made Stoner’s skin feel like it was crawling – wait no; Stoner’s skin was crawling, there was a fly on him! A big one!

“Soarin, help! I’m under attack! Get it off before it lays eggs in my mane!” Soarin didn’t do anything; and the fly continued to saunter over Stoner, scraping his skull with its mouth and feet. Realizing he was on his own, Stoner thought fast, “Rrrrribbit.” He growled trying to imitate a frog. The fly didn’t move. “Rrribbet!” the fly buzzed off, and Stoner gave a laugh of triumph, but the excitement was short lived. Soarin had heard he was under attack… and he didn’t help him.

When they got to the buffet, they split up; Soarin grabbed a plate and started heaping massive piles of food on it; mashed potatoes, apple crumble, fried rice, and veggies stacked on top of each other until there was no more space, and then Soarin grabbed another plate. “Can I have some lemonade?” asked Stoner, “And a little pile of breadcrumbs to go with it? I’m actually really hungry after watching you flip out all night long.”

Soarin grabbed a spatula, cut a huge piece of lasagna and heaped it on the plate. “Are you kidding man? There’s no way that I’m going to eat all of that!” Soarin grabbed some oat cakes and piled them on as Stoner realized that the second plate wasn’t for him. No problem, Soarin must be hungry after doing all that racing and door-knocking and cow-tipping; he needed his food and would get Stoner something to eat next.

Soarin finished stacking his second plate and took them to a table that was set for four. Stoner waited for him to set a fifth place, and then go back for the breadcrumbs and lemonade; but instead, he sat down, doused his oat cakes in honey and tore into them. “Soarin,” asked Stoner sheepishly, “I-I’m hungry can you get me something to eat now?” Soarin took a bite of his apple crumble, smacking his lips deliciously. “Soarin!”

Soarin stopped eating; gave an aggravated grunt and stood up; but instead of going back to the food bar, he marched into the bathroom, tore open the flaps to his saddlebag and snatched Stoner out, holding him at eye level. “Shut. Up.”

“But… Soarin we always-”

“I’m not feeding you anything, and I’m not taking you out of your bag until I get home. I’m thinking clearer than I ever have before, and you know what I’ve realized? I don’t need you.”

“…Dude… You don’t mean that.”

“Everything I try to do, you keep getting in the way. Remember that night right after Rainbow Dash became a Wonderbolt; she came up to my room, and she was gonna pay out, but then I started introducing her to you and the other rocks, and then she left; it’s not gonna happen again. I’m not putting you on the table, I’m not feeding you, and I’m finally gonna get down with Dash.”

“Not if you’re acting like this much of a jerk you’re not!”

“Oh really?” grinned Soarin getting closer, “She thinks I have the formula for unlimited speed and stamina; what will she give me for a chance at that? What won’t she give me?”

“Sooner or later she’s going to catch on that you only got fast after you started wearing that amulet everywhere you…” Stoner double checked, but the amulet was gone. All he could see was a barely distinguishable silver chain, camouflaged against Soarin’s neck. “Where is it?”

Soarin chuckled then held Stoner behind his head and lifted up his mane and showed him the amulet, hidden under Soarin’s bushy mane at the base of his neck. Stoner felt a tear well up in his eye, “But… that’s my place! All through school whenever the teacher said you couldn’t have me with you in class, that’s where I hid.”

Soarin looked him in the eye, saliva dripping evilly from his mouth; “It’s Ali’s place now.”

Stoner fought back rage and retorted; “Rainbow Dash ain’t a hooker! She’s not gonna sleep with you just because you might make her fly faster.”

“You really are stupid aren’t you? Just like Rainbow Dash. The mare is going to take anything I give her so long as she thinks it will make her fly like me. Anything. If it makes her horny instead of fast she’ll understand, and go right back for the next shot; especially if I put something in there to screw with her thinking. Even when I officially outfly her and become the new captain of the team, it will just make her more eager to get the speed I have.”

“Dude that’s evil!”

Soarin looked Stoner in the eye, his eyes were glowing red and gave an evil chuckle, “Then call me Mr. Evil. Mhmmwahaahaha-hahahaha-mwhahahaha-“ He stopped laughing suddenly, double checked the mirror and then spun around to look at the little colt standing in the doorway, staring at him. “Well what are you looking at!? Huh?”

The colt scampered out, Soarin shoved Stoner back into his saddlebags; but he put him in upside down, and in the left bag which didn’t have any windows. A few seconds later, the bag began jostling, and Stoner once again smelled the food of the buffet and heard Soarin begin devouring his meal.

Stoner and Soarin had been best friends since they met, but sometimes that meant Stoner needed to call him out on something that he’d done wrong. Soarin needed to be stopped; for his own sake, for Rainbow Dash’s sake, and for the sake of the world… and it was up to Stoner to do it.

Author's Note:

Tell me if you think Soarin's plans are a bit too dark for a sad comedy; but I was feeling I needed some sort stakes that people would actually care about. Needless to say, Soarin won't succeed, thanks to the heroic deeds of a certain pet rock.

Comments

[Beware The Carpenter]

5737548

Of course Stoner has a spine; all people have spines.

... You're not accusing Stoner of not a person... are you?

[Sun Dial]

Pssh. It's not that dark of a plan, especially with how zany you'll make it.

[Beware The Carpenter]

5752533

Thanks

I didn't think it was too horrible either; but I'm also working on the Limits of the Horizon, and have people complaining at how dark it is; so I was hoping to keep this one a comedy.

[coolstorybrah]

This was awesome!

You better do MOAR!

Sorry,,,

[the other sans]

5752440 I'd argue that Stoner is more Sedimentary than having an actual back bone right now. And the hooves part just threw me for a loop.

I guess Stoner and Soarin are in for a... Rocky ride.