Fallen Leaves
“Fallen Leaves”
by Donny’s Boy
========================================================================
Synopsis: On the morning of the Summer Sun Celebration, he returns to Canterlot even though he knows he'll find nothing there but certain doom. He returns because he made a promise ... and nopony breaks a Pinkie promise.
========================================================================
“Looking through the backyard of my life,
Time to sweep the fallen leaves away.
Like the sun that rises every day,
We can chase the dark clouds from the sky ...
I gave my promise to you, girl.”
--Paul McCartney, “Promise to You Girl”
He liked Cloudsdale. It wasn’t like other pony cities, all tiny houses and cramped narrow roads. No, the capital of the pegasi was different--open, airy, spacious. Majestic, truly. It stood white and pure against the vivid blueness of the surrounding sky and, as the sun began its descent below the horizon, the city lit up in a hundred shades of oranges and pinks and reds. It reminded him quite a bit of the old palace in Canterlot, of how during sunsets the palace positively glowed.
Despite himself, he snorted at the memory. It had been quite some time since he’d thought of Canterlot with anything like nostalgia.
But then, this wasn’t any ordinary day, was it? Perhaps he was allowed this small bit of sentimentality. Just perhaps.
He swooped down low over the pegasus city spread out before him, drawing a few fearful gazes as he did so, and kept his eyes trained on the clouds below. After a few minutes of searching, he finally found his prize. She was standing right outside the weather factory, leaning against the building with hooded eyes and a bored expression on her face. That look was one all too familiar to him, but he felt a jolt at seeing it on a yellow face framed by pink mane.
“Heya, squirt!”
The young pegasus gave a jump and, looking up and spotting him hovering above her with a toothy grin, she gasped. “Oh, my gosh! What are you doing here?”
“Geez! No ‘hi, Spike,’ or ‘how you doin’, Spike?’” he grumbled, throwing in an eye roll for good measure.
“No, no, no. I didn’t mean it like … ugh!” She took to the air and flew up to meet him, until they were eye to eye. “You know she’s looking for you just about everywhere. Cloudsdale isn’t the most inconspicuous place you could hide, y’know.”
“I’m a dragon. There’s no such thing as being inconspicuous for a dragon.” He allowed a tiny, sly grin to slip across his muzzle. “Besides, isn’t ‘inconspicuous’ kinda a big word for a self-proclaimed dumb jock? You been spending too much time with that egghead fillyfriend of yours?”
“She’s not an egghead!” the pegasus shot back, her rose-colored eyes blazing in anger. Then she paused, and horror dawned upon her face. “And, uh, she’s not my fillyfriend. We’re just, y’know, flight school buddies.”
“Sure, sure. If you say so.”
The filly somehow managed to square her shoulders, even in mid-flight. “I do say so!”
He laughed at that, a nice long laugh, deep from his belly. The sound of a dragon laughing uproariously drew more than a few concerned glances from passing pegasi. He tried to grin at them in as reassuring a way as possible, but it didn’t seem to help.
“Seriously, Spike.” The young pegasus’ eyes softened considerably, becoming almost gentle. “It’s not safe for you to be here. So why’d you come?”
He gave a shrug that he hoped look casual. “What? I need a special reason now to visit my favorite grandniece?”
She snorted. “Yeah, okay, first of all? I’m not really your grandniece, or grand anything else. I’m a pony, and you’re a dragon. Remember?” She rolled her eyes. “And second, I’m your only grandniece.”
“Doesn’t mean you’re not my favorite.”
He wondered if he should tell her how much she looked like her grandmother. Like both her grandmothers, really. Wondered whether she’d like knowing that or would just resent it. She resented a lot of things having to do with ponies who’d come before her, in whose shadows she’d lived her entire life.
He decided to not say anything. She probably knew, on some level, anyway.
Suddenly, her eyes hardened again. “You’re … you’re not planning to do anything stupid. Right?” She frowned at him with great suspicion. “Oh, geez, you totally are, aren’t you? Apple Bloom always said you were never up to any good when you got that look in your eye.”
The dragon simply grinned and, leaning forward, gave the pegasus a gentle nuzzle. “I love you, kid.” When he pulled back again, he saw that she was frowning twice as hard. “Have a happy Summer Sun Celebration, okay? Say hi to your fillyfriend for me or something.”
“Spike … why? Why?”
There were tears in those rose-colored eyes, and they looked so strange, so misplaced, so unspeakably wrong. He tried to remember the times he’d seen tears in those other eyes, eyes as fierce and as deep and as pink as the ones before him now, but for some reason he couldn’t. But tears had always looked strange in those eyes, too.
He turned his head away. Maybe the problem was that he didn’t want to remember.
“Spike?”
“Because I made a promise. A Pinkie promise, even.” Still he didn’t look at her. “And nopony breaks a Pinkie promise.”
And with that, he gave a strong flap of his wings and was gone, rising upwards into the sky, as fast as a bullet and at speeds no pegasus could hope to match. He thrust his arms forward as he continued his ascent, reaching, grasping--for what, he didn’t know. Perhaps the sky itself. He closed his eyes against the wind and kept climbing, until he felt his breath begin to come shallow and quick.
High above the earth and all its ponies, he paused and opened his eyes. Even majestic Cloudsdale looked like little more than a tuft of cotton from this great of an altitude. Spike laughed again, but it sounded strange and reedy in the thin atmosphere.
===================================================================
He found a cave to sleep in that night, one that had been long abandoned, dank and stinking of mildew. Unsurprisingly, he discovered that he wasn’t able to sleep except in fits and starts. But perhaps that was all right. It was the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration, after all. Everyone was supposed to stay up until dawn.
After the fourth time he awoke, his heart hammering from a dream he couldn’t quite remember, he decided to give up all pretenses of slumber. He reached out and grabbed the small pouch that laid by his side--the pouch that carried and protected his most precious earthly treasure--and he quickly tied it around his waist. Then he crept out of his hidey hole and returned to the pre-dawn skies.
He flew east, towards where the sun would be rising soon.
He flew east, towards Canterlot.
===================================================================
The guards stopped him outside the city’s walls, just as he expected they would. He smiled at them, his very best smile, the one that Rarity had made him practice all those years ago, and as one the Canterlot guards took a nervous step backwards. Spike sighed, and he could feel the smile drop from his face. Apparently he hadn’t practiced enough.
Finally, one of the ponies, a tall unicorn stallion, stepped forward again. “Sheldon Sparkle! Alias, Spike Sparkle!” he called out, his voice loud and crisp in the chilly air. “You are wanted for crimes of treason, against the Crown and against Equestria!”
Spike slowly sat down and folded his wings against his back. The pouch, still tied securely around his waist, gently bumped against his upper thigh as he did.
“I wrote a book,” the dragon replied, throwing in a snort for good measure. “It wasn’t even that great of a book. Just ask my publisher.”
If the guard pony was capable of recognizing humor, he showed no signs of it. “You are under arrest, Mr. Sparkle. Prepare to be placed in restraints and transferred to a holding facility.”
With a hearty chuckle that sent a wispy tendril of smoke through his nostrils, Spike lowered his his head until his snout was level with the unicorn’s. “So you’re gonna arrest me, huh?” He raised an eye ridge. “You and what army?”
The stallion glared at him and took a threatening step forward. “Why, you impudent--”
“Halt.”
The stallion froze at the sound of the intruding voice, his eyes bulging so large that it took nearly all of Spike’s self-control not to laugh. As the unicorn guard struggled to maintain his composure, the dragon lifted his head to greet the pony who’d just arrived.
She smiled at him brightly, almost warmly. “Hello, Spike.”
“Hi, Princess Celestia.”
“Would you like to come inside for a cup of tea?”
She phrased it as a question, though of course it really wasn’t. Ever gracious, the Sun Princess. Spike felt a rush of something like appreciation, if not affection.
“Sure,” he said, shrugging. “Tea sounds good.”
She led him past the stunned cadre of guards, her posture and bearing as regal as they’d ever been, and with little other choice he followed after her. They strode through the wide, empty streets of a twilit Canterlot, and Spike couldn’t stop himself from marveling at everything that had changed and everything that had stayed the same. Unbidden came the memory of a trip to a rock farm just outside Ponyville, where an excitable pink pony had exclaimed over every new rock and every new fence post that she’d spotted along the way.
He’d laughed at her then--they’d all laughed, in that affectionate way of theirs--but he understood now. It was strange, very strange, to return to a place that had once been home but wasn’t any longer.
Soon enough they’d reached the palace, and the guards there reacted subtly and silently to the dragon’s presence in the company of the solar princess. There were a few murmurings among the ranks but little further. They bowed to Celestia as she passed by and, as he tagged along after her, Spike gave the guards a mock salute.
They glared but dared not say a word in reproach.
Celestia didn’t speak during the long trek through the palace’s ornate hallways, until they reached the relative privacy of the informal dining room. It was a smallish room, somehow intimate despite its cathedral ceiling, and entirely different from the great banquet hall used for feasts and diplomatic events. The princess already had a teapot and two cups set out on the table. She’d obviously been expecting him.
He’d known that she would. Very little escaped Celestia’s attention, after all.
“I read your book,” she began conversationally, as she began pouring the tea.
“Oh? Did you like it?”
“I thought it was interesting, to say the least. But political exposes usually are, even if they do sometimes suffer from a certain incompleteness of facts.” She glanced up from the tea cups and gestured with a hoof. “Please, Spike, there’s no need to stand on ceremony. Be seated, and help yourself to some tea.”
He did as he was asked. A space had been left at the table for him, where the chairs had been removed, and he untied his pouch from his waist and set it carefully on the table before sitting down. Once seated, he took up a tea cup between the very tips of his claws and sipped gingerly. Green tea, he discovered, thick and bitter, though sweetened with several dollops of honey. Not his favorite--quite the opposite, actually--but it carried with it the pleasant scent and happy memory of a cozy little cottage nestled near the woods, so he couldn’t complain too terribly much.
“Thank you, Princess,” he said, “for the tea and for the hospitality.”
Manners were important, after all. Even now, and even here. They wouldn’t have wanted him to forget his manners.
Celestia smiled again, that smile that was almost like the smile he used to know. It made him feel cold, deep down in his stomach, despite the warmth from the tea.
“You’re very welcome,” Celestia replied. She took a sip of her own tea before continuing. “I’m sure you know it’s quite an important day, so I’m afraid I don’t have as much time to chat as we’d both prefer. So perhaps we should discuss what you’ve come here to discuss.”
He nodded. Perhaps they should. “I’m here to avenge the bearers of the Elements of Harmony.” He grinned a bit as the words hung in the air, ridiculous even to his own ears. “I’m here to remove you from power--by force, if necessary.”
“Surely you realize you can’t. I’m immortal.”
“Then I’ll die trying.”
“A suicide mission, then? Spike, what would Twilight Sparkle think of such a thing?”
Spike felt his jaw clench, and it took some effort to force it open to speak his next words: “Twilight can’t think anything, actually. Because she’s dead.” The tea cup suddenly shattered in his grip. “Because you killed her, Celestia.”
She just stared back at him with those large, impassive eyes, with a gaze he’d once thought of as beatifically sage. “She knew the risks. They all did.”
“They trusted you. They trusted you, and you lied right to their faces.”
“They knew the risks, and their sacrifices were not in vain.” Celestia took another sip of tea. “They saved all of Equestria.”
“They trusted you!”
He felt his heart speed up, faster and faster, like the thundering of countless hooves during the Running of the Leaves. Dim recollections of a blue pegasus pony and an orange earth mare floated through his mind, tantalizingly close yet oddly distance. His heart was beating so fast that he almost felt nauseous, while his vision was going dark at the edges. Abruptly he realized--
“You drugged my tea.”
There was no surprise in his voice, no outrage. Only calm acceptance.
“An execution would only create a martyr, and martyrs are nearly as immortal as goddesses,” Celestia explained, her tone as gentle as ever, even placid. But her eyes looked sad. “A death from simple disease, however? That’s an entirely different matter.”
As if in slow motion, Spike toppled over onto his side. The marble tiles of the palace floor felt cool against his face. He could hear the clop of hooves echoing off the high ceilings and, a moment later, four golden-shod legs stood directly in his line of sight. With a shaky sigh, he shut his eyes.
“It should not be painful, nor should it take very long. Please believe me when I say that I didn’t want it to come to this.” A pause, then a brush of something soft and warm against his cheek. “Is there anything I can do for you, my little dragon? Any final request that is within my power to grant?”
He felt like laughing at that. It had been decades since any pony could have truthfully referred to him as “little.” But when he tried to laugh, all that came out was a sickly gurgle.
“Yes, Princess … yes, there is.” Spike licked his lips, which felt dry and cracked against his tongue. “My pouch. On the table. There’s a book in the pouch.”
“If it is the book you have written--”
“It’s not.”
There were some shuffling noises, followed by the sound of more hooves against marble. Spike forced open his eyes, and he saw that the golden rays of dawn’s light were starting to creep across the floor. He heard rustling, coming from the direction of the table, and then a long, deep silence.
“Daring Do and the Quest for the Gem of Griffondonia?” The princess’ voice quavered with something that it didn’t often betray--confusion. “I don’t understand.”
Spike smiled gently. “I promised. She … she made me promise to bring back the book to …” He paused. Coughed. Spit out a mouthful of blood. “To the Canterlot library. Since she knew she … she wouldn’t be able to. And I did. I promised.” His eyes slid shut once again. “Woulda promised her the world, at that point. But all she wanted was for me to make sure that stupid book got brought back to you.”
Celestia said nothing.
“Sorry it’s bein’ returned so late,” Spike muttered, mostly as an afterthought. His voice was little more than an exhalation of breath. “She always did hate being tardy.”
===================================================================
Author's Notes: This was written for a writing project put together by v-dub. The participants all drafted a story synopsis, character list, and genre tags, and then we were each assigned someone else's character list and genre tags (but kept our own story synopsis). Here was my prompt:
Plot: A childhood promise is made that no one expects her/him to keep ... but all through the years, it's never once occurred to her/him to NOT keep the promise.
Setting: Cloudsdale
Characters:
- Princess Celestia
- A philosopher who published a work speaking out against the solar princess' practices, laws, and handling of various situations, such as the changling invasion and the banishment of Luna. He stands for reason and logic above all else and will not be swayed into admitting he was wrong or going against his beliefs by simply being told to do so by a higher power.
Genre Tags: Sad, Tragedy
Many, many thanks to v-dub for putting this together and to the other writers for participating.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Professor Piggy · 9.3k words · 127 4 · 5.9k views
- Donnys Boy · 6.2k words · 69 6 · 2.6k views
- GreenDragon · 2.9k words · 23 3 · 1.2k views
- flutterdash1 · 1.8k words · 83 1 · 3.4k views
- canonkiller · 2k words · 30 2 · 1.9k views
- Donnys Boy · 3.3k words · 267 6 · 7.3k views
- Specter Von Baren · 17k words · 39 0 · 4.7k views
- TheVulpineHero1 · 1k words · 79 5 · 3.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.171 seconds
Total duration
1,043 users online
1,556,190 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ooohh... this looks interesting. I'll read it after this episode of soul eater.
not entirely bad, just needed a little back story.
Ooof... that was heavy-hitting. I like the vagueness of the background to this - what exactly happened to the Bearers is never made clear, and that hint of Celestia's malice at the end... very well done.
Yes, I think that's about the way Celestia would go about doing something like that. Calmly and politely, everything thought out, with no malice. There's a certain awful cruelty to benevolence, sometimes.
It needed a backstory, and the ending wasn't as emotional as it could have been. Also, I loved how evil Celestia was in the end.
>:O
Pretty clever story. Would of liked more of a back story but I understand why you wrote it like you did. Well done :)
....I hate it when people pull the Celetia is evil thing, but I can say this story is well written.
Wow. I actually teared up at the end. Bravo.
This is clever concept, to be sure. I really, really loved how you portrayed Celestia's character here. While not evil, she radiates a very unapproachable, omnipotent vibe that makes her seem so much more malevolent. She was acting entirely in-character, and to me, her laid back behavior is so much more chilling as a result.
That said, I would have liked to see some more back-story and explanation to the events that are occurring here. The audience is pretty much just being thrown into a lake and expected to know how to swim, and that can either work well, or work very poorly. I can understand what you're trying to accomplish here, a sort of vague backdrop that the reader can make his or her own interpretations from, but the result feels slightly unfinished to me. Not 'bad', no, not at all, but in need of some fine polishing here and there. Still; I think you've done an overall lovely job tin the end
hmmmm...seems to end a bit abruptly. i guess that's just me...
This is so incredibly good.... Makes me want to try and finish my own story I got from there. Thank you for the inspiration to continue writing something that's really out of my comfort zone.
At first, I thought that the story were a little better than average, but not amazing...
Then I read the prompt, and I died at your ingenuity and creativity in the the whole thing (especially the characters) made me smile, and do the whole "slow-clap". Still isn't your best work, but the way you made the entire thing was great!
Oh, and that last sentence... DAMN.
Extremely clever writing project, but damn me for LIKING the 'evil' Celestia. For me, whenever a villain has less back story (other than what little is played out in a story), it seems far more sinister than what a typical villain would do (monolouging, etc) . It is a weakness of mine, I am afraid.
That said, it does make me interested to know more, thus the story is good by me!
Daaaaaaaaaaaamn. This hit hard and fast, but was a really enjoyable read. I wish there was a little bit more back story as to HOW the elements die, but enough is hinted in the fic to satisfy my curiosity.
My main comment has already been said a bunch of times - interesting and well written story, but a backstory - even if it's just hints as to what could've happened - would make it better.
To that comment I would also add a wish for a better description of Spike's size. At first I imagined him the size of the dragon from Dragonshy, but presumably, if that were the case, he would not be able to fit inside the palace. But he also can't be as small as the teenager-type dragons from whatever that episode with the dragon migration was called, otherwise he wouldn't need space cleared for him.
Other than that, good story, I enjoyed it.
You did a really good job with the prompt o.0
Yes, I agree that you should write a backstory as bonus.
I have to say I liked this story.
I particularly liked that everyone was in character (or at least a plausible character.) Every single action - even the "evil" ones - are entirely justifiable from that character's perspective.
(Seriously- I *can't* hate Celestia for what she did. It *is* the cleanest solution from HER standpoint. Of course - I was actually yelling at the screen "Spike - you dummy - NEVER accept a drink from the evil tyrant you've come to overthrow...
" before he drank.)
Thumbs up and a moustache in honor of the fallen!
Hmm, very interesting. Tell me, did they ever clear up the issue of Spike growing up? Seeing as I'm only halfway through the series, the last I heard of dragon metabolisms was the whole 'they get bigger as they get greedy thing', and for me that carried some pretty awful implications- that, if he was going to stay with his friends and not wreck Ponyville, Spike would have to essentially remain a baby dragon for the rest of his life. That would be an interesting dilemma.
As for the actual story itself: I liked it. I felt there was just enough backstory to let ye olde imagination run riot, and the idea of Spike developing and furthering his writing skills from his old days taking letters and biography-ing RD tickled a nice chord- a little bit of predestination, perhaps, a lick of irony that he gets to use the skills Twilight taught him through rigorous secretary training to strike a publicity blow against the pony he holds responsible for her death. A subtle but nice feature was the way Spike still identifies himself as an anypony at heart, rather than being a big, draconic outsider, even after the difference is pointed out to him by his grandniece- it really speaks volumes about where his loyalties lie. (Speaking of the grandniece, I'm getting hints of Flutterdash.)
Overall, this was great. The decision to have Spike mature in character and lose a little bit of his childish, peppy snark kind of reduced my attachment to him, but the denouement still packed a kick despite it. Good job.
I still love this.
Heeeello, everyone. Thanks for all of the comments and thoughts, folks! It seems clear to me that there's a consensus that one of the big issues in this story (if not THE issue) is the issue of backstory. I have a few ideas where more backstory might be desired, but I'd rather ask than guess and possibly be wrong. So, if anyone is inclined to elaborate on where they'd like more backstory, I'd be appreciative. (Such as ... what exactly happened to the Mane Six, what Spike did in the intervening years, what exactly Celestia told the Mane Six, what exactly is in Spike's book, all of that, none of that, etc.?)
As GingerNutGin suggested, a good portion of the vagueness in the story is intentional, but if everyone feels like they're wandering lost in the woods, it's TOO vague. And for what it's worth, I don't see Celestia as necessarily evil in the story, and I'd hoped to leave room for varying impressions of her as a character.
568807 What happened to the Mane Six and probably what Celestia told them would be good. Like I said before, you could still keep it vague, but give hints as to different possible events that could've happened, instead of giving no indication other than that it got them killed.
Spike's book wouldn't really need elaboration if you did that I think; it would be obvious that it's an attempt to expose whatever Celestia did.
Another vote here for liking it vague. I mean, the back story could be cool, but I think this story captures the emotions rather then bogging them down in trivia. But there's enough fanfic to go around.
I thought it was great!
Twilight just soul-crushed Celestia from the grave. Twilight is victoryful.
Inb4 featured
I have to say that I liked the vagueness as well; the story is there to get to the big emotional impact of it all at the end, and bogging down too much in the details would just slow everything down.
Also, am I the only one who's vaguely curious about Spike's "grandniece" and wouldn't mind a bit more info on her?
I'll be honest bro, that was preety good, not great(sry, just my opinion) but good
Damn it - I know I should explode into a towering rage about this. I want to explode into a towering rage. But I can't. I don't have enough information. All I can say about this situation is that the loyalty displayed by Spike, the trust apparently betrayed by Celestia, and the dignity with which they conduct their affairs, all move me strongly. As does the dishonour Celestia does herself by defeating her opponent by secret means, but that's a different matter.
I also want to dig a little at Spike for not thinking that the tea would be poisoned (drugged is generally used when the results are anything _but_ death), but then again, he isn't exactly experienced at being suspicious, is he?
Huh. Tragedy isn't normally my cup of tea, but I really liked this :D Excellent work, as always!
I have to say, Spike accepted his end well. With calm acceptance and a last little sting (well, more than a sting). And I'd rather not know what happened to the Elements. Some things are better left unsaid, hm?
This is the Celestia I know. Well done.
Well I think that is a very nice story it was a little to short and could have gone into better detail about the back story like what it was that killed them or what things Spike mentioned in his book or even who exactly the pony he talked to was the descendant of. Other than those small complaints I had, I think that this was a fantastic story and I did enjoy the ending quite a lot.
...
...
...
...
What?
Hmm. Very interesting. It makes a lot more sense seeing how this story came about. That should not be construed to be a negative comment in any way, however. All things considered, it was pretty well executed, even if I have to say that casting Celestia as such without cause or reason is treading into dangerous territory.
Still, not explaining what happened was definitely a good idea. Going into detail would have killed the mystery, it would have presented me with the stakes, but instead I was left trying to fill the gaps, letting my imagination go into overdrive - always a powerful story telling tool. And after the story I just finished writing, I know that narrative device inside out and back to front.
I enjoyed Spike's character, and he felt like a believable progression of the Spike we know today. I can't say the same for Celestia, as I alluded to before, however, but you are not the first person to stray into that idea (a certain famous TwiLuna story springs to mind as another example of a fic using that premise). It didn't work then, and I have to say it doesn't work all that well now (albeit this is considerably better than the aforementioned TwiLuna story). I am not sure if you'd care enough for me to go into reasons why, so I won't, haha.
Other than that, very nicely done. Sure a few pieces of description or narration could have been tightened up a bit, but you (mostly) stayed away from telling, and kept the prose emotive. For what it was, it was short, powerful enough, and enjoyable.
Nice work, DB!
So, a few votes for "vagueness was fine as is," huh? *ponders* I shall have think upon this some more and then reread when I've gotten a bit more distance and ability to be objective about the piece, I believe.
Many thanks to everyone who's left comments since my last reply, by the way. I'm getting a lot of pretty detailed feedback, and I know that takes some time and effort to write. I appreciate y'all doing so.
568874
Much obliged! Really appreciate you expounding a bit.
568724
Nah, there hasn't been anything else much on the dragon growing up process. Fanon has an answer, though, that not all dragons grow like Spike did in that episode--that regular dragon growth is different than "greed growth." (And yay! I'm glad it came across that Spike still saw himself very much as an Equestrian and as a "somepony.")
569222
(Though I do always appreciate when folks express their opinions politely vs. "This is the worst filth I have ever read, and you should go DIAF!")
You don't have to apologize for thinking it's not great. You could think it totally sucked, and you still wouldn't have to apologize. Everyone's allowed to like what they like and dislike what they dislike.
569273
Huh! I didn't know the "drugged" vs. "poisoned" distinction, but then, thankfully I have no direct experience with either. Thanks for letting me know!
571606
Heh. This actually strays a bit from my own preferred interpretation of Celestia (though I tried to keep her as close to that as I could while trying to make the story work), but I'm glad you liked her.
Also! I still owe you a one-shot. If you actually want one, that is.
572172
For what it's worth, I included the info in the author's note as a "thank you" to v-dub and the other writers, as well as some perhaps interesting background info, and not to try to make any excuses. Either the story stands on its own merits, or it doesn't, is what I feel.
If you wanna go into reasons re: Celestia, by all means, do. Though I can guess, I'm sure--this isn't my preferred interpretation of Celestia, either.
572391 I agree with you, and you get respect from me for saying so. Every story has its own merits, and nothing else. Or at least, that's how it should work.
As for the Celestia thing, that's an interesting one. The idea that Celestia is evil, cruel, manipulative, cold, etc, etc, etc, is not inherently bad by default. The real problem that lies with the idea is that people do not provide proper context for her behaviour. As a reader, we have to see causation between a character's actions and their personality - particularly when dealing with established characters - to be able to believe them.
Ironically, this means that for shorter stories, this is a far harder task to complete. Longer stories have room to establish motivation, character depth, and progress. Short stories do not have this luxury, and this problem (dramatic shifts in character personality without cause or explanation) are systemic in them as a result. It leaves a bitter taste when we are given an established character and expected as a reader to accept a complete 180 in personality.
In saying all of that, this story was nowhere near as bad as what the comments I have made above allude to. Celestia was not textbook evil or completely over the top, but the point still remains that her actions (justifying their deaths as a sacrifice for the nation? Yikes. That's some cold stuff there), are too distant from the Celestia we know, and there was never a platform or believable character foundation for that.
And now it's gonna seem like I'm whining and complaining!
I really did like the story! Haha. Please believe me!
572428
*nod* Yeah, that all makes sense, and I think that's probably the one single element that could benefit most from expansion/explanation/revision.
576835 Well if you do revise it, be sure to chuck a blog post up about it or pm me or something. I would be very interested in seeing how you change it!
576846
Oh, absolutely! Any and all revisions (excluding stuff like removing typos) will get a blog post mentioning them. *nod* Though I tend to apply lessons forward to future writing projects more than to revise former writing projects--if only because, otherwise, I could see myself just revising and revising and revising the one lone story, over and over again.
The vagueness adds to the story's setup's somewhat ethereal nature. To fill it in seems somewhat needless at this point. Wondering just how the Bearers were lost and just how necessary their sacrifice (whether it was their own, or Celestia's of them), just how long Spike has been in hiding given that his friend's children have had children, and the unclear nature of Celestia's actions (how much could have been avoided, was there another option, is she evil for preserving the safety and stability of her land and people?) gives the story a tone that a full backstory seems like it would damage. Well, I mean, in my opinion.
581616
Always good to have a counterpoint. I'll probably leave the story alone at this point and just hope its merits outweigh its flaw.
An opinion I appreciate, thanks.
good story and concept but i wished you'd let spike burn her alive or something to where celestia gets killed
I don't get it
Very late to the party, but this was amazing.
This is painful to read and dammit I like it
I liked the vagueness. It left so much up to the imagination. I think Spike had made up his mind, to confront Celestia, knowing that she couldn't let his books' contents be known. He knew this would be their last meeting, but now he could finally be with the ones he loved.
By the way, your cover picture, kind of makes Spike look rather stupid. That is not the impression I got from his character, in the story. I saw a very noble character remaining loyal to the memory of his fallen friends. You may want to choose a better picture.
Promises are important.
Gah, this is so sad...
I honestly wanted Celestia to die here, too...Dammit.
This was really well-written, and I loved Spike's character
But so sad...