I like to do Sunset Shimmer stories, and that's about it right now.
Afer being hit by the Elements of Harmony, Sunset Shimmer finally understood just how evil she had been, and wishes for nothing more than to make up for it, and seek out forgiveness as Twilight told her.
The next morning she wakes up a week before she went through the portal to steal the crown, 10 days before the Fall Formal, and decides to try and right some wrongs she has committed among CHS before she leaves for Equestria.
Page generated in 0.198 seconds
Total duration
733 users online
650,653 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
well its a tad short, but I don't mind that because I like the story line. I love sunset redemption stories. makes me wonder if sunset succeeds in mending friendships before the portal opens will she end up just using the portal to return to equestia for good or will she not even bother returning and just use the magic book to talk to celestia
This is starting off great! I love the premise. Other than a few uncapitalized first words in sentences, and this,
"By the time she reached her final turning point before she could see the school she was almost completely out of breath, as she had left later than usual and therefore had to run all the way, but decided to slow down and catch her breath before she got there."
which is a sentence that's seems sort of awkward, this seems great.
Oooh! I love Peggy Sue fics! And, Sunset Shimmer's on a clock -- she has only ten days to finish undoing all the harm she did in the human world before her launch window closes and she can't get back to Equestria anymore, given that the portal machine doesn't remotely exist yet.
I am going to miss all her Rainbow Rocks character development but this has potential, let's see where it goes.
5726456 I usually try to aim for 2000 words a chapter (or at least thats what I did with my previous story) but I honestly couldn't get that in here, in fact I had to go back and add some things to meet the 1000 word minimum, but dont worry, future chapters will be longer, as this was just an intro.
5726460 A few uncapitalizasions and that one sentence, is that really all?
Yay I'm getting somewhere with the my terrible grammer!
5726875 well I look forward to future chapters. I may just go read your other story as well
5726888 I should probably finish that before continuing this, as I only have one more chapter to do for it.
5726500 Oh yeah, all the stuff that made her likeable is now, gone....and I have to try and put some of that in here.....Shit I did not think about that.
... oh dear, did I just derail the story? Erm.
Well, its only one chapter, you can always reboot it. Although coming up with an explanation for why Sunset loops back from Rainbow Rocks would be awk-... oh well, maybe they crossed the streams when summoning the giant alicorn of light or something?
5728932 Derail it? no, I just didn't think about RR when coming up with the idea for this, as it has nothing to do at all with story, so I never considered that all that likeable development was now effectively gone in this story.
This is good. Keep up the good work.
5734012 Thanks, I'll try.
Interesting....just some spelling errors but interesting....
Interesting! A second chance that involves a lityle ol' fashioned time travel eh? Very nice!
5740560 What this one said. Spelling errors, yet good! Update soon okay?
5751321 I've decided to finish my first story before I continue this, as it only has one more chapter left.
Also, (if it's not to much trouble,) could you point some errors out to me?
Superfluous period, also that's not what she said in the movie.
Her actual words were:
"The magic of friendship doesn't exist just in Equestria. It's everywhere. You can seek it out, or you can forever be alone. The choice is yours."
I should know, after rewatching the first movie a bunch of times after Rainbow Rocks the whole scene burnt itself into my head.
too*
yesterday...*
One would think it's the author's responsibility to ensure a properly readable story, not that of its readers.
5752212 Yeah, my spelling and grammar are definitely my weakest points, sorry about that.
5751894 Sure. A couple of examples would be spaces between each "talking" sentence. Also, a few words like:
And
Hey...I'm into this!
I actually still found the chapter well made and quite enjoyable despite the break you took. Whether by accident or on purpose I don't know.
What I love most is how you write Sunset. She is just the perfect mix of regret, but also a determination to fix what have gone, and what will go, wrong. She is sad and confused, but also willing to put in an effort. Too many times I see the character being either the 100 % hero that fixes everything with 100 % determination and never sits down to think 'can I do this', but I also seen the totally hopeless character who is just not fun to read about. You got a nice mix of the two and that makes her into a three-dimensional character instead of a stereotype, something I greatly admire in writing skills.
5773565 Um, wow, I don't really know what to say to that, I never thought I was that good at writing and stuff.
As for what you said about my break, I never really stopped writing, I just wanted to finish my first story before continuing this one is all.
What you said about Sunset though. Thank you for that!!! It's nice to know I can write my favourite pony well!
Although I'm not to sure where you got the mix of determination from, she's been all mopey so far,
but hey, I do plan to include that later.
This part reminds me of a certain scene in Rainbow Rocks. By the way, are you gonna do that? Or what? What've you got planned?! Gimme details!
OMG SHE SMILED!! YAYZIES!
Keep up the awesome work and update soon!
5773625 she has been mopey, but she has also made progress and made an effort with, for example, Diamond Tiara and cutting off other bad influenced towards her behavior, Snips and Snails. To cut off people you used to call friends or those you hung around with, even if you know they are wrong, is a very hard thing to do and takes a strong character or determent mindset, which is where I got it from.
It hasn't been all up in the readers face that she is improving, but rather a nice subtle approach, which I really like. I like a story that makes me think and challenges me to look deeper into a character.
5773644 Am i gonna do what? Give you details on what? I can't tell you anything if you don't specify what you want to know.
5773866 Well, I mean are you going to do any of the movies as well? What've you got planned for the future of this fic?
5773871 If you mean do I plan to invove the sirens somehow, or the battle of the bands, no, and this takes place just over 1 week before the Fall Formal, so Im kinda doing the first movie now.
As for telling you what I have planned for this, I would tell you that, but I haven't thought past a couple scenes I plan to do, thats all.
5773667 "It hasn't been all up in the readers face" it wasn't all up in the writers face either, as neither of those were the reasons for wh she did that to DT, Snips and Snails.
5773909 Oh. I see. Well regardless, this is going great so far! Keep it up bud!
5773921 oh well. Maybe I am reading a bit too much into it, but I enjoy it non the less and that is the main point of the story!
Some people see characters and actions differently and I can honestly say I love what I personally am seeing in Sunset Shimmer so far.
People might not agree with me, but this is purely subjective.
This isn't going to turn into a Sunset/Cutie Mark Crusaders relationship fic is it now?
5776692 There's a ship for Sunset/CMC?
Actually that doesn't surprise me.
Oh and to answer your question, Don't tempt me.
Sweet! Friendship smiles! Sunset is making progress now!
Needs a bit of work but this has a lot of potential. Lets see where this goes.
5788770 If by work, you mean grammer, I know, I'm trying to improve best I can.
If by work, you mean something I could of have done better, please tell me, I'm always up for criticism.
Oh boy! Trixie?! This is gonna be tough! But hey? Whoever said redemption was ever easy? I must admit that this is going quite well. And it looks like Applejack has some suspicions. Hmm... What to do?
that won't be easy fixing things with trixie. i wonder what stuff will be revealed about what horrible things sunset has done to the great one
5790242 What kind of suspicions? I'm curious as to what you think.
5790298 I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but I'll think of something.
5790501 you might consider something along the line of sunset having ruined a magic show trixie was performing for the school
hmmm... I do kind of hope AJ doesn't become the antagonist of this fanfic and just keeps making things hard for Sunset.
5790526 Oh I didn't mean that, I ment having Sunset help Trixie, I have one idea about Trixie now running for princess, and Sunset helping her out with it.
5790550 I have no intention of doing that, don't worry.
5790495 Well, I'm sure she's suspicious that what Sunset is doing is most likely an act and not only that, perhaps she suspects that Sunset might become a bad influence to the CMC?
Plus, maybe she knows about the involvement with Sunset and her friends' break-up?
5790585 good to hear
the scene between Applebloom and AJ just put a few warning signs in my head, as I have seen good characters been made to villains for the sake of the plot before, without any real reason behind it.
...
Pinkie! It's too late! Just copy off of someone else's homework!
But really, wow. This is a redemption arc done wonderfully. Not that the show didn't do a good one as well, oh no. But this time Sunset doesn't have anyone to support her through all the tough times. She's practically wonging it and hoping for the best.
I think it's a good idea to start with Trixie. She's boisterous and loud, so if Sunset did change she could tell everyone else and convince them about it. If she started with any of the Humane Five, well... AJ and RD are hard headed, so they won't even let Sunset get near them. Fluttershy and Rarity won't tell anyone. And no one would believe Pinkie Pie because she could be pranking them.
Good choice, I say.
5791560 My god I'm stupid!!! I don't even know how that happened.
Did you notice anymore stupid things like that? Evidently I can't catch them myself.
5790938 Well how would you feel if your younger sister/brother started getting involved with the wrong kind of people? Or in this case the single worst person in school. That's kind of what I was thinking.