• Member Since 20th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Nightblade64


The memory's and nightmares of my past haunt me, my soul is torn and body broken. The demon in my blackened heart guide me to the direction of my destiny and saves me from my fate.

T

(I might change the title) Jane or, Silver Wolf as her nickname, Well more of a pen-name than a nickname but I digress, has always wanted to go to comic-con. Ever since she was twelve. Now she has a chance of going with her friends on the school holiday and decides to dress up as one of her favourite anime characters, Rin Okumura. True she's not the right gender but that won't stop her!

cover art done by Pokefangirl491
*This was featured on the main story board on the 14/04/2015*

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 224 )

Added to read later, judging by the description this story could have potential when I read it. Looking forward to reading it

5729294

Okay but be warned it might not be good as my writeing skills are not that good.

5729333 If you need an editor I could help you if you'd like

5729370

Well..if you'd be so kind then yes can you help me, once again it isn't complete yet.

5729521 sure I could help you! Just tell me when you need a chapter editing

5729535

I'll be Sure to tell you once the chapter I am writing is finished

You spelt Comic-Con, comic-com
First sentence of the second paragraph doesn't make sense
You spelt raised, razed
New is supposed to be knew
You put a random e that I'm gathering is supposed to be the
Found another mistake that was the same as the above
There needs to be a full stop after "hearing cracks and pops" and between "I smile and get out of the car"
"Well here we are everyone Comic-Con" needs a comma in between everyone and Comic

5733704

All right I've made some changes, just let me know if I missed anything and once again thank you for helping me. :twilightsmile:

5733790 np. Haven't finished yet XD I'll finish it tomorrow if I soot anymore

5733802
I know I just read the message you sent me after I read your coment on this, heh

It's quite good... if you can look over the spelling errors.
I'll pick some of them out, and leave others for the TRUE Grammar-Nazis!

With out me knowing my body moved on its own and made its way to the booth.

Without
I am not sure about Without me knowing, maybe you should say: My body moved on its own, without me realising it, and made its way over to the booth. (knowing doesn't sounds right)

My nickname of Silver wolf, or silver, wolfie came to be because, one: I have, honest to god, silver eyes. No I'm not joking I truly have silver eyes. I looked like a damn anime character. Not that I had a problem with it but the names that others where calling me just pissed me off so much that I resorted to wearing contacts that coloured my eyes blue. And two: the fact that in most games I chose the ‘lone wolf’ style of gameplay. Not that I wasn't open to playing with my friends.

Silver Wolf, Silver, Wolfie Names are being capitalised.
Not that I had a problem with it, but the names that others were calling me just pissed me off so much, that I resorted to wearing contacts that coloured my eyes blue. You mistook where with were.
And two: the fact that I chose in most games the ‘lone wolf’ style of gameplay.
Why? Subject and predicate(?) are at the beginning of a sentence. It doesn't sound wrong your way, but better this way. And it's safer, not that I have anything against the other way, mind you, it's just that I don't like it as much, and I am sure it is right this way. But that's just my opinion.

"I've seen them around my house along with in the village, but for some reason I'm the only one that can see them." She looks saddend as she found the floor interesting. "I've tried to talk to my friends about it but some of them think I'm mad, that im seeing things." I couldent take it any more, her saddend state was killing me. I released the demon from my fingers and got to my feet. I took a few steps to close the gap that had been created and placed my hand on her shoulders which made her look up at me.

"I've seen them around my house and in the village, but for some reason I'm the only one that can see them." She looks saddened as she (suddenly) found the floor (suddenly) interesting. The part as she found the floor interesting doesn't sound right... maybe add a suddenly or something like that to make it flow better or re-arrange the words.
"I've tried to talk to my friends about it, but some of them think I'm mad(crazy, insane), that im seeing things."
Mad describes better if you are VEEEERY angry, but not if you are just not right in the head.
I couldn't take it any more, her saddened state was killing me. I released the demon from my fingers and got to my feet (Maybe you should use 'to stand up' (in this case stood up) if you haven't used it shortly before).
I took a few steps to close the gap that had been created and placed my hand on her shoulders which made her look up at me.
Why not simply: "I closed the gap (with a few steps)" How has the gate being created? "placed my hand(s) on her shoulder(s), causing her to look up at me." I think it sounds better this way, but some people say I write weird. You know, the structure of my sentence is weird, they say.

"What these? Yea I can see them, there called coal tars, and from what I've read there a low level demon."

"What, these? Yea(h), I can see them, they're called coal tars, and from what I've read they're a low level demon."
'There' is like 'where', 'there' describes the place of something, 'where' asks for the place of something. And you confused both with different forms of 'to be'.

That's all, folks!

5737692

Ah thanks for the point outs I'll go and make some changes.

The idea is bland.
The description sounds like it was made by a 12 year old weeabo on wattpad.

This story doesn't seem worthy of a read.

Oh I'm liking this story, can't wait to see more. :pinkiehappy:

5738191
He can say what ever he wants but I'm not going to listen to him

Love the story and I can't wait to read more:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

5738286 I am curious though, as to what a "Weeabo" Is.

hmmm another displaced... meh. I find most of them interesting. This one is no exception!

However... I noticed a few blatantly obvious mistakes, that would still be easy to miss, As the writer, if you don't look close enough.

I sighed as I opened the boot of he car and dumbed my luggage in it.

1st: I assume you meant the
2nd: I also assume you meant dumped... not dumbed

We all where looking forward to it and decided to cosplay as well.

*i should totally give up in pointing out this grammar mistake, so many people do it.
it should be WERE

They both looked like the people that they where role playing as.

same mistake as last :|

come on I only have two hundred on me just know.

I think there is a K where there shouldn't be one.

and place he gun in

looks like you missed the T again :twilightsheepish:

I en grab the sheath with me left and pull the sword

aww poor T he's being neglected :pinkiesad2: but this time he has H as a friend

I pull it out compleat land flick it behind me

*completely and flicked

I manage to will it to coil around my waist under Neath my shirt

underneath, one word mate.

Please note... i did this cause i've been bored... all day... so i might as well kill some time :twilightsmile:

:pinkiegasp: A displaced fic that doesn't begin with the main character trapped in stone!? :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright: This gets a tracking from me!

zel

What happens when you buy something from comic-con at a booth by a shady looking guy? Some thing you would never expect.

no, i am pretty sure that after two hundred of these fics, we know exactly what to expect.

5738253

"Then don't read it"

It's people like you who are like,

"Well, it's just a kids movie"

See the YouTuber "The mysterious mr enter" to see what I'm talking about.

5738310 A weeabo is someone who watches anime.

5738253

He was, in a roundabout way, trying to tell you that you could do better than this.

I'm going to assume that this is a story where the main character, possibly a self-insert or not, purchases some sort of item and winds up in Equestria as a character they like to cosplay as. There's so very many stories like that and 99/100 of them suck poisonous balls. There's a specific name for them but I forget what it is.

Again, he really could have worded that differently, but it felt like he was encouraging you to try a better idea that fits better with the material. Or he could be an asshole who can be taken at face value, I don't know. But if the former, then I agree. It's not bad for starting out on, but try not to be one of those writers who stays stuck on an idea like this. Expand and improve, without limit!

Sorry I didn't finish editing it, but i would just like to congratulate you on getting onto the popular stories section on the front page!

5739192
5738310

Technically, a weeaboo isn't someone who just watches anime, it's an annoying anime fan, or stereotypical material for the stereotypically annoying anime fans. Such as "Don't be a weeaboo." or "That was some serious weeaboo shit you just said."

5738310

I think it's someone who watches anime

I find this to be an awesome idea, a few errors that should be no problem to fix (not that I am one to talk).

Oh sure now she ask about the gun. Well I'm looking forward to seeing how the others react to her. :rainbowdetermined2:

5746575 To me it actually felt the opposite of control. Her power only activated when she started getting angry, and then when her power activated she seemed to get scared and tried to calm down. Just activating isn't control.

If you meant her shooting and dealing with the demons. To me that looked she just acted on instinct and without any thought to her actions. No hesitation because she killed them before she had any time to really hesitate.

Of course I could be wrong.

EDIT: Promisinng enough. Will track for now.

5792925 honestly I edited it to include what he said. Thanks by the way, I should be able to post a new chapter soon.

~I don't know why I'm singing, this is lame~
~I'm just a human, what else to say? I think you're a game~

I have a set amount myself, two thousand or more, but for the sake of constancy I try not to go over three thousand.

Also, nice work. This is one of the Displaced fic's I'm looking forward to the most to see updating, so keep em coming.

*Starts to foam at the mouth*

YESSSSS ALL THE YES! I LOVE BLUE EXORIST SO MUCH! Even though I just started watching it yesterday... Oh well.

5801721 I've watched it on Netflix as a curiosity but once I started watching it it was really awesome. And I have the episodes on DVD.

5802157 How many seasons are there? Netflix only has one.

5805955 THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! Someone needs make another Blue Exorcist X MLP crossover...

This is the only one I've found.

Is there anything in hear other than

Speaking of witch

flung them to e side,

I slowly left the realm of he living and Falling into the realm of dreams.

she warned me about someone named ‘pinkie pie

^the Ps should be capped (+ anywhere else where you made the same error)

, funnily enough the village was called ponyville

^remember the first letter of names and places need to be capped

Oh wow. I have a question, one of my Displaced is crossover fishing. Interested?

Great story BTW.

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