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Hopeful_Ink_Hoof


[He/Him] Just a writer who likes MLP and hopes to make a living off it: https://ko-fi.com/ink_hoof

Comments ( 786 )

Ohhhh this is promising!

Before i read I'm going to ask this one question? Is Nightmare Moon the alternate personality of Luna or is this the whole Parasite thing?

"I'm almost done," she called back. "As for using magic," she looked back down at the circle, "this is an extremely experimental ritual based mostly on theory and ancient texts. Not only do I want the symbols and locations as precise as possible, but I also want to keep any potential interference to a minimum. That means not using magic to draw the circle and its insignias to prevent excess ambient energy." She then resumed her drawing.

Fair enough.

Rainbow Dash let out a sigh and rolled her eyes, shifting. She understood the reasoning behind it. A lot of her own stunts required her to try and be accurate in what she did. Several times it had been suggested that she practice her movements at a slower pace and work her way up to a faster pace until reaching full speed. The problem was that she hated going slow. She also hated waiting. She especially hated waiting with nothing to do when something major was about to happen. It even kept her from trying to grab a quick nap due to how tense she felt.

This is actually a pretty nice touch, it shows that while Dash may not like things going slow, he knows she has to sometimes for greater accuracy.

Discord, your go there.

Discord, YOU, not your, go there.

Finally was Discord. Although he had no link to Nightmare Moon, Twilight had figured that his magic tendency to animate objects and alter reality would help improve the chances of the ritual succeeding. Plus, the use of chaos magic would be nearly impossible to reproduce by normal ponies, making it all but impossible for somepony with more malicious intents to try and perform the ritual again. With a snap of his fingers, his own circle lit up as the energy poured from him to the center.

That's, pretty clever.

"Did... did it work?" Twilight Sparkle asked, panting heavily with exhaustion. "Is... is she alive?"
Pale teal eyes snapped open, vertical, cat-like pupils contracting. Black lips pulled back to reveal razor sharp teeth. The newly formed chest swelled and contracted. A faint snicker escaped from the form as it pushed to stand on its legs. The snicker grew louder and deeper, turning into a chuckle. The black mare straightened up and looked around, taking in the others around her. Soon, she was letting out a full, loud, maniacal laughter.

That'd be a yes.

"You fools!" she bellowed, flaring her wings out at her sides. "Now that I have a body of my own, I have no need to find a host. There is nothing to stop me from taking my place as ruler of this world. Your own actions have condemned you to endless night!"

Except for the variety of beings here who can stop you who are right there, Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Discord. You are powerful Nightmare Moon, but can you stand up to the full might of 3 alicorns and a draconequus?

There was a fail safe right? Tell me, that there was a fail safe to prevent Nightmare Moon from being able to unleash her might against Equestria?

Darn it another Nightmare moon pocessed Luna story. uuuggghhh. :twilightangry2:

It seems out of character for Discord to be so quiet. We don't even know he's in the room until Twilight mentions he's there. If you were to revise this chapter later I'd suggest giving him at least one or two snarky quips.

5889052
He's probably just waiting for nightmare's inevitable buzz kill when she realizes she can't just run rampant and take over the world XD

Wow, I wonder if Discord is going to be a big help considering he is reformed as well...

You have a few little errors in here and there, but this looks promising. I look forward to more.

-Sanity is overrated

A promising beginning, though you didn't explain why Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were neede as part of the spell.
5885007 Since Nightmare Rarity is referenced it seems like this will be the parasite version.

5898297 yeah, which is why I'm no longer reading it. that arc should die. badly written and it weakens Luna as a character.

5899739 I disagree wholeheartedly with that opinion but to each his own.

5900336 How can you defend it. NMM not coming from luna at all makes Luna blameless in NMM's actions. thus her redemption is crap for it has no meaning. NMM HAS to come from Luna, she can be parasitic after that but she ultimately has to come from Luna.

5900340 Because Luna still isn't blameless. The nightmare fed on her insecurities true but she still let it in and let it control her. In fact that whole arc is about Luna seeking redemption for allowing the nightmare control her. Anyway let's not clutter the comment section with this, pm me if you want to continue the discussion.

I look forward to hot alicorn sex.

5900340

NMM HAS to come from Luna, she can be parasitic after that but she ultimately has to come from Luna.

Literally no on every level.

The problem you are having is holding YOUR headcanon of NMM coming from the evil part of Luna above whatever anyone else writes because you do not like it, and it's as simple as that.

If you don't like a NMM story that someone writes because it doesn't fit your headcanon then just leave it alone and refrain from commenting on it. Plain and simple.

5907549 The thing that bothers me about the parasite approach is that it is utterly unnecessary.
Depression, Jealousy, and Anger are more than potent enough to make even the most stout-hearted waver.
To say Luna was possessed completely down plays any emotional attachment to the plot and renders her little more then a damsel in distress.
Whereas a Luna whose very thoughts and desires twisted her, and subsequently her having to live with what she has done is far more investing.
I understand those who feel it was a cop out.
That being said, where did the Nightmare come from? Latent moon spirits seeking to destroy the world? What the hell? And more over, Luna would've been more than aware of them, and not so easily swayed by them. And why Luna? Surely, plenty of ponies before and after had their own demons in their heads...

"Nightmare Moon," stated, "I highly recommend that you calm yourself before we are forced to restrain you."

I think your missing a word here

Anyway an interesting choice on making Nightmare moon into a pegasus. but I like it. This seems like its gonna be an interesting story. Cant wait to read more.

5907682 The show itself doesn't really give us much to go on in terms of what it is that possessed Luna, or what caused her to transform, but we know it was her jealously for Celestia, or thereof.

But it ultimately comes down to how the reader wants to write it. Was it a demonic possession? Was it her own twisted desires causing her to literally transform? I don't care either way, but it annoys me greatly when people come into stories then are all "Piss moan piss moan I don't like this because it doesn't fit with my headcanon." as if they expected the story to comform to what they want to read rather than the way the writer chooses to interpret or give new meaning to the events as a whole

"Yes," Twilight stated. "Understand this from our side. We couldn't allow you to be an alicorn or unicorn. You would be extremely powerful and dangerous. We had to come up with some way to limit your ability, and giving you a form that did not have direct use of pure magic was the easiest way. We also discussed and concluded that after being an alicorn, being a pegasus would be less traumatic than an earth pony."

Fair enough.

"Am I to be banished in stone? Sealed away for years, immobilized as a mere decoration in some garden?" She looked away from him to Princess Luna. "Perhaps I am to be banished again? Once more locked away in the moon, unable to move but having my form gaze down on you until I am freed once again." She turned to Celestia. "Or maybe you will banish me somewhere closer instead. Force me into exile far out beyond even The Crystal Empire. Although you may not go to such extremes. Perhaps I shall simply be imprisoned. Locked away in some dungeon beneath the royal castle, where I can be watched and guarded until some distant future event brings it to an end." Her attention returned to Twilight Sparkle. "So? What shall it be?"
"Rehabilitation."
"...what?" Did she hear that right? She could not have heard them right. There must have been some sort of mistake.

HEH!

"So instead of imprisonment, I am to be placed in bondage? Spending the rest of my days servicing you to your pleasure and being... punished... if I fail to do so?"
The choice of wording had at least part of the intended effect. Twilight was looking anywhere but at her, ears pulled back and cheeks burning a bright pink in color.

"Do you think I was merely dormant since our last battle? I may not be able to influence them like Luna, but I do have the power to see when a pony is having a nightmare." Her grin grew wider. "And there were many. Ponies all across Equestria suffering in their sleep, re-living the horror of having their magic drained from them, and fearing that it somehow will happen again." She licked at her lips.

Fair enough, and no doubt many ponies had nightmares due to Discord's original reign of terror in Return of Harmony.

"Well, I do hope you will change your mind before this is all over," Twilight said. "Now, we should get going. There is much to do, and if we hurry, we might just be able to catch the next train to Ponyville?"
Nightmare Moon eye's went wide as her ears pulled back against her head.
"Train?" she cried out. "You expect me to ride on public transportation?"

TO quote a certain crimson stallion "Eeyup."

"So instead of imprisonment, I am to be placed in bondage? Spending the rest of my days servicing you to your pleasure and being... punished... if I fail to do so?"

:twilightangry2:: Why didn't I come up with this idea before?

I am guessing that collar around Nighty's neck has to do with her restrictions?

Nice chapter, but there's a very minor thing you may want to edit.

The other three princess, the guard captain, and Discord, however, did not seem so swayed by her words.

That should be "princesses" Also,

"I swear to the moon," she growled, "it really does seem like you all are completely insane.

You're one to talk, Miss Tried-To-Kill-Everyone-On-The-Planet-She-Wants-To-Rule. Your plan was perfectly sane.

Methinks old Nighty might not be a fun of the choo choo.

Public transit?! Does your cruelty know no bounds, Twilight Sparkle?! :rainbowlaugh:

Cannot... wait... for.. next... chapter!

so far really good story. keep up the good work

What did she mean 'yet?'

Silly Twilight, you have fairy tail character near you. Ofcourse she will be behaving according to the legend, that includes eating foals.

5915724 Well she has yet to meet her true jailers. I don't remember mention of Pinkie being with them all yet, and then there is the CMC. Wondering which trap she will get caught in of theirs first. :scootangel:

Every pony they came across seemed to be weary,

I think the word you're looking for is 'wary'. :twilightsheepish:

I adore this story. Nightmare Moon is one of my favorite characters and I can't wait to see what her reaction to Ponyville and it's crazy will be. Especially when she meets best pony Pinkie :D

I found myself smugly smiling and nodding in agreement when she told Twi that little part about how heroes lie to themselves about being better than the 'badguys'. I always thought that if you take the opposite perspective, Sunbutt and her stooges could easily be the villains, and you wouldn't have to change anything from canon either.

Obey, or face a millennium in stone, or in ice, or on the moon!
Heck, even the town of 'our town'... The only town still resisting Celestia's oppression, until her agents removed the leader from the picture.

Also the sun is too bright and warm anyway.

Although it should have been no surprise, Nightmare Moon found that she was not in the castle. Neither the old one in The Everfree, nor the (relatively speaking) newer one in Canterlot. They were not even in the city limits of Canterlot. It turned out that their little ritual had been performed in what was essentially an artificially made cave in the side of a mountain. Turns out it had been made by Starswirl so he could work on his magical experiments without risk of harming any ponies by accident.
Also turned out that -- worse case scenario -- they could collapse the cave in on itself and trap whatever creature they had summoned inside. In a way, it was kind of flattering that they were so worried of what Nightmare Moon might do that they were planning to drop a mountain on her.

Smart.

I do not enjoy it. I can see why ponies wish to avoid it so much.

HEH!

"Good," Twilight said. "Now if you had let me finish, I would have said 'nothing so painful or cruel.' It actually serves two functions. What you just experienced is actually one of them. I can set and adjust distance and location of where the wearer can travel, either from a fixed point, or to a relative area. For instance, right now it is set so that you can't get more than twenty feet from me in any direction."

Smart. And shouldn't it be hooves more than feet?

"Nightmare," Twilight scolded as she used her magic to pull Nightmare Moon away from the mother and child. "What is wrong with you? Scaring a foal like that. You should be ashamed."
"And yet," Nightmare Moon retorted, holding her head high and nose up, "I am not."

HEH!

What did she mean 'yet?'

I suppose you'll be finding out soon.

Twilight is a lot more benevolent here than most warden characters I've read about, but it looks like she hasn't thought through the implications of her actions. They seem to be designed to keep Nightmare in check while sacrificing as little comfort as possible. Much more humane than many things I've seen in redemption stories. However, the way she keeps getting surprised makes me think that she didn't consider what her restrictions might look like to others or how Nightmare would feel about them.

There's also the fact that, unlike Discord, Nightmare was given no choice in this. Discord agreed to at least play along, but Nightmare has been effectively muzzled and leashed then told that she is going to play nice whether she wants to or not. Choosing to reform and being forced to go through the motions are extremely different and I'm not sure Twilight thought of that in her eagerness. It also looks like she didn't think of what it would be like to suddenly be stripped of magic, something they were born with, and be told that it had to be earned back. Magic may not be necessary for them to live, but having that taken away (especially from a creature that essentially was magic) seems like a big deal and Twilight may have jumped the gun, not fully understanding what she's done to prepare for Nightmare's reform.

If Nightmare keeps going like she has, I see self-worth problems in Twilight's future.

Love it. Nightmare Moon should tweak and snark as much as possible.

5916754 Yup, I can easily see a revolt come when she gets the chance. I haven't even read the story yet, and even though I love Nightmare Moon (my Best Pony), I don't think I want to...

Where's the clop?

Clop, please!

5918944 I assume we'll need to wait for a bit for the story to catch up. On the bright side, it'll make the clop more meaningful when it happens (if it's done right).

I look forward to updates. I haven't found a good rehabilitation story for nightmare moon in a while! And then you popped up!

In keeping with the minor theme of pancakes in the latest season, this is good.

Twilight shouldn't worry. What goes in, must come out. :facehoof: Payback will come.

5933069 How true. How true. Personally, I was surprised the first thing she didn't feel was pressure on her bladder.:rainbowlaugh: Hopefully, that will come later.:derpytongue2:

Those poor pancakes. Nightmare is going to get fat.

Small typos:
If things went as plan, he could drop it immediately, and if things went poorly, he could extend it around him and the others.
-planned
It opened it's mouth and inhaled deeply.
-its

5933209 I had considered it, but decided that since she was literally born yesterday and had nothing to eat or drink yet, she would have no need to use the bathroom.

This actually reminds me of an episode of Star Trek where Q became mortal.

5933354 Still, she's not exactly potty trained, which could easily be a problem.

Turning to face her, Nightmare Moon spread her wings wide and let out a roar. Flecks of saliva and bits of pancake flew from the mare's mouth, spraying across Twilight and Spike. She then turned back to the pancakes and resumed tearing into them.

Daaaaw.

AHAHAH! A grand way to devour one's meal, with voracious fury! I do look forward to updates

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