• Member Since 5th May, 2012
  • offline last seen June 23rd

Cavemonkynick


Writer, Gamer, Dreamer, RV Salesman.

Sequels1

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Feeling the need to stretch her wings, Luna takes to the night skies accompanied by the Captain of the Lunar Guard, Night Wing.

I've done some writing in the past but this is my first pony piece. I hope you enjoy.
Also, I'd like to thank ShyYoungBrony for proofreading this for me.

*Edit* The story is all one chapter now, as it should have been from the start.

Continues in "In the Name of the Moon"

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 23 )

Just putting this out there, but it's "shield" not "Sheild" :raritywink:

571423 Crap, fixed. Thanks for catching that. I've become fairly dependent on spell check so when it derps I don't catch it.:twilightblush:

652397
I see what your saying. I'm too used to posting on forums where I post as I go. In Hindsight, this probably should have been posted as a single chapter but when I started I didn't know where it was going and wanted feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed it though :twilightsmile:

A lovely story and overall a very good impression for a first try in pony fiction.
I like it very much, so have a Pinkie :pinkiehappy:

Hmm... short, simple, sweet. But demanding of a sequel. Right now it still feels as if the conflict is just a tad unsolved...

Regardless, I liked it. keep on writing.

~GA

759829
Thanks :twilightsmile:
I do look to do a sequel soon, I've just got to get everything figured out first.

Liking what I see so far ^^

Can't believe I hadn't had this favorited :pinkiegasp:... deeply sorry for that, and now FIXED... now that this is out of the way, hello to the corner of shame, for you will be my friend for the next week.

951388

Easy there lol. You proof read it and every other piece I've posted, I'd say that make up for it. No corner of shame for you or you might miss Reading Rainboom on Tuesday. We wouldn't want that now would we? :pinkiesmile:

Now THAT is something I surely won't miss, otherwise I'll stay in that corner foreverrrrrrr :pinkiecrazy:
Seriously though, tuesday is like the perfect day for you to post a new chapter as I happen to have my last exam on tuesday so I won't be distracted from devouring it. Though you will probably post it mid-day in your timezone, which I assume is in the darkest hours of the night around my place... if you'd put it up like Mustardpiece Theatre though, I might be able to read it within the hour of you posting it.
No, I'm totally not stalking you, that would be crazy right? :pinkiecrazy:

95150

My sleep scedule is so messed up I might as well just move like 7 time zones west. I live in Georgia, the state not the country and I get up between 3-5 pm and go to sleep between 4-7 am.

omg his Real first name was Devin?...thats my first name!! spelled the same to!!

*chuckles* Very sweet and a surprisiingly great first entry into the world on ponyfic. You've got talent.

I heard most of the first chapter of this on everfree radio back in august then i read the rest of it on here. very well written! I love it:heart:

Okay, I'll keep this one informal. Quite a short story for four chapters, which leads me to believe you could have compressed it all into one or two chapters. I generally don't like reading chapters below 1000 words because they feel like the author cut things off too soon. I feel that you rushed the romance section a tiny bit, and your dialogue interactions could use some work. Right now, they're mostly just ponies talking. Not much more. You end off a lot with a variation of 'he/she said'. Don't do that; it makes the entire experience that much less interesting. You know what you could add in to make some substance? Facial expressions. Emotions. Etc. You'll find your niche one day. You just need something more than speech to liven things up.

2070608
The short chapter thing is definitely my biggest regret on this one. When I first posted it last year I was too used to posting on forums where I post as I go. The abrupt ending bothered me as well but at the time the story was getting away from me and I was afraid of loosing it. I've always been a bit bad about having stories die off on me because I'm bad at endings and I was desperate to avoid that fate for my debut pony piece. Not finishing was definitely not the tone I wanted to set for myself as an author. As for the dialogue, your right. I am a bit bad about relying on conversations to carry my scenes. I'm still trying to find a good balance.

This was very good for a first story... despite it being rather short, I still really enjoyed this. The dialogue was written fairly well, and you kept my interest all the way through. :twilightsmile:

I look forward to reading the sequel to this :yay:

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