QUICK WARNING: This fanfic was written by a 13-year old who has trouble writing essays for school. If this fic is absolutely horrible offer constructive criticism, not hate comments and dislikes.
On one of Luna's vacations, she comes across an almighty object: the Honto no akumu. This object reverts her back to Nightmare Moon, and aware of what will happen when the Elements unite, she kidnaps all of them. Only Rainbow Dash escapes. However, Nightmare Moon manages to see what happens and sends some of her now-corrupted lunar guards to shoot Rainbow down. Rainbow barely survives and crash-lands in the refugee-filled, unnamed hideaway. Fortunately, most of the village's residents are technological geniuses from Canterlot, and they have been forging new weapons to combat Nightmare Moon. After nursing Rainbow to health, they bless her with the most powerful weapons they created: The Hamoni no buki. The laser gun and barrier can alternate between firing and protecting against solar energy, and doing the same with Lunar energy. On a quest to save her friends from Nightmare's grasp, Rainbow must fight against solar and lunar guards from Los Pegasus to the now distopian Canterlot, and find out why everyone has been referring to things in foreign languages! Or maybe that's just her.
Crossover with Ikaruga. I do not own the characters from MLPFIM or anything from Ikaruga, save for a copy of the game myself.
(Now remains on my profile as a memorandum to how horrid I was at writing crossovers.)
Your writing style is good, seeming to capture RD almost perfectly. A few more details, espicially by the fight scene, would not be amiss.
What bothers me most is the premise. The whole point of the show is to show that friendship can overcome ANYTHING. Maybe this Truest Nightmare can engender fear and survival instinct, causing all but the most Loyal to flee?
5723484 This takes place AFTER the season 4 premiere. The elements of harmony are out of commission, and merely embodying something doesn't mean you have all it's power. Or at least that's how I see it. Also, Rainbow was too much of a panicked state to know that the guard was attacking her with a paralyzing beam. Unless you speak of the fight scene that was implied between Celestia and Nightmare Moon.
Not bad at all! There was one place in the first chapter where Rainbow Dash used the word "alas," and to me that seemed out of place for her. I also agree that the opening scene could be fleshed out just a biiiit more, but it did a great job of thrusting the story right into the action. That's a great thing to see in a story. All in all, nicely done! I'll be eagerly waiting for more.
I gotta hand it to you, this is actually a pretty decent story. I'm giving this a like.