- Member Since 3rd Dec, 2014
- offline last seen May 9th, 2021
Harmony Split
Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving
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Cloud and Flitter using "love" and "sweetie" as nicknames?
Those nicknames don't work well if they're sisters. Not to mention there's no time frame here as to when the relationship actually started, so we don't know if they've been in love for a long or short amount of time.
There's no lead-in before the sex...
I suggest giving your clopfic some actual story and make sure your characters are fully in character. Murmuring nicknames like that does not apply to every character.
5711467
If you read the first three stories in the series, you'll get that explanation. Their romantic relationship began at Hearth's Warming Eve (presumably around Christmas time?) and this story happens after Hearts & Hooves Day (around Valentine's Day?).
5711467
Next time you better read the description and you will see that it is a side-story...
But I guess it's too much to ask for from someponies
5711846
Shaping our Dreams takes place before and after Hearts & Hooves Day.
This clop happened slightly before they got their new home, so a bit before H&H Day
5711467
They're not just sisters in this, they're lovers, and those names ARE appropriate for lovers.
Read the description. The description is your friend, it gets lonely if you don't read it.
1: There doesn't have to be lead up.
2: The lead up is in the end of the last story in the fic.
As far as I know, there isn't any actual characterization for these characters, so it's kind of hard for them to be out of character.
5712189
They have lines in Hurricane Fluttershy.
And also I think in the Rainbow Dash chapter book, though whether you accept that as canon is your choice.
5712220
True, but that's not even close to be enough to create a ponysona for them that would make sense.
And the chapter book, well... no comment on that
5712220
Oh yeah... Still, I agree with Scratch that there isn't really enough to give them much characterization. As for the chapter book: I haven't read the chapter book, and I don't really count the comics or other such things as canon personally.
5712189
Not trying to say "Did you not read what I said?", but it's pretty much that. It doesn't matter if they have in-character lines in this, but the fact that Flitter and Cloudchaser murmured sweet nothings that don't sound like they would say them (even though they are lovers) made this a complete turn off for me. It doesn't work. I instantly tabbed out when I saw the sweet nothings.
Yeah, sorry, but not EVERY character in this fandom needs the sweet nothings cliche tagged onto them.
5712009
Is it too much to ask to get lead-in from the section where this takes place then? Completely dismissing it doesn't do much good. You're assuming everyone has read your sequel, which makes it next to impossible to really even engage your new readers.
5712402
They don't have any canon ponysona, so you can't say that.
And there is no prequel or otherwise, it's a story from a story in a story!
Seems like everypony got this so far except you, sorry
5712410
Calm down Scratchy, they are just not worth it. I think you're doing an awesome job in that short amount of time you got free for it.
5712412
I think you are misunderstanding some things.
Scratchy promised to do this side-story of the clop part from the story as a request of various users.
The part it belongs to is in the middle of her last Cloud-Flitter story.
You get the story if you read the main stories! It is described as a side-story after all!
Stop harassing around. Seriously, they don't have any canon personality.
5712412
You do know that author's notes in the middle of the story (in this example to lead into the clop-side-story of it) aren't allowed?
And how could she put it into the beginning or the end?
You're just trying to make her bad for things nopony can really understand but you.
So might I ask you to leave, never read her stories again and stop bucking around?
5712417
Whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa!
I'm not being a harasser here, SpitfirexSpitfire (by the way, nice pony choice). I'm stating my op and trying to wrap my brain around the author's head. If this is a side-story, then that doesn't excuse the need for lead up to sex. Clopfics like this are just clop, nothing else.
It's definitely three-fourths of the way in but w/e. Not important.
Yep. I understand that. Problem: you can't assume readers know it. They're here for story+clop (mostly the clop), and that alone bothers people when they are immediately assumed they are in the proper position. Being tossed into a sex scene? Nope.
Quoting Vitalspark, they do.
Welp, anything else?
5712432 `
There is no need for any lead up in my opinion.
Besides, she would just copy a huge amount from her main stories, just as some repeat.
You call seven lines for both of them a canon ponysona?
Great job
5712425
No, because you're now harassing me. Why am I getting hated on for pointing out my own opinion? Two wrongs don't make a right here, SpitfirexSpitfire.
5712440
You're pointing it out in a way that I can't really understand how to feel good with it.
I have to stick with Scratchy and DonnEStarside here.
5712444
Sasha it's enough know
I won't stop writing my Stories how I want and I will stand with my personal points.
I know enough who agree with that.
5712439
s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2013-12/enhanced/webdr05/4/7/anigif_enhanced-buzz-13745-1386161466-8.gif
This is getting frustrating now. I'm BASICALLY asking what you just said. Copy and paste the lead up to that scene, otherwise I'm lost as a new reader. Yes, help me because I'm stupid. Thanks for assuming that.
5712444
Sometimes the truth hurts.
I don't know if you know that saying.
5712451
I never said that you're stupid in any line, but okay.
If she would copy a whole lead up from her main-story she copies a story with basically the same input.
Just stating the rules it's not allowed!
She would have to rewrite parts of it, not to mention that she put enough work into this piece.
5712457
5712460
I said it's enough, both of you!
Now would you mind to shut your muzzles?
Thank you kindly!
5712402
I'm sorry, did you read what you said? Let me show you:
And as I pointed out.
I think you need to read not just what I wrote, but what you yourself wrote.
Well now, that sounds like a personal preference and quite bluntly doesn't mean anything in terms of how someone else should write their story. Guess what bud, some people think that sweet nothings are romantic and loving. If you don't like that, you don't have to read the fic. You also don't have to start telling people their fic is bad because they didn't write it how you would write it, or prefer it written.
Now you're just being rude and obnoxious.
5712460
Oh?
Let me... prove you wrong.
Let's take GeodesicDragon's clopfic called Good Things Cum. It is a side-story of, Good Things Come by Greatodyer. Here, we get the lead up from the main story so we understand what is going on and what leads to the sex scene before we're dropped into the sex. Since I know the rules and can't link it since it's mature, you'll have to search for it yourself.
Take a gander, they do the same thing. So no, you don't need to rewrite portions of it. That would be deviating from your last story then, which makes this not a side story.
5712465
Same to you, sir or madam.
Yikes, I'm not telling them it's bad. I am suggesting something. I guess no one is reading what I posted?
5712464
As per author request, I'm out of this conversation. It's leading to nothing and quite frankly, I'm not enjoying being harassed by two of the author's fans/friends. Let's put it this way: story isn't bad. It just wouldn't suit most peoples taste without some proper lead-in. This wasn't supposed to be taken this way, but apparently no one can decipher what I'm saying anymore.
Also, I did read one of these stories as I recall. I think it was the first one in the series. It was decent so I dropped a thumbs up.
I might have to change it now.
Thanks for ruining it for me.
5712484
It wasn't my intend to do you any bad.
And I guess Sasha will see that too, once she's sober again
BUT and there's a big but.
I won't change my mind or the proper form of my writing style.
There is a main-story and various prequels explaining enough from the relationship and all that fuzzy feelings in it.
Have a good day.
Pretty sweet, for me someone saying "my love" fits more in a Romantic setting though, not during the actual lovemaking it feels a bit too, ehm, formal ^^
But as I read in the huge discussion it fits the characters in your stories so *shrug*
Niiice.
All trolls and haters are coming out at night and giving dislikes to comments.
I really love it.
iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/haters%20gonna%20hate%20animated.gif
I find it odd that such a so-called smart pony could not read a simple notation indicating it was a side story from another story and more precisely the events of a particular night. Shall we stomp on FOE chapter 20.5 now too?
Enough with the hate. We all have our own tastes and some like incest others don't. Take this story as it was meant to be. A simple notation of what happened that wasn't included in the main story.
5713520
Well, if we are honest it's always like that
Somepony is always trying to get even the smallest thing shaped into a sword.
5712402
That's what a story is. They're supposed to have fictional elements that are not presented in the show itself. They were never portrayed in the show, but people came up with the idea and finally started writing upon it. That's the whole point of a story, y'know.
Just because you don't like a certain element in a story, it doesn't mean the whole story is bad. If it's a 'turn off' for, well too bad, that's how the author decided to write their characters. Your forcing of opinions down people's throat was a bit disgusting.
Also, your definition of harassment is interesting. Maybe you're confusing it with having a decent discussion.
5713668
Thank you kindly for your statement on this
5713668
I didn't know defending myself from three people attacking my own opinion was a way of forcing it down their throats. Yikes. If I was forcing it down their throats, I wouldn't have said:
You probably didn't read that section, did you?
5713682
i.gyazo.com/1c3dce5dacd7365301a1c9290584335f.png
I don't think I have to repeat myself, since Donn kindly said what I was going to say already.
You still came into a story, judged it blindly, and thought it was nothing but a cliche pairing and that had overly OOC lines. I haven't read any story of the series (mainly because I'm here for accepting stories in my group), but judging from the cover art, description, and proper tag, I could've simply deduced that this story had an incestous romantic relationship. It doesn't take a keen eye and a good grasp of perspective to conclude that.
5713668
This is somewhat missing the point of Soaring's post. His criticism was that the sweet nothings were used too often, and thus seemed distracting and a bit unnatural. Personally, I prefer nicknames, but I do know that the sweet nothings have a place. However, when they're used too often, it just gets repetitive, as would any word that gets repeated too often. It's a valid critique, if spoken rather harshly. I think that spurred a lot of people who read it into a knee-jerk defensive reaction when, perhaps, his point had merit that should have been considered.
In addition, please never use the "it's just a story!" excuse. Technically, this is true, but very little good ever comes out of using that excuse. There is a point where suspension of disbelief simply cannot be pushed any further. Unnatural or overly flowery dialogue has a way of breaking that.
Soaring might have been a bit blunt in his original review, but critique should not be automatically dismissed as "personal preference" and the person who stated it lynched by the writer's fans. It's not wrong to chide for harshness, but don't use it as an excuse to dismiss everything else he said. Frankly, I saw more people insulting Soaring than the other way around.
This sounds a lot like "don't like it, don't read it." This is a valid way to look at it to some degree, but not in this context. There are right and wrong ways to do things, just as there are preferences. And quite frankly, you shouldn't accuse him of "forcing opinions down people's throat" just because they don't agree with the author's. Or his self-appointed lynch mob. Soaring was blunt in his initial post, perhaps too blunt, but the critique can be considered valid and should be considered.
5713715
Soaring did read the story in its entirety. He did not "judge it blindly." I do think that perhaps he misspoke in saying it was OOC, since those two characters have little in the way of canon personalities, but flowery dialogue can break immersion. It can stray into purple prose territory.
He also was not criticizing the story for containing incest. His argument was that because the two of them are sisters, that they should be familiar with each other on a very casual basis, enough that the conversation would likely be playful and informal. The dialogue, to me, reads more like a Shakespearean play or something like that. It's not really the right time and place for that tone.
He also stated that the story had no build-up whatsoever. I also think that is a valid critique, and not a matter of preference. A story needs, well, story. And because this is separate from the main story, it needs context for readers who are encountering it for the first time. There's no reason it cannot be canon to the author's story while still having some of its own. Someone else made a snarky remark about bashing on chapter 20.5 of Fallout Equestria for being similar, but my retort to that is that chapter 20.5 actually had quite a lot of story in it, and wasn't just sex, even though context from the original story was still necessary to fully understand the situation.
Even disregarding all that, build-up is important for sexual fics because it gives the reader time to get in the mood, establishes a willing suspension of disbelief by setting up a plausible premise, and gives the writer time to build tension and make the payoff more worth it. Ignoring all of the build-up for the sake of clop is not a good idea, whether it's a side-story or not. And frankly, every defense I've seen so far has been either a knee-jerk reaction accusing Soaring of being rude, and various excuses of the "well, that's just your opinion" and "Well, it's just a story" varieties.
Everypony stop now.
There were some arguments, fine.
I'm telling you all now a few things!
This story was a request of some of my followers.
I never wanted or intend to do a mature story of the siblings, but I wrote it nonetheless...
My oh so ever gift is hate, unfollowing, arguing and a lot of "how dare you write this" mails.
Now, for Luna's sake everypony shut their muzzle.
Read it and like it, or don't like it, downvote and just leave, please.
I'm not in the mood anymore to deal with anypony!
5713783
We all need to learn from this.
Respect me at least for making a voice recording.
Warning: Shit mic, lower your volume!
5711846
5712189
5712417
5713668
5713520
5713850
I've read some of your blogs and stories.
I'm absolutely honest if I say that I do respect you.
Thanks for the record.
About what I said earlier, I'm deeply sorry.
Main reason is that I just snapped, after receiving so much hate for doing some ponies a favor and writing this here.
5713854
if this is honestly the case, then you have to understand that you will never, ever have to consider the opinion of anyone that condemns you for writing a story that you wanted to, simply because of the content of the story. That applies to anything. If anyone gives you shit for writing clop, just for it existing, then it is perfectly reasonable to dismiss them as ignorant fucktwats.
When you get a real criticism, however, then it's better to consider it. I don't want to tell you that you're in the wrong, here, but you shouldn't lump all criticism into the same category. Consider the ones that have merit, and thoughtfully rebuke the criticism that you don't agree with. Anyone that calls you out just for what the story itself is should be mocked or ignored.
5713854 Hey, it's okay. As long as we understand each other, things are going to be fine.
I do respect you too and also why I liked your previous story. Put it this way, take what we people say as advice or legit criticism, unless we're telling you to go take a hike because your story is shit or something, which is not what I said throughout all my posts.
5713878
Well, it's a bit hard if you see it like it was.
Getting mails, asked for a side-story explaining the mature part that happened the night.
I refused it for quite some time until I got twelve ponies eagerly squealing for that story.
Then I wrote it, published it, and in around ten hours I recieved some other mails,
with exactly the different response I was hoping for.
And I do care for proper criticism, in fact it was the only help for my Octa/Scratch story on most parts.
5713904
I know, I know.
As I said, I just snapped.
And honestly? I don't care that those ponies stopped following me.
I don't even think I will ever do a request like that again.
My Siblings stories will focus on the romantic part again.
About your thing with all that sweet nothing.
I do like it that way, as you can also see in my Octa/scratch and Dashing through the Fire.
5713917
Nothing you do will please everyone. It is impossible. Write clop, get rage for writing clop. Don't write clop, get disappointed fans. Sucks, don't it? Well, that's why you have to make a choice.
Ultimately, you have to decide if you'd rather please your existing fans or piss off some other ones. I can't really tell you the right choice to make, but everything you write should be because you want to do it. Whether it's because you personally want to, or because you want to please your fans. Only you can really decide if it's worth it or not. Just ignore the vitriolic hate-spewers because if they can't think of a better argument than "ew, clop!", their arguments are invalid anyway.
5713984
Well, I know that I will only stay at pure romance with this from now on.
I might read incest-sex stories, but I don't really enjoy it writing them myself.
I'm more into soft love, romance and all that mushy stuff
5713773
This whole 'thing' has already come to its full stop, so I'm not going to spend any time on replying to every single point of your comment, although you brought up pretty good ones. Feels like its TWE all over again ;-;
Apparently you came into the rescue, but I'm not going to complain.
5713850
Alright, no problem.
I was going to mention some things about that voice note, but I rather not. Best to avoid trouble, hmm?
5714090
Yeah... I sound like I'm younger than I am. >_<
Plus, my humor is a bit worse for wear.
5714104
5714090
5713984
Glad everypony comes along here now^^
Would be a shame to try my new eternal blade spell and such things
5714104
Nah, you sounded just fine. Although your mic was a biiiiiiiiit too loud. . . yeah.
5714118
I saw the video regarding the story. I don't think there was an actual need of posting it, seeing as there wasn't an intense flaming on this story. But oh well.
5714132
The video was more dedicated to the followers that requested the story and then ripped it apart.
5714141
I don't see that many comments. The like/dislike ratio isn't that bad.