• Published 20th Nov 2020
  • 2,015 Views, 45 Comments

An Hour With Apathy - Soul_Seeker

Joel has an hour to kill with his best friend Pinkie Pies sister so she can finish work. Lots of laughter an- Yeah, who am I kidding this is Maud.

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A Geological Rarity

"Let me get this right, Maud... You want the entire geological topography of the entirety of ponyville including any old mines shut down due to Dimond dog sub-mining?" Twilight asked incrediously.

"That is correct." Maud tamely said.

With a smile ready to break her jaw, the unicorn beamed, "Please visit more often, Maud."

"I will remember this, Twilight." Maud told her as she grabbed the bundle of scrolls and placed them in her saddle bags.

"Anytime Maud, that's what friends are for!" She exclaimed happily.

The grey mare let her features soften for a moment while her eyes stayed half-lidded in perpetual boredom. "I've heard friends can be open.." She began, almost caught up on her own thoughts. "What do you think of Joel?"

Twilight tilted her head and responded, "Of Joel?"

Maud nodded her head a few times. "The one currently being taunted by my sister as he questions existence."

Twilight questioned what she could mean before telling her, "Well he's a good person? I mean, he's the only person but he's a nice guy; he genuinely cares about the townsponies."

"He seems to care for everypony but simultaneously hates them." Maud informed her.

Twilight giggled to herself. "Joel is one of the only creatures I've met that can hate himself more and more each day but loves everything he sees." She smirked. "I once saw him pick a pony up and toss them into a cart for running too fast passed Sweetie Belle, he's like an impromptu caretaker of anything he finds cute... Which so happens to be everything."

"I understand the great deal of property damage currently avoided now."

Twilight snorted, "He held one of them in front you while they begged, didn't he?"

Maud curled her mouth into a small smile as she looked down. "I've never met somepony who understands Pinkie so well but... Can also understand me."

Twilight finally realized Maud had never seen somepony that so vaguely hated things, was apathetic about joyful experiences but could still be happy... in the same ways as herself.

"Personally, I think Joel is happier than most ponies can ever be." She beamed towards Maud. "Just because he seems sad or uninterested, doesn't mean he's actually sad or bored; just expressing it in his own way."

Maud raised her head and nodded to the purple mare. "I have enjoyed this conversation, Sparkle."

"That's what friends are for, Maud. You're welcome in my library any time!" She grabbed Maud for a small embrace.

With the huggle ended, Maud turned to leave with Twilights words taken to heart. "Joel is indeed lucky to have you all." She said as she exited the doorway.

What greeted her on the other side was something ripped from the nightmares of small 4chan lurkers in the dead of night.

"I WILL END YOU." I screamed at the top of my lungs, arms twisted around my body as I chewed on Pinkies forelegs holding me back like a feral animal.

"Joel YOU PROMISED NOT TO GET MAD." Pinkie pleaded as I lurched my body around and gripped her torso with my legs, holding her in the air.

"You promised TO STOP effecting the causation of the very universe YET HERE YOU ARE BEING HELD LIKE A BEACH BALL." I screamed in complete torment.

Maud tilted her head sideways entirely and blinked evenly as she spoke up, "Isn't it you who is currently corroborating the illogical sense of our physics through beach balling Pinkamena, dear Joel?"

That's it... They finally broke me.

I lurched to a direct stop, still holding Pinkie in the air, acting like a PC being blue-screened by an outdated software update gone wrong.

The two colourful sisters exchanged a worried look, Pinks in turn slowly and carefully climbing down my frozen arms and tapping on my head a few times.

"Uhm.. Joel?" She asked hesitantly. "Is there anypony hoooooooommme~?"

Maud waved a hoof in front of my eyes as she wondered aloud, "What do you suppose is going on inside his head..?"

Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

I shook myself out of carl sagans glorious words and my own delusional thought process of my logical detriment to this worlds physics; looking up and down my body.

"Do you often leave this plane?" Maud asked smugly yet sweetly, laying on the ground upside down staring at me. "You looked quite peaceful for a minute, you know."

Seems I've been out of commission for a while now... Body coated in various streamers and what smells like.. gunpowder? Check. Cup of lukewarm water by Mauds head with Twilights cutie mark embossed? check. Burning smell of flesh and clothes-

Jesus christ they used me for target practice didn't they?!

Pinkie grinned sheepishly from the side of me, kicking her party cannon into a nearby rabbit hole, stuffing it down with the force of a thousand elephants stampeding through a safari resort.

Looking back down, I couldn't help but honestly feel my chest loosen for the first time in years and smile warmly at the grey mare staring at me with such a calm muzzle. Her eyes glinted as she turned slightly and a stray mane hair went off her damn fuzzy little face.

"For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." I said to Maud, Pinkie, and the entirety of Equestria.

"What does that mean, Joel?" Maud asked quizzically as she steadied herself and rose to all four legs.

I chuckled and patted her head, a small stroke across her mane as she looked up with such a pure look of emotion, even if it seemed such a basic look to everypony else.

"It means let's continue the TOUR!" I screamed and snapped my back into place with a large howl.

Pinkie all but screeched in agreement. "I thought we'd never get back on track!!"

As she gripped mine and Mauds arms tightly, we both saluted each other with a small stiffled giggle and went zooming towards ol' gem butts' abode.

Comments ( 5 )

Lucky Joel. Usually target practice with artillery involves large fields and a lot of complex math.

Your wish is granted. I can't promise it'll be soon, but I'll try my best to conclude it.


Not in Equestria ... unless Twilight is involved, but she enjoys that sort of thing.

Awesome. Loved it!

Glad to see the new chapter of course. Was afraid when it abruptly stopped.

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