• Published 20th Nov 2020
  • 1,986 Views, 45 Comments

An Hour With Apathy - Soul_Seeker



Joel has an hour to kill with his best friend Pinkie Pies sister so she can finish work. Lots of laughter an- Yeah, who am I kidding this is Maud.

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Twilight Tackles Apathy, Depression, and Joy

"So you spend the entire time mining?" Maud asked, her eyes bright with enthusiasm... And the thought of rocks.

"Yep. Most people build houses or like... Palaces." I told her, explaining the concepts of Minecraft while we made our way down to Twilights library.

"And you just... Get to dig and dig? For hours on end? Exploring the vast types of ores?" She was directly next to me as we walked, her interest far more than peaked a few minutes ago.

I couldn't help but chuckle as I saw the Library up ahead. "Yeah. Just gotta watch out for lava."

"Thats why I carry buckets of water in my saddlebags." Maud informed me, steps from the library doorway.

Did she just-

"WELCOMMMME." Pinkie began, somehow appearing on the balcony of Twilights house. "TO THE SMARTORIUM!!" She exclaimed.

We heard some rustling inside the doors as Twilight came out of the balcony, shoving Pinkie beside her.

"I told you to stop calling it that." The purple unicorn deadpanned. She slunk passed Pinkie and stared down at Maud and I. "Does Joel have a marefriend now, orr?"

I took an exaggerated large step beside us and sighed. "He does not." I motioned my hands out like I was showing off a mound of gold. "This is the ONE the ONLY... MAUD PIE." Then slunk back into my naturally unnatural slouch as Pinkies fireworks went off again.

"Pie?" Twilight quizzically bobbed her head. She gazed at the glory that was the emotionless mare and trotted down her steps, opening the door while Pinkie slid down the tree trunk. "I didn't know your family was in town, Pinkie?"

Pinks grinned her toothy maw and bubbly explained, "Maud came down for a visit!!" Before hugging them both together, obviously too close. "Now she's here to be YOUR BESTEST FRIEND EVER." She gasped and looked hurt. "ARE YOU NOT MY BESTEST FRIEND ANYMORE?! MAUD YOU THEIF!"

Maud casually blinked and extended a hoof as they were let go. "It is agreeable to make your acquaintance."

Twilight calmly smiled and shook her hoof. "Its nice to meet you, Maud. My name's Twilight Sparkle. I hope you're enjoying your time in Ponyville."

"As much as you can enjoy a world of rubber dirt and fuckin part way walkable clouds." I said with my hands jammed in my pockets.

Twi glared at me as she always does. "It isn't RUBBER. You just never understood the complexities of our universal laws..."

I zoned her out as she began my intro to Equine Physics again.

Fuck your complexities

"All I'm saying is when I do THIS-" I angled Maud on her side slightly, only two legs balancing at an odd angle as she went along with my act. "-She should FALL. OVER."

Maud flat faced Twilight as she slowly tipped back onto all fours.

Twi grumbled and magically poofed a book in my face. "I LITERALLY wrote a book about the differences of our worlds and you haven't even read it."

I slammed the book onto the ground and held a finger towards her, "I READ the damned thing and it says GRAVITY IS STILL SUPPOSED TO WORK."

"IT DOES WORK-" She was silenced as my face began twitching .

"THEN TELL ME WHY I CAN FALL OUT OF A CLOUD AND NOT DIE ON IMPACT."

She tilted her head with a few mane hairs out of place. "You... You fell out of a cloud?"

Maud smirked for a moment, "I too am curious."

Defeated and ashamed I told them the grand tale of 'Don't tell Rainbow Dash sonic rainbooms can't actually exist without her skin falling off 2; electric boogalo- SHE WILL DROP YOU THROUGH A CLOUD.'

"Ohhhhh." The three mares said together.

"Well you should definitely be dead, than." Twilight surmised and ignored my not deadness.

Gonna be awake with that one tonight

"So what have you seen so far Maud?" Twi asked the stone loving mound.

She stared towards Sugarcube Corner then pointed towards the acres, motioning her head at me. "The towns Confectionery and the Apples." She tamely told her. "Joel has in fact participated in my tour."

Twilight grinned and chuckled at my misfortune. "He usually only does that becuase if he's alone with his thoughts long enough.."

"HE TRIES TO DRINK HIMSELF TO DEATH!" Pinkie hilariously said for her.

They both giggled at the concept as I laid face down in the dirt, motionless.

Maud seemed downtrodden and questioned, "is that a joke?"

The pink and purple bastards realized they'd gotten used to my depressive episodes and laughed again.

"Well... In usual circumstances it wouldn't be, but due to Joel being a Human Being, he has a larger and faster metabolism." The unicorn let her know, "His body is also used to drinking higher percentiles of alcohol, which ours pales in comparison to. Our cider can't kill him, no matter how much he has to... Empty himself."

I blew the dirt away from my face and flopped onto my back. "I pissed myself ONE TIME, ya giant penis. "

Maud raised an eyebrow and stood over my face, "You cannot express joy through alcohol?"

"Correct. "

"Not for lack of trying." Twi joyfully informed. "Joel, will you kindly leave your existential despair and join us again?"

They're lucky they're giant marshmallows

I groaned and pushed myself upwards, gently poking Maud away by her wonderfully fuzzy cheeks. "You never let me enjoy the little things." I said to Purplesmarts.

"Such as laying in the dirt, thinking of why a Pegasus' weight to wing span shouldn't make sense?"

"Yes. The little things."

"Then read the bucking book."

Maud had been staring at me since I was laying on the ground and had yet to take her eyes off me. "Do you have any books on the ponyville geological topography?" She abruptly asked.

"Oh! Uhm. Yes, yes I do." Twilight beamed at the concept of somepony wanting to read her collection of rare tomes. "Right this way," She led Maud inside to grab the knowledge papers as Pinkie began hopping in circles around me.

Violence is never the answer.. Violence is NEVER the ANSWER.

"You thinkin' of how some ponies wear clothes and some don't?" Pinkie giggled around me.

"I FUCKIN' AM NOW."