• Published 20th Nov 2020
  • 2,167 Views, 45 Comments

An Hour With Apathy - Soul_Seeker



Joel has an hour to kill with his best friend Pinkie Pies sister so she can finish work. Lots of laughter an- Yeah, who am I kidding this is Maud.

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Grey is the New Pink

Staring into the abyss that is the holy receptacle of plastic and cans, I felt my very essence leaving my bod-

"Is Joel alright, Pinkie?" Maud asked as slowly as possible."

She giggled and poked my cheeks a few times. "Oh he's fine, Joel just likes to pretend his entire reality is being torn from him at evvvvvvery moment."

"It is and you will never understand." I said, being ripped from my lamenting.

"You said that when Applejack picked up a pinecone, silly Billy." Pinkie told me as Maud happily... Or just incidentally sat there.

I felt myself shaking before Maud quipped, "Would he fall apart if I grabbed Pebble again, or will he continue to bask in his vast depression?"

A small smile grew on my face as I flashed Maud the classic finger guns. "You and I are going to have many problems."

Pinkie all but leaped through the ceiling and slammed back into the booth. "YOU TWO ARE GONNA BE BEST FRIENDS IN NO TIME. MAUDYOURFIRSTBFFFFF!!" She squealed and gripped Maud's arm while her tail gripped mine, "TIME FOR THE TOUR!!"

Oh sweet merciful christ no not again

Maud and I went crashing through the doorways, collective arms and bodies wiggling in the breeze as Pinkies unrelenting speed sprinted us to our first stop...

"This is why I usually wear a helmet." I told the mass of grey and a straight line I can only imagine being her mouth flopping around along side me.

"Mine has a spike on top for the debris her speed creates." Maud strapped her helmet on and went back to being limp.

GENIUS

We arrived at Sweet Apple Acres as I finally felt myself throwing up and quickly was launched into a tree.

"Heeeeere we are Maud!" Pinkie explained with her stoic sister in tow. "Sweet Apple Acres~! Home of one of my all time bestest of the best friends; APPLEJACK!" Pinkies voice nearly blew a hole through the atmosphere.

Maud continued her usual blinking and told her, "I enjoy apples." And walked through the entrance with her vibrant sister.

Leaving me in the tree to finish puking my soda and cupcakes up. "Don't wait for me or anything... Just puked on a birds nest is all."

I caught up to them both and we made it to the farmhouse and knocked on their door. "I can't WAIT for you to meet Apple Jack. She's such a great pony!" Pinkie enthusiastically deafened Maud.

"Are we really gonna go through with this?" I said with my arms crossed.

Maud raised an eyebrow while we heard hoof steps on the other side.

"Joel, you're overreacting again silly billy. Just becuase last time you had to listen to a 3 hour lesson in Apple farming doesn't mean it happens every time."

I sighed and stared at the ground. "It isn't
just the apples... Prepare yourself Maud." I patted her head and felt her whole body tense up entirely.

Note to self: Maud is 98% muscle and could kill you

The door swung open and the second most stoic creature I've ever met greeted us. Big Mac. The Big M. The giant motherfucker that could crush your skull by bumping into your ankle.

He stared at us and chewed his nearly infinite piece of straw, "Hey."

"Is Apple Jack around, Big Mac?" Pinkie questioned the red mountain. "My sister Maud is in town and I was hoping to find her FAST." She motioned to Maud as small fireworks went off around her.

"Like where the fuck do you even keep those?" I wondered to no one.

The grey mare smirked and declared, "Her mane, Joel. Her mane."

Okay fair

"But she set them up immedia-"

Big M-ac interjected. "Apple Jack's out back in the pastures. Apparently the girl's knocked a couple trees down and they're putting them back up." He closed the door and left us on the stoop.

"Putting them..."

"Well I guess we're on a search PARTY now!!" Pinkie screamed out.

"Back up." I finished. We started strolling towards the orchards, "Putting the fucking trees... BACK up." I curved my spine and stared down at my hands. "Why am I even here still."

"Your company is most appreciated." Maud told me as I slunk behind them. "You're compliance is not needed."

You wut

I felt a hoof grab me by the collar and start dragging me along with them, leaving a small trail digging into the earth.

"Ya know, this isn't the first time a Pie sister has dragged me places I don't want to go."

Maud's fuzzy cheeks glinted a small smile at me, "I doubt it shall be the last." She told me as I accepted my fate.

"This is indeed a FACT."

Maud kept pulling me along until I got bored of being a stick in the mud and stood up to walk. We graced a few delicious ass apples as we ventured to the... 'Fallen trees being put back up.'

"I see Apple Jack!" Pinkie screeched as she zoomed away in a puff of pink missile clouds.

"What in th-" I heard a small scream followed by incoherent laughter and a loud thud.

Maud and I strolled over and saw Pinkie in a small crater as AJ dusted herself off. I went over to grab Pinkie by the mane and shook her out like a towel covered in sand.

"You hugged her too tight again, huh?" I asked as Pinkie sobbed for a quick moment and my Adora-meter hit critical so I gave her a hug and a piggyback ride back over to AJ and Maud staring each other down.

Maud saw Pinkie happy again as she rode on my shoulders and looked upset. "I too would enjoy that." She said morosely.

I smiled and placed Pinkie down. "Try being cuter?" I joked.

She had her eye twitching for a millisecond before she scuffed the ground with a small cheek bite as she kicked the dirt.

Oh my sweet baby satan she's gonna make this a competition... I must... squish... her CHEEK

I crouched down, rolling my eyes and motioned for her to climb on. She tamely obliged and placed her front legs on my head. "This is most agreeable." She affirmed and grinned through my hair, patting my head as I did her earlier.

AJ just stood there confused. "So... Does Joel have a marefriend now or?"

I picked Maud up and stuck my arms out as she fell in perfect leg to ground symmetry. "He does not."

Maud blinked and looked at Pinkie for confirmation. "This is the Apple, correct?"

Pinkie wailed and screamed, "APPLEJACKMEETMYSISTERMAUDSHESREALLYREALLYNICEANDWANTSTOBEFRIENDS- BEHERFRIEND." As she made them shake eachothers hooves.

Aj smiled kindly and gripped Maud's hoof tightly, "A SISTER? Well I'll be, always wondered what Pinkies own family was like." She said before commencing the patented 'A-Jackhammer' fucking handshake.

Maud plainly took the motoring like a champ and actually...

Is Maud bouncing off the ground like a boulder?

Her body was entirely still, safe for the motion of AJ's handshake and she was... Leaving fractures in the ground.

"Not an export of abnormal abilities my ass." I said aloud, seeing Maud stop suddenly, almost putting a struggle between her and AJ's 'handshake.

She looked back at me and agonizingly slowly blinked. "When one Hunts for rocks. One must become the rock." And picked up Aj with one hoof and placed her next to Pinkie.

I stared in awe and couldn't help but notice Maud giggling to herself as she looked at the other two mares, starting a small giggling match between the three pastel adorable fucks.

Pinkie grinned and huggged the absolute SHIT out of me. "The..FuCk pInKs..." I squeezed out.

She smiled as brightly as possible, giving my heart a full on erection.

She gripped tighter before almost fully letting go and staring up at me with those damned shining pools of blue. "You've made Maud happier than I ever could."

I pushed her away and patted her glorious poofy mane. "If by that you mean being a depressing asshole, yes. Yes I have."

She crossed her legs and stared me down, "Maud never reacts to my jokes! But she likes you for what you are so THERE." She kicked some dirt at me and hopped into her sisters arms.

Yeah... Well fuck you to 'Pinkamena'

I yawned and broke their extraordinary yet lovely giggles, Maud's nose wiggling at the interruption. "Alright so where the hell are the others? I know for a fact if I turn my back they'll be launching at me."

AppleJack chuckled and pointed behind me, a small ball of white, yellow, and orange plummeting towards me at Pinkie esque speeds.

"Jesus. Fucking. Christ." I said, ashamed of letting my guard down around them, staring at the dirt with hopeful eyes, awaiting the blunderbuss of children currently about to snap my spine.

"IT'S JOEEEEEL" They screeched in unison.

Maud's eyes went wide and she stiffled a giggle.

Oh great. Now she can watch me be depressed horizontally