• Published 20th Nov 2020
  • 2,167 Views, 45 Comments

An Hour With Apathy - Soul_Seeker

Joel has an hour to kill with his best friend Pinkie Pies sister so she can finish work. Lots of laughter an- Yeah, who am I kidding this is Maud.

  • ...

Basic Equine Physics

God damn these bastards will be the end of me, I know it. I looked over at Maud staring dead at the table. "Uhm, so what about you? What are you up to while you're in Ponyville?"

"Rock collecting. Pinkie Pie, and meeting her friends." I was gonna say something but she added, "If they're as nice as you, I think I'll enjoy their company." She said with a hoof holding up her head on the table, as non-chalantly as possible for a brick wall.

Is Maud flirting with me?! No, no, no, that's clearly an overactive imagination.. She has pebble. "I'm glad I could keep you company. Being nice to you is apparently easier than it is with Celestia for Satan's sake."

She let her eyes grow a little at that. "Thank you, Joel."Maud said with her hoof slipping out from under her. "That was not supposed to happen..." I couldn't help but let out a small 'pfft' and was awarded a strange stare. "What?" She asked.

"You're just as cute as the others." I accidently let slip out, eyes going wider than a deaf man hearing Miriah Carey. "I-I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT I SWEAR!" I quickly stammered. Her eyes were as big as mine, even had the tiniest little blush brightening those dim cheeks . Oh Christ she looks adorable.

"I... Don't have a response." She said as I threw my hands over my face

'Hello old friend'. I should watch my mouth more...

"Ugh... I always say that when you ponies do literally ANYTHING." I pleaded to her. "Okay, see. There's never been anything as adorable looking in my world as a multi-coloured talking miniature pony that has such soft looking features it looks like the karate kid buffed em out with a flat surface dremel." Her face grew even redder into a medium blush.

Oh sweet fuck I'm not helping myself

"It's hard to explaiiiiiiiiiiin..." I whined, face hitting the table. 'Hello new friend.' I kept my face on the table while I spoke. "You're all so cartoony looking and have this aura of 'look at me~ I'm basically a marshmall- OH! I know the perfect reference!" I ran outside quickly and yanked a foal from mid air as she jumped from a skipping rope and brought her inside with me.

I held her belly and pointed her directly at Maud. "Show her the face you use when Apple Jack says you can't hangout with Sweets or Scoots." I commanded of the all powerful AppleBloom.

Her eyes enlarged like that of an angel being accepted into the welcoming bosom of Dolly Parton for the first time- as they began to water lightly; the bottom lip of her muzzle quivered and shook as she held her hooves to her chest as if she was begging.. My heart was sitting apart just from seeing it again!

"Okay, I get it now." Maud gave in after a mere thirty seconds. Still longer than me, though. It took four fucking seconds for me to let them climb my entire body to reach 'the sky' after witnessing their true power first hand.

"Y'all know tha' deal, Joel." She said with a smirk as I put her down. I walked to the stands and grabbed a cupcake off the display, flicking a bit into the cash register as I walked back to her just as Pinkie opened the money-box (I have my moments) and knelt down.

"Here you go, you cute little filly." I said as I popped the icing covered goody into her happy mouth. What? Yes, I've used her like this before, property damage is expensive dammit!

"Ou' know 't" She said with a skip out the door while another customer walked in at the same moment. They have a sense for doors I swear..

I sat back down at the booth and chuckled at Maud's highly confused stare at the whole spectacle. "I use her and her friends to get out of a lot of things. Property damage mostly." Maud's head tilted more.

"I promise I didn't think that the fucking snow-fortress we built last year could actually self destruct! IT.WAS.SNOW. Water and cold- by the power of Grey Skull the button was A ROCK but it still blew half of Mayor Mare's hall into Cloudsdale... Not my brightest moment, but come on! The physics of this world don't even work." I finished, getting comfortable in the booth as I ended my Human-esc-logic-rant. "I could make better laws of the universe than THIS-" I pointed towards an earth pony gripping a small cup delicately.

"You intrigue my interest, Joel. " She said with a tiny, almost invisible smile. "You're not like Pinkie... That much is clear-" You fuckin wut? "-But at the exact same time, you are." She giggled- SHE GIGGLED?! then took pebble out from the cup and... The water's gone. How is the water gone?!

"It's empty..." I said, flabbergastedly clenching my fist.

"I told you he was thirsty." She said flatly again.

"How does that... What the hell kind of pebble is that?!" I asked in disbelief.

"A Western Arguaunt fragment that turned into the smooth and crisp form you see now over hundreds of years of additional icing and rain weathering." Maud morosely informed me.

"But... How... Owww, my miiind." I put my hands on my head and just stared at the small rock on the table incrediously. "I've decided to learn more Equestrian geology with everything I am... Immediatelly." I ended with a heavy sigh.

Once I looked at her I swear I could feel my heart begin to warm; her ears twitched, and nose wiggled a small bit, looking back at me with a far away stare. Okay, it's oficial, she's cuter than Fluttershy now. Her fuckin NOSE.. WIGGLES

"I... Haven't heard anypony say that since I was a child." Maud carefully placed Pebble back inside her pocket.

I noticed her small wavering voice and quipped, "Not too many rock-olo-gists around?"

She flatly, clearly amused but void of emotion looked off slightly. "Reminds me of being small." She stared at Pinkie, "Reminds me of when everypony was small."

I sat there tapping the table and mentally saying a long 'oooooof'. "Ya know I wouldn't have thought you the sentimental type, Maud."

This caught her attention quite fast. "What makes you say such a thing like that, Joel?"

"Well okay... Pinkie? I can see the literal sentimentality oozing out of her daily." Pointing at the pink bundle of floof I continued, "She remembers every single pony and even the ants' names that carry away the old baked goods-" I had to pause. "-Don't get me going on the logistics of talking ants.. I just.. I don't know."

She seemed more curious about the ants than the question but oh well. "I'd inquire but I know the answer."

"Pinky?" I asked.

"Pinky." She instantly stated.

"Alright, so I can see it with her, but you? Not to be insulting Maud but... You don't seem like the type to be too mushy."

You just insulted a fucking talking pastel pony. You are now a monster

I tried to apologize but she was too fast. "You don't seem like the type to compliment a... Talking soft featured pony, as you put it; yet here you are."

Did... Did she just throw shade? Did Maud Pie, the Boulder of Equine life... just try to fuck with me?

Must inquire further

I was fairly taken aback but like hell i'm letting her own this conversation- I AM THE ONE THAT GOES ON TANGENTS AND QUIPS. "Its hard not to praise such a delicate piece of granite." I coyly exclaimed with as much false bravado as I could muster.

Her ears twitched again and I think I heard a small Fluttershy-esc 'eep' but that could have been my imagination..

"So Joel... how long have you worked at Sugarcube Corner?"

"Ugh..." She questionably scoffed. "Sorry... Not you. Not the idea of the Cube... Just been here so long I feel like Pinkie and I are attached at the hip these days."

"It'd be hard not to be."

Maud Pie is flirting with you. SHE FUCKIN IS

"Yeah, at times I think about how if she never leaped into my arms I'd be in the woods dying from disintary." Oops my morbid is showing. "She's special... Ya know? I can have the worst day and somehow she still-"

"She still makes you feel like you're at home." Maud let the faintest of smiles show for a split second.

I grinned and looked at Pinkie taking her apron off and ducking below the counter. "Exactly. She just has this-" I was cut off not by Maud but the rapid fucking force I felt from Pinkie materializing in the booth next to us, "HOLY SHIT." I screamed and jumped onto the table. "WE PROMISED NO MORE INTERDIMENSIONAL TRAVEL."

Pinkie cackled as usual and held her hooves to her mouth as she noticed her quiet greyer sister laughing along side her momentarily, holding a single hoof to her lips.

"OHHHHHHHH- MYGOSHHOLYHECKMAUDYOU'RELAUGHINGYOU'REACTUALLY... Laughing." Pinkie slowly turned sad and formed a river of tears "IT'S BEEN SO LONNNNG." She wailed in utter Rarity levels of melodrama.

Maud patted her head and pushed her away. "Its been 5 years, 63 days, and 9 hours, Pinkie. It has not been that long."

Five years!?! Ha! Suck it Pinkie... Oh wait they're mocking me.

"Your magic bullshit is still illogical and I disagree with its existence..."