It is with my deepest and sincerest regret that I am officially cancelling this fic due to waning interest and an increasingly rigorous school and family life. My apologies to anyone who followed/enjoyed this story.
Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad, Mentor Assassin of Masyaf, having sealed himself away in his library, The Apple hidden, waited in his library for death. The Apple seemed to disagree with this. After a bright light emanating from where The Apple resides blinded Altaïr, he awakens in a grassy meadow, with all of his equipment, his robe... and four legs.
Arc 1:Altaïr's Arrival - Altaïr is sent to Equestria in a flash of bright light. There, he learns of impending war between the changelings and ponies. In order to assist them, Altaïr establishes a new Brotherhood.
Arc 2: The Resistance, The Rebellion - With Altaïr captured and the Brotherhood destroyed at the hands of the undercover changeling, Deception, it's up to Ezio and Rainbow Dash to defeat the changelings. Meanwhile, unrest grows in the changeling hive.
Arc 3: Lost to Time
Looks promising, prologue could of been longer. And also don't switch from third to first person POV, stay with one. Also minor error, you spelt Altaïr's name without the accent on the 'i'.
Great start, keep it going
5724754 About that... I don't know how to accent letters... also, I'll probably scrap the multi-POV idea anyway, but thank you for your input.
5727067 you can just copy and paste the accented 'i' from my comment. :)
5727138
Now why didn't I think of that? XD
Well now, interesting...Let's see if you can make this story interesting without dragging the Templar into the whole messes...
5728168
I can try. I don't plan on adding Templars, though.
5730556 Cool...I've been looking for an assassin crossover without the whole Templar or Temare???
5731451
So have I. That's one of the reasons I wrote this, to be honest.
Altair's NOT going to be happy when he meets Princess Celestia and Shining Armor.
5735038
Not to spoil, but boy is Altaïr in for it when he gets to that point... XD (Not so much Celestia as it is Shining though.)
5735052 Y'know... your name reminds me of my predicament.
5735062
Really now?
5735073 Nowadays, I've been trying too hard to please my readers. It really doesn't help that my first fic is a HiE. I'm happy that people like your writing so far, myself included. It doesn't matter what kind of fic the author chooses to write, as long as they have an idea worth believing in. No matter what people say, press on.
If you're having writer's block, take a break and do a free write. Read books, listen to music, play video games, take a walk, that sorta thing. I also heard that you can get random ideas while in the shower or something like that. Alternately, if you drink, (not that I encourage it, but if you do that...) write while drunk, then edit when sober.
I hope that will help you with writing... even though you never asked for it.
5735111
First off, I'm below 21 and American, so alcohol is out, but I do all of the other things you mentioned. It really does help!
Also, thank you for being so supportive, it means a lot.
Also, I'd very much appreciate if you would steer me in the right direction!
And so, things start to move now...The first contact arc is coming to an end...The story can truly begin momentarily...
You used the accented 'i's. Good job. Grammar and Punctuation seems fine. Keep it up!
Stilted. Very much so.
Altair wouldn`t have mentioned anything about stabbing Pinkie - if there was a reason to, he would have done it, and it there was no reason to, he wouldn`t see any point in attracting attention to a possibility of such. He already stands out in the equestrian crowd, why would he give away his last advantage?
...And here you went off the deep end.
Look, I know it`s kind of easy to abuse the fighting system to utterly own the guards throughout the game, but the idea is that you`d be RUNNING AWAY from situations where hostilities are imminent and no gain is to be made from dead bodies.
And let`s not forget the fact that Ponyville is the kinda place where Pinkie Pie casually totes around a cannon. Why would there be such a sudden surfeit of idiotically macho guards all fired up about disarming populace?
Dude, you dropped the ball. Badly. Previous chapter could be salvaged, but this? This is a belletristic trainwreck.
5738514
You can't please everybody, but lets look at this. If he ran, he'd be chased, obviously, and he'd be searched for anyways. Second, the guard attacked him first. While I see your point, I thought what I wrote would be a possibility. If you don't like the story, nobody's forcing you to read it.
5738493
That I'll agree with. I'll get around to editing that soon, if more people agree with you.
5736235
Thanks
5735641
We still have to get through the mandatory explanation chapter though
but yes, it begins for real now!
5738900 True.
5738856
You asked for criticism, here it is. Or was it "criticism" as in "give me verbal pats on the back and never ever mention anything negative about my opus because I can`t handle it" kind of "criticism"?
What assassins banked on was never "OMG, we`re the greatest warriors ever". In case you haven`t noticed, Altair himself got knocked down all the way to the bottom AND stabbed by Al-Mualim for acting this way. Their biggest weapon was being inconspicuous. The trailer gave you BIG hints about that - the way Altair is dressed, it`s really hard to tell him apart from monks and scholars. Obviously enough, neither of those two categories ever walked around heavily armed, so here`s a second clue - all that Altair carries is not readily noticeable.
In your particular situation, there is a snag - now ponyAltair is dressed in a way that makes him stand out. However, that does not change the previous point - he`s not carrying his weapons in blatantly obvious way. Guards could notice his unusual clothes, but that`s hardly a reason to bother - Equestria is not exactly the kind of country where you need to worry about unlawfulness too much. The fact he`s with Twilight Sparkle would`ve further reasserted the "not my problem" status to the guards.
It`s not a case of "some like it, some don`t". It`s a huge plot hole and if you expect writing anything worth reading, it has to be amended.
5739984
Good point. Very good point, actually.
5740932
I try. Why bother saying something if you don`t have a good point to go with it? ^_^
5741655
So true!
The chapter's ok in my book.
The army, there is always an army in every story, I'm not complaining (well I'm sorta am.) But there is at least a antagonist in every story there is.
I wonder how the rest of the Main 6 reacted to the of Altair.
5778563
At least it's not Templars.
5778861
I can assure you there will be no Templars in this story. One of the reasons I wrote this was to escape the Templar stories, actually.
5778818
Better not be
I had too much trouble because of those assholes.
I am heavy weapons guy, and this is good story.
Great chapter my friend
5780116
5781030
Thanks!
Just one little thing that I believe would improve your story a bit is if you go into extra detail. Its just a suggestion, but its your story so no need to listen to me.
5850741
I agree, to be honest. Details are very important to me. Reading through the chapters again, I can tell I have been slacking a bit. Thanks for the tip!
5850968 No Problem! I hope you have a very successful story!
5851225
Thank you! I really appreciate the support!
I LOVE IT MUST READ MORE!!!
5860165
Glad you like it! (next chapter is coming very soon)
OOOkay, this taking longer that I thought It would. Sorry for the delay, I didn't anticipate this large of a setback so early in the story
I'm trying to get it finished soon.
5880813 Hey, don't worry about delays. I've had a pretty large one on The Moon's Darkness, because I was having problems with my account. My story got delayed for like a week off the normal amount of time it takes me to post a new chapter, so its not a big deal( Plus I am not even done with the chapter yet,). Its not like it got delayed for a year or something.
5888465
Alright. Thanks for understanding
Ezio? That could make sense, for, he was also at Altair's library, at least at some point in time.
5914780
If I do go through with it, that would be how I'd introduce him. I still don't know if I should though...