• Member Since 31st Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

D4ftP0ny


Just an MLP supporter with loads of ideas trying to improve my writing through fan fiction!

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Twilight Sparkle has been given many opportunities in her life. First she was Princess Celestia's prized student, then the Element of Magic, and most recently she was crowned a Princess of Equestria. Indeed, she has always been a very competent mare who has always been at the right place at the right time to do exactly what she needed to.

Many would chalk her success up to her extraordinary talents and uncanny brilliance, and they would be partially right. Twilight Sparkle's talent, drive and ability have allowed her to move upwards in her life to heights that she had only dreamed of reaching before, and truly no other mare could have done such a thing.

But anypony who thought that was the whole story would be sorely mistaken. Behind the new Princess is a family who loves her, a support group of friends and loved ones who are always there to hold her up if things get too tough... as well as a surprisingly large network of ponies who have placed all of their hopes onto the young alicorn's shoulders.

Because Twilight Sparkle's dream is not hers alone.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 20 )

Well, this was quite the interesting story.

You have to much talking about nothing at the beginning of the story, and not enough explanation of goals.

All in all this feels more like a comedy take of the secret conspiracy than anything serious and I'd eagerly await the sequel.... where the conspirators discover that their pawn is not at all loyal to their cause and reports them to Celestia or helps Celestia defeat them

It's good, but I would like a greater explanation of why they are doing this.

Why am the only one who thinks flash sentry sings a variation of this song in the sequel.

5701754
Thank you, I hope you enjoyed it! ^_^

5701855
The actual dialogue is pretty much throw-away stuff, yes. But the focus isn't about what they're saying, it's developing the characters of Velvet and Night- their interactions with each other, how they view one another- and also cementing Velvet and her perspective as the focus of the story.

I'm sorry that you thought it was more comedic than serious, considering that while I tried to keep it lighthearted I also tried to work in the very serious aspects of what they're planning, but moreover I'm glad that you read it and commented. Thank you. ^_^

5704887
In Velvet's explanation of what happened with Luna she said that they had told the Princess they believed removing Celestia from power would benefit their nation, and that's really all the explanation of the plan I thought the story needed.

The focus isn't on the circle's reasons for wanting Celestia out of the way because in situations like that EVERYONE has a different reason for wanting the end goal, and the darn thing would have been twice it's length if I had tried to dig into each of the member's reasons. The basic goal is stated, and the rest is up to speculation. ^_^

5707676
I think it's very interesting how you focus on Flash as the bad guy in the whole thing, especially considering his comrades in arms. XD

I'm also surprised that everyone seems to think there's going to be a sequel. It really is supposed to be just a one-shot. XD

5719036

Let me explain further, it's not the dialogue that makes me consider this story humorous. In fact it barely kept my attention. It was their plot, I don't believe it for a second and them thinking it could work says to me they don't know Twilight at all.

The best result I see for them is they tell her, Twilight blasts them and then orders them to drop their disguises assuming they're changelings.

I also don't believe Luna would allow them to do anything with her inaction merely her giving them time to hang themselves

5719147
They're not going to tell Twilight. That's never been part of the plan, and in fact that's the last thing they want to happen. Whether the plan is going to succeed or not is left completely up to the reader at this point, so in the words of Trunks- "Believe what you want to." ^_^

And as far as Luna goes... as stated before, you're absolutely welcome to believe whatever you'd like to as far as she's concerned. :twilightsmile:

5719345

wouldn't they have to tell her to get her to assume the throne?

5720603
Of course not- that's the beauty of it. If Celestia is gone, Cadence is ruling the Crystal Kingdom, and Luna has no desire to rule on her own, Twilight becomes the next most qualified candidate and all they would have to do is have the ponies around her encourage her to do so. It's all about whispering ideas into the right ears and letting those ideas flourish- that's how they're manipulating Twilight and her friends. They'd never have to tell her anything except that they're proud of her and are there to help if she needs it. :3

5721291

got to get rid of Celestia first. That's the hard part

5722084
Yyyyyyyyyup, that is the hard part. XD

Love me some underground, underhanded business going on in a place supposedly pure and free of corruption. Very exciting.

I can see why so many people disliked the introduction, though. If it wasn't a fanfiction, this would work pretty well since we probably wouldn't know who the characters are. Because that is not the case, and we already know who they are, their characters seem pretty fitting for those kinds of personalities. A "proud mom" and a "dad who still thinks his childhood was the most 'fashionable' era" fit well, and are boring since we kind of expect something like that. Pretty much like my parents; my mom being a mom, and my dad still listening to Earth, Wind and Fire, as well as belting them out while walking around the house. It sucks because those are how Twilight's parents would probably be like, so you're sort of forced to write it out that way. Not criticizing that, but sort of boring and flat in that way till later on. Flat being they have a seamless relationship, only conflict being attending all of Twilight's important events (but getting to see your daughter up there DOIN BIG THANGZ is probably worth it), and are predictable in the personalities I mentioned before.

Character development is important, but I personally think it should be moved further in; once the reader has a chance to get hooked into the story.

As for the rest, it proved to be exciting and a good read; not what I'd pick up normally, but certainly brought the good ol' "what if" factors of classic fiction back into fanfiction (in a site dominated by crossovers and mature shipfics). Especially love the idea of Flash Sentry being in on it; kind of makes me wonder how all his haters would respond.

"Would read again. 12/10"
-IGN

5725070
Considering that Twilight's parents don't have canon personalities I felt it was prudent to go out of my way and establish them a little bit, and while you're absolutely right in pointing out that they're the perfect stereotypes for parents (which I totally didn't mean to happen, btw... it just kinda did... wtf) I feel like it actually works to my advantage, because those kinds of parents are NOT the kind of parents who are secretly plotting conspiracies that would affect their nation. XD So really, using those stereotypes worked for me!

You're right about the wind-up being a bit slow, I kinda wanted it that way so that when we started picking stuff up later it felt like you were leaping into the middle of everything. It was a gamble execution-wise and it could have worked better. Oh well, live and learn. XD

I'm really glad you saw where I was trying to go with this, and that I'm not completely insane as far as writing my ideas down... yet, at least! Y'know, just doing my part to bring classy stuff to fimfiction. *adjusts top hat*

And my friend no1c00l had the exact reaction you would expect from someone who hates Flash Sentry: as soon as I finished reading it to him he jumped off my couch and started pacing the room muttering obscenities about Flash and how Assassin's Creed Rarity should kill him and anypony who wanted them together. XDD It was pretty priceless.

5731507 *tips fedora*

I feel that a rather important variable was not discussed during this meeting.

Namely, Discord.

5741193
Who knows? He might show up in a sequel. >:3

[And] to her best estimations the stairs plunged to somewhere between four and five stories beneath the earth before finally ending in a heavy metal door set firmly into the stone.

Huh? No “ranks and ranks of rifles and revolvers”? Somehow, I’d imagine something just like that there. And I guess it was because of “The Man” that I was expecting a twist along the lines of “it all was just a mindscrew” in the end.

Well, that, and… You see, it’s an ancient conspiracy, and thus needed to recruit new members as the old ones were to retire or die. What was their selling point (or points) through all these years? What’s the one for the current members? There don’t seem to be even hints at that, and I am really curious.

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