A young teenager, no more than thirteen, has a fight with her mom and storms off to bed. her mothers last words were, "never go to sleep angry." What the hell did that mean?! But she didn't care, or listen. She just went straight to bed and closed her eyes, thinking about how angry her mom made her. "I hate her! I hate hate hate her so much! She finally falls asleep....
(this wonderful cover was done by the amazing Note Sketch!)
[NOTE:] Human tag because of the beginning of the story
Chapters (5)
so how do you guys like it? (or what do you like about it?) This story is my very first, and i hope i did a good job, (heck, I'm only thirteen, for damn sake!) My pacing might be off a little. But i would like to here some constructive critism from you guys! and please, no rage or hate comments. they make me sad. Thank you everypony!
Sincerly, Cocoa Swirl
So far so good. My one suggestion so far is to make the lines more spaced out.
5750927
do you mean like, an extra space between each paragraph? Sure, I could do that, no probelmo! 
Cocoa Swirl
What? My story has been featured in a group?!
That's amazing! I just made this not to long ago too, WOO HOO!
I have no words for the first chapter. just wow!
My one nitpick with this story:
There's only one chapter as of yet!
go on...
5824015 is this good enough for a favorite? (or at least, a like?)
5824894I already liked it...
but ok
5825950 YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just reading it, because its the ONLY Human-femaleXSombra fic on this fricking site!
5826813 do you like it?
Probably not...
KING SOMBRA IF YOU DONT SHUT UP RIGHT THIS INSTANT I WILL CUT YOUR TOUNGE!!!
Oooooooookay, see ya. *walks away*
sorry for the interruption!
5829374 kinda rough... I don't get exacly how she got in there
5831187 exactly what I wanted, the confusion!!!
This will be further explained in a further chapter, so don't give up on me yet!
5832862 I want to work like this too, yeah I see. i spare your Gigabytes of a story in my libary.
5824894 If I could fave again, I would.
5835179 why thank you kind sir. I thank you for your time reading this.
5837552
Yay
chapter two is out :D
Three Words; GET. AN. EDITOR.
I like the premise but you have three different
peopleponies speaking in a paragraph and not enough details as to what everything looks like. It's a common problem and can be remedied by analyzing other writer's works and re-reading before publishing. I look forward to the next Chapter.5850240 actually, thats what i wanted in the first place. You see, i put the voices all together like that because i wanted to make you feel the confusion like cocoa does, she doesnt know who they are and who the voices belong to at that point, maybe i should've pointed that out in the authors note, huh?
Sploog
Gutoog
Pupsoog
Fukaoog
Magoos
Slpug
Slpatoosh
Nigers
Lllakejsn
Fucking hated it figit
5902954 uuummm.....
what just happened here.
5903570 splutooj
Fusiia
Ciam
Khu t
Fgit m
Mnkak
Mlgxx420
5903982 Um, sir, if this story is a danger to your health then I suggest you stop reading?
5905045 mlgXx420XxfadesquickscopesXxopticfazemlgXxXxXXYOLOSWEGXx
5905045 fucking horny to the mlg n ss
Good attempt to write this chapter.
5911364 Ikr?
5914018 eeyup
Actually, this is really good for you first fic...mine was mainly about donuts.
I love the whole premise, and the writing is pretty good. But I have one problem.
I really just can't equate this Sombra you have in this story with the show King Sombra, who enslaved a whole country and didn't give a damn. In here, he seems generally like...a normal dude. Yes, an dude who has dark powers...but still.
5953261 damn it! thanks, just saying the word makes me hungry. But thanks for reading! I hope this entertains you enough to keep reading until the end. (even if it's not finished.)
5953314 don't worry, things get interesting in chap 5. King Sombra goes into a raging fit of maddness, and thinks Cocoa is a mare called Titania
I have. Feeling some magic is going to happen xD
5958592 OMG!
That was the funniest thing I've heard all day! But no, there will be NONE of that business... NOT IN MY HOUSE! XD 
5962453 I didn't mean it by that xD
but now you make it tempting xD
5962814 gah!!! The insanity of it all is ghastly!!!
5963022 ikr
5963047
More, pronto!
5967773 I'll take that as a...
I loved it!
5967778 heck yes! (Pardon me) you are a candidate for Sweetly Approved!!!
5967801 yes! This is awesome!
5967944 i will give my final decision when is complete.
Is this story still active? Would be a shame for such a good story to end here.