(Placed on a temporary hiatus! However it will NOT be forgotten, and will be updated once I have a few more chapters fixed and polished.)
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The day we opened the portal was the day we opened the gates of Tartarus and unleashed an unending horde of flesh eating abominations which quickly gained 'control' of Canterlot, devouring its residents.
Some were lucky enough to simply die while other unfortunate victims rose up as emotionless monsters, ready to follow the mindless horde in search of warm blood and fresh meat to sate they're new never ending hunger.
Now they march across Equestria with the goal of devouring anything they can get their bloodied hooves or hands on.
And I'll be damned if I let myself or Spike fall into their cold, dead grasp.
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Cover image can be found here: https://static1.e621.net/data/0a/32/0a323f0b16c550c69b3512f77a647e31.png
There are a bunch of things I would like to point out, but I'll stick to the basics here. If you like I can PM you with further comments.
Spelling and grammar:
A lot of errors here. Sorry, but there are. E.g. confusing they're, there, and their. Using 'of' where you should use 'have' etc.
Adverbs: too many. Try to remove as many as you can from the narrative and description (in dialogue, it's fine). E.g. 'he walked quietly' doesn't have the same literary oomph as 'he tiptoed'.
You also seem to be lovestruck with the phrase 'she smiled softly', or anything to do with smiles in general. Everyone's smiling so god-damn often it's a wonder their heads don't fall off. Don't believe me? Re-read your opening sentence: you state twice that Twilight is smiling.
Finally: he said, she said, they said. Said, said, said. 'Said' is the only dialogue attribution you'll ever need. Don't write something like:
'"I'm the best flyer ever!" beamed Rainbow Dash'
because we already know how she's saying it (because we know how Rainbow Dash acts). You can substitute 'beamed' for 'said' and retain the same level of meaning.
A good proof-reader will clear up most of these problems.
Great story so far. Keep up the good work!
5694122
Thank you very much for pointing these issues out to me and bringing them to my attention! I wouldn't mind a P.M explaining further issues or if you could recommend any proofreader/editors that could perhaps help me clear it up a bit.
5694375
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
hmmm interesting lets see some more. ^_^
Is this a crossover of something?
I will read it if its not... Hell, I'll read it if it is anyway.
I would just like to know.
6372102
It is not a crossover, though I thought of the idea after reading a book called 'World-War Z'. And I'm glad you like it! The next chapter will be out soon.
6377403 Sweet.
This has been a much more enjoyable than I thought it would be.
So good .
So sad.
Much cry.
6500630 Haha, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
6501113 You seem oddly fixated on human survivors my friend...but don't worry, no living humans were harmed in the making of this fic...yet.
6501053 I do, quite excited for the next part.
Kudos.
There are a few issues here.
Two hooves up for zombie fun!
Kudos on your tale.
I also had a crazy Lyra missing Bon bon but things ended up a bit differently.
7372234 Mm, I know ^^ The prologue was written before I got an editor so it's a tad bit messy, however, I do plan on cleaning it up once I have the time to do so.
And regarding your other two comments, thank you! I'm glad you are enjoying it so far.
All aboard the Zombie train
-starts laughing, notices no one laughing- ok it was a shit joke I get it
7406685 Hell yeah! Zombies for everyone!
Couldn't they have cut off AJs firewood or foreleg
7574287 They could have tried to cut off AJ's leg, yes, but since all they had at hand was a small first aid box it'd most likely result in AJ bleeding out and dying anyway.