The clock struck twelve, Twilight jolted up from a nightmare. It was her battle with King Sombra, except this time Queen Chrysalis was with him. They were guarding something, she couldn't quite tell, but it looked like a filly and a colt. They both had red horns atop black foreheads with gray muzzles, like King Sombra. But had eyes, wings, and sharp teeth like Queen Chrysalis. They both had different color manes and tails. The colt had a black and crimson mane and tail, while the filly's were dark violet. This wasn't the first time this was her dream. In fact this was the third time this week, each time more clear than the previous.
Twilight got up out of bed and started to go for a walk around the palace when Spike woke-up. When Twilight noticed Spike was awake she went to tuck him in to make him fall asleep again. But Spike was too curious as to why Twilight was awake. When Twilight told Spike about her dream he told her he also had a dream relevant to hers. Spike's dream also had two young foals, but they were trotting around the palace. Both had gray muzzles, red horns, solid blue eyes, sharp teeth, and changeling-like wings. One had a black and crimson mane and tail, while the other's were dark violet. Twilight told him not to worry that it was most likely a dream about the next Nightmare Night celebration.
Soon after Spike fell asleep again, Twilight heard a knock at the palace door. When Twilight arrived, there were two baskets setting on the top of the stairs. Twilight looked in each and saw the foals from the dreams she and Spike had. There was also a note setting on the ground between the baskets and read it to herself.
To the Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle,
These are Myx and Nix. Myx is the colt, and Nix is the filly. I need you to care for them. But beware, they are half Changeling and need special care. Please teach the about love and friendship, for I cannot. Being the Changeling Queen, I cannot stoop to such a level as to care in front of the other Changelings. And since you are the “Princess of Friendship,” I considered you first. Please, for their sake, guide them.
Sincerely,
Queen Chrysalis
"This has got to be a joke," Twilight thought to herself.
Twilight looked around to see if this was a joke put up by some young foals, but her search yielded no results. Twilight soon tried an area scan spell, but, as her horn began glowing Myx began crying causing her to lose concentration. When the spell failed, Twilight quickly took the two foals inside to avoid waking anyone. When Twilight got inside she started trying to remember what she did when she helped Mr. and Mrs. Cake with Pound and Pumpkin. That way she could calm down Myx.
Twilight was searching for something to amuse Myx, when she found a doll of a Changeling hanging out of Nix’ basket. Twilight tried to take it, but when she did Nix woke-up and started crying. When Twilight set it back down Nix quit crying and started hugging the doll. Twilight tried to clone the doll using a materia cloning spell, but she couldn't concentrate well enough. When Twilight turned around to go look for her old doll, “Ms. Smarty Pants,” when she bumped into Spike.
"Hey, Twilight, what's all the noise about?" Spike asked yawning.
"Oh, nothing!" Twilight replied nervously. "Just a little, um, spell practice."
“You call a spell that imitates a foal crying practice?" Spike said, a little agitated. "It's Twelve-Thirty in the morning! We should be in bed right n-. Um, Twilight?”
“Yes, Spike?” She asked nervously.
“Why is there a foal hiding behind your leg?” Spike asked a little scared.
“What!?!” Twilight said as she looked down to see Nix and her doll holding on to her leg.
Nix was hiding as if she were afraid of Spike.
“Um, I... I can explain!” Twilight said, trying calm Spike.
“Please do,” Spike said.
Twilight lifted Myx out of his basket and set him onto the floor. Myx stopped crying and then tried to scoot over near Spike. Spike picked up Myx and cradled him in his arms. Spike started to rock Myx gently, who yawned as if he were tired.
“These are the foals from my dream," Spike said.
"Yes they are, Spike," Twilight said. "Be careful not to freak out when I tell you why they're here."
"What are their names?" Spike asked.
“The one in your arms is named Myx," Twilight said, "while the one near me is named Nix. Now, will you please focus?”
“Funny names," Spike said. "Whose are they?”
“Don't drop Myx when I say this," Twilight said, "but I think they're Queen Chrysalis' children.”
“What!” Spike said while dropping Myx, causing Twilight to catch him before he hit the floor.
Once caught, Myx started to cry again. Twilight nuzzled against him to calm his crying.
“I said don't drop Myx, he's still just a foal!" Twilight said, scolding Spike for dropping him. "Next time he might not be so lucky!”
“I'm sorry, Twilight," Spike said apologetically. "It’s just, that would mean that they are part Changeling!”
“Yes, that's true," Twilight said. "But I think that's why they're here.”
“What do you mean?” Spike asked with extreme curiosity.
“I was given them to look after," Twilight replied, "I think."
“Um, okay," Spike said. "Do you need help right now?”
“Yes, actually I do," Twilight said. "Do you think you could keep Myx quiet long enough for me to get them back to sleep.?”
“Sure," Spike said. "Just leave it to me.”
"Good," Twilight said. "I know a lullaby that ought to make both of them fall asleep."
Twilight cleared her throat and began to sing Luna's secret lullaby: "Children of the Night." When she finished singing, she noticed both of the foals were fast asleep and Spike was half asleep.
"Nice song, Twilight," Spike said yawning. "Where did you learn it?"
"I found the lyrics in Princess Luna's room," Twilight said, "in a secret panel in her dresser."
"I bet if she knew that," Spike said, "she'd make you forget what you saw."
"I don't think she would. There wasn't much in there," Twilight said. "Now, we've got to get these two back in their baskets so we can get you back to bed."
Twilight and Spike put Nix and Myx back in their baskets and started toward Twilight's room. When they arrived, they put the baskets by Twilight's bed. Spike yawned and got back in his bed.
"Hey, Twilight," Spike said. "Do you think you could sing that lullaby again?"
"Sure," Twilight replied, "if you really like it."
When She finished singing again she noticed Spike was asleep. She started contemplating what to do about the foals, because she had an uneasy feeling about later that morning. She spent a good half-hour thinking about the foals and what she should do about them. She got on her bed and continued to ponder until she fell asleep.
This time she had a soothing dream. She, her friends, and the two foals were at Celestia's palace. They entered the main hall where they found Celestia, Luna, and Cadence waiting for them. Celestia stood and began speaking.
"You've been raising the foals well, Twilight," said Celestia. "It looks like they are ready to learn about advanced magic now."
"Don't you think I could teach them, sister?" Luna asked.
"Now, Luna. The last time you taught a set of foals was a long time ago," Celestia said. "And I haven't let you teach since that incident. Do you remember why?"
"Yes," Luna said. "But that was before-"
Twilight didn't get to see much of the full dream because she woke to the sound of the clock.
I really like the whole idea. It's pretty neat.
However, since you wanted honest criticism: for the first two paragraphs, it would be better if you wrote it normally, with those " " marks to show dialogue. It's kinda weird that you just switch after the third paragraph.
Also, there should be a little more, I don't know, disbelief from Twilight. These foals are the children of Chrysalis and Sombra, two dastardly villains that she has fought before. Yes, they're only foals, but from Twilight's perspective she doesn't actually know if they can be trusted, or if they are foals at all, since I wouldn't put it past Chrysalis/Sombra to take advantage of Twilight's maternal instincts to attack her.
Also...why would Twilight and Spike be having dreams, unless Chrysalis/Sombra cast a spell to give them dreams to...prepare them for the foals? Kinda weird.
But still, it's really a good premise! Please update! :)
I have one question: Is this supposed to be serious?
Because if it's not comedy, you need at least some work on how quickly things are accepted by Twilight, and to rephrase that description. It would also help to get a different cover art that doesn't involve good ol' Nyx.
Curious...will Chrysalis be explored more? From her letter, it seems like she really cares as a mother, but accepts that Nyx and Myx would have a much better life with Twilight and so gives them to her. Please tell me Chrysalis will show up later...
I think that this is very good. I think the only major thing you need to change is what North had said, make sure to put quotation marks (" ") around everything, instead of just explaining what they said. Otherwise, I loved it! Looking forward to the next chapter!
5785587
She might...
"North" and "Derp in the Box":
"I did my best but it wasn't quite there."
"Derp in the Box" judging by the name and profile picture you should be able to understand this comment/quote
"Wanderer D", I will work on that.
Neat concept and it sounds like a good start can't wait to read what's next.
10/10 's
OK. I was just about to ask if you could post the song actually, I'm very curious what the actual lyrics are. But if they could be copyrighted, I guess I understand.
I see the other comments saying Twilight should be a little more denying against this idea. Personally, I can see her taking them inside so they don't wake up the whole town, but otherwise I can agree with those comments. May I make a suggestion to fix that?
Perhaps Twilight can be just in shock after she takes Myx and Nix inside so by accident Spike has to take care of them by himself for the night. Eventually the shock transitions into denial, and she's willing to help Spike care for the two but only because she's helping Spike.
By about this time Chrysalis is to the point she appears to Twilight in person and tells her to straighten out. NOW Twilight believes the letter.
Something like that anyway. I can see a storyline like this fitting Twilight's character a little better. Does this help at all?
5785488 Yeah, I can see those things helping out. I agree, and my thoughts in my other comment.
>>PL4SM0D1UM
I see what you are saying but to me this seemed like a logical path of story-line considering in the "fimfic" "Past Sins" By Pen Stroke, Twilight actually cared for Nyx when she was taking care of her. And yes, I can see how I'm rushing said reaction, but I have my reasons. This is only the beginning of the beginning. I say that to say this: Be careful what you guys comment I may just decide that if 'nopony' likes it I can easily remove it until its finished.
6003817 I understand that this is based on Past Sins, it was clear as soon as I read the description, but I think you should try to make it less obvious. The cover art is of Nyx and not to mwntion how similarw those names are. At one point you even typed Nyx instead of Nix. So far it's good, but how similar they are is kind of putting me off.
6051177
I'm going to say this once and only once SadisticRainbows: "UP AGAINST THE WALL." It is based off of a re-occurring dream and I'll not stand for that kind of hate. If anypony ever says it's based off of past sins again I... I... I think I'm gonna loose it!
i didn't even read Past Sins until a couple weeks ago.
Well Done, I love your first chapter. Can not wait to read more into this tale.