I don't fit in. no pony wants someone like me. ill never find love. so what's the point in living? ive been without love for 5 years now, and I try not to care what the world thinks, but its just not worth it anymore. that's what I thought, until SHE saved me
Derpy best pony.
Just based on the description, I can tell you need to work on your capitalization and punctuation.
The first word of a sentence should always be capitalized, and same goes for the personal prounoun "I". So when you start a sentence with "ive", you break two capitalization rules and one punctuation rule. (Contractions have an apostrophe in them.)
Find someone on the site willing to act as a proofreader for you if you want your wring to be taken seriously.
5688594 thanks for the feed back! I really appreciate it. For the record, the story wasnt supposed to be really good, I kind of just threw it together to get my feet wet.
But for future stories, that's a good idea, getting someone to proof read the story.
I don't know what to say. The ending feel abrupt but I guess it makes sense but I don't know enough to say one way or the other
To be honest I could have done a lot better, but lucky for me this story was only a pilot story. The story was supposed to be more detailed at first, but I quickly decided that I wanted to use it as a way to see how I was when it comes to writing fanfics.