Twilight Sparkle Eats a Potato
Admiral Biscuit
Twilight examined the object on the plate in front of her with the interest becoming of a scientist. Today, she'd learned from her Equestria Girls friends, was St. Patrick's Day. While Twilight wasn't all that interested in every holiday in Equestria Girls, she admired a man who could rid Ireland of snakes. If he was still alive, she would have tried to get him to swing by Ponyville for a bit.
There were several ways to celebrate the holiday. Sober reflection in church had historically been the preferred celebration, but that had given way to drunken shenanigans and wearing green, as those were a lot more fun than quiet introspection.
Twilight didn't want to wear green. It clashed horribly with her coat color. Green was fine for a pony like Fluttershy or Applejack, or even Rarity, maybe. But not for her.
Getting drunk was not an option, either. While Berry Punch swore by it, Twilight had seen her passed out on the street between the bar and her house on more than one occasion. Sometimes, passing vandals had drawn crude shapes on Berry Punch's fur with pony-Sharpies.
Twilight decided to celebrate St. Patrick's Day somewhere in the middle, by doing something that was traditionally Irish, but not anything too crazy. Since she hadn't had any luck finding a leprechaun, she was only left with eating traditional Irish food.
Here she ran into a bit of a quandary. Beef, corned or not, was out. Cabbage, as well. No method of preparation she was aware of rendered cabbage a palatable food.
That left her with the humble potato. It was a vegetable—properly, a tuber—and it had been the staple of the Irish diet since shortly after they had discovered it.
Strangely, there were none to be had in Ponyville, but she was sure that would change after today.
She'd rinsed all the dirt off it, and it lay glistening like a potato-shaped prize in the center of her plate. It wasn't as appealing a green as fresh alfalfa, but it was surely aspiring to be.
Humans made all sorts of things out of potatoes. They mashed them, baked them, boiled them, sliced them into chips or fries, shredded or cubed them into hash browns, and even made pancakes out of them. She was going to enjoy the potato in its natural state, fresh from the ground.
It was chewy, slightly hard, and a little bit bitter, but not too bad. Sort of like a water chestnut, really. A bitter water chestnut, with a vague aftertaste of dirt.
"Well, Doc, what's the prognosis?"
"She'll make a full recovery," Dr. Stable pushed his glasses up his muzzle. "Lucky you found her when you did."
"I'm just the heroic type." Rainbow puffed her chest out.
"Ah'm the one who found her, and Ah'm the one who brought her here."
"Well, yeah, but if I hadn't seen you and flown ahead to tell the doctor she was coming, he might not have been able to get her in so quickly."
Applejack rolled her eyes.
"So, darling, do tell us how she fell ill."
"Ah, yes." The doctor cleared his throat. "Solanine poisoning."
Three sets of eyes looked at him blankly.
"She ate a potato."
"Oh."
"Poor, silly Twilight." Rarity held her hoof up to her forehead and half-swooned.
"Ah told her to just come out to the farm and git drunk like a normal pony, but she had to go off all half-cocked."
"You're drinking out at the farm and you didn't invite me?"
"You'd turn getting drunk into a race."
"And I'd win that race."
It was Dr. Stable's turn to roll his eyes. Ignoring the increasing boastfulness of Rainbow Dash and Applejack, he turned to Rarity. "There is only one thing that confuses me about this case—the presentation was classic—textbook, really—except for those blotches on her coat. I don't know what to make of them."
"Oh, those." Rarity pushed the Sharpie a bit further into her mane. "I'm sure it's entirely unrelated."
Wait, if Twilight learned about St. Patrick's Day in the human world, why was Applejack having everyone drink at her place?
I'm thinking about this too much, aren't I?
7040327
Well, the end of winter sounds about right to enjoy some of Applejack's applejack.
Just more proof that Rarity is secretly evil.
7040327
That has nothing to do with St. Patrick's Day. AJ's a lush.
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7040488
It's not evil, it's creative.
Twi just had her usual good luck and happened to find an uncommon potato variety high in solanine that probably had a green side as well and came from a plant affected by late blight. Those three factors combined would likely make for an impressive solanine concentration. Raw potatoes usually are harmless and are somewhat nutty and sweetish in taste and in my opinion also disgusting. If they taste bitter - then don't eat them, there's a good chance they're not going to do you any good. Twi might want to keep that in mind for possible future experiments.
At least she didn't try to make a potato leaf salad. That would definitively kill her.
Eat it raw? Well then....
In Soviet Equestria, potato smash you!!
A pity no one told her about the Irish Cocktail...
...a pint of Guiness with a potato stuck to the rim of the glass.
Spike is tiny, green, and has a treasure horde. Is he a leprechaun?
7040327
I supposed it went like this:
Twi: "... and then the celebration turned into a somewhat cheery drunken..."
Aj: "sounds nice, let's do this."
Twi: "but it is only a recent change, there's so much more we could--"
Aj: "Not hearing you, I'm gonna prepare the booze!"
Twi: "Hmpf, ignorant backwater hillybillies. I'm gonna eat a potato."
7054628 Depends om how much you like the 80s, because if it is, I'm gonna be playing Too Late For Love
7041049
Really? I didn't come across that in my research, oddly enough.
7042203
I'm gonna go with yes.
7049726
Yes, that is exactly how it would have gone.
7054640
I already lived through them once. Never again.
7054661 Then you better get cracking on that mute love-mending fic *waits for a moment before slowly reaching for the stereo*
7054657 I've just checked my own sources again and I believe you're right. Leaves and stems contain solanine but not in overly dangerous amounts, even if you are sensitive to it. Potatoes that have turned green from exposure to light contain a lot more of the stuff as well, but it's mainly directly under the peel. The young sprouts contain dangerous levels.
Potato leaves wouldn't kill her, but they would make her quite sick. They can induce colic in regular horses which would be extremely unpleasant. A potato that isn't green wouldn't poison her either, though sprouts would be dangerous. Death from solanine poisoning is rare.
Mild solanin poisoning was common back when only the old varieties were available and the diet consisted mainly of potatoes. Not dangerous but very unpleasant. At least the effects aren't cumulative. In conclusion, Twi was very unlucky but it isn't impossible either.
Anyway, thanks for making me go back to my university notes and checking the internet. Knowledge updated, so Twilight can take solace in that.
I finally figured it out: Solanine poisoning comes from green potatoes, not just raw ones. And ain't nobody eats green potatoes, cuz they ain't ripe. :B (Which isn't true, but is nevertheless a good rule of thumb.)
Huhh... It appears that solanine is a "nicotine alkaloid" of some sort. So the toxicity might be similar to that of nicotine, a very effective insecticide.
(Reads more stuff)
...And a few people who were addicted to nicotine have been known to chew tomato leaves, which contain yet another nicotine alkaloid.
That proves it. People will do anything for a buzz.
< Twilight, don't do drugs!!) <Let's have an intervention!)
I can't believe you actually fucking wrote that.
Three pints, a boiled cabbage and a few of the teeth knocked loose during the pub brawl?
I tease the Irish. That's ridiculous. Their teeth are already gone.
(As an individual with no teeth and Irish heritage, I feel I'm okay making that joke.)
Here is my prediction for the coming event, in the form of pony emoticons. Ready?
Is Dash implying that she's a lightweight? Pft, hahaha.
11263674
Look, when you dive into a fic where the title starts out “Not Another” . . . you were warned.
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One of my other St. Patrick’s Day fics is far more offensive to the Irish. And Rainbow Dash.
You missed this one:
Yes, she is. (both implying it, and actually a lightweight)