• Published 3rd Mar 2015
  • 2,946 Views, 224 Comments

Not another Pony in Equestria - Admiral Biscuit



A collection of short, random, vaguely comedic stories, for when an idea isn't worth a thousand words.

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Twilight Sparkle Eats a Potato

Twilight Sparkle Eats a Potato
Admiral Biscuit


Twilight examined the object on the plate in front of her with the interest becoming of a scientist. Today, she'd learned from her Equestria Girls friends, was St. Patrick's Day. While Twilight wasn't all that interested in every holiday in Equestria Girls, she admired a man who could rid Ireland of snakes. If he was still alive, she would have tried to get him to swing by Ponyville for a bit.

There were several ways to celebrate the holiday. Sober reflection in church had historically been the preferred celebration, but that had given way to drunken shenanigans and wearing green, as those were a lot more fun than quiet introspection.

Twilight didn't want to wear green. It clashed horribly with her coat color. Green was fine for a pony like Fluttershy or Applejack, or even Rarity, maybe. But not for her.

Getting drunk was not an option, either. While Berry Punch swore by it, Twilight had seen her passed out on the street between the bar and her house on more than one occasion. Sometimes, passing vandals had drawn crude shapes on Berry Punch's fur with pony-Sharpies.

Twilight decided to celebrate St. Patrick's Day somewhere in the middle, by doing something that was traditionally Irish, but not anything too crazy. Since she hadn't had any luck finding a leprechaun, she was only left with eating traditional Irish food.

Here she ran into a bit of a quandary. Beef, corned or not, was out. Cabbage, as well. No method of preparation she was aware of rendered cabbage a palatable food.

That left her with the humble potato. It was a vegetable—properly, a tuber—and it had been the staple of the Irish diet since shortly after they had discovered it.

Strangely, there were none to be had in Ponyville, but she was sure that would change after today.

She'd rinsed all the dirt off it, and it lay glistening like a potato-shaped prize in the center of her plate. It wasn't as appealing a green as fresh alfalfa, but it was surely aspiring to be.

Humans made all sorts of things out of potatoes. They mashed them, baked them, boiled them, sliced them into chips or fries, shredded or cubed them into hash browns, and even made pancakes out of them. She was going to enjoy the potato in its natural state, fresh from the ground.

It was chewy, slightly hard, and a little bit bitter, but not too bad. Sort of like a water chestnut, really. A bitter water chestnut, with a vague aftertaste of dirt.


"Well, Doc, what's the prognosis?"

"She'll make a full recovery," Dr. Stable pushed his glasses up his muzzle. "Lucky you found her when you did."

"I'm just the heroic type." Rainbow puffed her chest out.

"Ah'm the one who found her, and Ah'm the one who brought her here."

"Well, yeah, but if I hadn't seen you and flown ahead to tell the doctor she was coming, he might not have been able to get her in so quickly."

Applejack rolled her eyes.

"So, darling, do tell us how she fell ill."

"Ah, yes." The doctor cleared his throat. "Solanine poisoning."

Three sets of eyes looked at him blankly.

"She ate a potato."

"Oh."

"Poor, silly Twilight." Rarity held her hoof up to her forehead and half-swooned.

"Ah told her to just come out to the farm and git drunk like a normal pony, but she had to go off all half-cocked."

"You're drinking out at the farm and you didn't invite me?"

"You'd turn getting drunk into a race."

"And I'd win that race."

It was Dr. Stable's turn to roll his eyes. Ignoring the increasing boastfulness of Rainbow Dash and Applejack, he turned to Rarity. "There is only one thing that confuses me about this case—the presentation was classic—textbook, really—except for those blotches on her coat. I don't know what to make of them."

"Oh, those." Rarity pushed the Sharpie a bit further into her mane. "I'm sure it's entirely unrelated."

Author's Note:

Linky!