Mother
Admiral Biscuit
"It's time we came clean with you. You're old enough to know."
Pipsqueak jerked his head up, one solitary strand of sauced spaghetti still stretching down to his plate. He hated it when his parents got serious. Usually, unpleasant things were about to happen when they did.
Not unpleasant in a novel sense of unpleasantness, of course. He'd read all sorts of contemporary Bitish novels where the poor hapless colt or filly—usually an orphan—suffered every manner of indignity at the hooves of his or her adoptive parents, or been forced to work in the mines. His parents had never been abusive, nor had they tried to sell him into servitude. His father had even made him a wooden sword for Nightmare Night, and his mother had given him an old scarf and made his pirate jacket.
"Old enough ta know what, mum?"
"You're adopted."
His ears fell. The mines would be coming next.
His father nodded. "We weren't able to bear any foals." What came next was an unfortunate—for such a young colt—insight into the reproductive process, or lack thereof. If he had been dazed by his mother's pronouncement, he was only confused by his father's enthusiastic presentation. Especially when visual aids came into play, largely drawn from what happened to be on the table at the time.
After his mother had finished wiping a bit of stray hoof-made Alfredo sauce off her muzzle, she continued where his father had left off.
"We thought it best at first to take you far away from your birth mother, just in case there was any . . . unpleasantness. One never knows in cases like these. . . . "
"What your mother is trying to say," his father said, oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t really helping the discussion at all, "is that we thought it prudent to put some geographical distance between you and your birth mother."
"Got it," Pipsqueak said through slightly clenched teeth.
"And there was a great job opportunity in Trottingham as well.
"But we decided that we ought to move back to Ponyville at some point. Just in case you wanted to . . . oh, what's the word?"
"Reconnoiter?"
"Reconcile."
"Yes!" His mother smiled. "Reconcile with your mother."
He twitched his tail. "Who is she?"
"Well." His mother leaned across the table. "You know Applejack, right? She found you when you were just a wee little baby."
• • •
"Ah always knew this day'd come." Applejack stepped out on the porch and closed the door tightly behind her. "Best just you an' me do this. Ain't no need to get anypony else involved.
"Awful brave of ya to come on your own," she commented as they walked across the front yard of Sweet Apple Acres.
"It . . . it didn't see right to bring them," he muttered. "Cos. . . ."
"Ah know." She reached down and patted his head gently, then stuck a hoof to her lips and whistled loudly.
A moment later, a brown and white collie came charging around the corner of the yard. As soon as she saw Pipsqueak, she stopped in her tracks, barked once, and then began wagging her tail.
"Well, there ya go. I expect y'all have a lot ta talk about, an' I'll leave ya to it." Applejack tipped her hat and headed back to the farmhouse.
This would have been great on April Fools Day. I just think this was all an elaborate prank it is just to far out there to be true!
Not enough up votes for this one!
img00.deviantart.net/a586/i/2016/022/3/8/fishing_color_by_hillbe-d9owbbh.jpg
great bait for fishing
...
For proper impact, I'd like you to imagine me slowly hitting the period key three times in as many seconds. That being done...
No, I really don't have anything to say beyond the shocked ellipsis and commentary thereon.
Wat.
6883201
What do we really know about reproduction in the MLP-verse?
6883231
lol thanks!
6883234 '
Not sure what more needs to be said, other than back away slowly. Their vision is based on movement.
6883243
I have poor impulse control.
6883248 I can relate. 99% of "Pony Fails" is exactly this kind of weirdness.
6883255
I always figured a collection starting with the words "Not Another" ought to be sufficient warning to the reader what to expect. If it isn't. . . .
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Ohhhhhhh that poor kid! I'm still laughing though.
Son of a female dog!
6883304
Yes, absolutely.
But.... Then.... Who's the father?!?
6883655
Big Mac wanders away looking incredibly awkward.
AB, I have no words.
6883897
Eeew.
That should be continued.
This is wrong in so many ways.
I ͡d҉eḿa̴͘n̢̕d̛҉ ̧̛͜m͘oa̢̧r.̶͜
6883989
You're not alone in that.
6884092
At first, I thought you meant the story, and I was thinking "it really shouldn't." Then I figured out what you meant. Correction made!
6884310
Admit it, you laughed.
6883897 oh great, another Skitty/Wailord scenario.
Argh.
Or 'woof', in this case. I guess. You madpony.
Huh.
I'm a man of the world, I've seen nature documentaries, I've been to zoos... Equine... Canine...
Artifical inseminationMagic, let's go with magic.Now to the question of Trouble Shoes unusually large size... (When a pony and an elephant love each other very much...)
6884593
It could be true. Canon evidence doesn't prove it isn't.
6885004
Pretty much.
6885950
I think that's a reasonable explanation for pony genetics. Or griffons, or . . . well, lots of things in canon.
He might not be big everywhere. He's not very lucky, you know.
6885606
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/e/e5/Winona_barking_to_Daisy_Jo_S1E04.png
Dammit, Mac!
6889665
Well, he has a history of thinking he's a dog. . . .
i.ytimg.com/vi/w0wimWx_A0Y/maxresdefault.jpg
Dawwwwwww
img02.deviantart.net/1bfc/i/2013/053/a/f/a_sweet_reunion_by_the_saranator-d5vvmno.jpg
I know there is a difference between interspecies relationships between two non-sapient creatures and interspecies relationships between a sapient and non-sapient creature; but still.
6891827 but that was anty-mac from the time he got discorded. That was a scarce two episodes away from pip's first appearance so that head-canon is out.
6898689
A shorter story is not going to happen. :B Biscuit has unfortunately won this one.
6898905
Speaking of winning, did you read The Longest Sentence?
6898612
How do we know how long a pony gestation period is? Or a dog's, for that matter?
And are we sure he was discorded, and isn't normally like that when nopony's looking?
6899110 Oh, I love fanfiction.
userlogos.org/files/logos/MShadows/Fanfiction2.png
~Leonzilla
6899718
Seriously, we've got Fluttertree, why not DogMac? I bet nobody's done that yet.
Dammit, I feel like I ought to write something along those lines.
6899724
As in well know characters becoming or being in the place of other things or DogMac in particular?
6898905 Oh come on don't give up!
Just think of the marvels we could accomplish once we figure out how to create a negative word count.
Like tricking people into reading a fifteen thousand word SoL by making it seem it's only barely over one thousand words and therefore it should only take them a few minutes to get through it.
~Leonzilla
6899852
No, I asked knighty, he's not lettin' it happen. :B
6900408 Well of cource he said no.
That's like asking your mom if you can turn the living room into a boxing ring. It would be very cool, no doubt, but it wouldn't be appropriate.
baccalabloggala.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/cm-43150-250e91ca1a779d.gif
Rather the goal is to create a way to make it happen for a short while; but once the news catch up with mom then we can count on that it won't happen anymore. :D
~Leonzilla
6923447
...Not your ordinary sort of dog-and-pony show, this one.
6932343
I am somewhat disappointed in myself for not putting a dog and pony show joke in it somewhere.
You surprised me. I had been expecting a cow.
I don't think there's any way to apologize for this, actually.
7047583
Yay! I've still got the power to surprise with a twist ending!
"I'm trying to just read pony quietly and not wake my roommate and you are not helping."
--The smart person who, in said circumstances, clicked on obvious crack comedy.
7969113
I'd say that I'm sorry, but . . .
By the way, your avatar is absolutely adorable.
11263668
I knew what I did.