• Member Since 5th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Riku006


A long-time amateur writer constantly plagued by writer's block.

T
Source

RE-EDITED VERSION
Three friends; Dustin, Claire and Vince, discover relics from an ancient civilization while with their university's history class on an archeological dig. Little did they know that this discovery, while small, would become the catalyst of hope, of betrayal, of conflict and chaos, and of rebirth.

Author's note; The story takes place in an alternate earth, where cities, nations and landmasses would be different, but history's more or less the same. More reference will be made to the FIM universe as it goes on. Any constructive advice (grammar errors/missing words/mis-representation of characters) would be great.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 31 )

Haven't read it yet, but I'm assuming that this will be good. No telling though. Good job and A for effort regardless. :moustache:

Edit: I was right! :rainbowlaugh:

Holy original story batman.

I have to read this.

Interesting. *subscrib'd* :trixieshiftright:

Comment posted by Das Chicken deleted Oct 20th, 2013

"Vince always had that confident look in his chestnut coloured eyes, and he always had fun. Whether it was searching through ruins or out at a party, that small, sly smile almost never left his tanned features."

I think Dustin has a crush on Vince.

The only bad thing so far is that when I opened the story, there was one thumb down and no thumbs up. Come on guys, lend us your thumbs!

Very interesting concept, and a good, solid start. Colour me intrigued and have some thumbs. :moustache:

I've read through the first two chapters, and heres what I think: Your writing, as in how you tell the tale, is very good. However, parts of the plot are not making sense. Theyre little things that throw me out of the story very, very quickly.

First comes the crowbar comment, "This isnt Half Life." While obviously meant to be a gamer joke by the writer(you) its a stupid remark to be made by the character. Why not use a device that is meant to pry things open to pry open a door that is stuck closed?

Next is the whole act of using the internet to try to research the thing that they are the first ones, that anybody /knows/ of (other than the government, which is why the SWAT team seems to be on their tail).... Nobody else has seen this stuff before, so why are they looking for the Wikipedia article on the ancient civilization they discovered? It just doesnt make sense, and really throws off the plot. Suspension of disbelief gets raped when you have to ask "why is a college major trying to google something he just discovered?" or "How is a wheelchair-bound guy going to climb through rubble and down into ruins if he is in a wheelchair?"

The story looks like its already getting well underway, so I just leave these comments to help you progress as a writer; just food for thought. Im definitely going to continue reading, because the premise is very good, and you write exceptionally well. Have a good night!

I missed this story. It was one of the first ones I read here on FimFiction. Glad to see it alive and well and I can't wait for moar.

Liking the concept, loving the story so far and hope to see more in the future.

I completely forgot about that meaning of a pinkie promise. :rainbowlaugh:

Anyways, nice to see this back. I'm sure you tried to send blog posts about it, but...

2189718 :twilightsheepish: Oops, sorry. I would've, it's just just I don't wanna overload everyone with blogs.

2190240
Actually, the blog system for stories has been shut down since the major site revamp.

ooooh now the tension begins....:pinkiehappy:

Moar. This fic is grossly underrated. It deserve's the featured box alot more than some of the crap I see up there these days.

2266956 Amazingly enough, soon after uploading chapter 3, this got up to 9th spot. If you want to, please spread the word about the story, though you don't have to if you don't want to. :twilightsheepish:

I think Skye is Luna .

Nah, it can't be :facehoof: after all, not only did she use the royal canterlot voice, her description, plus the description of her eyes shining like 'stars' blatantly points it out to be Luna. Although, I think this bad boss person will be a human representation of Discord. :derpyderp1:

Okay. This story's characters and their civilization are all human, yes? So... why are these students so blasé about Luna Skye's wings and magic and strange mannerisms?

2386013 Yes, well in chapter 3 Dustin does notice the odd speech, but Skye gives an excuse that she's from somewhere far away, most likely from another country. And considering during the [SPOILERS] :ajbemused: ... events in chapter 4 and 5, the people had more important things to worry about, such as [SPOILERS] :facehoof: well, you know.

Well at least that clears that one up, though not sure Luna'll be able to live it down with Celestia. I mean, come on, almost letting a traitor in to see their inner chambers?

Seriously, why does this only have 62 thumbs? This story is brilliant! I hope it hasn't been abandoned.

Edit: I see now that it's alive! Keep up the good work.

Woo ^^ Glad to have you back :twilightsmile:

This is an interesting story, I've never seen humans mixed up with Equestria in this way, and kudos to you for thinking of it. You've got a good mystery going, with interesting clues and enough questions to keep people guessing long after they've stopped reading.

On the other hand, you seem to jump around a bit making it hard to keep track of the action (particularity during action sequences) and it's difficult to keep track of who knows what which isn't really helped with the Luna/Skye name interchangeability.

You've got a good story going, built up your mystery and given us some interesting clues, now you need to find a way to write the payoff.

I'm only four chapters in but I'm really quite interested in the world you've set up here. Skye Regal is pretty badass. Some bits here and there could use a quick edit to throw in missing words, fix punctuation and grammar, the usual. Those minor issues aside, it's an enjoyable read. I can't wait to finish up the next six chapters.

Oh, by the way, this is Eps from BAU.

Well I finished reading up to, and including, chapter ten. Holy heck has this been a good story so far. There were points where I wasn't sure what was going on, and where the characters surroundings could have used a bit more description and/or clarity, but overall it was very interesting and fun. I couldn't help but race into the start of every chapter, eager to find out what more was revealed.

It's a damned shame you've put this on haitus though. :(

- Epsilon

Is it just me or is ms. Regal setting off many red flags about being Luna?

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