• Member Since 8th May, 2012
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Roran Dreamon


I have no idea what I am doing, I write, I read and I play games, what more can a guy want while he waits for college to start again?

T

Everyone has heard that the Everfree is not the safest place to be in at night, but for one lonely colt, the Everfree is his home and also his playground and school. Being banished to the moon is the worst punishment for anypony, but for a young colt like Nightshade, being banished to live the rest of his life in the Everfree Forest for a show and tell gone wrong, he wished his life was over. But he was wrong when he stumbled upon a crumbling old castle in the center of the forest, and the sweet voices in his head told him otherwise, now he is free, or so he thinks. 10 years later, he still lives in the same forest, in the same castle ruins, but with a new friend, and new companions that instead of trying to eat him, they protect him, a mystery he stopped trying to solve for 5 years, until when a certain young group of fillies get lost in his forest, and a group of ponies and their young dragon follow after them, Nightshade knows everything about that forest, he knows who enters and leaves his sanctum, but he doesn't know how much the outside world has changed, for the better and for the worst, his life will change, with vengeance and tears. His heart has already been turned to stone ever since his banishment, but can they heal his shattered heart, or will they end up fueling the fire of retribution without knowing it?

This Story takes from the beginning of the show going onwards.

My first fanfic, if it sucks just say it, if it doesn't than woot! I made something that popped in my head after a long thought while bored out of my mind.

I am back in business.

Chapters (21)
Comments ( 159 )

Tracking. But to correct a few errors, there are a lot of lowercase 'i's where they should be 'I'. other than that though, good job!

Can't wait for the next update!

Wow, thanks guys, I was partially expecting a few people to be saying that it sucks, since this is my first fanficition.

another great chapter and im not even that much into 1st person stories...its still a really good fanfic tho :twilightsmile:

628126 Thank you, since this is my first fanfic, I really appreciate your kind words.:moustache:

this is a great fanfic cant wait for the next chapter:twilightsmile:

yeah he just jinxed himself just by sayin not get caught:rainbowlaugh:

Ohh, can't wait for the next chapter! This is really good, keep up the good work!

"in five years time, my little celestia, in five years the stars will aid her escape, and darkness will fall onto the land, and everyone will see things the way i have seen life, as a life of ever living nightmares to us all, the mare in the moon shall become nightmare moon"
This is what i picture what nightshade will say when goes crazy on Celestia, there by giving the prophecy that twilight reads in the first ep.



Oh year first:moustache:

Cool, an update while i'm reading through the chapters.

And this story is awesome, can't wait for the next chapter :rainbowkiss:

i have nothing to say exept for this...this story is epic!so far it is my 2nd favorite!:twilightsmile:

wait the raiting of this is...mature?is there going to be some shipping or something like that?or maby some violence and gore?:derpyderp2:

643463 Yes, there will be, lets just say that when the mane 6 go into the forest, there is a scene with at least 2 deaths, none of the mane 6, one brutal end and the other an arrow to the knee joke.643463 That or would you ponies like me to make a mature version of this story with just the mature contetnt to leave this story on teen setting so all can see it?

644434 you can do eather you want i think it wold be quicker to just add it to this story

The story is in dire need of a pre-reader or an editor. There are lots of basic grammatical errors. Here, let me demonstrate:

" "Nightshade! Its time to wake up and go to school!" shouted Light Breeze, also known as my mother, shouting from downstairs."

"Its" = Something belonging to it. "Its smile frightened me."
"It's" = It is. "It's time to wake up!"

The verb "shout" is used twice in the same phrase. Try: "shouted Light Breeze, my mother, from downstairs."

"As I groan and toss in bed, not wanting to wake up after a night of playing with my young alchemy set and reading a thick book heavy enough to probably crush an orange. "

When you start a phrase with "As", you need to, after the verb(s), add something that happened at the same time as said verb(s). For example:
"As he stood up, a bang was heard outside."
"As I groaned and tossed in bed, not wanting to wake up after... ...crush an orange, my mother began shouting again."

""Nightshade! If you don't come out from that room right now I will come up their and take the bed sheets again!""

"Their" = Something belonging to them. "Oh, that's their radio."
"There" = In, at, or to that place or position: "We stayed there eleven days."; "I left my radio there."; "The opportunity is right there!".

"After getting that message, I groan one last time before crawling out from the under the warm sheets, wishing i haven't since its still the middle of winter and it being early in the morning, yea you guessed it, freezing cold outside but moderately warm inside."

"...I groaned one last time before..."
"...crawling out from under the warm..."
",...wishing I hadn't since it was still the middle of..."

Aand, that was just the beginning.
All in all, not bad, despite those mistakes, but it could really, really use more polishing. Again, I highly suggest you find a pre-reader or an editor to fix those mistakes, or just re-read your chapter after writing it. You'd be surprised at the things you, as an author, can overlook while writing.

nice chapter cant wait for the next when is it? :twilightsmile:

686661 Well I have been looking for an editor for a while, my friend at school said she is trying to assist me, but since she is currently busy, I have been on the search for someone to assist me, that and being my first fanfic, eh could have been worse.

704892 you could allways use spellcheck :pinkiehappy:
or is that cheating? :applejackunsure:
im not that good at editing if i was id help you out

789610 well for some reason for my computer theirs no spell check when I type so I just wing it whenever I do this sort of thing :P so thats why I need someone to help me edit, as long as they don't royally screw up :3

793222 well i could help with spelling (got spell check) but besides that i cant help:applejackunsure:

793284 Eh, its alright, not everyone helps anyways :applejackunsure:

That and busy writing another story, so basically im trying to do two at the same time....mind hurting.:applejackconfused:

nice chapter cant wait for next update :twilightsmile:

hmm I was expecting something different. Well it was a good distration but reminds me of those filler episodes in anime.

That description. It wasn't very pleasant to read in and of itself. That first "paragraph" is a wall of text, just five sentences that look like they could (and probably should) be divided up into at least twice that many. They are all run-on sentences, but the fourth sentence in particular is a particularly egregious offender. Where does one thought or idea stop, and another begin? Perhaps you should start with smaller, simpler sentences, and then figure out how to combine them only as necessary. You're losing a lot of clarity with these run-on sentences.

I'm sorry, but if I can't get through the description without having issues, I'm not going to invest time in reading the story itself. I'm just going to have to wait until you get someone who can help you with all of this.

Also, what sort of word processor doesn't have spell-check? Even most web browsers have a spell-check, and Google Docs even has a spell-check function independent of the browser's.

839187 Well my computer bit the bullet and for some reason most of it is in lockdown so anything that once required something to be downloaded to be used doesn't work, aka Youtube, Microsoft ______, anything online. So yea ive been trying to find a way to end the lockdown so I can get all of my shit fixed, tired of the spelling errors.

841171 Is it in Safe-Mode (With Networking) somehow? That seems rather odd. If it is in Safe Mode, try holding down F8 when you turn it on to show the Advanced Boot Options menu, and see if you can get it to start up in normal mode. I've also heard someone suggest selecting Enable Low-Resolution Video to see if it boots normally then. You might have some sort of corrupted driver or something. A lot of computers also come with a Recovery partition to restore the computer to factory condition, so if you've got that, try it. I don't know what measures you've already tried or are available to you, so if you've already either of these, more power to you.

841459 Well, I haven't tried to restore it to factory settings yet, and for the condition for my computer, whenever I log in it says access to desktop screen is denied, and when clicked out it appears at factory setting, imma try to restore my computer to the point where I have to re-install everything I ever had, and find all the pictures I need to get everything back o normal., so basically my computer is backwards and lock down.:pinkiecrazy:

842496 I've heard of Windows updates screwing up disk permissions before, but that just sounds ridiculous. I can't even fathom what could have caused that to happen. You might want to run a comprehensive Check Disk when you can, in case it's the result of bad sectors. It'll take a while, but it'll at least help to determine whether or not hard drive might be part of the problem.

843263 Yea imma try that today, cause this is just rediculous, I need my spell check since some of the words I know of I cant type for shit, and without it I basically cant tell if what I am typing is correct in everyway, hopefully it works without needing to buy a new cpu or parts.:pinkiecrazy:

DMAKNOGSJIAKSLGNKAUH DAMMIT! I DID NOT LIKE THAT ENDING! I wanted teh night ta last forever. MAKE AN ALTERNATE ENDING! I DEMAND IT!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

*sees a favorite got updated* *clicks on favorites hoping for something good to read before bead* *sees this has been updated* my reaction?+= ._. o_o O_O o yeah finally updated!!
(edit) ok a read a bit now and i must say this...sorry for your loss i know how it feels...i lost my grandpa a wile ago...and my grandma...well...great grandma anyways...

It's funny. Everyone I have ever met overreacts to depression. When my grandmother died I was depressed for about 38 hours. I dealt with it fast. I have seen my most charismatic friends go all silent and quiet for 3 MONTHS because their dog died. Does this make me a horrible person? No. Because after living in the worst parts of Norfolk for 12 years you learn to deal with everything bad that happens to you quickly.

This wasn't meant to be a bag on anybody. I just needed to vent that in a way that's NOT explosives, guns, and knives for a change......oh god I miss the explosions already:pinkiecrazy:.

Carpe Diem,
JeremyPunk

878279 Don't Worry, I am making an alt ending story, and let me tell you, the prolouge has a surprising twist at the end :3:trollestia:

There are loads and loads of things here that do need editing, but it also seems like a really interesting idea.

I guess it's not really my thing per se, to be honest, in terms of the subject material... I guess it doesn't 'click' with me... :twilightblush:

But it looks good and I hope that you do get to finish it. Happy too that it has a lot of upvotes and so on. :twilightsmile:

1001256 Eh, its alright not all stories that were ever created were meant for everyone, I just had this idea one day and was bored at the time and had to much time on me hands and it led up to this.:rainbowwild:

Im just glad that I got a bunch of thumbs up and favs from it.:rainbowkiss:

Hot damn he said one of the three cursed phrases and look what happenned! Let this be a lesson " Things can always be worse."

1020965 You have no idea :pinkiegasp:

That is his main catch phrase, and spoiler alert: He will be saying it alot more often, mostly in the next chapter.:facehoof:

1021055 Well thank god commander Pinkie taught how to use pinkie sense so I'll be far away when it goes down.:pinkiehappy:

*sees this has been updated* hellz yea! :rainbowkiss:
*after reading* wow most embarrassing moment for them to walk into lol...also...he lost his horn?ow X_X

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