Getting to Know the Castle (Morpheus) Part 1
Changing Time’s Notes: It was very humbling to hear many of Prince Morpheus’ reports. He never really left his hive before venturing to Ponyville, and had thus mostly lived vicariously through his changeling agents and the memories of the hivemind. Some of his views were colored—sheltered, even—and his life in Ponyville was thus a rollercoaster of new experiences.
This is the first of his firsts.
Getting to Know the Castle: A Report by Prince Morpheus of House Sycadia
My first technical day in Ponyville was a political nightmare. In hindsight, there were so many mistakes I made, some of my own design and some from our hivemind musings.
My first real day, however—the day that I always think of as the first—is something I will always remember. It had both its good and bad points, but it was a fair first day—far better than I deserved.
Our thoughts were whirling through a myriad of calculations as Princess Twilight led me to my room. First contact had been disastrous, and ve needed to adjust our equations accordingly.
My head throbbed at a particularly complex computation, and I had to fight not to stumble. My heavy haws ached with the need to close, while my chitin felt like lead, but ve knew I could ill afford to show more weakness in front of my most likely ally.
The halls twisted and turned for what felt like an eternity—neither of us willing to break the silence until we finally reached my room. Even then, Princess Twilight only mumbled what few polite formalities were expected of her.
I replied automatically, barely paying attention as ve filed our preliminary calculations away. A brief flick of my magic alerted the right changelings to the location and access code of the data in the archives, and I nodded goodnight to Twilight as I walked through the door.
A simple bed with egg-white sheets sat against the far wall, while several empty dressers, and a small, mahogany desk with a chair lined the left side. I traveled the room, running my hoof over the floor, walls, and furniture. There were no unseen nicks or indentations. The bed was as springy as the day it was made, and the carpet had neither wear nor tear to it.
Nopony had ever entered this room before.
“Perfect….” I lowered my rather battered filter to check that I truly had privacy. There was a flash of heartburn—spicy, rainbow flames that angrily seared my soul—but the leftovers of Celestia’s fury passed quickly now that she was gone. What ve did not expect was the wave of heart-wrenching loneliness that followed.
Even in the split second it took to raise the filter again, the raw emotion scraped at me like a sandstorm. It tasted like the dry desert air of the Badlands—of home—and I was briefly lost to the sensation, seeing myself wandering the wastes under an empty sky as I had done when I was a nymph.
The proper filter snapped into place, and I blinked a few times to place myself firmly back in my room. Once I was grounded, I tentatively lowered the filter and tried to trace the source. It came from the walls— no, the floor— wait, the ceiling?
Was… was the castle emoting?
Sighing, I reraised my filter and decided to worry about it later. Loneliness aside, the room itself seemed mostly sufficient. All it was missing was a proper web.
Looking to the ceiling, I licked my chops. “Alright… Ve know the memories are here somewhere….” Years worth of nymphhood memories began to play before my eyes. “Can’t believe I forgot how to do it. I know the drones grow faint at the idea of me doing it myself, but, really…”
Ve found the relevent memories, and I started rubbing my hooves together to make small strands of silk. Eventually the microscopic strings became twisted ropes, and I flew up to the ceiling to weave me web. What didn’t stick in place was glued into position by careful application of an adhesive form of saliva. The recipe was old—I just knew it was going to gum up my gums and glands—but it was reliable.
An hour or so passed, and I finally finished to wrap myself in a suspended cocoon of fresh silk. It was only as I closed my eyes to retreat into slumber that it occurred to us that Twilight probably expected me to use the bed.
I dragged myself into the waking world with a groan, letting our previous night’s simulations wash over me. Ve had tried to figure out where I’d gone wrong yesterday as I slept, but last night had been the first real rest I’d had in several days. Our simulations were disjointed, disparate, and rambly—more like the ravings of a madling than the organized analysis I needed.
I snorted at the more paranoid ones and chuckled at the desperate ones. Ve had to have been crazy to consider fixing everything with a political marriage, and the one where I hijacked the sun by connecting Princess Celestia to a potato clock was just plain ludicrous.
The clock was ticking, however, and it was better for me to get started earlier rather than later. Sleep still called to me, but I wriggled out of my chrysalis and fluttered to the ground. My plates cracked and popped as I stretched the kinks from my chitin, and I hissed in pleasure as a particularly loud snap came from arching my back.
At least the team of analysts ve’d signaled yesterday had had much more luck with their nightly musings. They had already laid a sizable groundwork for the new web of probabilities, focusing heavily on the fact that the other lords were free to act.Oddly enough, their projected chances of success were already higher than everyling originally predicted, but that was probably from the fact that I wasn’t a smear on the ground after Celestia’s surge.
Still, I couldn’t help but frown as ve looked over their work. I was going to need to pull out most of the infiltrators I had monitoring other nations to follow the lords back home instead.
Oh well…. There was nothing I could do to change that. All ve could do is draw up the orders and send them out to the rest of my agents.
Finally, ve finished, and a flick of magic sent a small message with several hivemind coordinates to my most trusted infiltrator. He would oversee the rest of my agents getting their orders, while I went to go find Princess Twilight. She most likely had questions after last night, and the sooner I answered them the sooner I’d get an actual ally here.
I exited my room, and the loneliness of the castle pressed down on me as I tentatively lowered my filter to scan for any leftover emotions from Twilight. Yeah, no. That method of tracking was out. Sticking my muzzle to the floor, I inhaled deeply and was rewarded with the scent of lilacs and lilies.
“Odd, ve expected her to smell more like books.” I sniffed a few more times to be sure I had a lock on her scent. She had headed back the other direction from the way we came last night, so I simply followed that trail and soon found myself at the most magnificent library ve had ever laid eyes on.
Thousands of years of scuttling about Equus’ shadow—searching every nook and cranny of the world—and this was the library to top them all. It even topped the oldest memories ve had on the lost library of Star Swirl the Bearded..
I had entered in the central hub of the library—a large spherical room dotted with various floating islands. Each island was connected by bridges, and contained tables or pillows or desks with which one could read and relax in the light of the giant magical construct floating in the very center of the room. The construct’s gears and gizmos ticked and turned while glowing crystals were carried by gyroscopic arms in hypnotic patterns, and a slow heart-like thud could be heard from its center.
Alcoves and balconies lined the walls—each filled with various shelves and equipment. There were maps, charts, taxidermic collections, planetariums, books, and plenty of other things I couldn’t identify without more than a glance. It was almost more of a museum than a library, but the sheer volume of books won out in the end.
And it went down.
At the bottom of the spherical room, the library continued through the trunk of the crystal tree. I couldn’t see where it ended, and I shivered slightly at the thought that it might not.
“H-hello?” My echo fractured as I called into cavernous room. “Princess Twilight?!”
The trail died here. I couldn’t isolate the scent of Twilight from the lingering smell of other ponies looking for their books.
Lowering my filter, I took a small taste of the emotions in the air and almost choked as honey and tea clogged up my arteries. My heart skipped a few beatss, and the device in the center of the room immediately swiveled one of its gyroscopic arms towards me—the crystal glowing intently as if it were staring at me.
“Sorry! I couldn’t stop myself with that much emotion in here.” I called out to it and cocked my head to the side. “Can you even understand me? Ve’ve never encountered something like you before, and ve’re somewhat at a loss as to how I should treat you.”
The construct continued to stare at me.
“I’ll assume that’s a no for now.” I shook my head and launched myself into the air.
Twilight had to be here somewhere….
I found Twilight dozing under a pile of books. Bags were under her eyes, and her coat and mane were somewhat dishevelled. A quick glance showed that her bedding was made of several political classics from the ages.
Civil Disobedience.
The Law of Civilization and Decay.
The Prince.
There was a dragon’s hoard of essays to go through, and ve couldn’t help but to whistle in appreciation. Her head was even resting on Sun Tzu’s Art of War—a kirin piece that was particularly hard to find in Equestria.
Approaching the my host cautiously, I gently nudged her with a hoof to try and wake her. “Princess Twilight?”
She twitched slightly before murmuring something half audible about spreadsheets and checklists. I nudged her again with a little more force, and she groggily raised her head and gazed about with bleary eyes.
“Eurgh…. Spike, remind me not to drink coffee after two in the morning. It gave me that dream about my checklists coming to life and deciding to check me off again.”
“How can a checklist—” I shook my head to banish several confusing mental images that sprang to mind. “Not important.”
Her head jolted to look at me as I spoke, and she blinked twice before staring at me in silence.
“You’re not Spike.”
“Do forgive the intrusion, Princess.” I bowed my head. “But I figured you would have a lot of questions after yesterday.”
“You mean besides the constant ‘Why am I housing a love-sucking parasite?’” The snark in her voice was so sharp it could pierce chitin.
I flinched, and made a slight adjustment to the analysts’ web of probability.
She sighed. “Sorry. I’m not a morning pony, and it gets worse when I pull an all-nighter. Just hold on a second.”
Her horn lit up and a small cylinder labelled Emergency Morning Elixir popped into existence besides her. Twisting the top off she began to guzzle copious amounts of what smelled like high quality coffee down her throat. After several cups and one long sip straight from the source, she teleported the thermos away with a contented hum.
“Alright, what were we talking about again?” She smiled at me. For the most part, she tasted like oranges and sugar, but I hesitated slightly at the slightest waft of bitterness coming off of her.
Drumming my fetlock cavities open and closed, I took a seat across from her. “Well, Princess Twilight, I figured we may as well get to know each other. You’re sure to have questions after last night.”
“Oh, I have a lot of questions.” She giggled, but there was the sudden taste of rainbow in the air—a powerful spice for a powerful irk. “It’s just Twilight, though. Please. I might have let it slide yesterday, but you’re here to make friends with Equestria. Friends call each other by their first names, right, Morpheus?”
“Ve—” I bit back our first response and licked my chops. “I can try to do that for you… Twilight….”
“Good!” She clapped her hooves together and grinned again, the hint of poison in the air fading a little. “It always bugs me when friends use my title!”
“We aren’t friends yet.” I shook my head. “Remember, I can taste your distrust.”
“You can, can’t you….” Prin— Twilight wilted for a second before shoring herself up. Her smile was small yet sincere as she ruffled her wings. “That doesn’t mean we can’t become friends, though.”
“We can.” I nodded. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think that was possible. Now, about those questions…”
“Questions? Oh, right!” Her ears perked up and the taste of oranges quickly overpowered any bitter distrust. “I can ask anything I want?”
“Yes.” I nodded only for my stomach to growl. “Although, now that I think about it. We may also want to come up with a meal plan for me. I was able to snag some love from your castle this morning, but ve aren’t really sure that will be good long term. There’s no telling what will happen if I overfeed on a giant, emoting, potentially sapient building.”
Twilight’s face scrunched, and her ear flicked back and forth. “What?”
I nodded and gestured to the centrepiece of the library which was still staring at me. “Yeah, I guess you didn’t know, but your castle seems to actually be alive. See it watching us now?”
Twilight’s eyes slowly widened as she glanced between me and the construct.Her grin turned manic, and a small sparkle crept into her eye.
“I’m living in a living castle? I can’t believe it!” She squealed so loud I blacked out for a moment. “I’m going to need to spend at least a couple nights on background research. Oh! This’ll be so much fun.”
I hesitantly tried to bring Twilight back from her own little world. “Do you really have time to do any research now, though? I was hoping to meet the town after answering your questions. You still have questions, right?”
New books began to gather from various corners of the library while the books around her scattered back to their places. A small folder that had been buried beneath the table sorted its contents and winked out of existence. I barely caught the label of Princess Lessons upon it.
Twilight casually waved a hoof at me amid the mini storm of paper and ink. “We can’t even begin to think about meeting the town itself until you’ve met my friends. I mean, no offense, but if my friends don’t like you, I doubt the rest of the town will cooperate. Honestly, it’s probably best to just stay inside today. I have a lot of questions.”
I forced a grin. “Well… If your goal today is to get to know me more, I suppose I could just show you how the castle feels. Lab equipment is nice and all, but it pales in comparison to actually tasting the emotions yourself.”
“You can just give ponies the ability to sense emotions?” She arched an eyebrow at me.
“In a way.” I nodded. “I’d need your permission for it, though. The spell is advanced enough that ve’re pretty sure the contract blocks me from using it.”
It was barely perceptible, but Twilight flinched, and I tasted a faint but steady stream of curdled milk.
“I g-guess that’s okay.” She lied, and both of us squirmed.
“A-are you going to actually give me permission?” I internally kicked myself as my echo fractured. “I can’t cast it unless you bid it using the contracts passphrase.”
“O-oh! Sorry! That completely slipped my mind.” Twilight bit her lip, ears flattening against her head. “I was just…” She trailed off before shaking her head. “Passphrase. Right.” She took a deep breath. “I, P-Princess Twilight Sparkle, do hereby grant Prince Morpheus access to the spell requested. He is to be allotted only one cast of said spell with a duration of no greater than 20 minutes.”
“Twilight, I can hear the quiver in your voice.” I sighed, retreating behind my haws. “If you don’t want me to cast the spell, I won’t.”
“I’m not—” She bit her lip as I opened one haw to glare at her. “Okay, maybe I’m a little afraid. I just… When you mentioned casting a spell on me I thought Shining and…”
“Chrysalis,” I spat.
Curse you and your arrogance, Mother.
“I am—” Deep breath. “—not like her.”
“Sorry….” Twilight looked at the ground and the taste of fine wine filled the air. “H-how about you just lecture me on changelings, and I’ll ask any questions I have afterward? We can save the magic for later.” She grabbed several notebooks and quills from her pile of literature.
“Yes, let’s do that.” Several deep breaths passed, and I tentatively peaked out from behind my haws. It wouldn’t do to hide anything from her. “Are you ready?”
Twilight nodded with at least four different quills already scribling in their notebooks.
“There is one simple fact you need to remember when dealing with changelings.” I pointed a hoof at her, and she looked at me quizically. “It’s something you’re quite acquainted with actually.”
“Information is power.”
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I don't get the title at all.
5681391 It basically means that the attitude of a changeling is not parallel to the "ground", that changeling is not a fixed thing but a living, breathing being, always in flux, and capable of and sometimes major changes.
The Equation origins from calculus (Differntial calculus) where you calculate the angle to the reference axis, in this case time. The equation means that if you plot C (Changeling), it is not parallel to the t-axis (time).
(I'm putting this story in my bookshelf but I promise to read it)
5681405 I still don't quite understand but i guess I'll see what I can do. Only thing I want to know is where Chrysalis is in this story. Hmmmm....
5681391
Basically in calculus there's something known as the derivative. The derivative is basically a function that gives you the rate of change of another function. If the equation equals zero, then the other function is incapable of changing. Thus -- as the title is not equal to zero -- it roughly equates to "Changelings are capable of change over time".
5681427 That makes sense. You see I am Greek and we have different terms for math than you guys do. We are rarely taught what these terms in english are. Sorry...
...you are really talented....
When I looked over the title for the first time, I thought it said that changelings weren't nothing. It went like this "Hmm... okay... so if d= a number, it can't equal zero, as having it equal zero would lead to dividing by zero. And by that logic, C cant equal zero either... OOOOOHH..."
FOUR YEARS LATER (4/19/19):
I now understand derivatives and that "d" is used to denote them.
And also that "C' =/= 0" wouldn't exactly be as non-snappy a title.
5682258 d[Var] is a calculus term.
dy/dx would be the instantaneous rate of change of y in terms of x. (Meaning the tangent line of the equation at that value)
So if given a position function "f(t) = t^2", the velocity function would be "dx/dt = 2*t".
In this case, the title means the change in Changeling Population over Time isn't zero.
5682762
Huh... I meant that more as hyperbole. So yes it was supposed to be arrogant, but not only arrogant sounding. Thanks for pointing that out. I'll try and avoid that in the future.
As to everything else, yes it's a completely idiotic move, but subterfuge can't save them now and that's all they know. Chrysalis made the first completely idiotic move in revealing changelings to ponies in a military conquest. That's why they're that desperate now. Yes it is stupid, but they didn't exactly have an option. What I have failed dismally to do though is give the impression that not all changelings are going along with the idea. They submitted yes, but only out of necessity.
May I just point out the sheer magnitude of organic material that such a memory would require and how I believe this is a bit unrealistic? Where is the Hivemind? Can it be destroyed? What happens without it? Did it always exist?
You realize that sleep requires minimal activity of the brain to function and is more about resting the mind than everything and you just had the changeling run simulations all night long? How is that a rest for the changeling? I am sorry but i am confused.
Which brings me to another point. CRYSTAL HEART!!! FEED OF IT! Seriously if you scratch the Cadance reaction that would likely be the same can you tell me how much easier it would be in Ponyville? And I doubt the "Discord" thing is enough excuse since some time earlier Discord had equally or worse tortured Ponyville himself.
Odd thing for a pony to have. You think they'd prefer not to do stuff like that.
Wait... Did Twilight turn coffee magical? GIMME DAT SHIT!
So the changelings will annex themselves as a nation to Equestria or something? Do I have to even mention how bad of an idea that is and what it could do for the changeling culture?
Okay questions...
One:I don't get it... all changelings agree to this? Clearly that is not the case so how did Morpheus even get all signatures? What did Chrysalis do during all the coups and all? Where the hell is she? Did she get dethroned? Also to me, and possibly to Celestia that's not devotion... that's ((if I may be blunt for a moment)) stupidity... and yes distrust doesn't warrant this much surrender. If the ponies were hunting them or killing them then I'd say yes do it with the Princesses... but not otherwise.
Oh and the discussion about the reproduction never happened which makes me kinda sad.
I will track this... but I don't know if it has earned a like or a favorite yet. Especially when the change we are talking about is in danger of being largely dictated by the ponies. No offense good intentions and all but dictating someone's goodness is as bad as brainwashing. I certainly hope I am proven wrong.
5682853 Given what you have said about the changelings I think Chrysalis did a desperate/illogical move. Not exactly stupid... Well how can i say this? It's like when you have been forced to a corner you can only go one way... forward. I bet given the rest of the nations being distrustful of the changelings that Chrysalis considered that conquest is an alternative they have to consider.
As for the matter of having a choice. I'll take an extreme example and tell you about whores... no "exotic dancers". Remember the movie independence day? How the mother says that "it pays". Similarly here it's not a matter of survival trust me... it's a matter of dignity. Sure the changelings need to establish trust with other creatures but that doesn't mean they have to relinquish independence and make their lives forfeit to have the ponies trust them right? Don't you think that goes way beyond a hyberbole? To my eyes that's worse than a mother being a dancer at night clubs.
You're free to prove me wrong and I won't mind accepting my mistakes.
5683104
Okay, I'm much more comfortable discussing the Hivemind here because even if I do info dump too much it's outside the story. Still, I will attempt to avoid it. The simple answer here is that the Hivemind is as much a magical thing as it is a physical thing. Information gathering and storing is the domain and focus changeling biology and magic. The Hivemind is like their passive earth pony strength. I did mention them having small pools of earth pony, pegasai and unicorn magic in addition to their changeling magic, but it's a rather pitiful amount, and it also tends to be focused on sensation or gathering as well. They don't really get any extra strength from their earth pony magic or agility from their pegasai magic. You'll actually get a taste of just what their pony magic can do next chapter or so hopefully.
Hmm... Okay, let's try a metaphor I normally use when thinking of changelings for this story, namely computers. The Hivemind is kind of like a giant mental version of the internet, and when changelings go to sleep they pull out of their bodies and head all the way to the "server". As to what the "server" is... Well that's a secret.
Oh it will... While I personally refuse to ship Morpheus in any way, I have a very specific mini-arc in mind somewhere down the road that involves that discussion... I don't want to elaborate on that unless it happens though.
...it hurts so badly trying not to info dump on this right here and now... and if I do it'll spoil important stuff...
EDIT: Also, thank you for the critique. It's refreshingly useful.
Wow this is very good.
What is that equation, Distance multiplied by Changeling over Distance multiplied by Time does not equal zero?
5683307 Right... If you wish to I welcome pms in this. My skype is dionysiosbbbb btw.
5684089
it's actually a calculus equation known as a derivative. The d roughly represents delta -- as in the difference between Changelings over the difference between time -- but that is not an exact translation. It's easier to think of it as this as I posted in an earlier comment:
5684436 Question why is Spike swearing like a sailor? Isn't that a wee bit overkill? And also "Our brother"? When did he ever know him to call him that? I mean I get it if he would call Twilight his mother or sister but they haven't gotten that intimate.
And the paragraphs in the first chapter... they seem a little... the whole text is placed in the middle.
5684616
Depends on how you want to interpret it. I kind of imagine Spike as being end of preteen to beginning of teenage years (on a mental scale at least) where you begin to act rebellious, but don't necessarily understand how to rebel, or what to do to rebel, or maybe even why you're rebelling. Living in a library and being raised by a scholar, it seems entirely reasonable to me that if he was told a word was bad he'd simply look up other ways to say it that aren't immediately offensive to anyone in a harmless act of rebellion. I can't just come out and say that in the story though. And I'm trying to avoid flat out telling within the story. Normally I have far too much tell and not enough show in my stories. It's something I've always struggled with, so I'm trying to balance it here, but I'm not necessarily good at the show part yet.
5684686 Show don't tell is just a writer's style just so you know. Sometimes there is no luxury in waiting things to be shown. Learned that from a friend. So in the end don't worry about chapter length... to be honest that could sneak in in one sentence and I perfectly understand that. E.g. "Wow wordy little dragon isn't he?" "Don't mind him... he's going through puberty." "Oooh... Yikes!" you could do that. :P And I would be fine with it. It would make WAAAAAY too much sense.
homiest not homeliest when describing the castle
If you hadn't invited criticism, I wouldn't have left this comment, because it could sound impolite if read the wrong way. My point isn't to insult; I'm just offering an opinion which I hope will be of use... So please don't bite. :c
I started reading, intrigued by the premise (and calculus! <3 ). I was excited by promises of a deeply intellectual take on the old changeling integration trope. So I read... and then I ended up skimming.
I understand that this is Twilight's perspective within a frame story involving a wordy scholar, but I think the wordiness is just too much. A reader could skip the first 2k words and not miss any of the actual story. The true brilliance here is buried underneath a facade of purple prose and expository tangents giving bits of lore and worldbuilding better left to implication than lecture. I'd wager a guess that a good third of the 16k length doesn't have anything to do with the story at hand, and when you're dealing with something as inherently deep as cultural integration, you run the risk of exposition overload without needing to add notes about bookshelves and architecture.
In the expository infodump, the changeling 've' is described and detailed, explained to the reader. Then, in the story itself, Twilight asks and Morpheus explains it to her. Why, then, do we need the explanation at the beginning? What purpose does it serve that character interactions cannot? You don't need to both show AND tell.
Not all of the exposition is a problem. Some of it is really good, the parts that are unique and relevant. The visualization of the contract fascinated me.
On a smaller scale, it seems like every sentence is made as elaborate as possible. My issue isn't the presence of elaborate sentences, it's that the whole thing is composed of elaborate sentences, and it becomes tiring to read.
Towards the beginning, the wordiness is ridiculous. I don't need to know about Twilight's bookshelves. I don't need a dissertation on wards; a few sentences would have been sufficient. It's not worth the time to elaborate that much on things that matter so little to the story.
Towards the end, it's beautiful. When Celestia and Luna are present, when the fate of a species is being decided through arcane contracts, it makes sense; it feels right to have sprawling sentences and elegant metaphors... It makes sense to have the narrative voice match the tone of the scene.
I really want to like this fic. The mystery, the suspicion, the intrigue... here's a changeling with a very strange offer; what does he truly want? How do the leaders of the ponies deal with this? That is the core of the story, but as I said, it just seems buried beneath excessive wordiness.
I'm not sure how much was intentional stylistic choice and how much was accident so I'll just conclude with a thought I hope will help either way: have faith in subtlety.
I'd be happy to PM if you want a more thorough/interactive discussion. I really hope something here helped and it doesn't seem like I just spent a few paragraphs being an ass.
Minor note: I would be more in love with the title if the changelings were more obviously mathematical thinkers. Ever read about game theory? If they have a hive mind with such breadth of knowledge and processing power, they could actually have mathematical decision making algorithms that work. Humans started trying it in the 50s but it never really came together... too many variables. Not a problem for a hive mind, though. If that sounds interesting, I would highly encourage that you go beyond the Wikipedia page on "Game Theory," because it's terrible.
5682477 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH... I didn't read the story, sooo.... yeah...
5688395
A more thorough discussion would be nice if you are interested. I could PM you the link to a google doc version if you wanted to comment more closely on individual sections or we could just do it via pm alone if you wished. Purple Prose, Show vs. Tell, and Tell vs. Show have always been a bit of an issue for me. Part of the reason Twilight is the one Narrating actually is because I figured my own wordiness would bleed over into the story and make it less believable if it had been somepony else. And I always welcome critique in those areas, although I have a tendency to get wordy in rationalizing myself back to any critic. I do, however, try to take any and all critique into consideration for future chapters and revisions.
Still liking this. Still calling it thick, but I feel compelled to keep reading.
Did I miss when the "Contract" was signed? We let ch1 with Celestia refusing to sign it, but here we see the prince forced to obey it.
5713634
About the 5th to last paragraph or so in the first chapter. She refuses to condemn the whole species to the contract, but she also basically forces it on Morpheus as a punishment. Whereas before it was a sign of good will from Morpheus it is now a check on him since he violated Celestia's trust.
5714034
That's where she doesn't sign anything, telling him to draft a new contract. I would assume that think takes a while to recreate.
5714759
Huh... How'd I miss the implications of that? If she storms out of the castle, she can't have signed the new contract. Guess I'll need to modify that scene in the revisions. Good thing something already comes to mind. Thanks for pointing that out.
Although this concept has been done quite often, the presentation puts an interesting spin on it. Plus, I just like the concept. Well, time to nitpick the spelling.
Chapter 1
conscience
Chapter 2
Confident. Considering you got it right earlier, I'm assuming this is just a typo.
Get rid of that "s".
How do you pronounce the title?
5945108
It's sort of a matter of personal preference. When I actually say the title aloud I say "dC over dt does not equal zero" or usually just "dC over dt" for short. That's more informal but catchier than the actual mathematical equation which is "the derivative of Changelings in terms of time does not equal zero". And that, in turn is different from the symbolic meaning that is "Changelings are capable of change." that comes from the fact that the derivative of an equation is another equation describing the rate of change of the first equation.
5945280
5945108
For dC/dt, My math professors would say dee-see-dee-tee. I.e., just the letters.
5945730
hmm... I forgot about that particular shorthand. I think I like that one better than "dC over dt", It rolls off the tongue better.
Is there an actual reason for me to read this chapter? What has been revised?
5948003
He's not actually censoring anything here though. He is in essence the first one allowed to publish the truth on the contract.
Changing Times is actually a pony.
Wait, you actually seriously digested that bit of info? You do realize that was Discord talking right? As in the being that can make your alfalfa taste maroon when one shouldn't even be able to taste colors? Not all the story is meant to be taken at face value, and not all of it has a deeper meaning. In fact, a lot of your comments seem to deal with a much more literal interpretation of something that's much more metaphorical or comedic in nature or vice versa.
Mandraboara for example was a random pun I came up with on the spot. It stems from Mandragora (A plant) and Boar(An animal). Is it really such an issue if Luna eats it when it could be either?
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No idea. It's about 1.5x as long with most of that being a new scene at the end. Given that most of your comments on the story are negative I'd argue that it may not be worth your time. It certainly doesn't sound like you're enjoying the story, so I'm not sure why you're asking whether you should continue to read a story it sounds like you have an issue with. Not that I'm offended by that. Everyone has their own tastes, It's simply that there's no point to reading a story if you don't enjoy it, and the evidence points to you disliking it.
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So wait... everyone knew that a contract was being made... they just didn't know what contract? Ah ok.
But... isn't Twilight under the bed? I mean covering her head with a pillow. Sorry it was just too confusing that I couldn't understand how to take it. Maybe I'm just an idiot that can't understand a joke. I'm sorry.
No that actually makes much more sense and I should have known since I have encountered the plant in Harry Potter and the same kind of thing in Fruit Bats in Wanderer D's fics. No this actually makes too much sense and makes it okay. No really I mean it.
Some parts are grammar, some I don't understand, some ((like the distracting paragraphs describing the room for which I don't care about)) are honest to god criticism because I've been told the same thing.
In all honesty about the room description scene:I have the same problem... I have a bad habit of totaly describing a place when I enter the author area. Since I've made the same mistake I kind of consider it an obligation that you don't...
Some things I complain about is me simply being "emotional" and "fiery" about this fic. If anything you should be happy that the characters are inciting emotion responses within me and getting me so passionate. E.g. Overcoming his own stupidity for Morpheus and the changelings might be something really interesting. In fact Morpheus shows his desperation is a flaw.
Some questions that I have that I don't understand can easily be answered in the future of this fic, and I probably shouldn't have asked them so... passionately.
My only REAL problem however ((past the distracting 3 paragraphs)) and something that is beyond taste is how you changed the scene with Celestia and I sorta don't understand it. Celestia just instantly rewrote the whole contract? One that took someone like Morpheus so much time to make? I mean Chrysalis had about the same amount of power when she was love-gorged so it begs the question... how did she even do that? In any case Celestia could have simply erased all signatures past his which would have been a lot easier. Because it rendered the unexplained((yet)) deaths of the changelings who hunted for this knowledge... pointless. It was like Daredevil regaining his sight after he lost it to chemicals. It was like there was no point.
Besides that I only have one question. Does the contract have a time limit? In any case if you want there are fics similarly using binding contracts that make it much simpler. I understand what you're trying to do with it but one thing I've noticed no matter what plot you're trying to achieve is that if you make it un-neccesarily complicated someone will pop a stupid question and say "Why not just do X?" like Magic in Harry Potter is sometimes so complex that people say "Why not shoot Voldermort in the face?" I mean there's even a trope for that.
Look I understand I was a little bit passionate about this but to be honest I am also a bit frustrated at the stupidity Morpheus has about this.
Past that a minor gripe is that if you intend to have someone in the cover pic that doesn't appear in the fic you're doing the "misleading thumbnail" thing. But in any case any of my questions ((past one or two mentioned above)) CAN be answered through the fic. In any case only real writer's gripe ((past the minor one about distractive descriptions)) is your change of Celestia's actions which could have been infinitely simpler and far more effective/smart.
That's what happened? So what I said happened? Okay that's good, good...
Is she really going to go against her own son's actions? I mean if we count him as son and not some spawn. Don't do it Chrysalis... don't screw things up.
That is answering a lot of questions that I probably should have known earlier but I am glad they are being answered regardless. There is at least some control in the distribution of knowledge and that's good.
I am sorry I do not comprehend. You mean he heard nothing else than what noises he made himself?
I think it's a bit of an overkill to say "travelling" in a room. More like exploring. But that's ok.
I wonder if love is honey then what is Royal Jelly? Royal Jelly is Queen Bee honey highly nutritious. I should know my father used to have bees and I learned from there.
That is with the exception of lucid dreaming.
You sure you weren't tampered by Discord?
What how and when? What did it even do to his body? This had better be answered.
I have a bunch of questions about this but they are too many and perhaps too vague.
I see your Greek reference here. Minos and Minotaurs. We are talking about Minotaurs right? Neat! Oh does that suggest that they have 2 percent chance of attacking either or just 2% chance of attacking in general? Does that also mean they know where the hive is?
Aaah! Nice to see we share the same headcanon in this. I too use mana crystals to store emotions but I've personally said they are mined in the north, the Crystal Empire at times, since they are most abundant there. Doesn't stop them from coming from somewhere else but that's a good thing. Still forgetting to take crystals with you? Tsk tsk tsk... Prince that's among your first priorities. And you claim to think about self-preservation of the species. Don't let details like that slip darling.
Was the library really that great? I was given the impression that Twilight had to order copies of books and that she was still building it to her heart's content. I'll take that as unreliable narrator.
Never really understood the difference between using center and centre.
That's a bit... creepy for a vegetarian species. But I guess there's an explanation about this?
The what? Wait... you mean to tell me the whole castle is a crystal tree? Huh... interesting.
I'll assume the Kirin are like Lady Snow the dragonpony I've seen in deviantart? If so thumbs up for using them... the dragon ponies are SOOO cool.
I may be repeating myself at this point but... GIMME DAT SHIT!!! Also insert *snort* Mr Bean:Magic! here...
Morpheus... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! Oh god I can already see it. *shivers*
Well this is a bit surprising. I thought Spike considered Twilight a mother. *shrug*
The what now? Okay I really need to know what this is! EDIT:NVM! I noticed. Also Blue Screen of Death... really obscure thing in general as a joke.
there*
Oh you had BETTER tell me about it later.
Okay now I REALLY want to learn Chrysalis's relation with the rest of the swarm and what happened to her form when she abdicated the throne. She has at least some dignity to admit she is not the right ruler if she can't provide or she failed. But I don't exactly know/am sure that this Chrysalis will try something. To have abdicated her throne means she has a serious self problem that's not going to be solved easily.
Though I understand this connection I find it awkward that a strong defensive emotion can be shown in equal intensity together with a strong offensive one.
Does that mean there will no longer be a changeling Kingdom? This could go infinitely times worse.
Isn't that quite a big message to have in alphabet soup?
Okay let me get this straight. The castle cooked, brought their food there and replaced it. Okay... in what way isn't this weird? Also how do you explain all these things it can do if it doesn't have appendages?
That sounds like all the horror movies where you turn around for a moment and shit has changed.
How can it be even better? How much intelligence and knowledge does it have and where did it get it? SO MANY QUESTIONS! Harmony Tree you're one BIG plot device.
Weren't those essays?
I am sorry I am a bit confused, but why does Morpheus even need to do this. They should have all the time in the world but it feels like we're on a psychologist appointment. Hmmm...
In any case what's the ETA on a next chapter? I have waaay too many questions to know about what happens in the future. And how come you sent Spike away? Was he not helping the plot?
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No it's fine. My sense of humor can be a bit... out there shall we say. As you pointed out with the Azure Veil joke I often delight in jokes that may be way too subtle for anyone without authors insight to catch. It's more my fault if they're misunderstood than anyone else's. I just wanted to point out that that was happening.
I changed that scene for two reasons. The first was that it was pointed out to me that if Celestia ordered Morpheus to redraft the contract before leaving then the fact that it took months before means it would take months now. Months that Morpheus doesn't have. Second, however, was that I felt I didn't quite do Celestia's anger justice before. Note that A) this is a magical surge on Celestia's part sparked by her anger and B) Morpheus is not love gorged. As to the deaths of those changelings being pointless... Yes and no. Celestia certainly wouldn't have admitted to the Unbreakable Contracts existence if the Changelings had just walked up to her and asked for it. They still needed to find it. And the reason I said changelings died hunting it to begin with is because it just logically makes sense that some would have died trying to find long lost secret scraps of a spell in who knows where. While I never thought up the specifics of where they looked it seemed fair to assume that they either needed to scrounge dangerous ancient ruins or raid highly guarded collections of magical artifacts -- both of which are dangerous.
I honestly don't mind the passion or criticism. Just try to mix a little positivity in. Tell me what you think I'm doing right in addition to what you think I'm doing wrong. It doesn't need to be much. I just need something to let me know you aren't just bashing the fic.
Sorry, forgot to tell you in the last comment. That's actually Morpheus in the cover art. Notice the somewhat shorter mane and blockier snout? That's a male changeling lord. All lords, including Chrysalis, look like that. The King/Queen/Prince/Whatever that rules is an assumed title the ruling lord takes rather than a distinct class of changeling.
This is actually easy to answer, but harder to show in the story in one go. It's something I'm hoping to elaborate on slowly in the story over time. Changelings on their own are quite good at probability and are nigh unbeatable when they work on a problem as a whole. Individuals have limits however. That's why Morpheus needed a group of analysts early on. With games, however, it is considered cheating to ask for help from other living changelings. They may draw on the Archives for strategies and the mathematics involved in figuring out how to optimize play, but all the calculations and actions are on Morpheus. Castle is better at probability than Morpheus and other changelings on an individual level, but not the changelings as a whole.
Hopefully a month. Maybe less if things go really well. As to Spike, all I'll say is he isn't being completely written out. He's simply going to be affecting the story indirectly at first. He should be back about halfway through the first month.
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I'll tell you this. The single fact that you post so many questions for me shows that what you have to say is complicated and interesting. It's clear that with the sheer size of the chapters that you're putting effort into this. However in that effort a lot of the nifty details are lost and some things are in serious need of answers and need of being crystal clear.
Besides that there are wishes I have that are entirely subjective. Like Chrysalis just abdicates the throne leaving stuff to happen? No that doesn't feel right... I mean she's not just giving up after 1 failed attempt right? She's going to think these things through right? Find the answer? Contribute once again?
The main thing I am concerned with was she just reforging the spell anew from scratch in an instant. I imagine she just erased all but Morpheus's signatures?
Don't they have distinctive features at all?
Does relation even do anything about this? I mean does relation of blood grant political power?
I'll be waiting.
A personal wish is that Chrysalis will learn of all this but that's up to you.
Still liking this. I do think you should break it into smaller, more digestible, chapters. It's very dense, and I can see that turning a lot of readers away.
So unicorns use Facebook while changelings use Twitter
Nice! Sentient castle for the win!
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better analogy, Unicorns send emails, Changlings dead drop info, then tell the recipient where it is with co-ordinates.
Twilight's library (or as close as we are going to get):
That lead tho. The implications alone... I'm hooked!
Props man, props.
at some point I am going to crack TARDIS jokes, and going to insist that it can travel through time and space
So since with Changelings Knowledge = Power, does this then mean that Changelings are inherently Evil? After all Power Corrupts, so you should Study Hard & Be Evil
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Well, knowledge is power, power corrupts, thus Evil.
But consider also that Women are evil by the formula:
Women = Time X Money
Time == Money
Thus, Women = Money x Money
Therefore
Women = Money^2
Money is the root of all evil
So Evil = Root(Money^2)
Thus, if Women = Evil, and Power = Evil, and Knowledge = Power.
Then
Women == Evil == Power == Knowledge == Money == Time
Then... Twilight is more evil than even Chrysalis! She's a woman (technically), which makes her evil by default because the math never lies. But she has power as the element of magic, knowledge because she's a study hound, money as a princess, and can use Time Spells.
We're watching you Twi. We're watching.
This needs to be written.
So how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato.
*clap, clap, clap*
Oooh, Best Pony has a new project! I giggled when I read this, its like I felt her excitement by proxy.
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"I used to have a good life. Nobody tried to kill me, or put in a potato, I just tested. And then YOU came along; you dangerous, mute lunatic"
-GLaDOS