• Published 28th Feb 2015
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dC/dt ≠ 0 - I Thought I Was Toast



A look into changeling and pony culture as changelings attempt to integrate and make peace with Equestria.

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The Inevitable (Morpheus) Part 5

There is something to be said for how Shining managed to take the news that I was a changeling without attempting to murder me. The desire was there—the intent—but he maintained his composure well enough to never act upon it.

Such control is befitting of the captain of the royal guard, and I am thankful he responded as he did. What Mother did to him was inexcusable even in a time of war—if it can even be called war with Equestria, for the most part, ignorant of our intent. Most ponies and changelings would not have kept such a tight hold on their feelings in a similar situation. Even the most experienced Lords would be hard-pressed to do so.

“We’re back!” Twilight’s voice echoed through Castle as the doors rumbled close behind us.

I glared at the doors. They were being unnecessarily loud. Castle knew. He knew what was coming, and delighted in signaling the inevitable. As a castle of friendship made manifest, did that mean my confrontation with Shining was destined to smooth itself out, or did it mean I’d have to work more for it?

The lights flickered, and there were suddenly bright neon arrows pointing the way. They flashed between white and blue, with each bearing Shining's Cutie Mark.

Twilight chuckled at the sight. “I wonder how he’s making those?”

There was another flicker of light, and a giant portrait of Pinkie Pie decorated the wall to our left. It depicted her sitting in a plush red armchair; stroking Opalescence with the most changeling grin on her face. Its eyes were cut out, allowing somepony to peer through, although the wall lacked holes to do so.

“What does that even...” Twilight’s face slowly and painfully scrunched as she tried to understand.

“Uhh… Twilight…” I gestured to the arrows lighting the way.

Her face slowly unscrunched. “Right…right….”

Moving down the hall in a comfortable silence. I savored the taste of wine with a hint of lemon in the air. With her curiosity put to the side, Twilight was worried for me.

Actually. Worried. For. Me.

It wasn’t like her general anxiety, and something about tasting it left me feeling warm and tingly. I couldn’t help but grin at the feeling, and she noticed.

“What are you so happy about?” She fidgeted.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply for a moment. “Nothing really. You’re just worried for me, and I’m not sure I can remember the last time somepony sincerely did that.” I shook my head. “I mean, my subjects kind of do, but it’s not even close to the same. They worry about me. You’re worrying for me. The taste is different in a way that’s hard to describe. A nice way.”

“I know what you mean….” The Princess of Friendship nodded. “That’s part of the reason I’ve been delaying getting guards. Ponies are already starting to worry about me, the princess, rather than for me, the pony. A guard would just exacerbate the problem.”

I nodded in agreement, and thought of Hera and the rest of my own guard. They were impassive as stone, with chitin just as hard. They were cold, terse, professional, and barely said a word. They were not the sort of ponies that screamed ‘befriend me.’

That said, they had stopped more than several assassination attempts meant for me.

“I can certainly relate to that, but a guard might not be so bad for you.” I squirmed at the look that got me. “Sorry. I just mean that a guard takes care of things you can’t.”

Twilight opened her mouth, but I cut her off. “For you, that’ll probably mean making sure everypony else is safe while you deal with the real threat. I agree that you won’t want something like my own guard or the royal guard, but that just means you should take an active interest before it’s forced on you. If you hoof pick your guard, you can make them friendly, approachable, and charismatic—the kind of ponies others will want to listen to in a crisis.”

We turned a corner to find a small army of bobbleheads nodding enthusiastically—Castle seemingly very eager to agree.

Twilight snorted at the sight, and the taste of dry desert sand gusted into the room from Castle in response. He was still so lonely sometimes, and I wished I could help him. Perhaps later, when ve had more time to come up with more compelling arguments for Twilight. Walking on, we took another turn and came upon some stairs. We started slowly curling our way upwards, and I waited to see if she wanted to respond.

The dry wine that was her emotions was spiced with more than lemons now. It was a hot spice that didn’t belong, and it bothered me that I had bothered her—frustrated her. There she had been worrying about me—she still was—and I’d gone and said something dumb.

No. Not dumb. Just ill-timed.

Many staircases later, Twilight still hadn’t said anything, but that might have been the hundreds and hundreds of stairs—eight hundred seventy-nine to be precise. I knew this, despite only starting counting at the thirteenth floor, because there was twenty per floor, and we were a single step away from the forty-fourth floor.

A single step impeded our journey forward, as we both lay panting for our breath on the cold unfeeling stairs. I didn’t even know there were forty-four plus floors in Castle. I usually just flew down the center of the library.

“Why are there forty-four floors in your castle?” I gulped for air. “And how do Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Rarity manage?”

“They don’t.” Twilight croaked. “I think Castle is leading us on a wild goose chase, but it’s either press up or fall down… and down… and down….”

I gritted my fangs and pulled. Slowly, I made it to the next floor—or rather, my head and forelegs did. The rest of me was stuck lying on a very uneven incline. That’s all stairs were really. They were the most uncomfortable kind of incline, the kind that jutted out to stab a pony in the back or belly, and I counted myself lucky to have chitin.

Twilight, though, bore the brunt of the ordeal.

I pulled myself forward again, and slid my stomach onto the landing. Now only my hind legs dangled over the stairs. “Why are you doing this, Castle?”

The lights flickered, and a note of artistically overdone calligraphy appeared before me. “I did nothing more than what was required of me, good Master Morpheus and Mistress Twilight. You were both taking a long time to return, and Master Shining and Mistress Cadance decided to pay homage to Sleipnir. I just provided them the dungeon suite, and discreetly moved it to the top floor where no pony would stumble upon it. —Friendship Castle.”

They’re doing what in a what?” Twilight tilted her head by a fraction as she lay there.

It took us a few seconds to parse the euphemism, but when ve did I sighed. “They’re making the eight-legged horse, Twilight.”

“I’m sorry?” Her head tilted further.

“The beast with two backs.” I tried again, trying to keep it less crude for Twilight’s sake. Mother—braggart that she is—took great pleasure in recording Shining's less than noble tastes in the bedroom, and ve had a feeling they weren’t something Twilight would ever want to know of.

There are some things ponies just should not do with an iron maiden.

Twilight’s ear flicked, and she hummed in thought. “Now I know that one’s Shake Spear’s, but I can’t remember the context.”

Well… I tried.

“Sex, Twilight. They’re having sex.”

Her face puckered as a blush crept up her neck. “Oh, eww… Why’d you have to say it like that?”

I half-heartedly threw a hoof in the air. “You wouldn’t take the euphemisms!”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have used such archaic euphemisms!” She poked me.

“Castle started it!” I poked back, and—to my horror—it was somehow enough to start pushing her down the stairs.

Twilight eeped in surprise, flailing her limbs as she started to slide. In a flash her horn lit, and she popped out of existence. Reappearing on the landing in front of me, she slid a few inches before stopping – her momentum thankfully too small to carry her back over the stairs.

We stared at each other for a second, trying to figure out if it was all right to breathe.

“Maybe we should go to the library?” Twilight quivered slightly as she got up, but still held a hoof out to me.

“Yes…. That might be safer.” I followed her out the forty-fourth floor exit. “Well…” I thought back to my first day in Castle. “It’ll be safer as long as I don’t scare you into tripping over the balcony again.”

We had chosen an alcove with a fireplace to wait at. The flames danced merrily within it, yet they were ignored as Twilight and I narrowed our gazes at the chessboard between us. Her white armies dominated the field, surrounding my few remaining pieces on most sides.

“Checkmate!” Twilight beamed as she moved her rook forward.

I looked at the board, and ve mulled over our possible legal moves—of which there none. A game of Swindler’s Chess was rarely so easily lost to mere checkmate, though.

“You’d think that,” I grinned, “but you forget I haven’t revealed my final cheat.”

She groaned, putting her head in her hooves. “What is it this time?”

“Nothing too big.” I shrugged. “I am merely able to move my pieces in such a way that they don’t have to protect the king during check.” I moved my bishop across the field, taking one of her pieces. “Check.”

She blinked at the board. “I don’t…” She picked up her rook to move for the kill, then set it back down. “Alright, what’s that accomplish?”

I chuckled. “Well, it’s called the Greater Good gambit, and there’s two ways to rule it—three if you also had that particular cheat. Rules as written, when in check you must defend the king, so the first outcome is I delay checkmate a turn while you’re forced to defend. It is for the greater good I risk my king.”

Twilight pouted. “Well that sounds unfair.”

I nodded. “Which is why the other rulings exist. If you believe the game lost at any point as I continue to delay in this fashion, you may—for the greater good—take my king and sacrifice yours for the greater good. This will result in a draw rather than your loss.”

Twilight glared at my bishop before glancing up. “And the third?”

I shrugged, reveling in how smooth the motion felt after the spa. “If you also took the Greater Good Gambit cheat, we would again exchange kings, but I’d lose.”

Twilight looked down at the board muttering various moves to herself. She had any number of ways to kill the bishop, and ve saw only four more ways to stall for a turn. Technically, it was impossible for us to win.

Twilight didn’t know that, though.

She looked up at me again, and I stared back with a cocky grin. Hesitantly levitating a knight, she took my bishop.

“I think you’re bluffing.” She glanced quickly at the board before returning her gaze to me.

Without missing a beat, my queen rushed in to take a pawn – threatening the king, but leaving itself wide open to her other rook. “You sure about that? Check.”

“Yes.” She took the queen, glaring at the board for a trap that wasn’t there. She licked her lips. Her head snapped between me and the board several times, waiting for my move. She didn’t have to wait long.

I moved my last rook down to threaten the king via the opening her rook had made. “Because I’ve been building things up to this point.” It was true, but I hadn’t expected a measly four turns to work the bluff. She’d barely used her cheats, moving in a mostly conventional fashion, and my own position suffered for it.

Shakily, her rook moved back to it’s previous position. I took it with my own rook, leaving it right next to her king. All she needed to do to win was take my rook with her king.

Face scrunching, Twilight tilted her. “Okay… Even Cadance doesn’t make moves this bad, and she’s awful at chess. Are you just stalling by throwing pieces away? Or are you actually planning something?”

I grinned wider, but said nothing.

She looked at the board, then me, then back to the board. She levitated her king up, and I gave a chuckling thrum just before she took the rook. Her king froze millimeters away from its victory, and Twilight cast her gaze about the board again.

Half a minute later she set the king down and sighed. “It’s too easy. You make everything complicated, and taking that rook is too easy….” She sighed. “I can’t figure out what you’re really planning, so I’ll take the draw.”

My grin threatened to decapitate me. “Oh good, that was the plan all along.” I cackled as Twilight pelted me with chess pieces.

“I think they’re this way, honey. I can hear them laughing.” We both froze at the sound of Shining’s voice.

“You go on ahead then.” Cadance’s voice followed. “I’m going to make us all hot chocolate before joining you.”

In a blur, ve began taking stock of my disguise, looking everything over to ensure nothing had slipped during the game. Twilight was rushing to throw the chessboard back together, and by the time the door opened she had taken up a spot on the opposite side of the alcove reading a book.

Shining entered and looked between us, eyebrow arching. “You know, Twily, it just looks more suspicious if you purposely move to the other side of the room. I get that you’re just friends, and you want to make that clear to me, but you keep doing it in ways that scream ‘Hey BBBFF! We were just making out in here.’”

A blush crept up Twilight’s neck. “Sorry. I guess I’m just overthinking things.”

“Maybe not as much as you think.” Shining grinned and moved over to sit beside her. With a jerk of his head, he signaled me over, away from the cozy fire. “I mean, if you really want a way to make your friends think you’re dating without actually dating, that’s the perfect way to do it.”

The blush on Twilight’s neck spread to her face. “I don’t think that’d be— I can’t even imagine what they’d— Only if they really aren’t buying it.”

Ve cringed internally. Rarity would no doubt have fun with that bit of info if— No, when. She’d have fun with that when she figured that out.

Shining snorted and rolled his eyes. “I was joking, Twily.” He poked his cushion a little, shifting around. “Anyways, Cadance said you two wanted to tell me something when you got back, and she’s off making cocoa, so I know she thinks it’s going to start a fight.” He glanced between us. “It isn’t, ‘Surprise, we were dating all along!’ is it?”

We both shook our heads fervently. “No!”

He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Good. Because we would need to have a long, long, talk about that.” He turned to Twilight. “If it’s not that, though. What is it?”

“Well…” Twilight bit her lip, “It’s… umm… I mean…” There was a lot of wine and lemon juice in the air, and it dawned on us that Twilight was worried about me so much that she was considering outright lying.

This, of course, couldn’t stand, and I gently prodded her with my muzzle to get her attention. “Perhaps I should just show him.”

“No, no….” She waved me off. “Much better to tell him that you’re… you’re…” Her face puckered, tongue sticking out.

“Just let me do it, Twilight.” I looked Shining dead in the eye, and shed my disguise in a rush of green flames.

“I. Am. A. Changeling.”

There were suddenly two shields between me and Shining as he tried to contain me and Twilight tried to protect me.

Shining’s face was impassive as he warily scrutinized me, but I could taste the feelings he was trying not to show. The maelstrom of his emotions assaulted me threefold as the initial wave of sour milk signaling stark terror passed.

It was quickly been replaced with frigid dread that was so cold it burned, and bitter, poisonous, distrust coated steel blades of solid determination that dug into my chitin like knives. Beneath it all, he tried to hide his anger, yet I could feel it with each twisting stab of the knives. The metaphorical blades blazed with heat fresh from the forge.

And so I burned from cold and heat and rotting poison.

Ve didn’t trust my ability to speak without stuttering. Ve almost put a filter up, but I held back. I had to at least try to get through this without a filter.

The captain’s horn glowed brighter for a second, enveloping Twilight in it’s glow, and when he spoke it was with a flat, careful, drone devoid of emotion. “Twilight… the detection spell says that’s you, so I’ll give you a chance to explain. Why are you shielding that changeling from me like I’m the bad guy?”

I quivered as his emotions churned.

Ears flat against her head, Twilight squirmed. “With what Cadance said at the spa, I thought your reaction might be shoot first and ask questions later.”

Shining squinted, scrutinizing his sister, and the knives stopped twisting. They didn’t withdraw, but they stopped boring into me.

“I think I want that hot chocolate now.” He stood and walked toward the door.

“Shining, wait!” Twilight reached a hoof out towards her brother.

Shining stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Nothing you say right now is going to convince me that letting that thing in your castle is a good idea. You want me to listen? Well, let me hear what my wife has to say. The only reason I didn’t shoot was because Cadance must have known and convinced you to tell me yourselves.”

Without waiting for a reply, he strode from the room. Twilight and I looked at each other, not knowing what to say. She licked her lips, face scrunching, while I flicked my wings every few seconds, trying not to buzz them.

“T-that could have gone worse.” My voice fractured, and ve cursed inwardly at the stutter. The added irritation caused me to lose control of my wings, and they buzzed harshly, echoing through the room like a swarm of locusts.

“Hive damn it all!” I snorted, pounding a hoof into the table. I kept trying to force my wings still, but adrenaline still coursed through my body.

My fear was turning to anger for no other reason than the source of said fear was gone, and ve clamped filter after filter down to control it. Stupid, fickle, contextual, emotions were too malleable for their own good. There was a reason we had spent centuries playing ponies like fiddles, and—

No. That was the other Lords talking. Ve knew there was more to ponies. I had proof. I was friends with Twilight, and I refused to let their doubts poison me now. Ve had expected Shining to react worse than that, so I had no reason to let his reaction cloud our judgement.

All ve needed was—

“Morpheus….”

The cool moistness of a snout prodded my shoulder, and I blinked, realizing what I must have looked like—breathing heavily and gazing into the distance after such a display of anger.

“I’m… fine now.” I slowly shifted the tension out from my muscles, wishing to go to the spa again. “Ve just needed to set up some filters. Your brother’s internal reaction was… intense, and it caused me to momentarily lose control. Ve will be ready if it happens again.”

Twilight’s worry was tinged with a new steely resolve as she set a hoof on my withers. “Everything will work out. I’ll make sure of that.”

I snorted, still agitated beneath a mass of filters. It would be counter productive to apply more, though, so ve began searching the hivemind for a few emotional purging recipes. Hopefully, cleansing our heart of Shining’s distrust and fear would let us conquer our own emotions.

“I mean it!” She poked me with a hoof. “You have every right to be here, and Shining’s going to see that. If I have to pull the princess card, I will.”

“He’s a prince.” I droned. “Ve don’t think the princess card will work.”

“Then I’ll get Cadance to pull the wife card,” Twilight retorted.

Ve held back another snort as I walked towards the door. “Ve also don’t think that’ll work, but it’s worth a try.”

I let Twilight’s worry sooth the storm of negativity Shining had forced upon me. The maelstrom refused to quiet completely, but it let us lower a few filters as Twilight and I headed towards the kitchen.

As we turned the corner, we found it had been replaced with a swimming pool. Neon lights once more highlighted the walls suggesting any number of ways to cool off. We stared at the display for a second, and both sighed.

“Castle…” Twilight didn’t even elaborate. The lights just flickered, and Castle replaced the signs with arrows to mark the path.

Twilight squinted at the arrow. “This better not be another wild goose chase, Castle.”

The lights flickered, leaving a message on the wall. “I would never do such a thing, Mistress. Wild goose chases have no meaning to them. —Friendship Castle

Twilight stared some more, but, when no flicker of lights was forthcoming, she sighed and pulled me onward. Three turns later, the dining room came in sight. Muffled shouting could be heard from within’ and the smell of cocoa wafted down the hall. We stopped at the door, both of us hesitant to take that last step.

“And what if it’s all just a trap?! You said he’s Chrysalis’s son. Her son!” I heard the resonant thud of hoof meeting floor. “How are you okay with that? It just screams revenge scheme.”

“It does,” Cadance sighed, “but I got a chance to know him today, Shining. He’s nothing like his mother.”

There was a crack as Shining stomped again. “You can’t know that, though.”

“No….” Cadance hesitated. “I guess I can’t....”

There were a few moments of silence from Shining. “Then why are you going along with it?”

“I don’t know….” There was the shuffle of hooves. “Because it isn’t healthy to hold a grudge? Because it’s the right thing to do?”

“And why is that?” Shining sighed.

“Shining—" the love that pulsed from the room with that word melted all the negativity in me, and ve slowly lowered our filters "—changelings weren’t always evil monsters hiding in the shadows. They were secretive, yes, but they were still like any other pony.

“Celestia has told me stories—very personal stories that I can’t share with you—about several changelings she once knew personally or by association. She showed me the most wonderful letters from—" there was an audible gulp "—well, I promised I wouldn’t say. Just trust me when I say that changelings can change for the better, and I think the start of that change will come with Morpheus. I can see the potential for love in him, dear. There isn’t just a void draining love from the air.”

The taste of cyanide wafted from the room. “Or maybe they’ve found a way to fool you, too.”

Shining Adamantine Armor!”

Twilight flinched at Cadance’s volume, and seemed to realize we’d just been sitting there. Ve were fine with eavesdropping, but apparently she wanted to take action as things started to escalate.

Now was not the time, though. Ve could tell. Cadance was about to make a breakthrough whether Shining Armor wanted one or not, and I held a hoof out to stop her, and mouthed at her to wait. With any luck she’d realize why before charging in.

Twilight looked between me and the door where a sniffling Cadance could be heard. Reluctantly, she nodded and backed down, muscles tensed with the need to go and comfort her family.

“Oh, my— I just— All because you— And it probably only— Honey, I’m so sorry!” The extra sour wine poured fresh and strong through the door as Cadance bleated in distress. “I didn’t mean to yell, but you’ve just been making such great progress, and then you said that, and I panicked, because you’ve only made it this far trusting me, and if you can’t trust me as your wife I don’t know who you would trust, and I love you too much, too— And— And—"

“Cadance!” Honey-dipped steel cut through the panic and sorrow. “Stop and do your breathing exercises!” The negativity slowly faded once more, and soon there was only the purest of honeys. I’m sorry…” Shining sighed. “I’m overreacting to this aren’t I?

Cadance sniffled again. “Just a little.”

“I can’t trust him, though.” Shining’s voice hardened.

“Then trust me.” Twilight opened the door before I could stop her, and I slunk in behind her. Shining was nursing a cup of cocoa, while Cadance had him locked in a wing hug. He glared at me until his wife distracted him with a nuzzle. There was a lot of cyanide in that glare, and ve quickly began reforming filters before he could overwhelm us.

“I know this is hard for you—" Twilight joined in on the hug "—and I’m not asking you to trust him yet.” She nodded to me. “But I’ve learned a lot about Morpheus while he’s been here, and I trust him. I’m asking you as your L.S.B.F.F. to trust me and Cadance on this.”

Shining gained control of himself once more. He stood up—stood tall—and marched about me, scrutinizing every piece of me in a way ve found reminiscent of a griffon eyeing their choice of prime cuts. The knives were back, but did not twist. They did not burn, nor did they freeze, and ve were very, very thankful for that.

The captain flayed me with his gaze, and his steely resolve bit into me again and again, as if simply staring at me would expose my nefarious plans. Ve idly wondered if it would have been better to redon my disguise, but I knew this was the one pony I needed to see me face to face.

After an eternity of circling me, he stopped right in front of me and peered deep into my eyes. “You know, I actually thought we could be friends earlier today? Now I don’t know what to think. I can’t even think straight near you, so I’m going to take my wife home, and I’m going to think about today long and hard. I will make sure to hear about your every move, and I will know if you put one hoof out of line.”

“And I’ll be here faster than you can blink if you hurt my sister.” The last was whispered so only I could here.

Pulling back, he took a long draught of his cocoa and looked to Cadance. “We should get going now.”

“What?!” Twilight’s ears folded back. “You just got here, though!”

“No, Twilight, I think he’s right.” Cadance sighed. “I wanted to believe this wasn’t that big an issue—that we could work everything out, and have some cocoa, and be done with it—but even I could use some time to come to terms with it. I think… I think going back to the Crystal Empire to think on things will be good for Shining and me.”

She and Shining hugged Twilight, and I could taste the love—like fresh baked cookies.

“I promise it’ll only be a month tops.” Cadance winked at me over Twilight’s shoulder. “Just have fun dating your new friend in the meantime.”

Shining froze at the statement, muscles trembling, and I wisely made myself scarce before any form of argument reopened. It was a horrible choice, after all, to either draw the ire of an overprotective big brother or spurn the help—desired or not—of the Princess of Love.

To this day, ve still wonder how I could have handled things better. Sometimes the only answer to healing wounds is time, though, and Shining Armor needed time.

Time, however, was not on my side. Ve were worried Shining’s views would be reflected in the populace as a whole, and there wouldn’t be enough time for all of Equestria to change its mind. It is a good thing my friends were there for me, else ve might have thought things truly lost.

Author's Note:

Hmm... Not sure how to feel about this one. There's one more mini-arc until the end of the second phase, and there's going to be about a weeks worth of time skipping between this arc and the next. Time is then likely to keep skipping between arcs in the third phase as gaining the trust of Ponyville is likely to take a long time, thus arcs will probably be spaced accordingly.

Before the third phase though, I believe it might be time to go back and run some more edits to older chapters.

Regardless, thanks to Malefactory and reprovedhawk for editting this time. Critique is always welcome, but try to say at least one positive thing amid any negative comments. It may not seem like much, but it can be the difference between a comment appearing to be a senseless bash rather than thoughtful advice.

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