Princess's Day Off

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have there day off! Until, Twilight and Cadance stay in the castle and try not to ruin Princess Celestia and Luna's day off!

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Shine

Shine #1 · Feb 28th, 2015 · · ·

Nice, I like it. Liked and faved, though I noticed somethings:

You put a lot of spacing between lines and some sentences. And there are a few punctuation mistakes.

"C'mon Celia!" said Luna, taking Celestia's hoof. "We ain't got all day!"

Never head Celestia's name being cut short like that. It's usually Tia, just to observe.

"Just so you know, Cadance!" exclaimed Twilight, putting her hoof on her own chest. "I'm very responsible and serious about this, so you better listen carefully."
Cadance giggles.

Present tense out of all of the story being past as far as I could see.

"Ok, Twi!" Exclaimed Cadance. "I'll just be in the spa for the rest of the day."

Needs a lower case E

"Just look at my aunt's bedroom," said Cadance. Cadance started to gte herself a chair and with her magic she grabbed the quill.

Get

"Let's have a contest!" Luna, blurted out. Celestia stared at Luna for a secong and smiled

Second

Luna flew five times faster than her sister which lead Luna to crash on a tree.

Should that be 'into a tree'?

"Ow," said luna.

Needs a capital L

Luna had to let her sister carry her in her sister's wing because Luna had broke her wing, but didn't want to tell her sister because it would totally ruin their perfect day.

Used 'her sister' twice in the same sentence and all the uses of 'her' makes it a bit confusing.

The colt bowed down to Celestia as Celestia rolled her eyes.

Said Celestia twice.

"Are you ok sister?" asked Celestia.

Okay*

"I'm sorry my dear sister," said Celestia, wrapping her wing around her sister.
"Were is her work!?" yelled Twilight. "Doesn't Luna ever do work!?"

Should have some marking between this change of scene like:
---------------------
***
^^^
Or such

Twilight let out a big laugh. The funny thing for Twilight was that Cadance barely did enough work and didn't let Twilight do the whole thing.

Said Twilight quiet a few times instead of 'her' or 'she' or 'the purple mare' and so on.

"It's twenty-three point three six six six four two eight nine one zero nine," said Twilight, proudly. Still, Twilight laughed at Cadance for not knowing a simple math question. "Haven't you ever learned math?"

Again with double name thing.

"Yeah," said Celestia."Let's go!"
Luna opened the door fully open and flew fast which she instantly fell.

Should there be a complete line of space between these two lines?

"Ok,ok, just calm down," smiled Celestia.

Okay, okay*

And again Celestia and Luna went outside to have fun, except Luna couldn't fly so they had to walk.

Luna twice.

Twilight quickly raced towards Celestia's work while Cadance slowly walked towards Twilight. Cadance Looked at Twilight as Twilight sadly nodded.

Name thing

"Ok Twily," said Cadance, rolling her eyes. "You can do all the work."

Okay*

"Yes!" screamed Twilight, in happiness. Twilight might not have a lot of work, but she was super happy dealing with royal things, etc.
"Ok!" replied Twilight. Twilight squealed in happiness as she worked on every single problem.
Shouldn't there be a bigger space here?
"So Luna," said Celestia, walking slowly at a pace Luna could catch up. "Did you tell Twilight where was your work?"
"Ok," said Celestia, rolling her eyes. Luna catched up with Celestia as they walked towards Ponyville.

Name thing. Okay* and caught up.

"So..." said Luna. "Do you think everything is going perfect over at the castle?"
I think there should be a bigger space here.
"I already finished Celestia's work!" yelled Twilight, trowing the books out. "But where in Equestria is Luna's work!?"

Cadance, looked at the mess she had made in the library and back to the hall. Cadance's jaw was wide open. All Cadance saw in the hall was mess and water all over the floor.

Name thing. Where did the water come from?

"Twilight!" yelled Cadance. "Look at the mess you've done!"

Mess you made?

"What?" asked Twilight, still trowing books. Twilight trew a bok out of the air which landed on Cadance's face.

Throwing, Threw, Book. And it's Twilight, I don't think she would throw books.

Cadance saw as Twilight disappeared to Celestia's room. Cadance sighed and decided to followed Twilight, to see if she didn't do something crazy.

So many names.

"Twilight," sighed Cadance.
Bigger space or some marking?
"I think there fine," said Celestia and Luna, at the same time.

Okay, I'm sorry since I seem like I'm nit-picking, but these are just typos and such, I overall loved the story, and these things just caught my eye, so I decided to inform you about them, please don't take offense to this, I just wanted to point out the few errors I found, it happens to people. Everyone.

Sweets82

Sweets82 #2 · Feb 28th, 2015 · · ·

5681359 Thank you for pointing thing out. I really appreciate that people ( ponies ) like my story! I will fix my mistakes later
~Azalea

Shine

Shine #3 · Feb 28th, 2015 · · ·

5681511 No problem.

_____________

_____________ #4 · Mar 1st, 2015 · 1 · ·

I liked where you were going with showing the royal sisters just being casual and having fun together. They're always so SERIOUS AND INTENSE in the show, so I'll mostly turn to fan fiction for cute stories like this (Also, it was pretty funny).
But if you can stand one piece of advice, Luna and Celestia came across as just a tad too childish here. Though I'd love to see what you could do with a story about Tia and Lulu when they were kids...

Sweets82

Sweets82 #5 · Mar 1st, 2015 · 1 · ·

5685015 Wanted to show Celestia and Luna being a like if they were children again. That's what makes it a bit funny, since they act like they were children again XD
~Azalea

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