First Chapter
First Chapter
Decadence
Fifteen years following the events of the wedding of Shining Armor and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza
Sparkling Soda
Four officers walk into the bar, sounds the start of a bad joke, and frankly it is, and I’m the punchline. They’re nudging each other and looking at me. Five hours into the job, and all that’s been happening is me getting oggled at by horny officer ponies.
A week ago, pfft, even this morning I felt amazed that I could get such a great job. Bartender at one of the most prestigious bars in all Equestria, Canterlot Officer’s Club. All this job does is make it clear to me why Daddy died all those years ago. How were we meant to defend Equestria then this rabble is all we had? I am one damn lucky pony to have survived that wedding.
They don’t even order nice drinks for fuck’s sake! I thought my skills in making drinks would at least be somewhat useful. Bah, again I’m angry with the world. This isn’t new.
Ever since Daddy died I’ve been angry with the world. Not that my life has been at all bad. Fancy Pants sent me to relatives in Trottingham, they treated me very well actually. I’ve lived in a comfortable environment, with loving foster parents, who were even able to get me a job that worked into my hobby of drink making.But every night, when I’m alone I dream terrible dreams, I relive the moments of my father’s death time and time again. Occasionally Princess Luna checks up on me, and tries to help. But that’s just it, unless something is done, my fears can’t be alleviated. Plus Luna’s very busy, so when I do see her it’s a rare annoyance for both of us. She feels guilty and I feel miserable. It’s not a good thing for either of us.
Despite what Princess Luna tries to say, it’s clear to me that we’ve got nothing preventing this from happening again. Most ponies just pass off a monster attack as part of life, and a lot of the time they’re right. But in all honesty this has to be the cusp of something really bad. Seems that every year there’s a new attack, a new threat to Equestria. One day it’s going to get us, and nothing is being done about it. What happens if one of the elements of harmony bugs out, or if they die or something? We’ll be screwed. It’s not like the Royal Guard is going to help is it?
Speaking of, one of them has finally decided to approach me. “So hey, you’re new here right?” I begin to lose hope that any of them are even good anymore.
“Indeed I am.”
“So yea, what’s your name?”
“Sparkling Soda, and yours?” Urgh, I hate having to be polite to these pricks, but a job’s a job.
“Hoof, Glass Hoof”
“So what can I get you Glasshoof?”
“Just call me Glass sweetie.”
“Alright Glass, what can I get you?”
“Well then, what can I get you?”
“I’m not drinking.”
“Ah come on honey. Just tryna’ be friendly.”
“Thank you, but drinking with customers isn’t part of my job.”
“Okay, okay. Well I’d like myself a beer.”
“Any brand?”
He names his brand, and leaves, returning dejectedly to his comrades. Doubtless I’ll see more of him and his like soon. Oh the woes of being my age, and female. Those bastards think that they can get away with it, belugh.
Honestly I don’t know what I expected, I imagined the bar to be quite classy, I’ll admit it probably used to be. By now it just feels like a relic of a bygone time full of absolute pricks. On the walls there are paintings of past captains, there is a beautiful chandelier, and every bit of room has some history to it. Even I’m dressed in a smart looking uniform that’s probably changed very little over the centuries. If anything this makes it worse for me though. Since I’m standing here thinking of what might have been. Then again, that could be rose tinted glasses speaking.
Typical bloody Celestia, allowing her kingdom to come to this because she’s too bored to look after it. Doesn’t she understand the principle of ruling a country? Even if she’s not wanting to do it, she could at least try to hand it over to someone competent.
Sure Twilight Sparkle, whatever. But I mean c’mon, she’s barely done anything. She’s tried to “spread friendship.” Which means in effect she goes somewhere, patronizes them, teaches them a few lessons and leaves. She has no idea about the underlying problems of this country, but as long as she can teach one or two ponies how not to be a prick then she’s a very happy mare. Then again, I might learn to appreciate her, if she taught the pony walking up to me how to be like that. It’s another one of the entourage coming over to “order drinks”.
“Hello there, miss?”
“Sparkling Soda.”
“Nice to meet you Sparkling Soda.”
“Likewise lieutenant?”
“Latte, Cider Latte.”
“And what can I get you Cider Latte?”
“What would you recommend?”
Oh, if I didn’t know better I’d think that this guy was trying to flirt with me. Oh, he is? Yup thought so.
“Depends what kind of drink you’d like, spirits, beer, cocktails?”
“Do you have any special cocktails for me Miss Soda?”
“I’ve got a fair selection if you’d like.”
“What’s your favourite?”
“Currently a drink I like to call the Red Wedding.”
“Ohh what’s in it?”
“Cranberry, tonic, a sprig of mint, some gin, and lots of ice.”
“Well then ma’am I’ll have two red weddings.”
I make him the drinks, but then he looks back at me. “So you’re not going to make me drink both of these myself are you?”
How? How am I even meant to reply to that one cordially? When Martini said this job would be a frustration he bloody meant it didn’t he? I cannot be fucked with thirsty ponies, so why am I giving them drinks?
“You ordered two, now unless you’ve got someone to give the drink to, you’ll have to drink both, or throw one away.”
“Well, I kinda thought you could help me with that.” He pushes the drink over with his magic, and gives me a cheeky wink.
“No thank you, I’m working. I don’t drink with customers.”
“So when’s your shift end, why not have that drink at my place?”
“I’d rather not.” And if you’d like to fuck off, that’d be great. “Thank you.”
“Ah, feisty, don’t worry honey, I like a challenge.”
Fuck the fuck off you fuck. “Is there anything else I can get you Sir?”
“Not right now sweetie.” He walks away with a swagger in his step. If only I was allowed to speak my mind, alas, I don’t want to lose my job so early. As much as I complain, I can’t argue with the paycheck.
I could have made it to college too. I’d rather not though, but I could have. I always wanted to end up straight in work. I’ve always found that college, and school are one of two things. They either make a hobby boring, or they give you a shitload of pointless work that only breeds more pointless work. At least with the bar job I can cut that and just get on with life. What I mean to say is, that when I’m pouring a drink it has a purpose, it gives somepony pleasure, the wrong pony, but at least I get why I have to do that.
I certainly won’t get a fancy job like Fancy Pants, but not everypony needs that level of paycheck. I don’t demand much out of life, I’ve got my books, I’ve got my walks, I’ve got everything I could ever need right here. Just sometimes in order to pay my dues for that I have to complain about some twat trying to flirt with me, or face the truth that I’ll most likely not survive the next decade.
Why not just enjoy life while I can? May as well appreciate Equestria when it’s still here to appreciate right?
I sigh, a third pony comes up to me. I’m actually quite relieved now, he doesn’t seem like one of the earlier entourage, he just looks like a tired old officer who wants a drink to cool down. He pops himself down on the barstool. “Hello love. Can I ‘ave a pint of ponies red barrel?” Perhaps the most vile drink that I’ve ever had the displeasure of sampling, but whatever, at least this one isn’t trying to flirt.
“Coming right up.”
I pour him his pint and he pays, before instantly glugging it down, I’ve never seen a pony drink so fast. After downing half the pint in one glug he wipes the foam off his mouth, and begins talking. “You’re new aint ya?”
“Indeed I am.”
“Thought so, I’ve been here twenty six years, and I aint seen you. Name’s Wellbridge, might I be so humble as to ask your name?”
“You may, and I’m Sparkling Soda.”
“Nice to meet you Sparkling Soda. So why did you take this job? I aint ‘aving a go, just curious.”
“Well I like to mix drinks, and I suppose I got the job on merit of that or something.”
“Ahhh, I see. Maybe one day I’ll take a sample. Doubt it though. In my twenty six years of service I’ve only ever ordered red barrel. It’s not half bad after a few pints. Anyway, are you sure that’s your reason for joining up? Normally we get loads of new bartenders who just want a slice of the action. So many horny ponies wanting to get with a fit Royal Guard, who can blame them eh?”
“I can assure you Wellbridge, that’s not me.” I gesture to the ponies behind me. “Are you serious about ponies wanting that?”
“Oh yes, they never tell you about that do they? It’s just something you’ve got to accept. But don’t worry, first week’s always the hardest. Soon they’ll learn how to shut up.” There is a brief pause before he continues. “Wasn’t always like this though. Back in the day, when I was still young, ponies was respectful. I suppose it’s the lack of discipline we’ve had since they scrapped The Academy.”
“The Academy?”
“Well I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt young lady, my guessing is that you ain't never heard of The Academy have you?”
“Can’t say I have.”
“Well, first thing about the Guard Academy is not to ask anypony who’s been there what it was like. I myself wasn’t unlucky as most. Most ponies were there from birth, but I got in as part of a youth rehabilitation program. Anyway suffice to say it wasn’t very pleasant, but it taught respect, and created a good deal of discipline.”
“Alright, I won’t ask about it.”
“Good girl. Lots of ponies would.”
“Not that I’d be able to blame them, you put an air of mystery around something, then obviously ponies are going to be curious.”
“Never thought of it like that. Good point love.”
I look behind Wellbridge, to see that the ponies that were annoying me earlier are buggering off. “They didn’t stay for very long, did they?”
“Nah.” Says Wellbridge. “They only came in for a quick lunchtime pint.”
“What?”
“Yea, happens.”
“You mean to tell me that the Royal Guard is that incompetent.”
“Look love, don’t mean to bust your stereotype, but yes.”
“Well I’m terrified now. No wonder Daddy was killed during the Royal Wedding.”
Wellbridge pauses for a moment. “Wait.” He says, stunned. “You’re that bird who Earthheart saved aint ya?”
“That’s me.”
He takes that in for a moment. “Earthheart is a good pony. He really beat himself up about your old man though. If it weren’t for him, you’d be dead love. He’s one of the few good competent ponies there is left.”
Lieutenant Sunshine Earthheart: 1st Regiment of Royal Unicorn Guards
Rain pours down, water creeping into every crevice of my armour, and drenching me to the bone. I’ve only half an hour left on duty, and then a shower. I long for the warmth of my bed, and for my escape into alcohol and literature.
I hate myself for thinking such traitorous thoughts. Despite the boredom and uselessness of this task, I am here to obey. That is my duty, and I shall stick with it, sometimes it is easy, sometimes hard, sometimes wet and bloody miserable. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
That half hour feels like twice its length. Drenched from head to hoof, I am relieved of my duties by a miserable looking thestral. I then proceed silently towards a warm shower. Afterwards I dry and keep my armour, making sure that no rust can come to it.. Lastly I go to my quarters, write my daily report, and go to the office to hand it in.
Now I am at liberty to do as I wish, unless Captain Flash Sentry calls me in, but lets face it, the pony is probably not going to bother me. His interest in The Guard is limited to his image of rank, and the effect it has on females. For some reason the poor pony thinks he’s got a chance with Princess Twilight Sparkle. Admirable in a sense, silly in another. I wonder if that’s part of a captain’s goals nowadays? Join the Royal Guard to bag yourself a princess. It would make sense with these lot, wouldn’t it?
After finishing up my daily paperwork, I go to my quarters for a glass of whisky. Damn! The bloody thing is empty. I was sure that, nevermind. I can go and get another, and maybe have a glass of wine too. It’s not like there’s anything better to do.
I may sound rather cynical, but this is a good evening for me. It isn’t rare at all that I am forced into social gatherings. Frankly that’s how one may maintains status in the aristocracy. I believe the term they use nowadays is networking. It’s something I regard as necessary for my career, Flash can’t demote me if other ponies know who I am. It doesn’t make it any less enjoyable, despite my lies to the contrary.
My evening now is one that I enjoy, a small drink, a good book, and a lack of annoying interaction is all I need. I’m looking forward to my retirement, when this is all I’ll be doing. I’ll be able to keep a rosebush or something annoying and unsoldierly. But at least I won’t have to network. Then again, retirement does sound boring. Very boring indeed, and wasteful. I couldn’t be useful as a retiree. My, I really have to plan this properly.
I make my way to the bar, and sit myself next to Wellbridge. “Good evening Wellbride.”
“Ah, Earthheart. We was just talking about you.”
“You were?”
The barmaid looks at me in pure amazement, opening and closing her mouth as if unsure what to say. “Sunshine Earthheart.” She gasps.
“Yes?” Wait, she’s a blue earth pony, I recognise that. Oh no, after the incident I sent my formal apology. I made sure she was okay, but beyond that I’ve tried to avoid her. She personifies my shame. Now confronted with her I’m speechless. “Sparkling… Soda… Daughter of Smiling Service?” I ask slowly. “Again, I am sorry about your father. It shames me to see you here.” I pause in embarrassment. “You are living proof of my failure as a guard. I can only say sorry. I don’t expect forgiveness. I shall leave you now.”
“Earthheart. Don’t be so harsh on yourself mate.” Says Wellbridge. “You’re a good officer, you probably saved more than most in your position.”
“The fact that I did better than most ponies doesn’t make it an achievement.”
Sparkling Soda simply grabs me from over the bar, and hugs me. “Bloody hell!” I respond. “I thank you, but it honestly isn’t worth it.”
“Thank you.” When she finally breaks off I can see her eyes are slightly moist.
“Bloody hell.” I repeat. “I’d have thought you’d resent me. I must also apologise for leaving you on the doorstep.”
“Oh don’t worry Princess Luna told me about that. She got very angry with Flash Sentry.”
I chuckle. “I remember that, it was rather entertaining. She’s rarely that opinionated. I suppose it was the factor of children, and incredibly dodgy behaviour. Speaking of, how many today Wellbridge?”
“Usual entourage.”
“Alright, I thank you.”
“What are you two talking about?” Asks Sparkling.
“I make sure that Wellbridge here has any guard that drinks on duty on record. In the hope that when the time comes, we can put some discipline back into the guard.”
“Damn right sir.”
“You two really are very optimistic.” Sparkling Soda sighs. “Do you really think it’ll matter anyway?”
“Of course not my dear, but one can dream.” I retort. “Now about that drink.”
Her Royal Highness Princess Luna: Princess of the Night
My duties in the night court aren’t the most interesting. Plagued with dullery, guilt, and bad dreams I sit on my throne listening out for anypony I might help. Alas at this late hour, people stop dreaming, other than a few late workers, who’d rather not be disturbed anyway. Such is the way with some ponies, one can’t trespass into their dreams, in fear of doing more harm than good.
The silence of the night can very often get on my nerves, bah. Why must I think constantly of my purpose, or lack thereof. I feel utterly useless here, one or two colts and fillies are helped by me, but ultimately I am able to do little even with them. I am only able to offer some assurance, or guidance. I’m not able to change the problems in ponies lives. And now I watch over the night, nopony visits, nopony wants council from me. Why should they? I’d be useless anyway.
Hours pass slowly, I busy myself with books, stories, and paperwork. Hope occasionally arises as somepony comes to court, normally in the early morning. Hope is then shattered as that pony decides to visit my sister. Who could blame them? Who would want to see someone like me?
I watch the sun rise slowly over the tops of the mountains, and I think to myself that it is a beautiful sight. Soon I will be able to retreat into the beautiful escape that is sleep. Oh gentle sleep how I miss you.
Luna thou should calm down and lose thy melancholy. I really should, but damn life is depressing.
“Good Morning Luna!” It’s Celestia. She’s carrying a tray with some pastries and fruits on it. “Care to take breakfast with me?”
Why not? “Of course dear sister.”
“So how was your night?”
“To call it that would be an overstatement.”
“No visits?”
“Yes.”
“You know Luna, I’d love that!” Says Tia. “Being able to have some off time, well in fairness Twilight is taking up a lot of the most boring work. But you know, if you want me to take the night shift some time?”
I take a second to ponder before declining. “My duty is the night, and I’m sure you can help ponies far better than I at the day.”
“Fair enough.” She says “Makes sense considering you’re the one who does the dreams and everything. Anything interesting this evening?”
“Well you’ve had plenty of wet dreams about you, no need to worry.” I say, rolling my eyes.
Celestia laughed, “Still got it.” Celestia punches the air. “You know, you should really get involved in some of those, might cheer you up a bit. I know I would.”
“Celestia! That’s simply rude… And a little gross.”
“Suit yourself sister.”
“Sister, can we not discuss this, you’re making me uncomfortable.”
“Alright, anyway Luna, the point of what I’m trying to say is that you should probably just do something. Do something fun, maybe write some stories ? Go clubbing? There’s a lot of beautiful places to see at night? I dunno, make some friends or something?”
“Whatever Celestia.”
We walk outside, and take our usual route towards a delightful garden where Celestia has her breakfast, and I sip on a small glass of fruit juice. “You really are frustrating Luna.” Celestia begins. “I try my best to help, but I don’t know what can. I’m really concerned about you!”
“Don’t be…” I sigh defeated.
Celestia chews on a piece of cake. “Look Luna, we can’t change the past, or who we are. You’ve just have to accept it, and make the most of it.”
“Hard to do, when I hate myself.”
“Urgh. You are so frustrating at times. Fine be like that!”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re my sister Luna, and I’ll always love you. Just sometimes, you’re such a downer. Do you want me to spend some time with you?”
I could think of nothing worse, nothing against the mare, but what she may find fun, might not be what I find amusing at all. As interesting as I have found modern culture, I’ll never get used to defiling my regality in exchange for a few cheap laughs.
“I’ll pass.”
“Alright Sister. Just please, for my sake and yours, look after yourself.” She’s genuinely concerned, I’ll give her that.
“I will, I will. Anyway, Tia, this conversation isn’t helping. It’s as miserable as I am.”
“Of course.”
“So what happened with you yesterday?” I change the subject, the less she talks about me the better.
She takes the hint. “Well not to bore you, but yesterday I did very little of interest. Been planning that meeting with those zebras.”
“Oh?”
“You know what I’m talking about.” She says, rather annoyed. “They want us to help them piece together their tattered kingdom with friendship and all that.
“Yes, yes, I know. The meeting with the officials from Zebraland, what about it?”
“I swear, the paperwork on that thing.” She grumbles
“Just give it to Twilight.” I suggest
“I would but she’s got some friendship quest or something.”
“Then do it later.”
“I would, but I don’t want to disappoint.”
“So you’re not going to prank him?”
“Not before he signs anything.” Celestia chuckles.
“Clever girl.” I smile.
“I know Luna,” Celestia cackles in fake maniacal laughter. “I am quite the genius.”
“So how can I help?”
“Well they’re arriving during the daytime... ” She says awkwardly. “So…”
“And? It’s not like I melt in sunlight.”
“Well I had you planned for the formal negotiations of course. You’re welcome to join in anything else though. We’ve got one heck of a party planned.” She says.
“Urgh, parties aren’t as good as they were.”
“That is purely your nostalgia. I’d agree, but you were banished when we had the best ones. The ones we have now are a little crazy, but at least they’re not boring.”
“The ones we had weren’t boring.”
“Yes, by the standards of the time this is true. But thinking back, I could not stand a party of antiquity. But.” She says. “The wine was better.”
“You’d know.”
“Oh Luna, you misse-”
“Don’t! I will only resent you for it!”
“Sorry, too soon?”
“One, thousand, years. Course it’s too soon.”
“Sorry. I only wanted to share an anecdote.”
“No, just. You know me.”
“I’m sorry Luna, I often forget how sensitive you are sometimes.”
“It’s okay sis, I know you mean well.”
“Thank you.”
“Hey Celestia.”
“What?”
“Why don’t you get Pinkie Pie to arrange that party?”
“Urgh, why didn’t I think of that before?”
I crack a smile. It’s always good to feel useful.
*****
Half an hour later, I’m in bed cuddling one of my pillows, and trying to get comfortable. One would have thought a thousand years of being alone, would be enough to get me used to this unbearable loneliness. But it seems to me as if every day it gets worse. I wish somepony was there. If only I deserved such a thing.
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Enjoyable chapter. I'm curious which course will the plot take from here
Earthheart has now a serious rival in Sparking in the contest for favorite character. Also, brilliant Celestia
Noticed some typos, I'll send them through PM so they won't be stranded here even after corrections were made.
7731832
I'm so glad that you're enjoying it so much. Might I ask what your favourite part has been so far? Also was there anything beyond typos that you didn't like about this chapter at all? All for future reference to help me improve my skills.
Thank you very much for pointing out those problems like that. I very much appreciate it.
7731845 That's a tough one... a tie between the sisters teasing each other and Sparkling dealing with the officers. Also, the pokes into the princesses or the uncompetent officers usually propose a great fun and reasons to think.
Well, the people I proofread for can confirm my brutal honesty. Though I must say, I haven't found anything worth a sin here. But I'll make sure to tell you once a thing like that arises.
You're welcome.
7731866
I very much enjoyed writing Celestia in that Luna scene. I didn't want to pull the Tyrant Celestia trope, I didn't think it was accurate, or very entertaining to be honest. I wanted a Celestia that was probably deep down quite nice, just bored and by this point too tired to really care anymore. She's perfectly willing to just enjoy everything and make fun of it, with catastrophic consequences. I thought that'd be an interesting antagonist, not malevolence just decadence and decay.
Same with the officers really. They probably all signed up with good intentions. But they're bored, they're doing nothing, and they're not really being trained. Quite recently I was chatting with a guy in the army who was talking about his experience when he was stationed in West Germany during the cold war. During their off time they were incredibly decadent, they did whatever the hell they wanted. They smashed cars, got into fights, and made absolute wankers of themselves all because they had nothing to do.
This was really because I was disappointed in villains like Tirek or Sombra. I thought it'd be good to have a more complicated antagonist, and not one that can just be defeated in a fight.
7731900 Writing ponies from non-canon or non-mass-headcanon side is always fun...
And I agree, especially about Tirek. All he did was just mindless rampaging around. Though Starlight on the other end would make for a good reccuring villain if she wasn't redeemed.
7732007
I loved the Our Town episode and I liked what they were doing with Starlight until she was redeemed. I don't necessarily oppose redeeming. But the way they did it was simply terrible. I'd have had Starlight Glimmer as an idealist of sorts not just a power hungry cult leader. If you think about it, she addresses legitimate grievances with Equestria, but goes completely overboard with her solution.
What would have been interesting is if Twilight and Starlight both understood that both systems had problems and learned off the other.
7732023 You tell me. It's a pity they didn't explore Starlight's ideas more.
7732036
She could have been so great. That would have made such a good friendship lesson. Ah well, I guess that's what fanfiction's for isn't it?
7732040 Well, if we all were ultimately satisfied with what the show offers, we wouldn't be here, right?
7732068
To be honest mate, I gave up a few weeks before the finale. I forget which episode, but by this point the show really doesn't appeal to me anymore. I started writing this before Season 5, a lot has changed since then.
7732072 Some episodes are still good, but otherwise I can relate to that easily... To be honest, my "main" story has it's roots in the middle of third season.
7732116
I can respect that. Problem with Season 6 though is that the good episodes aren't really good by series wide standards. I watched Smile Song the other day and it made me realize what I was missing. Season 5 on the other hand was weird, it had some really good episodes but some really awful ones too. I hear the problem is that they've got so many people working on everything, that it always gets clustered.
7732126 Yeah, there were even some things contradicting each other and some episodes about nothing. This debate could go on and on. Let's cut it here to "preserve the space" that was left for the story comments.
7732136
Fair enough. Good chatting to you.
7731866
Midnight at least listen every time you adress something that may be wrong. That´s good. Anyway there will be some parts that are open for discuss later but the author had always the last word
7732742
Of course, it's a great process. We get chapters edited remarkably quickly.
Fifteen years is a lot of dawdling around for Earthheart Sunshine if he's really as ambitious as you're trying to make him out from the synopsis. A lot of meandering around for several characters, really.