Horse of Cards

by Midnight Ice Cream

Twelfth Chapter

Twelfth Chapter

Everypony needs a holiday, wouldn’t you agree?

This chapter begins two days following the last chapter

Captain Sunshine Eartheart of Her Majesty Princess Celestia’s Royal Guards

Appleloosa is often regarded by northerners as the picture of The South. Ponies further south regard it as a pretender, bastardising the southern identity for tourist money. Towns like Goldford do not hold Appleloosa in high regard. Appleloosans make a fortune exporting food, at ridiculous prices, in exchange for the goods mined further south. In recent years Appleloosa has boomed from this trade, as ponies from far and wide have rushed in desperation to make money from the mines in southern towns like Goldford.

This divide is no more obvious, than on the railway. The ride down, was in a wonderful car worthy of Her Majesty. For whatever reason, she wanted to take the long way. I suppose it was to see her country, rather than just fly over it. Sparkling Soda tells me Colt would often remark at how wonderful, and luxurious it was, to a polite but cold Princess Celestia. I spent my time sleeping, a sleep that I didn’t know I needed.

Things changed when we got to Appleloosa, now Celestia could have easily had her car added to the freight down to Goldford, but opted against it. I suppose she finds it exotic to sit in the one passenger car of an industrial freight. The car itself is very basic, almost like a simple bus. I’ve never known why, but I do like the smell of a steam train, and one can hardly miss it on something like this. The ride is bumpy, a stark contrast to the wonderfully smooth, fast journey to Appleloosa.

Outside the sun kissed Appleloosan orchards, turn into a desolate wasteland, inhabiting only by nature’s most tough animals. As we progress further, we encounter valleys and hills devoid of any life, all in dingy browns and reds. There is the occasional short stop at an unassuming small town. Very occasionally a pony will get on the train, and sit as far away from The Princess as possible, either out of awkwardness, or hostility, or both, telling which seems to be difficult. They speak in mumbled voices, I can clearly tell that they fear Her Majesty.

When we do reach Goldford, Colt is asleep. He’s the only pony who can on such a rickety train car. “Mr Colt.” I say, tapping him on the shoulder. “Welcome home.”

Colt wakes up. “Ahh here we are.”

The town of Goldford is not a large town at all. Tightly packed, and tiny. On one side, there is the mountain, a rocky thing that haphazardly stretches up into the sky. On the other side is a great wall, with the occasional turret looking out into the distance, the only opening of which is a giant steel door, for the trains to go through. The town proper is split in half by the train tracks, that run through its heart.

From what I can see the buildings in Goldford aren’t what one would call fancy. They look incredibly flimsy, bar from what I presume to be the mine, which is built into the mountain. As we depart the train, there is no big official welcome for us. There are occasional stares, not only at Celestia, but at myself and Sparkling Soda, who is sporting a grey suit. “Now, if you’ll all follow me.” Says Colt. “I want to introduce you to Sheriff Gold Dust. He’s the stallion who runs this place.” Colt spied a colt staring in wide eyed horror at Princess Celestia. “Kid, don’t you know that’s The Princess you’re looking at?”

“It looks like a dragon.”

“Kid, you should show some more respect for the Princess, that raises the sun.” He throws over a coin. “Now, would you kindly take Princess Celestia, Captain Earthheart, and Sparkling Soda over here to the wall?”

“Sure thing Mr Colt, and thanks for the money.”

“Don’t think of it, oh and say hi to your pappy from me.”

“Sure thing Sir!”

“Now, soldiers. If you’d all follow me, I’d like to show you some of my designs.” The soldiers silently follow Colt. Their scarlet uniforms, and brass buttons make them stick out like a Soldier in Goldford. I’m sure Colt will be most welcoming. Anyway, soldiers go unnoticed next to a giant Alicorn Princess.

We follow the child through the small town. Occasionally a pony will stare, colts and fillies tend to just run away. Adults just seem to be confused. Nopony dares approach us, as we walk we leave a wake of silence, as conversations are cut short by startled ponies. I can pick out some whispering, most of it sounds distressed. It seems inappropriate to talk really. I can tell my ponies feel as awkward as them. I notice that every pony here has a gun, no other weapons are in sight.

Our guide doesn’t bother to make conversation, as he walks through the town, occasionally asking us to move “this way.” But that is all. Any brief attempt at making conversation on our behalf didn’t seem to be worth it. One can easily walk from one end of Goldford to the next within a few minutes, and before long we arrived at a crude metal shack that was built into the wall. Written in a flaking black paint on a wooden sign is “Sheriff.”

“Sheriff Gold Dust! Sheriff Gold Dust!” The child yells. “Princess Celestia’s com’ visit ‘ya.”

An old grey pony, with a long coat, a beard and a cowhorse hat walked out of the shack. “Well I never. Princess Celestia, and that ‘ere Captain of the Royal Guard. And who might this wonderful mare be?”

“Sparkling Soda Sir.”

“Well a pleasure to meet ya’ll. So, mind me askin’ why you’re here?”

“Didn’t Colt send word?”

“No Captain, he did not. Or if he did, the mail ain't arrived yet.”

“We have come Sheriff, because Colt is trying to get Captain Earthheart to buy guns.”

“So, why do ya’ll need to come over here? Shouldn’t it be obvious why ya need ‘em?”

“It should be obvious why we shouldn’t.” Celestia spouts.

“Look, with all due respect Princess, you send Princess Twilight Sparkle over here, now she suggested we should befriend the dragons. So hey, we thought we’d give it a go, we thought that a Princess would have a point. Turns out not five days after she left, the dragons attacked again. The only way we survived was through the firearms of Mr Colt. That pony deserves your contract. Princess, you should listen to reason.”

“I quite agree, I’m here to show Her Majesty some sense.”

Celestia gives me an annoyed glance.

“For that Captain, you have my respect. Look, I’ll show you this wall, I’ll show you the defenses, and my militia, and what we’ve done to protect this town. If you’re still not convinced, then that’s fair. Your loss.”

“Why thank you Sheriff. Please, show us around.” She says politely, but with a clear indent of irritation.

“Sure thing Your Majesty.”

*****

I shan’t bore you with the details of the tour. Surprisingly Goldford has a very organised defense system. The citizens of the town will, on rotating shifts work as soldiers in the militia. They’re all prepared for it of course, they’ve all got guns and they all know how to use them. I must note that they have an excellent multi layered defense system, that retreats slowly towards the mine, and a different strategy for each type of dragon. I can’t help but admire Gold Dust. He admitted to me that his father was a Royal Guardspony, but he believed he could do more good with the militia.

Gold Dust is one of the frankest ponies I know, he takes no nonsense at all. “Course we don’t use these things on ourselves! We have laws here, you know!” “Princess Celestia, we have this system in place to protect ourselves, that’s why you should too. Look, the only excuse for not using Colt’s guns is if you can find better ones.” “No, I’m not suggesting you give everypony a gun like here, it’s just your army what needs it.” “Princess, this is stupid.” But he’d never say anything without being spoken to. Either myself or Celestia would ask him a question, and he’d respond frankly and honestly, without caring that he is speaking to the most powerful pony in Equestria. I like Gold Dust.

Finally, at the end of the day, we meet with the soldiers back at Colt’s. “Well, Princess, Captain, Sparkling, let me know if ya need anything.” Says Gold Dust. “I’ll be in my office.”

“Sergeant Bulldog.”

“Sir!” He salutes.

“At ease. Did you decide on a weapon?”

“Not quite Sir, we’ve got several we’d quite like, each for different positions. Mister Colt discussed different strategies they use here, and which weapons are good for each of them. With Earth Ponies, he suggests his big weapons, good for lines of infantry to fire a few volleys off before combat. For pegasi he’s got this excellent invention.”

“Now now. This is the pride of my collection.” Says Colt, showing a short gun, with a strange mechanism on its back. “This is the revolver.”

Colt explains the revolver, and its use as something that could be fired multiple times. Apparently it’s very popular with a my pegasus clients. “The only mare so insane that goes into the badlands, comes back, and goes forth again.” We discuss other designs, weapons that take a long time to reload, but have higher accuracy, and better range. Colt believes the complicated loading mechanisms could be easier managed by a unicorn. “This is why it took me months Captain, I wanted to make sure I had something with military implications.”

“You certainly do Mr Colt.”

By this point in the conversation, Princess Celestia had buggered off in obvious disgust. After two hours of deliberation, I found her in the saloon, which we’d be staying in. Sparkling Soda sits silently beside me, I can imagine her take on this situation will be fascinating. The other soldiers are now content with their holiday, and are making merry with the locals. I suppose you’ll think I’d slander them. Not at all, they’ve done their work, they deserve relaxation.

After almost half an hour of silence Celestia takes a long sip of whisky. There was no wine. “If you think that this will get me to use guns, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“Oh?”

“Twilight failed, she was young and inexperienced. I will speak to the Dragon King, we’ll come to an agreement.”

“You believe they can be negotiated with? Princess.”

“Oh just call me Celestia, you don’t require formalities at this point Earthheart.”

“Thank you Celestia. Whatever your decision, I support it, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it. Negotiations with the Dragon King are very dangerous.”

“I know, that’s why I’m going to go out of the town, we’ll settle this properly. I don’t expect him to accept friendship blindly.”

“What are you going to offer him?”

“Gold.”

“And this town’s livelihood?”

“I am the Princess!” She almost barks. “We can set up a system whereby they pay tribute to keep the dragons away.”

“Celestia, I will always support your decisions, and enforce them until my dying days. However, I do not have to agree. I believe that you are making excuses, in any attempt to be right possible.”

“I appreciate your support, and your criticism is duly noted.”

“I suggest you take me, and my soldiers with you.”

“Okay.”

“Might we be armed with guns?”

“You won’t need them, but to prove a point, yes.”

“Excellent.”

“What’s with that smug grin?”

“Oh it’s perfectly innocent I assure you, I just appreciate being valued highly enough to be allowed to call you Celestia.”

“And why is that?”

“It is a privilege that Her Highness The Princess of Friendship Twilight Sparkle does not have, in fact it is also not one given to Her Imperial Highness Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of The Crystal Empire.”

“Thank the whisky Sunshine, not me. And for the record, I won’t correct them if they use my real name. But you’re right, I won’t give them permission either.”

“You know, only one pony in Equestria calls me Sunshine. Even as a colt I was called Earthheart by my father.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.” I say abruptly. “It’s strange.”

“Do you rather Earthheart?”

I chuckle “Sunshine and Celestia, an odd coincidence. Unless my father named me after you, which is certainly possible.”

Sparkling Soda Personal Assistant to Captain Sunshine Eartheart

I can’t be bothered with this shit. Listening to Celestia and Earthheart talk is surreal. I suppose that’s his trade, he wants something, so he acts for it. Makes her feel valued, shows her that her opinion is important, but tries to influence it his way. Fascinating really. Honestly though, I’m just figuring out what this place’s nicest drink is. The whisky isn’t terrible, hardly groundbreaking, but it’s cheap and it’s strong, has an appeal to it. Appleloosa’s cider isn’t awful either, mediocre but I’ve never been a cider person. Right now I’d really just like a nice simple beer, too bad they’ve only got Red Barrel. I did order a glass of it, but I’m barely in, and am thoroughly regretting that choice. How does Wellbridge stomach that terrible shit?

*****

You know what? After five pints, it’s not too bad. Earthheart and Celestia are still nattering on, but me and my beer, we’re good friends.

“Sunshine?”

“Yes?”

“Why are you so content with my decision?”

“Believe me, I’m not, I just accept that it’s your decision to make. I don’t see why we can’t politely disagree.”

“Very graceful of you Sunshine.”

“Thank you Celestia.”

They continue for a while longer before Celestia submits to fatigue. “Thank you for this wonderful evening Sunshine. We must do this more often. It’s nice to have a normal conversation from time to time.”

“Likewise, let’s not just meet with business. You must always let me know when you’re available.”

“Of course.” Celestia happily makes her way upstairs, and I assume collapses.

“So.” I say. “What do you think?”

“She’ll turn.” He says. “I have no doubt in my mind she’ll agree to what we have.”

“So, what’s with the sweet talk?”

“Princess Celestia rarely gets informal conversation. Either she’s speaking to ponies who want her help, admirers of her such as Princess Twilight, the only pony who treats her as a pony is Princess Luna. Treating her like a person is always good business, especially with such low supply. Becoming a friend, not an associate, not a partner, but an actual friend is perhaps the best way to influence things our way.”

“And the guns?”

“She’s going to negotiate with the Dragon King. That can’t end well. I foresaw something like this, she wants peace at any cost. The King of The Dragons wants gold at any cost. Those two might coincide temporarily, but I sincerely doubt that The King will simply accept a fair deal, or if he does, there’s no way he’ll honour it. He’ll want a minimum of a hundred percent, of that gold, and will probably want ponies to be his slaves. Celestia can’t accept that, so we’ll have to slay the dragon. Simple really.”

“With guns?” I raise an eyebrow. That seems a little dangerous.

“With guns.” He seems to know what he’s on about.

“Say, what does one do with a dragon corpse?” I ask in sincerity. “You’d have thought that there’d be bones around here.”

“Haven’t you noticed?” He asks. “This place is clearly made out of dragon bone. All of the buildings are.”

“Really?”

“Very sturdy material dragonbone.” Says Earthheart. “They paint it of course, s-”

“How do you know this?”

“I visited the museum of natural history in Manehattan once. They had a dragon skeleton, I recognised the texture.” He says.

“At least they’re not wasteful.” I remark.

“I like the system. It’s a good way to make dragons pay for property damage. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Quite.”

“Even if it is rather grisly. We shouldn’t judge, we’ve all had it easy living in Canterlot.”

“Hold on, what do they do with the flesh?”

“I don’t know, one would assume they dispose of it somehow.” He suggests. “Perhaps they give it to the dogs? Or other carnivores?”

I yawn. “Do you want me to go on the expedition tomorrow?

“I’ll leave that to you, you’re no soldier though. Expect danger, my advice is against it.”

“Regardless, I’m going to sleep.”

“Goodnight.”

Her Royal Highness Princess Luna Princess of the Night

What does Celestia have against this job? I love it. Normally all I get are very minor cases. Nothing groundbreaking, I’m never really obliged to do it, but I volunteer for the job. But today, any problems anypony had, I’d deal with them. .

This morning, I was a little nervous, but after a few cases I got used to it. It’s very similar to what I do normally, there were just more ponies waiting for me, and bigger issues at stake. Whatever I said, they just accepted. At first there was some confusion about Celestia not being there. But I proved myself as a fair judge, so they never objected.

I don’t understand why my sister is so tired after this work. I just got a great kick out of it. I’m glad I was able to do some good for the day. For once ponies value my judgment. That’s just refreshing. If only Celestia could see this, it’d prove to her, that I can do what she does. Maybe, maybe she’ll appreciate this tomorrow. Or whenever she comes back. I’ve got to thank Earthheart for this one, he’s such a great stallion.

You’ve done good Luna, you really have. I’m going to order a nice meal, not anything posh, just something nice, something fattening. I’ll order one of those things the peasants eat, a pizza or something. Maybe some chips. And cake! Yes Cake!

I wonder if Skywatch would be up for it? I should go ask.

*****

“Luna, with all due respect, fack off. I’m working my arse off here. I’ve not got time for chips and cake.”

“I command it!” I say hopefully.

“Look, do you want this work to get done or not? It’s important.” He says. “Now, unless you’ve got something work related, could you leave please?”

“Oh okay. You’re no fun.”

“And you’re no work.”

I turn to leave. “What do normal ponies do to relax?”

“I don’t know, go to the cinema maybe? You could watch a film? Or a play? I don’t know honestly. I’ve not had time to relax in months.”

“Do you want me to bring you any food?”

Skywatch puts down his pen. “Small chips, cheers.”

“No problem.”

Fat lot of good that was. Poor Skywatch, I should do something for him, well not now at least. I’m going to go out, I know! I’ll fly to Ponyville, no, wait. I should see if Twilight is doing anything fun though. I suppose she’d be in Ponyville, I’ll get her to come around tomorrow, urgh. Work. No, how about… I’ll go to watch a film, something like that. And in a couple of hours I’ll be ready for dream duty again.

I love being Princess!

Author's Note:

Forgive this one for being uploaded late. My bad, it's due to my lazyness with editing during last week and whatnot. Anyway, such is life.

So I quite like this one, I really like the Goldford saga in general. Especially the dynamic between Earthheart and Celestia. It's incredibly tense, but there is a strange friendship bubbling in that pot. I don't know, what do you think?

Going to keep this short, as always I'd like to thank the wonderful Azure Drache for tolerating my crap. I'll admit I've been less passionate about releasing this than in creating it so editing has been a dread to me. I've also been told that I've been getting more lax with it, which is something that I don't find hard to believe at all. We don't agree on everything, but I hope you all enjoy it. Ahh well it's been fun writing it at least.

Midnight

Comments

[drake565]

Celestia is an imbecile in this.