On the Courtship Behavior of Swamp-Dwelling Chimeras
Rarity galloped across the field as fast as she could, paying heed neither to the bright blue sky dotted with the occasional puffy cloud nor the wind whipping through the tall grass swaying and undulating around her. No, all her attention was focused on the object of her desire, her proverbial (and, thanks to a recent decree from Princess Twilight, literal) knight in shining armor, the dashing, brave, notably tall, and magnificently mustachioed Spike the Dragon. “Oh, Sir Spike!” she cried out as she reached the love of her life and threw her forelegs around his waist in a tight embrace. “At last, you have returned.”
“You needn’t bother with the ‘Sir,’” the thick-muscled dragon replied in his deep, rumbling basso profondo. “To you, my lady Rarity, I have ever been and shall always be ‘Spike.’ Throughout my globetrotting adventures, whether I was uncovering sinister plots against Equestria, or beating back half-crazed chupacabras with my bare claws, my thoughts have ever been on you and the moment we could be reunited. And now, I have but one question to ask of you: Will you marry me?”
Rarity let out a squeal of delight. “Yes! Of course! Oh, this is the happiest day of my life!”
“And your happiness make this the happiest day of mine.”
“My only regret is that we’ll never have children of our own,” Rarity said forlornly.
This statement threw Spike off his game. He hadn’t come up with anything flowery and romantic to say in response to something like that. He paused for a bit in an effort to come up with something to fill the awkward silence. “Uh, well, maybe Twilight can help us out. I mean, she’s one of the most powerful magicians who’s ever lived. I bet she could find a spell something in some dusty book somewhere that can help us. She might even be willing to try making a completely new spell to help us.”
“Have you completely lost your mind?!” Twilight Sparkle shouted at the top of her lungs.
Spike sat bolt upright in his bed, the wonderful dream dissipating like mist on a warm summer’s day. From somewhere beyond the door to Twilight’s room, his best friend and employer was apparently in the midst of a heated argument with Applejack. The hubbub, combined with Spike’s newly roused curiosity, had destroyed all semblances of sleepiness, so the young dragon quietly headed over to the door and cracked it ajar to listen in.
“Look, I know it ain’t exactly an ideal situation,” Applejack was saying. “But that critter had me in a real tight spot there. In fact, I reckon I’m lucky it even listened to me in the first place.”
“But just the other day you were telling me how you had no trouble dealing with that chimera.”
“Whoa, hold up there. I never said that it wasn’t trouble. I just said that if you’re prepared, it’s a lot easier to get past it.”
“So, what happened?”
“Well, uh, I was in a bit of a rush to make that delivery, and er, I wasn’t exactly as prepared as I shoulda been. Basically, I left without puttin’ on my fireproof boots and ended up gettin’ a nasty burn on one of my legs. See?”
Apparently, Applejack had pointed out her injury to Twilight Sparkle, because she responded, “Ouch... that does look bad. Will it be okay?”
“Yeah, the docs at the hospital say I oughta heal up fine. But the point is, I was slowed down enough that the chimera caught up to me.”
“Okay, I get that you were in trouble, but still, that doesn’t exactly explain how you got into this situation.”
“Well, I had ta think of somethin’, and you know I ain’t never been good at fibbin’ in the first place, so I thought I’d try bluffin’ them with one of them half-truths. I told them I was a good friend with a dragon to try and make them think twice, but I left out the part about him not bein’ a particularly mean one.”
Spike’s interest was definitely piqued now. Applejack had been in trouble, and apparently, her first instinct had been to bring him up in conversation. He wasn’t entirely certain whether to feel flattered or dismayed by this.
Meanwhile, Twilight let out a pained sigh. “And that’s when you found out that dragons are one of the species that is biologically compatible with a chimera.”
“Yeah. It really wanted to meet with my friend... well, the snake on the tail did, anyway, and it managed to persuade the tiger that it’d be worth it to let me go just to get to know Spike. The goat head didn’t seem too keen on the whole thing, but she was sorta outvoted.”
“Did you even think to mention that Spike is still just a baby dragon?”
“Of course not. I wasn’t about to give ’em a reason to change their minds about lettin’ me go.”
“But you can’t just promise to set Spike up on a date like that!”
Spike’s pupils contracted as the full implications began to dawn on him. A date? Applejack set me up on a date? But... but what will Rarity think?
Completely oblivious to the dragon’s internal monologue, Applejack continued the conversation. “Okay, first of all, I didn’t promise them a date. I just promised that I’d see what I could do, that’s all. If Spike don’t wanna do it, then I’d be a darned fool—not to mention a bad friend—to force the issue. That said, if he says no, then gettin’ deliveries through the fire swamp is gonna get a lot more complicated. I doubt my usual methods will work if those three decide to get all vindictive.”
Spike bit his lower lip nervously. Applejack was a really good friend, and if he was in a position to help her out, he certainly didn’t want to refuse. But going on a date with someone who wasn’t Rarity was a prospect he’d never considered.
“Why are you so concerned about what a chimera thinks in the first place?” Twilight asked. “Didn’t that monster try to eat your sister, too?”
“That don’t make a lick of difference. I gave my word that I’d do my best to set up a meetin’, and by Celestia, I’m gonna do the best I can.”
“Applejack, we’re talking about Spike and a chimera. Even if he did agree, it’s just too dangerous to let him go through with it.”
“Look, it ain’t like he’d be alone. Between your magic an’ my experience dealin’ with the varmint, I don’t expect there’d be much trouble at all if we went along to keep an eye on things.”
“Well... I suppose if there were chaperones present, safety wouldn’t be too much of an issue, but still...”
“I know... it all comes down to whether Spike is willing ta go along. But can I at least ask him what he thinks?”
There was a long pause before Twilight answered. “I guess you can. But if he says no, you’re going to drop this whole thing. Got it?”
“Got it. You know where I can find him?”
“I think he’s taking a nap up in my room.”
It was a bright, sunny day in the fire geyser swamp, or at least it would have been if the sunlight wasn’t blocked by an ever-present canopy of vegetation. Still, all signs pointed towards a good day, at least from where Irene saw things. Oh, sure, her sisters were bickering and grousing as usual, but instead of complaints about the difficulty of finding prey, they were bickering about how to make Irene look pretty.
“I’m telling you, if we find some beeswax, Irene’s scales will be all shiny,” the chimera’s tiger head insisted. “I may not know much about dragons, but I know they love shiny things.”
The goat head beside her wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic. “And just where are we going to find a beehive in this swamp, Eleanor?” replied Agatha in her usual snarky tone. “I suppose you think we can learn to hunt insects in the next hour or two?”
Eleanor let out a frustrated roar. “Argh! Why do you always have to be so damned negative?! Don’t you realize what’s at stake here?”
“Yes, but you’re probably going to repeat it,” Agatha said as she rolled her eyes. “Again.”
“You see?” Eleanor said. “That flippant attitude is why we haven’t gotten our act together so we can be a proper predator. You know perfectly well that there aren’t many species we can mate with.”
“And there aren’t any tigers around here, and I’m a pervert who isn’t attracted to male goats, and the snakes around here are scared of how big we are, so if we’re going to further the species, Irene needs to snag herself a dragon,” Agatha droned, mocking her sister’s sentence again.
And once again, the instant Agatha mentioned the prospect of hooking up with a dragon, Irene’s eyes glazed over. A dragon... I wonder how big he’ll be? I bet he’ll have all sorts of interesting stories about pillaging and ransacking towns for his treasure heap. Wait... that’s not the right word. Erm... what was it? The viper wracked her brain, but the appropriate chunk of vocabulary was nowhere to be found. Oh... that’s not good. What if he’s offended if I call it a heap? She decided to ask her sisters. “‘Heap’ is bad, right?”
Eleanor and Agatha’s conversation abruptly died away as both of them stared slack-jawed at their sister for several seconds.
“Well, I mean, they don’t like it when you call it a ‘heap,’ right?” Irene said, trying to clarify her statement.
“You know, Eleanor,” Agatha said, “maybe Irene’s scales could use some polishing.”
“So you finally agree with me?” the tiger replied in mild surprise.
“Well, not about the beeswax. I’m thinking that some sort of shiny tree sap might do the trick.”
Eleanor smacked a paw against her face in obvious consternation. “What is it with you and plants?!”
“I’m a goat,” Agatha retorted. “Goats eat plants.”
Irene sighed. It seemed her sisters had gone back to ignoring her again. They never seemed to take her seriously, even when she was doing her best to help. Then again, in this case, they were really the ones who were helping her. And if things worked out, that meant that motherhood was quite possibly on the horizon. That, however, could wait till later. This evening would be about dinner and dancing... well, maybe not dancing, but she was fairly sure she could slither around in a reasonably attractive way, but she’d never really danced with dragons before, or anyone else for that matter. “Hey, if I just wiggle my body around, does that count as dancing?”
Eleanor groaned. “Please just stay quiet, Irene.”
As it turned out, neither Eleanor nor Agatha were able to find an adequate scale polish before sundown, but at least a quick swim in a relatively clear pool of water gave Irene the chance to clean off the day’s accumulated dust and dirt. As the light began to wane, Eleanor took it upon herself to give her sister some last-minute tips as they walked towards the edge of the swamp. “Remember, Irene, first impressions are extremely important, and you only get one chance at them. When that dragon looks at you, you want its first thought to be ‘She can be the mother of my children.’”
Irene nodded her head. “Okay. So, should I just tell him that?”
“What?! No! We don’t even know if the dragon will be an ideal mate yet!”
“Ha!” Agatha interjected. “This guy is the only potential mate we’ve got. I’d say that makes him ideal, doesn’t it?”
“Be that as it may,” Eleanor replied through gritted fangs, “we don’t want him to think we’re desperate.”
“Well, then we’re in luck,” Agatha said, “because I’m not desperate in the slightest.”
“That’s just because you’re a freak,” Eleanor retorted.
“Says one of the heads on a three-headed monster,” Agatha said calmly.
“Shut up,” Eleanor growled. “I think I can see the bonfire that orange pony was talking about.”
Indeed through the dense foliage of the swamp, Irene could make out the flickers of a large flame, and since it was lasting longer than a few seconds, that presumably meant that it wasn’t an erupting fire geyser. As they got closer, the scene was easier to see: the orange pony was tending the fire, wearing those long, black boots of hers, while nearby, a purple pony was staring at some markings on the ground as a magical aura glowed around her horn. “Does that unicorn have wings?” Irene asked.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Eleanor scoffed. “Unicorns don’t have wings. That’s obviously a pegasus with a horn.”
“It might be a normal pony with wings and a horn, though,” Irene countered.
“Who cares?” Agatha said. “Can you see the dragon?”
“Not really...” Irene said, “but I’m picking up three different warm things. Four if you include the fire.”
“Huh?” Eleanor said, clearly a bit confused, though her misunderstanding soon evaporated. “Oh, right. That heat vision thing you can do. Anyway, if the dragon’s there, we might as well show ourselves.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Agatha said.
“You want us to stay in the swamp and miss our chance to find a mate?” Eleanor said.
“Well, yes, to be perfectly honest, but that wasn’t what I was talking about,” Agatha said. “I’m talking about your plan to make an entrance by jumping out of the swamp as if we’re pouncing on prey.”
“What’s wrong with showing ourselves to be a strong predator? It will prove that we’re capable of providing food for our cubs.”
“Maybe,” Agatha said, “But something tells me that might spook the dragon’s pony friends.”
“All the better, I say. Why do we want them poking their noses in our private business in the first place? Now crouch down.”
Despite her obvious reluctance, Agatha complied. Then, with a mighty roar from Eleanor, the chimera leapt out of the swamp—and was almost immediately shocked by a dozen or so bolts of lightning. Thus, instead of a graceful predator, the chimera’s first impression ended up being that of a slightly charred pile of tiger, goat, and snake crumpled on the ground.
“I knew there was something fishy going on here!” the purple pony shouted. “Come on, Spike, we’re going home.”
This was most definitely not the way the evening was supposed to go, and Irene wasn’t about to let her chance for romance slip away. “No, wait! We only wanted to make a good impression!”
“By attackin’ us?” the orange pony said with a glare.
“No, by showing that we’re, you know, really good predators who can take care of...” Irene suddenly trailed away awkwardly. Eleanor had said that she wasn’t supposed to mention motherhood right at the start. “Um... take care of business,” she eventually finished. “Honestly, it was just a mistake. We’ll be good. Promise!”
Neither of the ponies seemed convinced, but then a high-pitched voice behind them said, “Aw, give them a chance Twilight. It’s not like they’ll try it again, right?”
“I suppose we might as well,” the purple pony (who was apparently named Twilight) said uncertainly. “After all, I know for sure that the magical field that prevents sudden movements works the way I want it to.”
“The magical what?” Agatha said with a groan as she raised her head.
“I’ve set up a magical field in the area that sends a series of electric shocks to anyone who makes a sudden movement. The only way to avoid getting zapped is to wear thick rubber boots like Applejack here.”
Agatha glared at the tiger head. “I told you it was a bad idea.”
Eleanor, however, wasn’t willing to take such insubordination lightly. “She’s the one who shot lightning at us, and it’s somehow my fault?!”
“Pretty much,” Agatha replied nonchalantly.
“Um, okay...” Twilight said. “We’ve set up two tables. One for me, Applejack and, um, two of you, I suppose. The other is for Spike and... um, I don’t think I caught your name.”
“Irene,” the viper said with a smile that she hoped looked endearing. However, given that the purple pony was looking at her as though she had grown antlers, and the orange pony was grinding her teeth and squinting angrily, it seem that Irene’s effort hadn’t been particularly effective.
“Uh, right. Irene, you and Spike have your own table so the rest of us don’t get in your way.” Twilight gestured towards the two circular tables at the edge of the bonfire’s light, one of which had been decorated with a candle. And there, sitting on a chair, was... a short, purple reptile of some sort.
“So... when is the dragon going to get here?” Eleanor asked.
“Spike is the dragon,” Applejack said firmly.
“He’s the reason we didn’t turn you into pony chops?!” the tiger said incredulously as she gesticulated towards the nonplussed drake. “He’s barely tall enough to reach the table! He hasn’t even got wings! He’s—”
“He’s absolutely adorable,” Irene said as her eyes began sparkling in anticipation. “Can we start the date now? Please? Pretty please with sugar and entrails on top?”
Twilight, meanwhile, was looking at Agatha curiously. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“What’s to say?” said the goat head in an apathy-drenched tone of voice. “We were promised a dragon, and lo and behold, there’s a dragon. I’m with Irene. Let’s get this over with.”
After a brief round of introductions to ensure that everyone present knew everyone else’s name, Twilight sat down at the larger table, where she was joined by Eleanor and Agatha, who had their back to the smaller one, so that Irene could more easily converse with Spike. Shortly thereafter, Applejack pulled out the dinner she’d prepared from some nearby saddlebags: A gemstone salad for Spike, and vegetarian lasagna for everyone else. Eleanor was less than pleased with the menu.
“This is an outrage! We’re predators, and we demand meat.”
“And by ‘we,’ you mean ‘you,’” Agatha said as she rolled her eyes.
“It ain’t like it’s all plant stuff,” Applejack said indignantly. “I got three different kinds of cheese in there, including some fresh ricotta cheese I just got this morning.”
For the first time all evening, Agatha actually looked enthusiastic. “Really? You mean there’s more than one way to eat it?”
“Will you can it with your stupid cheese obsession?” Eleanor snapped. “How can it possibly be as good as meat if you don’t have to kill anything to get it?”
“Er, well, it is made from animal proteins...” Twilight said.
Sensing that the conversation her sisters were having with the ponies was approaching a normal volume, Irene turned her attention to the cute little dreamboat sitting in front of her. Spike had already dug into his salad and was vigorously munching away, though oddly, it seemed like he was trying to avoid making eye contact with his date, which only made the silence feel awkward. The trouble, of course, was starting the conversation. Eleanor had already nixed talking about parenthood right off the bat, so Irene needed to start small. Finally, she settled on one of her favorite subjects: food. “So, do dragons normally eat gems?”
Seemingly taken aback that the dialogue had started at all, Spike swallowed the amethyst he’d been chewing before answering. “Uh, well, I’m pretty sure that most of us can eat them, if that’s what you mean. They’re a bit expensive to eat every single day, though.”
“Oh, is that why dragons keep a treasure... um, pile?”
“You mean a hoard?” Spike asked with a somewhat confused look on his face.
“Yeah... that,” Irene said with a nod, happy that Spike had finally looked her in the eyes.
“I guess that might be the case, but I haven’t actually met that many dragons, and the ones I have met were kind of jerks. If they have hoards, it’s probably because they want to have a bunch of stuff to themselves as much as to pay for things.”
“Do you have a hoard?”
“Uh... no. I tried that once, but I ended up getting really mean and nasty and scaring everypony in town.”
“Oh, that sounds neat! So, why did you give up the hoard?”
“Um, because I ended up getting mean and nasty and scary.”
“But... aren’t those good things? I mean, if all the ponies were afraid of you, doesn’t that mean they’d treat you with respect?”
Spike scratched his head for a few seconds before answering. “Well, I guess, but I don’t think that’s the kind of respect I want.”
“You mean there’s more than one kind?” Irene asked in genuine surprise. “Eleanor only talks about the scary kind. She says it’s important for predators to be feared by their prey.”
“Huh? But... wouldn’t it be easier to hunt them if they weren’t afraid of you?”
“Ha! Told you so!” Agatha suddenly shouted; apparently, she’d been eavesdropping on the conversation. “The dragon says my way makes more sense.”
Eleanor, however, doubted Spike’s authority on the matter. “Why should I take hunting advice from someone I’ve never seen hunting?”
As Agatha resumed her debate with her sister, Irene turned her head back to Spike. “Um... okay... well, if you don’t have a hoard, how do you get gems to eat, then?”
“Well, some of them my friends give to me... you know, as gifts. Others are ones that I find in the ground.”
“Which ones taste better?”
“Honestly, I think I like the ones I find better. I mean, gems grown on a rock farm are really good and all, but they just can’t compare with the taste of the ones you get for yourself in the wild.”
“Oh, so you do have experience hunting, then! Are any of the gems afraid of you?”
Spike looked rather confused at this. “I wouldn’t really call it hunting, though. I just find them—usually with the help of one of my friends. She, er... she’s a unicorn who knows a gem-locating spell.”
“I see,” Irene said. To be honest, she did find this a bit disappointing, but she decided to look on the bright side. “Still, if you have to find them, that must mean they’re hiding from you, right? I bet they’re all really scared of you.”
“I’m not really sure gems have feelings, though. Well, unless the crystal ponies count.”
“Crystal ponies? I’ve never heard of those...”
“Well, if you haven’t been outside of your swamp very often, you probably wouldn’t have. They mostly live way to the north of here, in the Crystal Mountains. They’re like regular ponies, but they’re mostly all crystal... I’m not really sure how it works, but I assume there’s a whole lot of magic involved.”
“And they’re afraid of you?”
“No, actually. In fact,” Spike continued puffing his chest out proudly, “I’m a big hero to them. They’ve got a statue of me and everything. I pretty much saved the day when they were under attack from a nasty bad guy. Um, I mean, I had plenty help, of course, but without me, things might have been really bad.”
“So, that guy you stopped would find you intimidating, then?”
“Maybe... um, do you mind if I ask why you’re so keen on me being scary?”
Irene sighed and lowered her voice. “Well,” she said after glancing furtively behind her. “It’s my sister.”
Spike glanced over at the other table, where the other two heads of the chimera were engaged in lively conversation with his chaperones. The tiger head seemed to be arguing with Applejack about her family’s apple pie; apparently, the predator had trouble believing that any food could taste that good without the presence of meat. The goat, on the other hand, seemed genuinely interested in hearing about Ponyville’s library—or rather, she seemed fascinated the very concept of books, and was asking Twilight various questions about how reading and writing actually worked. “Er... which sister are you talking about?” he finally asked Irene.
“Eleanor. She’s the tiger,” Irene replied. “She’s got this thing about being the top predator, so she’s always going on about weakness and strength and stuff like that. I, um, think you might be just a little bit smaller than she’d been hoping for.”
Spike shifted in his chair uneasily. “Oh, um, sorry.”
“Well, it’s not like it’s your fault,” Irene sighed. “Eleanor... well, she has really high expectations, and I’m not sure how many of them are realistic.”
“Well...” Spike said as he jabbed his fork back into his salad, “what are you looking for?”
“Me?” Irene asked, feeling rather surprised that she’d even be asked in the first place, “well, I’m not sure... or maybe a better way to put it is that I’m not really too picky, at least when it comes to looks.”
“Well, if you’re not interested in what someone looks like, what are you interested in?”
Irene didn’t answer right away; instead, she tried sampling the strange meal that had been placed in front of her as she tried to come up with a response. For something that didn’t have any meat in it, it wasn’t that bad; at the very least, she got a sense of why Agatha was always going on about ricotta cheese. Behind her, Eleanor was apparently talking about how killing apples to make apple pie was pretty much the same thing as hunting prey, only a bit less messy.
“Well,” she finally said as she swallowed a bite of lasagna, “I suppose I want a guy who can make me feel... well, special.”
“You mean you don’t feel special right now?”
“Um, well, I wouldn’t go that far. I mean, I can do things that my sisters can’t, and they definitely appreciate me for it. This is... well, it’s something else. I know that much.”
“Oh, so you mean special as in ‘special somepony,’” Spike said, raising his voice slightly as though he’d stumbled onto an insight.
“Uh, no, I don’t want to feel like a pony. I like being a viper, and I’d really like to be treated like one.”
“Oh, um, sorry. It’s just that I was raised by ponies, so I sometimes use their words for things without thinking.”
“Really? Well, what does ‘special somepony’ mean, then?”
“Well, I guess when two ponies are special someponies, they love each other—only there’s more to it than that. Special someponies are so close, and they love each other so much, that they’re willing to do anything for each other, even if it means giving up something that’s important to them to make the other happy.”
“Huh... that does sound nice. But wouldn’t there be problems if only one of them feels that way?”
Spike suddenly became noticeably withdrawn. “Yeah, there probably would be.”
“In any case, if I found someone who could love me like that, I don’t think I’d mind returning the favor. Actually, it’d be the least I could do, since he’d have to put up with my sisters, too.”
“You know,” Spike said, his eyes brightening as the subject of the conversation shifted, “I was actually wondering about that. Why is it that I’m only on a date with you? Shouldn’t I be, well, dating all three of you at once?”
“Um, well, that’s kinda complicated,” Irene said. “Part of it is the idea that since you’re a reptile, and I’m a reptile, you might be more interested in me. But another part is that my sisters aren’t really interested in the same way I am.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, to start with the most obvious, Agatha—she’s the goat—isn’t even interested in boys at all. She likes girls instead. I don’t really know how that happens, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to change anytime soon.”
“Huh...” Spike said, apparently unsure how to react to this information himself. “And your other sister? The tiger?”
“Eleanor... well, she’s the reason this is complicated. She really, really wants to be a mother. Like, a lot. But I don’t think she cares about being in love. I think as far as she’s concerned, she wouldn’t care if the father only stuck around long enough for the babies to show up, and after that, she wouldn’t care if he never showed up again.”
Spike looked incredulous at this. “What?! You’ve gotta be kidding. Wouldn’t she at least want help raising the kids?”
“Um, well, I don’t think she’d turn it down, if that’s what you mean. Like I said, it’s really confusing with her.”
“Well,” Spike said in a more subdued voice, “if I ever have kids, I’m certainly not going to abandon them.”
This really piqued Irene attention. “So, um, you’re interested in that sort of thing, then?”
“What?!”
“Oh, I don’t mean right now, or with someone like me, or anything like that,” Irene blurted out, hoping that she hadn’t been too forward. “I just mean, like, maybe someday?”
Spike speared the last few pieces of salad onto his fork and chewed them for a few seconds before giving his answer: “Yeah, maybe someday.”
A series of loud coughs pierced the air behind Irene, who only just now realized that the conversation at the other table had grown silent. She turned around just in time to glimpse three heads quickly swiveling towards the center of the table as Twilight drained a large glass of water. “So, um, Applejack, was it?” Agatha said in a loud and rather conspicuous tone of voice. “How’s that leg of yours doing? Healing up okay?”
“Oh, yessiree,” the orange pony replied in an equally conspicuous tone. “It’s comin’ along mighty fine.”
Meanwhile, the dragon once again became quiet and pensive, giving Irene a chance to finish her meal, which she accomplished by widening her jaw and downing the remaining lasagna on her plate in a single swallow.
Spike was still silent, but that now seemed to be due more to wonderment than to introspection. “Whoa... how did you do that?”
“How did I do what?” Irene asked with genuine confusion; she wasn’t sure that she had done anything worthy of the look of amazement on her date’s face.
“You just... unhinged your jaw and swallowed all of that at once.”
“Oh, that? That’s nothing special,” Irene replied dismissively. “I’m pretty sure all snakes can do that.”
“But doesn’t it hurt?”
“Not really. The lower part of my mouth isn’t directly connected to my head the way it is with my sisters. Um, is that what you meant by ‘unhinging’?”
“I guess... Still, I guess it’s useful.”
“I guess it is, but I’m usually not in much of a hurry to eat something once we’ve caught it.”
Spike grew quiet again. “Uh, yeah, about that... you seem to really like hunting.”
Irene grimaced slightly before she answered. “Well, I like eating, and to do that, we pretty much have to hunt, or else we can’t get any meat.”
“Okay,” Spike said, “but well... what if it turned out that you didn’t need to eat meat? What if you could make do with cheese and milk and other stuff like that?”
“Well, Agatha probably wouldn’t mind, but Eleanor definitely wouldn’t—”
“I wasn’t asking about them, though,” Spike interrupted. “I was talking about you.”
“Umm...” Irene said.
Spike sighed. “Look, if you’re worried, I’m not going to make this some sort of test. If you really need meat, I’m not going to hold it against you. I’m just asking, well, if you could give up meat, would you?”
“Well... I suppose I’d be willing to try, though I’d definitely miss it—especially eggs. Those are delicious.”
Spike looked slightly confused. “I don’t think eggs count as meat, though. I’ve seen ponies eat them.”
Irene’s face brightened almost immediately. “Really?”
“Yeah... I mean, it bothered me a little at first, because I was once an egg myself. Twilight explained to me that ponies make sure there’s no chance that an egg can hatch before they eat it. I don’t remember the details, but I think it involves a candle, or something like that.”
Irene paused thoughtfully before answering. “Well, if I could still have eggs, that would definitely make it a lot easier. So, um, does that mean I have to give up meat if I want to see you again?”
“Huh? Oh, no way. I just said it wasn’t going to be a test, didn’t I? It’s just, well... it’s nice to know you’re willing to consider it, that’s all.”
The pause that followed was fairly awkward. “Well, um...” Irene said hesitantly, “I’ve had a good time talking with you. I, uh, wouldn’t mind doing it again.”
For his part, Spike was equally hesitant. “Um... yeah. It’s been, well, interesting talking with you, too. I, uh, I guess I wouldn’t mind it either.”
At this point, the occupants of the other table all exhaled simultaneously, attracting the attention of the prospective couple. “Oh, come on!” Spike groaned. “You could have at least tried not to listen in.”
“We did try!” Twilight insisted. “At first, anyway...”
“Besides,” Agatha added, “if you’re really going to be going out with our sister, Eleanor and I are going to have to know what’s going on, won’t we?”
“Hey, I never said we were going out,” Spike said defensively, though a quick glance at the crushed look on Irene’s face caused him to change his tone almost immediately. “I mean... well, I don’t think we’re in special somepony territory yet. I just want to get to know Irene a little better, that’s all.”
Irene smiled broadly, and this time, it didn’t even look creepy. “That’s good enough for me!” she said as she wound her way over to Spike’s head and gave him a quick, fleeting kiss on his cheek. She then zipped over between her sisters. “Can we do it tomorrow? Please? Please-y please?”
“I don’t think I can make the time then,” Twilight said cautiously, “and I don’t think Spike’s old enough to do something like that unsupervised.”
“How about next week?” Agatha said. “We can, ah, continue the discussion we were having before Eleanor got hung up on the whole age thing.”
“Age thing?” Irene asked. “What age thing?”
“Let’s just say that this relationship might take a lot longer to be fruitful than I hoped,” Eleanor said grumpily.
“But I thought you hated fruit,” Irene said. “At least when it wasn’t in pie form.”
The tiger head let out a frustrated groan. “Never mind, Irene. For now, we need to go back to the swamp. I’m guessing Applejack will find us to let us know when the next... ‘date’ is happening.”
“I s’pose that’s the best way ta go about it,” the orange pony replied.
“Very well,” Eleanor said. “Come on, Irene.”
“Okay,” Irene said as her sisters began heading towards the edge of the swamp. “Bye-bye, Spike!” she called out. “See you soon!”
“Bye...” Spike replied weakly a few seconds later as he stared at the spot where the chimera had disappeared from sight, his claws resting idly on his cheek where Irene had kissed him.
Twilight slowly walked over to the young drake. “Are you sure about this, Spike? You can always change your mind if you don’t want to see them again.”
Spike bit his lip as thoughts of Rarity floated through his brain... only now, they were occasionally obstructed by images of a slithering viper. “Well, honestly... I’m not sure at all. But it’s not like second date means I’m committed for life, does it?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow inquisitively. “The second date? No, I don’t think so.”
Spike exhaled slowly, and then answered: “Okay. Well, then I guess I’d like to see what happens next.”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Kwakerjak · 9.3k words · 370 8 · 5k views
- Kwakerjak · 6.5k words · 205 7 · 4.3k views
- King of Beggars · 46k words · 895 25 · 15k views
- King of Beggars · 14k words · 635 6 · 13k views
- Timeless Lord Slayer · 1.2k words · 12 2 · 415 views
- Mightyfinemorning · 7.3k words · 223 4 · 9.4k views
- Masterweaver · 5.2k words · 11 0 · 485 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.236 seconds
Total duration
737 users online
751,430 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Snake head of the chimera and Spike... Oh MAI !!!
Hay Spike, how was your day?
...
...
A very solid story idea, with a great execution. I'm a lot more excited to see more in this universe than I was after Apex alone.
5675755 The plan is to convince Kwak to write one for each head.
The MLP equivalent of conjoined twins... And Spike dates one.
... *reads through*
*loves every single word of it*
I NOW SHIP SPIKE/IRENE!
1.bp.blogspot.com/-tzFbDIip1jQ/UTRLqKCOXtI/AAAAAAAABUc/loPdlqXQZoc/s1600/ship+sails+itself+gif.gif
And that's how Discord was made.
Huh. Forgot it was the goat who was a lesbian. That makes her doubly the odd one out.
Well, at least the snake and Spike got along... It does seem a bit weird given his age but it looks like it's working out. How long do Chimaera live? And how fast to dragons grow up?
AWKWARD !
Makes me wonder how Spike's going to woo the other two... like maybe have Eleanor teach Spike how to hunt "like a real predator/dragon" and have long talks with Agatha about some philosophical stuff, maybe even have him change a bit of her view because he's been raised by women a LOT more than men... though her attraction seems to be mostly physical... I duno, I'm just speculating
This is gonna be good.
Also if they don't want to wait they could try greed growth breeding.
I LOLed when I read "Come on, Irene".
Cause it sounds so much like Come on Eileen, by Dexy's Midnight Runners.
The alternate title for this fic could be "Spike Get's Head"
This was quite good. I'm wondering whether or not I should throw out my vote for a sequel though. On the one hand, it stands well as is. On the other hand, however, this could be expanded on quite satisfyingly.
I guess I'll jump on the sequel bandwagon. I'm curious where this relationship will go, too, and what everyone else will think of it.
*sees story*
Well that... looks... interesting...? I guess that...
*sees author is Kwakerjack*
Okay then.
*reads*
Yep,
*snerk*
Awkward...!
I too desire to find out what next will occur, a sequel would be most appreciated.
5676178
You had me at "snake in the ass."
And I would very much like to see Rarity's reaction.
5676533
Yeah, my first thought was that it's a good thing I like that song, because I'm probably going to have it running through my head for the rest of the day.
i ship it like...
spinsucks.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/FedEx-Express.png
Sequel. I demand a sequel. Saw the cover, I didn't even need to read it before I wanted a sequel.
These out there ships always make me want more, but there isn't more because the ship is so out there. Dang it.
Excellent stuff! Reminds me of another much-beloved Spike crackship.
5676306
The solution is fairly easy: ship TwAgatha! 'Cause I do. Think of it: likes books and libraries, not a carnivore, prefers mares... and Agatha's not a bad catch either.
5676123 they live long... they are part dragon technically so they will live to see about the first quarter of spikes entire life even at there current age.
Of course! It's so obvious now.
I enjoyed that story, thank you! As for shipping and handling, I have tickets to the Sparity Romantic Cruise Ship, but I support the Spirene Friendship!
I demand continuation! Appease me or bear witness to my whiny temper tantrum!
More please!
Wonder what their reaction will be when they see Spike's tongue in action via the self-cleaning spin cycle.
5677946
Do it...
Well this was fun. I'm not trying to imply anything (really, I'm not), but I'd read more of this if there were more.
This was so great. So funny, and oddly sweet all round. Weird.
Somehow, I both like this ship and simultaneously had the thought of Spike ending up with Rarity in the future, but ending up in the "i'm gonna help out my new best friend, Irene and her sisters, eventually, with some kids". Because he isn't getting any kids with Rarity. That is an oddly cute plot in my head.
Whatever, in any case, I'd love to see any continuation of this, because it is brilliant.
Happy writing.
This is good! I like it! Honestly though, if this would have been a continuing story, that would have been amazing! Oh well, I'm happy with this.
Great. He's gonna teach them to lure their victims into a false sense of security for an easy kill.
I still say Spike and Trixie would be a million times more interesting together.
I love the absurd seriousness that this fandom sometimes finds. Great story, KJ.
Im sure between Irenes consumption and Spikes messaging, theres going to be alot of tongue tied awkward moments ahead. Doesnt spike still have that covering of diamond hard scales and love of bathing in lava, and fire geyser showers?
Offers irene flash boiled eggs?
really want a Sequel. this story was very good and well done. hope to see more.
I like this!
Hopefully, there will be more!
Dragons having freaky 'fertile with absurd mates' powers is also not exactly unheard of in those old tales.
5675933 But but but but, we wanted more Spirene!
5676384 But, wouldn't death by Cockpalement be both painful and counter productive to reproduction? What with all the being dead?
....
Ok yeah, I'm too lazy to find Greedy!Spike pics and FiM!Chimera pics to put here... so just pretend they are here.
Oddly enough this entire story I kept seeing Viper from Kung Fu Panda.
OMG I lost it at this line!
This was a really interesting story. It was funny, cute, and I enjoyed it immensely.
The bits about hunting gems were golden.
It's a perfectly cromulent activity, actually. After all, it's the term the Diamond Dogs use.
Well, there's a phrase I never thought I'd read...
That was amazing.
I am a staunch Sparity shipper but I can't say that I dislike this story. The Chimera is adorable with how her heads argue, Spike is very much in character and the atmosphere is very real and delightfully awkward.
Now, I have a suggestion for Spike:
You want to stay faithful to Rarity?
No problem, the goat is into girls, just throw in Rarity and have the most awesome fivesome imaginable!
This was such an adorable fic, quite surprising given the strangeness of it. I actually want to read more of these sisters.
Well, that just about covers all the options.
(It also sold the story to me, but that's another matter...)
So cute......
im loveing this so far only issue i have with it is that it is already complete with 1 chapter this has plenty of potential to span over quite a few chapters
Well, this is a fascinating clash of value systems. And it's actually kind of cute. Mind you, I'm not sure if the chimera will still be alive by the time Spike is sexually mature, but he seems to be a very good influence on Irene. This may be a crack ship, but it works to a surprising degree. Especially if, between Spike and books, Irene and Agatha can drag Eleanor to civilization. Put the lightning ward into a shock collar, and these three might be able to have a rather more productive life. Maybe.
Hey, if nothing else, maybe they're compatible with Discord.
5680555 No, it might also be a fish with legs, horn and wings. You can never know...
This was actually really well done. I definitely never saw this coming, but you've made me a believer. I'd love it if this story line continued.
I would love to see a sequel to this story with more development of the relationship but if you don't want to i understand it is your story after all just something is like to see