Zombies Aren't That Scary...
Sergeant Signal Fire cautiously reached out for the bookcase, but stopped when he heard voices on the other side. While it was true that some of these things didn’t seem evil, it still payed to practice a little bit of caution while around them, especially if they didn’t think they were being observed.
Sure, this one might be all buddy-buddy with Equestria now, but that was probably because helping the ponies aided its own goal in some way. If he could figure out what that goal was, however, he could stop whatever nefarious scheme that it was cooking up before it even began.
So, what your power?” a female with a thick, griffianic accent asked.
“Why spoil the surprise?” a male asked, his voice having a more North Equestrian accent, though it was marred slightly by the elongated way he pronounced his S’s.
“It would help me advise you if you run into any trouble.”
“Hmm… Well, I guess you have a-” the male started to say, but stopped when the bookshelf in front of Sergeant Fire suddenly creaked open, not only allowing him to see who was talking, but also allowing them to see him as well.
“Uh…” Sergeant Fire said intelligently as he took in the lithe, strong form of the teenage dragon-looking thing in front of him.
Luckily, however, the thing didn’t have its weapons drawn, though that could change in an instant with these things. Maybe if I back away slowly, it won’t attack? Sergeant Fire thought to himself, completely forgetting his orders and what he had come here to do in the first place.
Before he could begin to move, however, the weird lizard-thing’s face broke out into a toothy, unsettling smile. “Oh hi! How are you doing today? Was this your secret lab hidden behind a bookcase?” the creature asked curiously. “Well, I didn’t really mean to intrude, so if you don’t mind, I really have to be going,” it said in a rush as it nervously edged around Sergeant Fire.
At first, Sergeant Fire couldn’t quite believe what was happening. Not only was he going to survive a meeting with one of these… things, but on top of that, it seemed scared of him? Why on earth- Sergeant Fire thought to himself, but stopped when he suddenly remembered his orders.
“W-Wait! Sir!” Sergeant Fire managed to sputter out right as the lizard disappeared. “Don’t leave!”
For about three minutes Sergeant Fire just stood there, hoping that the thing had actually heeded him before scampering off, until finally he just sighed and hung his head. “What am I going to tell the Lieutenant?” he wondered out loud.
“Err… sorry, I didn’t realize I had turned invisible, my bad,” the lizard said as it slowly faded back into view.
“Wait, that is why he was just standing there? I thought he was at loss of words or something…” the female said, though where her voice came from completely confused Sergeant Fire.
“Did your belt just talk?” Fire asked.
The lizard just looked at its belt at that, then back up at the confused sergeant. “Just… ignore that. Sorry for almost running out on you, though. I came out of that room, saw you, and my brain immediately forgot where I was and went into ‘get the heck outta dodge’ mode,” the lizard said with a nervous laugh. “So, you had something you wanted to tell me? Oh, and where is Celestia? she and I have to talk.”
"Princess Celestia could not be here. There were simultaneous attacks on both Manehattan and Vanhoover, and both her and her sister left to handle the situation,” the sergeant said stiffly, not liking how the impertinent creature in front of him was talking about the Princess in such a familiar way. “That is actually why I am here.”
“What, are they in trouble?” the lizard asked quickly.
“No, but we are. Walk with me, I’ll explain on the way,” the sergeant said, beckoning the lizard with his hoof.
The (possibly) friendly monster thought about this for a second, but did not raise any objections as he fell in step behind the sergeant. “So, what’s happened?”
“It all started when a strange, skeletal biped came out of the train tunnels…”
* * *
“Nothing from the mountainside patrols, ma’am,”
“Thank you, private. Any news from the scouts we sent to the nearest tunnel opening?”
“Yes ma’am. There is a large concentration of hostiles attempting to excavate the tunnels. With how fast they seem to be working, Corporal Hoof thinks they’ll have gotten through in a day.”
“Blast, and The Moon’s Ascent won’t be here for a day and a half. Corporal! Any news from the Princesses!” Lieutenant Feather shouted.
“Yes ma’am, both high captains have reported in, and have told us we can’t expect the Princess’s intervention for at least another two days,” the corporal said, putting down the receiver for the radio. “Apparently these, ‘Necrokings,’ were carrying some kind of virus that has infected the local populous. The beasts themselves were easily overtaken, but the ponies of those cities have fallen ill in a very short time. They’re trying to contain and cure the plague, but they said that it will take some time.”
“So we’re on our own, then,” Lieutenant Feather said with a huff.
“Ma’am-” a nearby sergeant started to say, but was waved quiet by the lieutenant.
“I was including him in my statement, Crush. I know that our superiors ordered us to get his help in this, but I’m not sure how much help he’ll be, especially since how he was wounded in his last battle. On top of that, there’s no guarantee that he’ll actually help,” Lieutenant Feather said with a sigh. “Even the friendly ones have been nothing but skittish, only showing up for a few minutes, then disappearing, sometimes before the battle has even finished. In fact, there is a pretty good chance that-”
“That’s not what I was going to say, ma’am. What I was going to say was that Fire’s back, and he brought you a present,” the sergeant said, pointing towards the doorway of the barracks.
Lieutenant Feather whipped around, instantly spotting the lizard that Celestia had brought back to Canterlot four days ago. He was standing in the barracks entryway, a smug smile on his muzzle, and a saluting Sergeant Fire next to him. “Ma’am, the ‘asset’, as ordered,” Fire said smartly.
“Thank you sergeant,” Lieutenant Feather said as she cantered up to the strange, lizard-like creature. “I apologize for what I said earlier, I-”
“Don’t even worry about it,” the creature said with a wave of his claw. “I’d actually be worried if you just took everything I had to offer at face value.”
This stunned Lieutenant Feather for a bit. “You’re… not worried that we…?”
“Suspect that I’ll run? Suspect me of treachery?” the lizard said with a smile. “Not in the slightest.”
“But… why?”
The lizard sauntered past the lieutenant at that point, his arms folded behind his back as a thoughtful look crossed his face. “Where I come from, anyone with power is subject to a huge amount of distrust. We always fear that that one person will go nuts one day, or begin to abuse their power. We write whole stories centered on the concept, and have fought whole wars against those that did abuse their power.”
Lieutenant Feather took a step back at that. “Why are you telling me all of this?” she asked suspiciously.
“Because,” he said as he turned around to face her. “I want you to know why I’m helping you. Why you know that you can count on me. More importantly, however, I want you to know how you can take me down, if needed,” the lizard said slowly.
“Wait, what?” a female voice asked, seemingly coming from the helmet strapped to the lizard’s belt.
“What was that?” Feather asked as she eyed the helmet suspiciously.
“That’s not important right now, nor is this the time to be teaching you the best way to end me,” the lizard said, turning back to the table and looking down at the map it held. “Something like that would take training regimens, classes, the whole nine yards. From what your sergeant said, though, we only have about a day, and have more pressing issues than me at the moment.”
“Ehem, yes, you’re quite right. Now..." she started to say, but trailed off as something occured to her. "I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. My name is Lieutenant Angel Feather.”
“My name’s Ammon, though I really should get a code name for this kind of thing…” Ammon said as he scratched the underside of his muzzle. “Anyway, what kind of undead are we dealing with? The sergeant only told me ‘the undead,’ and left it at that.”
“We’ve got skeletons and zombies, but a lot of them. You’re awfully calm about all of this…”
“Well, I can’t really claim experience, but to be honest, I really have no fear of the rank and file undead,” Ammon said with a shrug. “Their only trick is overwhelming numbers, and usually that means they need about fifty to a hundred of them for each one of us, depending on how fast they are.”
“They’re a bit slower than living ponies, but-”
Before Lieutenant Feather could finish her statement, though, she was interrupted as Ammon waved his claws at her. “Wait, back up there; they’re slower than ponies? Does that mean they are ponies?”
“I believe ‘were’ would be the correct term, but-” one of the sergeants interjected, but was interrupted again by Ammon.
“Do they have your abilities?” he asked quickly. “I know that some of you can fly, but I really don’t know anything else that they might-”
“They do not, thank goodness. No flyers, no weather control, no strength, and no magic,” the sergeant interrupted back.
Instead of setting him at ease, however, Ammon just became more worried. “This is worse than I thought…” he said with a frown.
“What? We just have to hold out for a day, and-” the lieutenant started to say, but was stopped in her tracks by Ammon’s next words.
“Where are the predators?”
“I’m sorry?”
“The predators. Even if the zombies were human, they still wouldn’t last very long against you guys,” Ammon said thoughtfully.
“Uh, what’s a ‘huu-maan?’” Sergeant Fire asked, completely lost by the direction that the conversation had taken.
Ammon ignored him, however, in favor of continuing his line of thought. “Ponies would make terrible zombies, especially if they didn’t have their natural abilities. You’re basically left with a herbivore that craves flesh.”
At this, several of the present ponies shivered in fear, but were stopped when Ammon slammed his claw against the table in front of him. “Don’t you see? That’s nothing to be afraid of. A herbivore isn’t made to eat flesh. Their teeth are the wrong shape, lacking any sort of tearing or cutting power. The best they can do is bludgeon you to death with their hooves, and those won’t be nearly as effective.”
“So, it’s a distraction?” the griffianic voice from earlier spoke again, causing Lieutenant Feather to glance down at the helmet that Ammon had strapped at his belt.
“Precisely. This, ‘Orcas,’ wants your attention here, so that he can move on somewhere else unmolested. Lieutenant, how many other ways into the city are there?” Ammon asked, looking up at the lieutenant.
“There is only one other way up, and that is by scaling the mountain,” the lieutenant answered confidently. “He must be trying to tie down our forces here, so that he can attack our other cities.”
“Um, that’s not quite true, ma’am,” the corporal at the radio piped up. “There is another way, though it would be time consuming and dangerous...”
“Dude, these are zombies. They really don’t care about their own safety,” Ammon said flatly.
“That would be impossible, though, corporal. We had those mines sealed off after the invasion,” Lieutenant Feather said dismissively.
"Dude. Zombies. They really don’t care about what kind of effort is required to do something. They’ll dig up your seal, no matter what you put down there to stop them,” Ammon said firmly.
At this, the lieutenant glanced around, then sighed in defeat. “Well, I suppose that they could be trying the old gem mines, but we not only sealed those, but placed a powerful ward to keep out unwanted guests,” she said, a bit exasperated that Ammon didn’t believe her about this.
“Where’s the original entrance to these mines?” Ammon asked, obviously not caring.
“It’s in the castle basement. If you really want to go see for yourself, I can have Sergeant Fire take you,” Feather said with a shrug. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a siege to defend against, and I really cannot afford these distractions.”
“Thank you for trusting me this much,” Ammon said with a nod of his head.
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still don’t really trust you,” Lieutenant Feather said as she shot him a piercing stare. “It’s the Princesses that trust you, and they’ve ordered me to cooperate with you for now.”
Ammon nodded his head again, then turned to leave, Sergeant Fire close behind him.
“Ma’am, do you really think this is a good idea?” Sergeant Crush asked nervously as he watched the monster leave.
“No, I don’t, but at this point I really don’t see any other option,” Feather said as she turned back to the map.
* * *
I was bluffing.
Yeah, I know, everything I said seemed to make sense, but I was using knowledge and information that I learned from video games. There was absolutely no guarantee that zombies here acted like the ones from Dead Rising, or even had the same abilities. For all I knew, the zombies here had laser chainsaws as arms and were hyper intelligent tacticians.
I highly doubted that, but here’s the rub: I still knew next to nothing about the rules and laws of physics that determined how this universe acted. It was probable that it acted similarly to how my home universe did, but the addition of magic threw all of that out the window.
What? I’m a physicist. Well, physicist in training, really. I like to have logical explanations for things, as well as explanations for unknown phenomena. So far, my best explanation for all of this was Multiple Universe Theory: if you can imagine it, there is probably a universe out there that is exactly as you imagined.
Well, it was either that, or this was all a coma dream. Or I was dead, and this was Hell.
Anyway, that’s a little off topic. My point was that there were far too many unknowns, and only one thing I really did know: These ponies were scared.
These were supposed to be soldiers, too; Hardened, trained, and ready for this kind of stuff. Thing is, even though they were really good at hiding it, I could still see it in their eyes: They really didn’t think that they’d be able to survive the night. With that kind of attitude, it was probable that they wouldn’t. What they needed was a hero.
Unfortunately, all they had was me.
That was the reason for my cool, collected demeanor; why I was heading straight for a place that, knowing my luck, was probably where the enemy was going to come in from; and most importantly, why I wasn’t flipping my lid.
Even if they didn’t trust me, they still needed me to be calm and collected, to act as if I knew what I was doing. Otherwise, I could very well cause a panic that would lose us this battle, and that was the last thing I wanted.
“So, how long have you been a soldier?” I asked as the sergeant led me down a staircase, all while being followed by the wary eyes of the other soldiers and servants that populated this part of the castle.
“What?” Fire asked, looking up in surprise.
“How long have you been a soldier?” I asked again.
“I’m not sure how that’s important, sir,” the sergeant asked, a bit confused at where I was going with this.
“It may not be important to the situation, but that’s not why I’m asking. I’m asking because I want to get to know you,” I explained.
“I’m just a soldier, sir, I’m not important,” the sergeant said with a shrug.
“Huh, strange,” I said, after a bit of thought.
“What?”
“Well, no matter where I’ve gone, and who I’ve talked to, I’m pretty sure you’re the first person I’ve ever met who was not important,” I said, a mischievous grin on my face. “That must make you pretty important, huh?”
He looked at me oddly at that, but just shrugged to himself. “I’m not sure what you mean, sir.”
“I mean that- wait, do you hear that?” I asked, stopping in my tracks.
The guard stopped as well, turning his ears to the sound up ahead.
“I really don’t think we should be down here,” a child said quietly somewhere up ahead. This immediately caused both of us to relax, though Sergeant Fire rolled his eyes and adopted a put upon expression, despite his more relaxed frame.
“Well, it ain’t my fault that this darn place is so huge!” another child said.
“Now are you going to let me lead? I know this place like the back of my claw, you know. I could get you back to your sisters in no time…” a third voice, this one male, said dryly.
“You really had me going there for a second,” Fire said, slapping me lightly with his hoof. “I thought it was the undead coming up through the basement, or something.”
“I’m still serious about that,” I said as I strode past him to where the sound had come from. I then reached out and grabbed the handle for what appeared to be a pantry door. “Ahah!” I said loudly, scaring the living crap out of three small foals and what appeared to be a purple and green anthropomorphic lizard.
The four were huddled in the back of the pantry, all shaking as they looked up at me with abject fear. “Is… is that one of them?” the cream colored one squeaked out pitifully.
Without a second thought, the purple lizard jumped forward, thrusting out his chest while trying to make himself look as large as possible. “Go, girls! I’ll distract him, you run for help!”
“Uh, Spike? It’s blocking the doorway…” the orange one said quietly.
“Besides, don’t you remember what that one did to Big Mac?” the tan one with the ribbon said in barely more than a whisper. “He’d catch us all afore we made two steps!”
At that point, I kneeled down until I was level with the small, brave lizard. “Look kid,” I said with a warm smile. “As admirable as it is to protect your friends like that, you need to have more of a plan than that. You’re small, so your claws and teeth really aren’t going to be that effective. Your best bet would have been to grab that saucepan over there and slammed it on my foot,” I said, pointing at the pan in question. “Then, while I was howling in pain, you and your friends could have made a break for it.”
The four looked up at me in confusion at that. “What?” Spike said.
“Are you done scaring children?” Sergeant Fire said impatiently behind me. “Because we have a siege to plan for, and you wasting time isn’t going to help us lift it.”
“Yeah, I’m coming. You kids get out of here, okay? It’s not going to be safe down here in the basement for much longer,” I said as I stood up. “Lead the way, sergeant!”
As the two of us walked away, I caught the tail end of their conversation. “What... what just happened?”
“I don’t know… maybe some are good?”
“I don’t trust ‘em, especially not after what his kind did to Ponyville…”
“What was that all about?” Sergeant Fire demanded as we walked away, his expression stern and demanding.
“Just trying to spread some hope,” I said as the youths’ voices went beyond my hearing range.
The sergeant gave me a steady, piercing glare at that. “I hope you realize that I was this close to removing your head when you pulled that stunt?”
“I would have thought less of you had you not,” I said with a grin.
We walked the rest of the way in silence after that, allowing me to take in the architecture of this place a bit better. The ponies seemed to like their open, columned designs, as well as their liberal use of day and night motiffs. The walls themselves were made of some kind of white stone, with a splash of purple here or there to break the monotony. Every so often the hall we were walking down sported a pair of wall sconces on either side of us, each holding a glowing gemstone of some kind, allowing us light despite the lack of any windows.
“So, how much further until we reach these caves?” I asked, awkwardly trying to break the silence that had fallen.
“We’re here,” he said as we turned a corner, revealing nothing more than what appeared to be another pantry door.
A pantry that just so happened to have guards posted by it.
As soon as they saw me they immediately went into defensive postures, but relaxed a bit when they saw that I had a sergeant with me. “Uh, this just looks like a-” I started to say, but was interrupted by the sergeant.
“The castle was originally built over the mines. When the Changeling Queen invaded, she tunneled up into our pantry to infiltrate us before Captain Armor managed to erect his barrier,” Sergeant Fire explained. “We think she was intending on bringing her army up through here, but was unable to since the only other opening to the mines were behind the shield.”
“...I got most of that, but the events that you referenced mean nothing to me,” I said flatly.
“Just do your little inspection and get on with it,” the sergeant said with a grunt.
I nodded at that, then stepped towards the door. The two guards flanking the door tensed up, but otherwise did nothing to stop me as I reached out for the door.
“Sir, is this really such a good idea?” one of them whispered.
“I don’t think so, but the Princesses both ordered us to trust it. I trust them, so that is enough for me,” Fire responded.
I barely registered what they said, however, as I inspected the room in front of me. It was empty, though it clearly had been some kind of storage room, if the empty shelves and the odd, empty barrel ware any indication. The reason it was so empty, however, was the extremely sturdy-looking hatch, over which I could see an intricately laid magic circle.
“So, this is the seal?” I asked as I stepped closer, my claw reaching for the hatch’s latch.
“I wouldn’t do that! It’s-” Sergeant Fire started to say, but stopped when my claw made contact with the cold, hard metal.
…
“Was something supposed to happen?” I asked curiously.
“Private! Run! go tell Lieutenant Feather that the seal to the mines has been compromised!” Sergeant Fire yelled, shoving the poor private back the way that we had come.
“I hate it when I’m right,” I said as I pulled my spear free and took a defensive stance in front of the hatch.
* * *
“Greetings, everyone!” The Huntress called out, her voice like a spring breeze in a mountain meadow.
As pleasant as her voice was, however, many of the players at the table groaned at her arrival. “I was beginning to hope she would be sitting this one out,” The Deceiver whispered to The Devourer as The Huntress danced to the table where the map was laid out.
“I am sorry that I am late my friends, but I was busy winning another game, and we all know how persistent Pestilence can be,” she said as she flashed them all a winning smile. “So, where are we playing then?”
“NO!” Civilization shouted as he stood up and grabbed his piece from the board. “I will not play you! Not here!”
“Oh, come on, You cannot really be giving up with my mere presence! Just stay, see things out...”
“You always go after me first,” Civilization said sharply. “The last time we played, that beast of yours ate my champion without provocation!”
“He was destroying habitat that belonged to my worshipers,” Huntress replied matter-of-factually.
Civilization just stared at her for a moment, trying desperately to keep it all in. Unfortunately, he did not possess that level of self control. “He was building a hospital!” he shouted at her, his glasses slipping a bit down his nose. “He excavated that field to build a hospital! It's not my fault your worshipers aren't sapient! Despite this fact, though, you still unleash hell on anyone who dares to disrupt even the tiniest rat warren!”
He took a few deep breaths at that, clearly trying to calm down. “We’re too opposed. My engineer is not strong enough to face every horror you have created. Perhaps if I had chosen my soldier, or my hunter, or even my voyager, I might have stood a chance. But as things stand, I cannot hope to last even twenty minutes against you,” he said, sighing in defeat. “I'm tired of losing promising champions to your hunters. Now, good day.”
“Well that was unpleasant,” the Huntress said as she watched Civilization leave. She then turned back to the board, an eager smile on her face. “So, like I asked earlier, where are we playing?”
“Equis. I cannot say that I am happy about you joining,” the Defilier said, toxic vapor pouring out of his nose in agitation. “But I doubt you can stop my plans now. I am too deeply entrenched, and my forces are too numerous, even for you.”
The Huntress just smiled at that. Many had learned to fear that predatory grin.
Not all were upset at her arrival, however. The Lover, Fate, and The Storm of Storms in particular were all openly elated with her presence. The Lady just wore her trademark pokerface, while the rest were either groaning or rubbing their various grasping appendages together in anticipation. The Huntress ignored them, however, in favor of looking over the board. “Well, it is pretty late in the game, and my chances of winning are pretty slim. But then again, since when have I ever let that stop me?” she said with a laugh. “Ah… So, What's the power level?”
“Eleven,” Fate answered with a grin. “Who will the great Huntress use? The Pathfinder? The Matriarch? Perhaps one of those new snipers you have been bragging about?”
The Huntress just shook her head at this. “Kiraia is level thirteen, so no I will not be using my pathfinder,” she said thoughtfully. “The matriarch isn't the right piece for this game; too much combat.” She tilted her head as she pondered. “Lucescu won my previous game, but that was his first, and the other sniper is still inexperienced.” An evil grin grew across her face. “I think I will use my Apex Predator, The Alpha.”
The Defiler slammed his claws on the table at that, rage clear on his face. “That beast is far too overpowered for this level of play, and should be barred from this!” he said, glancing around for support.
Silence followed this statement, until finally Fate spoke up with an awkward cough. “Technically, the Alpha is level ten, and therefore legal to play.”
The Defiler shook his head in frustration. “That is why it is overpowered. That thing killed my level twelve last game.”
“Power level is not everything,” The Huntress responded. “With enough knowledge, I could have killed your last champion with a level two.”
“Regardless, your objection to the use of The Alpha has no ground to stand on.” Fate said, rapping his cane against the floor. The Defiler stayed quiet at this pronouncement, easily seeing that he was going to be overruled in this. Fate then turned to The Huntress, his face completely neutral. “Where will you put your Apex Predator?”
The Huntress studied the map extensively. It was a critical move, one that could easily make or break the game for her.
“Here,” she said, placing her piece on the board. Everyone recoiled in shock at this.
“But Huntress,” The Storm of Storms said. “Surely you can see that-”
“Yes,” She answered his unfinished question.
“If you put your champion there, then-”
“I know,” she replied.
“And if-”
“I know,” she said again, picking up the dice.
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Man, so glad this one is back!
Yeah, I'm not a big fan of this Huntress already. She's not chaotic evil as some of the others, but an ecologist extremist is no more than a different kind of evil.
The Huntress is so much fun! I can't wait to see the Alpha in play!
And so it continues.
Vanhoover. The puns just keep getting worse.
You never actually specified that they were physically in the barracks. This entire scene, I thought they were still on the wall.
You forgot to open this with a quotation mark.
"A" bit better.
You should probably use hyphens (-) to specify an interruption. As it is, it feels like storm is trailing off, rather than huntress interrupting him.
Of course, naturally she's throwing the alpha right at ammon. This should be fun.
A truly excellent chapter! I love that he's drawing from his experience with video games. After all, this is a game. The stakes are just higher. Keep them coming bro!
Another awesome chapter.
Eagerly looking forward to more.
Another enjoyable chapter. Good job.
You know I like this story lots too, right?
I dunno why it's underrated.
I really do like how the main character thinks, very sly and divergent from your others.
cdn.meme.am/instances2/500x/1713300.jpg
6394734 Thanks for the catch, man! Also, you weren't really supposed to know where they were until Ammon walked in.
6396047 I'm not sure why you would want it that way. What use does it have?
6394663 I dunno why someone disliked your comment, but I agree!
'course, that is only my opinion.
6394560 THAT is why I think she's fun! Why should every character you like be a two-goody-shoes or an evil like Discord? If they match the story and have interesting interactions, they are fun
6397190 Perhaps it was because I had the audacity to have a different opinion?
6397190 You got me wrong. She's a promising character from an execution point of view, yes, and it adds flavor to the story, but I wasn't talking about that - my comment was on a view partial to Ammon's survival and success.
6397932 Pffft, who cares if Ammon survives? Wait... then the story would end...
Damnit!
The bit about zombie ponies was pretty great. You kind of tore apart any story about the apocalypse relating to zombies in the MLP world. The bit about teeth makes perfect sense, but I never though of that.
Is this a displaced fic? He's kind of acting a bit to professional for just some guy who popped into Equestria with powers.
6406288 It's not, but there is a reason why he's acting so professional, and why he's acting like he knows what he's doing. In truth, he has absolutely no idea what he's doing: he's just rolling with the punches, and taking things as they come along.
6406371 Fair enough. Hopefully you have a plan for that, something to blow up in his face maybe :P
Hmm. The dm should slam her for power gaming, ruins the fun for the rest of the group.
6408010 The DM hasn't been revealed yet (No, it's not Fate. Fate is a player).
More
Hah, the Huntress isn't even trying to win. She's just going to pull a Henderson, isn't she?
Pbbbbbbbbbt
!!! Y u no disclose location m8!?!?!?
His teeth and claws lack reach, but what our protagonist doesn't know is that Spike is still restrained by a relatively peaceful life. "Spike Unleashed"(to coin a term) wouldn't balk at going for a hamstring if he got the chance, and eats GEMSTONES. If he realized his opponent wasn't a dragon then fire breath comes into play, and collateral damage to the environment works in his favor since lava and volcanic fumes are his native habitat. As long as the CMC etc out before the smoke gets down to their height... if the situation is bad enough that the long effects of the fire are my that could be overlooked.
None of which make the frying pan a BAD idea... reach is nothing to sneeze at especially since he doesn't have to drop it to breath fire (or even bite).
Equis as a whole might play out like fairly normally, but Equestria itself is a place where things get INTERESTING, civilization MANAGES nature there. Fluttershy might be an extreme example, but she exists. Probably more important is that Owliscious can read well enough to fetch books, eating mice is a bad thing and Angel Bunny can mime that Fluttershy is running late .