Hooves of ice
Chapter 2
Guess who I am! Oh right, you can't see or hear me...
World: Equus. Land: Equestria. Location: Canterlot Castle. Year: 1001
3rd person POV
Jack was smiling while looking upon the frost pony and the princess of the night. It was heartwarming to see old friends see each other after such a long time. Luna and Frozen Solid had known each other before the banishment of Nightmare Moon and the disappearance of the frost ponies.
They were both currently discussing the disappearance of the frost ponies, something Jack knew all about. It was his doing after all. Nopony might be able to see or hear him, but this didn't mean he couldn't interact with the world at all. He had after all created the frost ponies, even if they could neither remember him or believe in him. Believing in his existence was after all the only way to see and hear him. But with his powers, he had still interacted with the world around him. He was able to call the winds to fly him to his destination, he could conjure anything from frost, snow and ice, even going as far as to creating living beings with access to a small portion of his powers. But his most loved ability of all was the way he could spread cheer. The same ability he had bestowed upon his frost ponies.
He could clearly remember the day he first created the frost ponies.
World: Equus. Land: ???? Location: ???? Plains. Year: ????
Jack felt lonely, very lonely. He was in no mood to visit the ponies he had walked among a few weeks ago, for they had all started fighting among each other and also against the ponies from other tribes. This, in turn, had attracted attention from certain creatures, Windigoes. At first, Jack had tried to protect the ponies and fought the Windigoes, but as the ponies continued their pointless fighting the Windigoes grew stronger and started affecting even Jack himself. As soon as Jack had caught himself thinking about putting the ponies in their place he had left to think clearly and find a different solution to get rid of the Windigoes. But he had nothing, nothing came to mind and he began to grow frustrated. And lonely.
Now, Jack was used to being lonely, seeing as none of the ponies could see or hear him, but being in their company had always been enough, the illusion of partaking in somepony's life was enough. But here, there were no ponies nearby, no snow, no harsh conditions for ponies to overcome. And all that snow, ice and cold would make ponies hate the winter and forget the beauty of what it could bring with it.
This suddenly sparked something in Jack, an idea. An idea so simple, so incredibly unlikely that it just might work. And if it did, then all his problems would be solved, including the ponies problem of having trouble trusting each other. He began to work immediately.
After slaving around for a whole of three weeks, Jack was nearly done. He had collected enough information and resources to try and put his plan into motion. Only one step left. One step, that if it did not succeed would mean it had all been in vain. Jack was eager to start, and so he did.
Once more looking over the few objects he had tracked down in the land of ponies, he smiled. The only few objects he had trouble getting had been the vial full of windigo breath, a big scoop of "Summer Snow" That was a form of snow that instead of being cold radiated heat. And the small, one-celled organisms he had named "Base". The Bases were only hard to get because of their delicate nature and how a lot of things could kill them when out of their usual environment, something he was gonna tinker with. But the hardest was after all the most necessary step, to purify the breath from the windigoes bad influence. The main reason Jack had chosen to use such a thing for the creation of something else entirely was the fact that his ice-cold breath dissipated way to fast for him to change its nature to suit his current needs.
But after enough tampering he had finally purified the breath and adapted the Bases to his liking, he did not have to change any other of the other objects. The snow he would use was already how he wanted it, full of mysterious magic that let the snow give off warmth instead of cold. A nice little touch to his project if he could say so himself.
Jack would have smiled at such a thought as his old world never had this kind of magic, but instead, he frowned when he remembered that if he failed, even this world would soon be void of the beauty that came from the Summer Snow. Whenever the windigoes came close to the warm snow it instantly lost it's amazing ability and turned to regular snow. Something he would prevent from happening to his little project.
After hours of working and making sure the different objects would not have any unintended effects, he was finally ready to bring forth the final touches. Looking down at the figure before him, made mostly out of snow. Before him stood a crude shape of a pony. Instead of hooves, it has the clearest of fine cut ice, almost looking like glass. The skin of the pony was made of the warm snow that was now housing the many Bases that thrived in the warmth of the snow. The eyes, made of big pearls found deep in the sea inside a giant clam, carved out and having small irises made of a thin layer of sapphire making the eyes looking almost alive in their current state. The snow at the snout, tip off the ears and at the hooves is, however, a bit different as it is slightly shifting into a deep blue color just like one can color shaved ice. The mane and tail had been the trickiest to get done right.
Having to find any suitable material for replacing the hair was an impossible task, in the end, Jack had to settle on cultivating a new breed of Bases able to produce real hair that would grow as any other pony's mane and tail. After managing such a feat there was only one last step, animating the pony.
Jack stepped back and looked at his creation. He knew how he was gonna do this, he had planned this and he had also done this before, many times. Maybe not for this purpose, but still... About to breathe life into his creation Jack stepped back and readied himself. Just as he was about to awaken his creation her realized something, this pony would require a name. Names were very important after all.
After giving it some thought he had settled on a name and also the addition of giving his thoughts more effect by vocalizing the pony's name and purpose as he would give it life. Deciding it's now or never Jack inhaled deeply and started to slowly release his breath as it turned into a frozen fog, holding up the purified windigo breath he let it spill out and blend with his own as it descended upon the yet lifeless pony. Meanwhile, Jack had taken the initiative to make sure the pony became what he wanted. "Your name shall be "Blinding Cover" and you will be the first frost pony. The ponies that bring cheer and the ones to help anypony else in need." Jack made sure that he used the Ponies' word anypony instead of the humans' anyone as it was a pony he was creating after all.
As if on cue the fog created from Jack's and the windigoes' breath fell upon the pony. As soon as the fog touched the pony frost was created from the contact. As the frost spread all across the pony in a fascinating pattern, Jack noticed how much it looked like fur, as if it was actual fur covering the pony he named Blinding Cover. Jack had tried to make Cover as identical to the ponies as possible, but had given up when it came to the fur as he had no idea how he would go about finding a suitable substitute like he had with the mane and tail. But seeing the frost covering the pony had completed the pony look and made it hard to distinguish between the frost pony and a regular Earthpony.
Jack was watching the amazing display of ice and frost standing before him, that is until it suddenly stopped as if to signify that it was complete. Looking upon the pony in anticipation Jack held his breath. (Even if he didn't require any air.) At first nothing seemed to happen, the frost pony was standing completely still. That is, until it's whole body suddenly shook and the pony took a deep breath and opened its eyes for the first time.
Jack was was so happy he had succeeded that he suddenly lost control of himself. He jumped up and started screaming in delight: "It worked, it worked! HA, HA, HA !" Jack blurted out spinning around in delight.
However, Jack realized that he must have completely frightened the poor frost pony and quickly turned around back towards Blinding Cover to apologize but instead noticed something was off. The frost pony wasn't looking at him at all, it was calmly inspecting its surroundings. This could only mean one thing for poor Jack. His creation, the frost pony, was completely oblivious of his presence, meaning it did not know of his existence and therefore didn't believe in him and could not see or hear him.
Jack stumbled and fell on his knees, he had failed. He had been unsuccessful in creating his frost pony as he had hoped to finally have a partner, somepony to talk too. But fate was cruel and would not let him have it. And Jack did the only thing that came to him with the sudden realization of how alone he was. Tears, Jack started to cry. He started to curse the world he had found himself in, something he had not done for a long time as he had found peace in this new world. Or so he thought, now it had come back and painfully reminded him of this.
But suddenly something even more depressing came to mind, he had just created a new life form. However, it was like him, the only one of it's kind. It would become like him, Alone.
Jack could not have that. Jack himself could live through the loneliness, but Blinding Cover was a pony, an animal that lived with others of its kind. Also, Jack would forever feel guilty if he just created a life-form and then immediately doomed it to be forever alone. He could not, HE WOULD NOT!
Jack stood up and once again looked up to his creation, and started to focus his powers. With pure determination fueling his magic he unleashed it all around him with only one purpose, to create more life!
Jack would normally never attempt this, but as it stood now he was not in the best of emotional states. And therefore the wind roared. At the time Jack did not fully understand how far his powers could stretch and how he was doing it. All he saw was that the winds suddenly came from all sides at once and surrounded him and his frost pony. The winds brought with them snow and other items that were all used in creating the first frost pony. And as if the world itself wanted to see more of the frost ponies and their beauty the winds started to assemble new bodies of snow.
Jack could only stand in disbelief and watch as the world did his bidding for him. He had yet to realize that his own will and magic had integrated with the natural magic in the atmosphere of the planet and created a spell for just this purpose.
Jack smiled, he smiled as the winds parted and before him stood hundreds of frost ponies of both gender and many different ages. This was now the time of the frost ponies.
And all this, the creation of the frost ponies would never be witnessed again by anyone or anypony. Only then and there would it have been seen. By Jack frost and Blinding cover.
World: Equus. Land: Equestria. Location: Canterlot Castle. Year: 1001
Jack smiled at the memory as he walk straight through the outer wall of the castle, he did not have to stay as he knew no harm would come to the frost pony. He had things to do, ponies to send out and a certain old statue to go and pay a visit to. "Watch out, Jack Frost is back in business." He spoke to himself before letting the wind carry him towards the royal gardens. This will be fun.
Interesting...
We will watch.
5704282 Writing in character is hard. Especially Luna. I was really worried about getting her habits to speak in older Equestrian right. Don't know how well I did non that front, but I am glad you like it.
5704393 Thanks, have a bad habit of mixing those two.
5703107 I understand you are a fan of Jack? or at least a of the movie? To be honest Jack Frost was not my first choice but it's the only one I could get working.
Was having problems with trying to write "Goku" from "Dragonball Z", "Simon" from "Toppa Tengen Guran Laggan" and "Wonka" from "Chalie and the chocolate factory".
So in the end, I went with Jack frost. (The fact I was on vacation and went skiing for 5 days straight had nothing to do with it).
5704353 Well, well, well. Aren't you also writing about a Jack frost Displaced? Wanna PM? I would like to talk about each others plots and future plans. We don't wanna make our stories to much like each others, right? Maybe even talk about crossover plans? Like the two Ben 10 displaced stories I've seen.
PM me if you're interested.
Pretty interesting story, looking forward to more. I suspect the only person that can actually see him is gonna wind up being Discord, at least at first.
So I´m not good with times, but this is wrong. It has to be "walks" or "walked" (I don´t know exactly sry).
You my friend are a awesome writer. I really want to get the chance to do a few chapters with you... if that's okay with you that is
Why isn't this in the group ABOUT the displaced?
5704499 PM me!
5704544 We'll get there!
This is interesting.
Hopefully he won't be forever alone.
Serious editing is needed in this one. There's a lot of really obvious mixes that clearly compromise what's going on. To boot, it feels rushed and absent of what LoHAV stories generally have. The human interaction so far is very limited, maybe only 200 words. That's only barely enough, and you decline to describe most of the setting besides the creation of the 'frost ponies', which while interesting, is clearly not enough.
We have little idea who some of the characters are, what they look like or why we should care. Motivations aren't really enough to interest anybody. All we, (as readers), have so far is a premise and a promise that we'll get into it in the future.
~There's no treat to beat, or special meat. I can get popcorn at home.~
Seriously, what is here might be interesting if anybody bothered to clean it up and point out its flaws. You're basically writing a LoHA story where the main character is invisible; a neutral character who's actions aren't noticeable. That's enough to at least be different. I guarantee, get yourself a competent, dedicated editor who knows what the fuck they're doing, and your story'll do a one-eighty in quality...At the very least, your 'where' mistakes'll go bye-bye.
Time to watch from the shadows again.
Hey, hey you. I got one word: Crossovers. Think about it for a minute. Guy can't be seen unless he's believed in, right? Well if another Displaced /just/ summoned ole' Jack, then they MUST believe in him, right? Right?
5704694 Yes, these are the comments I'm looking for.
I admit, The story was rushed as I made a mistake in the form of being impatient. My only pre-reader has yet to see this story as he is currently busy and I have no clue when he will be available.
Now, your comment was an eye opener. As for the shit somepony will have to point out and then make me clean up will be addressed. As for why I have insulted my readers with 'where' instead of 'were' is something I'm gonna blame my teachers in this language as I am still learning proper English and still am missing certain knowledge and never was called out on the 'where' mistakes until I first got my pre-reader to point them out.
If you yourself is up for the challenge I would be glad to have access to another pre-reader.
Once again, Thanks for your input.
5704427 Will fix.
5704658 Don't worry, He won't. You have to remember that this is a Displaced story and that one is never alone in the omniverse.
5704699 Spoilers!
5704741 Random thought=spoilers? Er, okay. *Confused*
OMG THIS IS AMAZING
i cant wait for him to finally talk to the mane6 and princesses
5704739 Well, on the learning the language bit...good luck to you. As for the where-were solution? Think of 'H' representing place. It's next to 'g' in the center of the keyboard, and you'll likely end up moving around it. I'll only use it two-five times in the whole of this paragraph.
You'll hardly ever press it's button. But when you do, it'll most often be in reference to your sense of touch. You could also go another route, the 'h' is the equivalent to hell. 'might make it easier to remember the place equivalence.
Finally, as for helping you edit: I'm sorry, but I've retired that usage. I'm primarily a critic and I don't find heavy enjoyment in looking over mistakes. However, there are several people worth asking to help you out. The 'editors' group, and some of the more active site members have experience in such. If you're truly interested in finding somebody, ask for NaughtSaught or FanOfMostEverything. If they don't help you themselves, they're well connected enough to help you find somebody. And though I don't know if they'll be interested, Proper Noun has a ton of experience that I willfully endorse.
Good luck on your continued learning of the language though. Ask your teachers for extra help. They should be willing to work with you if you come to them with your problems.
Anyone know where the cover art is from?
5704778
http://batensan.deviantart.com/art/Jack-Frost-339281357
Jack is back bitches!
5704744 You just jinxed the world... Have fun with snowball apocalypse.
lots of potential
keep up the good work
This is a really good story so far! Have you considered doing crossovers with other Displaced writers? I know I would love to do a crossover with you. In need of a brilliant mind? Let Robin's token drop in and he'd be more than happy to help!
My god! cant believe someone made a Jackfrost story! man u are my hero! cant wait for more chapters!
P.S. It is good :D
P.S.S. Too many good storys that continue on development... ... I dont know If it is good for my health to wait in the pc without sleeping for two consecutive days... ... wow...
well
This story is choooo goood!
5705185 This guy... This guy gets it. Good job.
5705160 Already on it. Me and FrostTheWolf are talking about it. One of his character might suddenly pop up.
5704421 I did pm you, but it didn't show up in my sent pm's.
Tell me if you didn't get one, and I send it again.
Hmm... no mentioned banishment, hibernation...
WHAT HAS HE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST ????? YEARS?! WHY WOULD HE BE BACK IN BUSINESS IF THERE WAS NOTHING STOPPING HIM?!
5705441 Ah, that explains it. I have a +1 PM on me but nothing that I can actually read. Sen it again would you?
5705441 Seems, your PM's don't reach me... Let me try and reach you then.
He's going to see Discord isn't he
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lshxv5gM591qcqa66.gif you rang
No Discord no I didn't
Not bad for a start, looking forward to seeing more of this.
this looks good.
I haven't read this yet, so I could totally be wrong, but is this the Rise of the Guardians Jack Frost?
If so, I think this would need a crossover tag.
Well. Interesting concept of magic. Though I don't agree with how easy it was to create life I will give you some creative leeway. I hope to see more.
Fantastic story can't wait to read more!!!
5706302
This story doesn't need a crossover tag, because its a displaced story.
-Equinox_
5707331
Oh.
Carry on.
dis gon b gud
5706290
5706540
My pre-reader was unavailable at the time, but he'll get to it.
5708164 I am so sorry, I just had to post it, and yes My pre-reader will be on it as soon as they can.
Now this chapter is MUCH better than the first one in terms of grammar. I'd love to see more of this story, should you continue on the way of the Grammar.
5708183 I know about my grammatical flaws, and they will be fixed. I promise.
Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. There. It's done.
5708366 Very well, I'll be taking these advice into consideration.
A little fast paced, and you definitely need to do some editing, but not bad. Not bad at all.
5709034 As I keep telling people. Editing is on it's way. I just could not stop myself from publishing.
Oh my gosh, a displaced fic that actually got featured? Thats a rarity. This is really beautiful so far, and I hope you continue in this endeavor.
Liked and followed :)
5709396 Seen and noted. Thanks for the support.