If I Wanted To...
Let's Just Say...
It was that beautiful peak time of autumn, when all the leaves were still on the trees. The branches were heavy with shades of red and orange and gold, and for that brief moment, it could be imagined that they’d be that way forever. It could be dreamed that the winter would not come this year, and neither the spring after it, nor the summer again after that. There’d just be the forest, with all of its fiery colors, and the cool drifting breeze that sometimes blew by.
Of course, it wouldn’t happen. The Running of The Leaves would be in a week’s time, to tear it all down and leave the trees bare. There were reasons — very good reasons — why there could never be a perpetual autumn, but one could imagine it anyway. If only briefly.
In the heart of the forest stood Equestria’s own Princess Celestia. She was completely alone, and it had taken much effort for her to get that way. Canterlot was presumably in an uproar about her mysterious disappearance. Particularly when she was due for meetings with three different ambassadors, two distant relatives, and a concerned citizen.
But so what?
She felt free for a flickering moment. Not free enough to forget that she was still the Princess and that inevitably, invariably she’d be found and brought back, but so what?
So what?
She was technically away from it all. Still in Equestria, but away from the rest of it. The ponies. Her loyal subjects. There were no sycophant upper-crust Canterlot ponies in these woods, nor were there any of the rustic Ponyville types, who’d throw themselves off a cliff if they thought their Princess would like the sound of the splatter. It was nice to be ten miles distant from either of them. She was, at any rate, sick of both of them.
Not all of them. There were a few good apples in the bunch, so to speak. There were a few ponies who didn’t make her despair, but those were few and far in between. Most of the populace, though... Well, there was something wrong with them. They were shallow or stupid, or, more often than not, both. Plus a few extra character flaws for good measure.
And they didn’t even know it. Didn’t even notice how silly it was to panic and scream over every little thing. Didn’t even realize how stupid it was to build their identities around the approval of every flash-in-the-pan-pony who achieved some minor fame in Canterlot. Didn’t even, didn’t even. Well-meaning idiots, the lot of them.
There’d been an infestation in Fillydelphia just two months ago. Parasprites, nasty little buggers. What had brought them? Well, some traveling salesponies nonpareil had got the bright-spark idea to go sell them as pets. The town, for its part, had been stupid enough to believe that parasprites, of all things, would ever make good pets. A spark, some dry leaves, a fire.
And who’d been forced to clean up that mess?
Who’d been called out of Canterlot to solve the problem Fillydelphia’d set on itself?
Why, the Princess, of course.
A squirrel scampered by, twisting and turning its way past her legs. Birds who hadn’t the good sense to go south already chirped in a lovely little chorus. Yes, this was lovely. The sort of thing a Princess needed when she wanted to get away from it all.
Not away from it all forever. She’d never get away from it forever.
Unless...
“Suppose...” she began, speaking to nopony in particular, “Suppose I killed them all.”
A passing-by bunny stopped in mid-hop and stared up at her with its big black eyes. Was it listening? Had it heard? Did it understand? Maybe. Animals were smarter than most ponies gave them credit for. Just as most ponies were dumber than they gave themselves credit for.
“Let’s just say,” Celestia repeated, now for the pleasure of her little woodland friend, as well as herself, “That I killed everypony.”
“Hypothetically, of course,” she added when the bunny’s eyes widened. “I’m not being serious. But let’s just say...”
A few more animals scurried up to listen, trying to figure what all the fuss was about. A hedgehog poked its head out from inside a log, a squirrel peered down from a low-hanging branch. It was an audience in the making, but Celestia didn’t mind. She welcomed it, even. The more ears there were to hear her crazy ideas, the more sense she could make of her own rambling.
“It wouldn't be very difficult, you know, to kill everything,” she told them. "If I really wanted to.”
“Which I don’t,” she added again. “But if I did...”
The hedgehog chittered something. She didn’t know what it was really trying to say, but she took it to mean How?
“Well, let’s just say — let’s just say — that I left the sun up too long...”
Some of the animals did something that sounded a bit like laughter. Of course they would laugh, Celestia knew. They didn’t see it yet.
“Let me finish,” she said patiently. “Say I left the sun up too long... Not too long. Just a month. Maybe two. That doesn’t sound very bad, does it? More time to frolick and play and do what you want before going to sleep. Yes?”
Most of the animals nodded. An owl, listening sleepily from inside a tree-trunk, silently disagreed.
“But that’s what they’d all think at first. They’d say ‘This is a little strange,’ of course, but nopony’d really question it. They don’t ask questions if they think it’s a good thing. Well, maybe Twilight Sparkle does, but she questions everything...”
The bunny made some angry scratching sounds. Get to the point already! it seemed to be saying. The rest of the audience followed suit, and made noises to a similar effect.
Well, if they insisted.
“And without any of them realizing it, it would happen. All the water would dry up. Slowly, at first. Too slowly for anypony to notice. But all the rivers and lakes and ponds in Equestria would eventually evaporate. Little by little. No night time for them to cool off, you see. Just heat from the sun. For days and days and days.
“The plants would all shrivel and die. They’d try to keep them for a while, maybe schedule a few more storms, but it would only be temporary. The water won’t last. Sooner or later, all the crops will wilt and turn brown. They’d still have the food-stores, but those won’t last either. And even if they did, what would they drink?
“The forests would burn at some point. Dried out so thoroughly that just the tiniest flare would set off a fire. Probably the towns would burn down too. Only Canterlot is anything approaching fireproof — small consolation, that. Once all the water’s gone, and the food’s gone too, and everything’s dead, it’d just take that one last wildfire to wipe out everything completely, and make the land a desert proper.
“So that’s what we’d have when all’s said and done: a desert. A vast, sprawling nothingness where Equestria used to be... If I left the sun up for too long.”
All the animals were staring up at her with wide open eyes. Not the tiniest noise could be heard in the forest at that point, not even from the birds. She could just tell that they were all thinking the same thing: Why would you do that?
“I wouldn’t,” she assured them. “I’m not going to. I love all my subjects. Even when they're being very stupid. But if we just say that I did...”
She swallowed and thought about it for a second more.
"If we just say that I did, maybe I'd finally—"
But before she could go on, a voice could be heard passing through the trees: “Princess? Are you out there?” It sounded very much like a Royal Guard.
“Oh, dear, they’ve found me at last,” said Celestia, just the tiniest bit annoyed that she’d been interrupted. “I’d hoped for a little bit more time...”
“Princess?” The voice repeated. Closer and louder this time.
“I'm here,” she called back. "Follow the sound of my voice."
“Stay where you are, Princess. We’re coming for you.”
Soon enough, a pair of gold-armored stallions trotted up and bowed before the Princess. “We are glad to have found you, Princess,” said the first. "Everypony was much distressed to hear that you’d gone missing.”
“There is much work to be done now in Canterlot,” added the second. "The ambassadors are all furious with you, and there is talk of a petition requesting that the Princess pay more attention to the state of the—"
“Of course there is,” Celestia sighed. “Let’s go, then. Come on.”
She turned to her new animal friends and gave them a wink before trotting off, flanked on both sides by her guards.
A minute passed. Two. Hoofsteps in the distance, and then... silence.
The animals looked at each other, then at the sky, and they saw autumn sun shining brightly above them.
They prayed very hard that it would go down soon.
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I wrote this while recovering from anesthesia. I can't be responsible for anything in it.
There should be a continuation where Celestia actually does it.
Oh Jeez, looks like stuffs going to happen. Epilogue?
559944
How coincedental! You wrote this while recovering from anesthesia, which is precisely what I'm doing while reading it.
Trollestia is best Celestia. I love a fair number of your stories. Keep up the good work.
-Tricondon
If you write more while still on drugs, I will start watching you. But not in the creepy stalker way. (maybe)
I've always found it amusing how generally we write the nobles and other ponies in Equestria as if they could really force either Celestia and Luna to do anything at all. I mean, are they really that stupid?
And that is how a princess starts to go mad. I wonder if Luna had similar thoughts as she became Nightmare Moon. After all her goal was no less lethal. Both could be interesting too. A world half frozen and half burnt with the last desperate survivors hanging on in the twilight region between the two extremes.
This could work as a series, Celestia just venting off some steam
"What? Everyone has bad days."
Awesome idea and delivery. Wonderfully comedic with just the right tone of worrying creepiness. Like, seeing a glimpse of the shadow cast by the light but not being able to get a full picture. It made the story that much better, being left with that horrified anticipation. Bravo sir, bravo!
561076
look up antipodes i'ts pretty much that, except it wasn't a palnned doomsday per say.
The Thrill Of It All - Black Sabbath
Like she hasn't pulled the old Fallout "Save-murderous rampage-load-act like nothing happened" trick.
561125
Hadn't seen that one, thanks for pointing it out.
561153
Just Fallout? I've done that in any game that allows it and modded some that didn't.
It's so close Celestia, all you have to do is reach out and take it.
*que discord eyes*
If the plight of a god is too much to take
Then let down thy wrath, and watch the world bake
561095
FiMFiction Featured Stories In A Nutshell
561176
sure, have fun with it.
You know, I've come to realize that anyone can write about anything - even the simplest thing - and it'd be met with much applause from the community. Just so long as it's written very vividly, such as in this case.
Good skit, sir.
Hilarious, a bit terrifying, and kind of sad. Celestia really is kind of a slave to her position.
Unless she just killed everything.
Nice, and just a tiny bit creepy.
It's awesome that you can still write stuff like this while slightly drugged.
561091
"Mine simply lasts a couple of months."
559944
You should write under anesthesia more often lol
Seriously though like the story and the animals reaction at the end
560734
If Obselescence won't write an epilogue, I will!
EPILOGUE
Everypony was dead.
(Except for Celestia and Luna, they were still alive.)
THE END
This was an amusing what-if story and I enjoyed it, sometimes everyone needs to just get away from it all, especially a monarch that has to deal with every little problem Equestria seems to have.
Holy hell! This is the best Trollestia fic I've ever read
561095
You've got so much to learn if you think I'm famous.
Welp. That sure was a fic.
I like it. Somehow, it seems right.
Is this a satire about what prereaders think when they're on this site?
Celestia: wanting extended day what a
"traveling ponies nonpareil"
It's "salesponies", they were pony Traveling Salesmen. Just calling them "ponies nonpareil" would make it sound like either they were claiming to be the best ponies in the world, or that Celestia thought they were without equal. Calling yourself "the best salesman" during a pitch is far less arrogant and more socially accepted than calling yourself higher than anypony else, the latter of which seems a bit out of character for Flim and Flam who win over their customers through their pitch. It wouldn't be good for them to proclaim anything but their products and sales were unmatched, they aren't showponies like Trixie.
Yes yes, I know, it's a minor note and was only mentioned in passing, but still, it's an error that broke my immersion, so I felt compelled to point it out.
Also: Looks like we're starting to see the beginning of Corona Blaze. Luna, prepare the Elements, looks like somepony might just need to get sealed within the sun.
That was disturbing.
Called it. I totally called it. See? It's featured.
Lovely!
561095
>This will be featured solely because of your famous position. Ten bucks.
>__________________>
Celestia trolling woodland creatures?
Fluttershy does not approve.
Your depiction of the Princess seems a tad more condescending than most. Not that that's bad or anything, in fact it almost is refreshing to read. I kinda like the idea of Celestia just getting fed up with everything and everypony sometimes.
I know that feel, Celestia....
I know that feel...
An eternity playing mother to an entire race, knowing you could snuff them out on a whim. Yeah I can imagine that when Celestia's thought process gets dark it swings into this sort of territory.
It would've been awesome if Fluttershy overheard everything... that would ruin her day.
559944
You need to be doped up more often my friend!
Well, that was sure . . . something.
I'm liking this because the view number is currently 666 and I find that hilarious.
Alternate title suggestion: Princess Celestia is So Very Tired.
OBSELESCENCE, I CHALLENGE YOU. Write something that DOESN'T get featured.
Nice little piece, though. Immortal super-beings tiring of existence is always a good thought experiment.
777th view!
...Well OK then.
777th view!
DAMIT OPAL.
YOUR MAKEING US ALL LOOK BAD.
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/dafuq.jpg
561076
...you wouldn't mind if I actually wrote that, would you? I'd give you credit for the idea, of course.
Very interesting story. Short, but sweet and makes one think a little.