Flutterpriest
Joined 6th Mar, 2014 ·
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Why write this in second person? It seems so odd to do this for an already established character. It's not horrible, but it just makes me quirk an eyebrow, seeing as I've never been a filly in my life and any other perspective would've made more logical sense.
Ooh, you're such a tease. 2nd chapter please
I like this very much.
5665103
Honestly, 2nd person fics make no sense even without established characters.
5665551
*shrug*
5665103 I bet that's where all the dislikes are coming from, no second person warning.
5665551 They're meant to put the reader in the place of the main character, but the problem is most people don't understand that in order for that to work, you can't describe the protagonist at all. It's an incredibly different style of writing but people write it as if writing third person.
5665852
I strongly disagree. In fact, nearly every successful book in the literary world that utilizes second-person perspective does, in fact, give a fair amount of depth to its protagonist (though, admittedly, many are still un-named). Second-person provides a more overt notice to your audience to try and identify with the character, but it really doesn't make it any better or worse to provide a specific character for a second person perspective. What matters is if the reader can identify with the character. Even if you have a nondescript protagonist in a second-person fic, they still frequently make decisions the reader never would, which can make that difficult.
I'm not saying I expect readers are going to be able to identify with being a filly. But I also can't identify with being a stallion, either. I don't have much opinion on this fic specifically. I didn't finish reading it because technical issues (grammar, spelling, etc) were too prevalent, and that distracts me from being able to focus regardless of the remaining content, but I actually liked that the author was attempting something different with a second-person fic. That said, it probably would have been better in another perspective, but it's more of an issue with second-person perspective in the first place.
The problem is that second-person perspective is gruelingly difficult to do well, and its existence in fan work is almost exclusively in the realm of erotica and/or shipping. In more simple terms, it's almost entirely about wish fulfillment. And let's be honest: Wish fulfillment is pretty much the reason people read second-person fics, too.
... And there are some people that probably wish to be the little filly.
... I wish to be the little filly.
That....was....awesome!
5666286
As someone who writes almost exclusively Second Person stories, I love your comment.
5667118
Haha, I don't actually comment often, but sometimes I feel the need to chime in on things.
I was in just-woke-up-pre-caffeine rant mode when I wrote it, and going back to re-read it, I can tell I should have waited until I was more awake to write it. While I think I managed to say everything I wanted to, it's not very well presented.
5666286 The success of those stories doesn't matter. They're using the second person wrong. The narrative of any story is speaking to the reader. Like any conversation, "you" is the one the speaker is addressing, therefore, "you" is the reader. If the narrative isn't talking about the reader, "you" shouldn't be used. If you and I were having a conversation, face to face, and I said, "Remember when you bitten by a rattlesnake when you were twelve?" and then when you say that never happened, I said, "Oh, well, I was talking about my friend, Joe. I just wanted you to identify with him." Would that make sense? You make the reader identify with the characters by making them believable and relatable, not by calling them "you".
oh man don't leave me hangin man!
BETTER DELIVER OP
also no idea whats with the second person arguments but hey story is fucking good.
I think it's... called a scroll tube or a storage tube, not a sheath?
I don't get why Rarity said she didn't need her help, and she already did it and Sweetie Belle missed it? Rarity had to be lying about already doing it, if it wasn't until that night that she did it with Anon. Why didn't Rarity just tell Sweetie that it would start later, or just to wait in her room? How is it something that just the two of them could do, if it also includes Anon? Next week?
This story is sort of all over the place. As thrilling as the bloody whipping is, it totally blows away any heartwarming or touching moments. It's like a ballet that erupts into grunge metal then goes back to being a ballet again. It's worth a comment, at least. But I really just don't get it.
That's not my fetish...
Why in the hell is this story in 2nd person and in sweetie belles pov.
other then that good read. 4.5★
Another day? But... I want it now dammit!
What the fuck?
5665103 Ya, I've never understood using 2nd person for an established character. This story was good but the perspective was off putting and distracting.
Short but good.
5668459 How about "Imagine you are bitten by a rattlesnake."
6213946 It's not the same
5676014 I don't think Rarity meant for Sweetie to... err... mingle with Anon. Rather, Rarity probably had some non-sexual thing planned, like performing a concert in the Everfree forest while wearing clothes that are covered with gems. My guess is Rarity forgot about spending time with Sweetie, and in doing so, double-booked with Anon. Then, when she caught Sweetie... beefing her own taco, she probably figured "what the hell", and decided on the spot to let Sweetie in on the fun.
I must say, Rarity really made some stupid decisions here. She should have taken Anon to a hotel or something, rather than... play bouncy-bouncy just down the hall from Sweetie Belle. Also, letting Sweetie join in is obviously a bad idea. But, making good decisions could easily kill what clop fics like this are all about. After all, If Sweetie didn't catch them... doing the hokey pokey, there would be no story.
6927725
I love the way you wrote this comment.
Well a sequel would be fun, more shananagins for the win.
possibly be the only one that *thought* this was the most boring thing ever.
Is this what you meant?
There needs to be a sequel!