• Published 24th Feb 2015
  • 20,454 Views, 1,280 Comments

The Conversion Bureau: Worlds Where It Wouldn’t Work - Sora2455



Worlds where The Conversion Bureau would fall flat on its face.

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World Five - A Certain City of Science

"Higher, Touma! Raise me higher!"

"Ugh. You're not exactly weightless, Index."

"Are you calling me fat?!"

"N-no, of course not!"

"Then lift me up higher!"

From where so was watching the two bicker like a clichéd couple, Mikoto Misaka sighed. "Why are we even doing this again?"

Touma Kamijou, who would look like a normal japanese high school student if not for his 'Shōnen protagonist' style spiky black hair, groaned. "Well, you know that huge announcement they made about this Barrier being the end of the world?"

"You mean the announcement that we're abandoning ship on SS Humanity?" Mikoto snarked. She was, like Touma, still dressed in her school uniform, having come to the Barrier directly from her middle school in Academy City.

"Its a sham!" Index cried. She was wearing a nun's habit, albeit a white one with gold trim. Its color scheme, added to her silver hair and ~14 year old appearance made all who saw her doubt she was a nun, even though she actually was. "This barrier's about as natural as rubber tyres."

Mikoto gave the young girl, standing on Touma's back, a flat look. "And you know that because...?"

"I'm Index Librorum Prohibitorum; I've memorized 103,000 grimoires. You won't find a better expert on magic ever! And I say this thing was deliberately cast by someone, no matter what that sun-spirit says!" Index cried, coming off as more than a little bratty.

Mikoto turned her skeptical glare to Touma. "Don't tell me you're buying into this 'magic' business."

"Hey!" Index intercepted the question. "You shoot lightning, why do you have such a hard time believing in magic?"

Mikoto returned to glaring at Index. "My Electromaster ability is a well-documented scientific phenomenon with rigid rules! It's nothing like the vague inconsistent power known as 'magic'."

"Please tell me you're close to being done there, Index." Touma nervously tried to interrupt the brewing argument.

"The mana's color is gold, its direction is east..." Index murmured as she returned to what she was supposed to be doing: analyzing the Barrier. "She's definitely using the power of the sun in this, but how...? It doesn't match the magic of the common sun-cults..."

"Actually, I meant to ask you, Bug Zapper." Touma attempted to make conversation.

"My name is Misaka. Mi-sa-ka. It really isn't hard to remember, idiot."

"Yeah, but... how did you get out of the city? I'm a Level 0 esper, so as long as I agree to have tracker nanites implanted, I'm fine. But you're one of only seven Level 5 espers. How did you convince them to let you leave unsupervised?"

"Told them I was visiting my mother."

"They bought that? Won't they just see your real location though the tracker?" Touma asked, trying to shift Index to a more comfortable spot. Why oh why did she need to be off the ground for this?

"I told them my mother was getting hysterical and trying to pull me from Academy City, so I had to go calm her down." Mikoto clarified. "As for the nanites? I'm afraid I lost control of my ability and fried them. Completely on accident, you understand."

"Got it!" Index jumped off of Touma's back.

Touma eyed the Barrier, which was still advancing toward them. "So...."

Index waved her hand. "Go ahead and dispel it, whoever cast it won't be able to put another one up until next sunrise."

Touma walked forward and pressed his right hand against the Barrier.

Misaka is a human lightning storm, Index is a magic encyclopedia, and what do I get? This stupid right hand...

There was the sound of a high pitched whistle. All across the enormous glowing dome, cracks appeared, spreading out from Touma's right hand.

It won't raise my grades, it won't attract girls, it can't help me beat delinquents, and if Index is right, it cancels out all my luck.

With the sound of shattering glass, the Barrier exploded into tiny fragments of magic that quickly dissipating into glowing motes.

But what it does do is dispel any supernatural effect, no mater if a man, a god, or even a pony caused it.

That was the power of Imagine Breaker.

"Right." Touma stated. "Are you girls good to go?"

Index nodded, and Mikoto jumped some sparks between her fingertips.

"I worked out what voltage and amperage it takes to tase a pony, so don't worry about them dying. I'll be on crowd control." Mikoto elaborated.

Touma smiled. He knew the girls would have his back. "Then lets go."


Touma was really, really glad he'd asked Misaka to come along on this trip. He had formed this opinion after about an hour of walking, which was when the first attack began.

He had been banking that in the land of magical ponies, most of the attacks would be magical in nature. Unfortunately for him, Equestria's royal guard used swords, spears and kicking as their main forms of attack. Even the Unicorns mostly used their telekinesis to fire bows and arrows. The upshot of that was that he and Index had no way to defend themselves from the angry ponies other than to duck and cover.

Misaka, on the other hand... well, just like medieval cultures, the ponies mostly used metal weapons and armor. Child's play for the Level 5 Electromaster - a powerful electrically-induced magnetic field around her made her untouchable to both pony weapons and the ponies themselves. The ponies had no way to defend themselves from the powerful lightning bolts she hurled back, stunning them and allowing Misaka to hobble them with flash-forged Iron Sand.

Occasionally, a Pegasus would try to zap Misaka with lightning - to no avail, she was immune. Other times a Unicorn would try to put up a shield or something else that Misaka couldn't immediately deal with. Those times is where Touma and Index made themselves useful. Touma would either dispel it or Index would use her Spell Intercept to redirect the spell elsewhere.

Between the three of them (mostly Misaka) they made it to the base of Canterlot's mountain as the sun was setting. Tried, but uninjured.

"So," Misaka breathed deeply. "whoever's responsible for the planet-wrecking dome is up there in that castle?"

At Index's nod, Misaka demanded "How can you tell?"

"It's the center of where the dome was." Index answer casually.

Touma groaned. "We better find a road or something. Climbing a mountain now would just be asking for misfortune."

The three walked around the base of the mountain for some minutes in silence. None of them had prepared for a hike, and it was showing, especially on Index, whose habit was covered in sweat.

While they were walking, Misaka suddenly asked "So, who do you think created these ponies anyway?"

"Created?" Echoed Touma.

"Well they certainly didn't exist before." Misaka pointed out. "And they have powerful Abilities, so them being a creation of nature is extremely unlikely."

"Isn't it obvious, short hair?" Index asked. "Someone summoned them."

"Wait, you think they did exist before now?" Misaka asked in surprise.

"What? No, of course not!"

Misaka narrowed her eyes. "You can't call on something that doesn't exist."

"Science can't." Index rebutted. "The magic side calls on beings that don't exist all the time. Every time someone calls on Thor, or Zeus, or Fairies, they are receiving power from beings mankind most certainly invented. The Necronomicon is a real grimoire created after the works of a certain author and can summon Cthulhu."

Misaka didn't reply, both because she was surprised at what Index was saying, and because she remembered that the esper power Dark Matter relied upon manipulation of particles that absolutely did not exist. Were the ponies the same?

The rest of the walk was in silence.


Xlestia knew the enemy had reached the gates when said gates were ripped from their hinges and thrown away so hard they imbedded themselves in the nearby mountainside.

She narrowed her eyes and ordered her guards away. Her little ponies would only get hurt in this fight.

She did not have to wait long.

Soon, the three human teenagers entered her throne room and lined up to face her.

"Are you the one who tried to plunge this world into panic and despair?" Touma asked quietly.

Xlestia gave her best motherly smile. "Of course not, you see - "

"Liar." Index called immediately.

Xlestia frowned at the nun. "And why do you think I am lying?"

"That Barrier was made with high-level sun-based magic and originated from this city. You are the only person that could possibly have cast it. And before you say it is a natural occurrence," Index preempted "there is no symbolism linking 'the appearance of a nation of ponies' and 'the end of the human race'. It is simply impossible for your arrival to directly be the cause of that Barrier."

Xlestia's expression darkened. Misaka shifted her weight. She could still use her electricity, but she was getting tired and they might still have to fight their way out.

"Really, you didn't do much research before assuming that form." Index explained, like one would do to a schoolchild. "While it is true that Unicorns are a symbol of purity and grace, Winged Unicorns have been depicted as nothing but bringers of evil and destruction since the days of Ancient Achaemenid Assyria, over 2,300 years ago. Your own shape gave you away."

"I," Xlestia stated in a dangerous tone of voice "am an Alicorn."

Index frowned. "That's the name of a Unicorn's horn. Really, couldn't you think of - "

Xlestia attacked.

Misaka swore as she dashed forward, tackling Index out of the way of the huge slab of rock Xlestia had telekinetically pulled out of the wall. Touma dashed out of its way as well, but that left him on the other side of the rock slab with Xlestia.

"You three have caused me quite a lot of trouble." Xlestia calmly stated. From beside her throne, two bottles of conversion serum uncorked themselves. "You won't be doing that again."

Touma began frantically dodging the streams of magic potion that Xlestia flung though the air at his mouth. "Why, though? Why create a situation where the human race would be forced to convert to ponies?!" Duck, roll, jump...

"Is it really so hard to see?" Xlestia asked, now levitating rocks around Touma's ankles. "Humans are such hateful, destructive creatures. Conversion is really in your best interests. Ha!" She cried, succeeding in tripping Touma up.

Touma just had time to mutter 'just my luck' before getting a mouthful of conversion serum.


Misaka glared at the rock slab, to no avail. It was too large to climb around, and Level 5 or not, she couldn't move rock with magnetism.

At the sound of hoof beats, Misaka turned to see the Mane Six gallop into the room. Imminently, she fired a stun-bolt at each of them. Which... did nothing.

"They've made themselves immune to lightning with magic!" Index cried.

The ponies were adapting their tactics? Misaka cursed. She didn't think they were actually immune to lightning, not unless they were all Electromasters, but now she didn't know a safe voltage to blast them with. Okay, these walls weren't reinforced with metal, little to no Iron Sand in the worked stone, no metal objects within line-of-sight... actually, were the ponies wearing -

Distracted by her frantic strategizing, Misaka was knocked to the ground by a pegasus with a rainbow mane, and Index was pinned by a hat-wearing earth pony. The two had conversion serum bottles shoved into their mouths, and their noses pinched shut by unicorn telekinesis...


The expected light overcame Touma's body, spreading from his chest. Where it passed, his human torso rounded out, his elbows straightened, his waist changing...

Then the wave of change hit his right hand, and shattered like glass.

Touma sucked in a lungful of air.

Xlestia's mouth had fallen open, and her eyes were wider than Touma thought possible. "What?! But... that isn't possible!"

"That's it?" Touma demanded. "You think humans don't deserve to exist, so you'll gently remove all evidence we ever did?"

He stood up tall. "There's no way that can be called a rescue. You can't give up on humanity so easily! Sure, we struggle to be nice, and sometimes we fail. But we learn and improve with each stumble!"

He took a step forward. "You're a kind and loving ruler. Surely you can see that this ending is wrong?"

Xlestia recovered from her shock and narrowed her eyes. "You have the ability to cancel conversion. I'm sorry, but you have to die now."

Touma narrowed his eyes as well. "If you won't even consider turning from your path, then I have no choice. I'll break those foolish illusions of yours!"

Xlestia reared back, forehooves in the air. Her horn glowed like the sun depicted on her flank. The ceiling burst open, revealing the night sky. Then, suddenly, it was the middle of day.

Touma's mouth went dry. Last time he had gotten involved with a being that could casually move celestial bodies around, it had turned out that he had just picked a fight with an Archangel. Touma had grown up in Academy City, he knew the kind of power that required. Touma really hoped that that didn't mean he was fighting a being who could cover the whole world in fire with a single spell again...

A huge pillar of fire slammed from the sun onto the tip of Xlestia's horn, where she redirected it at Touma. Manipulating the sun to recast my barrier early would have been tipping my hand. But this boy is a critical threat to the whole plan. I need to kill him now!

Desperately, Touma raised his right hand, Imagine Breaker, and blocked the deadly sun-beam.

The beam failed to pass his right hand, but neither did the spell shatter. She's recasting the spell faster than I can dispel it! If I move, she'll just follow me with the beam. But if she attacks me with this beam in place, I can't dodge!

Suddenly, the rock slab blocking the way out exploded outwards, Touma having to duck to avoid getting brained. His nose came uncomfortable close to the sun-beam.

More ponies filed into the room.

Just my luck!

The new ponies said something - Touma didn't know what, the roar of fire drowned them out.


Rainbow Dash wanted nothing more that to cream the weasel that was attacking the princess. She'd leapt into the room to do just that, but Twilight had grabbed her tail and stopped her. Behind the six friends, the ponified Index and Misaka lay on the ground, unconscious.

No, Rainbow! Twilight tried to communicate over the roar of her mentor's spell. The Princess can't hear you, so she won't stop the spell for you! Moving the boy will get you a face-full of fire instead!

Rainbow just looked puzzled, having failed to understand any of what her friend had just said.

Twilight sighed, and tapped the tiara she had brought. Harmony time, girls!


Touma was desperately trying to keep an eye on both the Princess and the Mane Six at once. He could stop blocking the solar beam and induce a friendly fire accident, but he didn't want anyone to die. Seeing the assorted jewelery on the ponies glow made him panic more than a little.

The rainbow light of harmony fired...

...and Touma jumped to one side, allowing the two super-magic beams to collide with each other. The two battled against each other DBZ-style.

Pony feathers! Xlestia thought. If I drop my Flare Beam now, the EoH will hit me! The Tree of Harmony won't be very happy with me right now. Twilight, stop with the rainbow beam!

Ack! Twilight panicked. My plan was for the Princess to see the rainbow beam and stop her spell. Why isn't she dropping it? If we stop now, we'll be fried! We can't keep this up for long! Indeed, the Mane Six were running low on energy already. Using the Elements on Nightmare Moon had knocked them all out, and they hadn't exactly practiced since then!

Both ponies then realized they had momentarily forgotten about Touma.

Xlestia turned her head just in time to see a fist fill her vision.

The impact of the first was so great Xlestia was lifted off her hooves and smacked into the wall, her spell interrupted by the anti-magic fist. The harmony beam speed towards Touma, who backhanded it. The rainbow light pressed against Imagine Breaker, then split into a billion pieces to the familiar sound of negation. The backlash combined with exhaustion sent the Mane Six out cold.

Xlestia struggled to her hooves, but Touma ran over and grasped her horn with his right hand before she could get her bearings. The alien sensation of being completely devoid of magic for the first time in her life froze Xlestia's brain long enough for the high schooler to land a haymaker with his left hand, sending the Alicorn sprawling once more.

Touma waited, but Xlestia did not get back up. He checked - she was just knocked out. Good.

Touma walked over to his friends and negated the Conversion Serum on both of them. Then he looked up.

"About time you guys got here."


Xlestia regained consciousness surrounded by an intricate magic circle.

"Don't try to leave the circle or cast magic." A voice warned. "It won't be pleasant if you try."

Xlestia looked up. Around the circle were two humans.

"I'm Stiyl Magnus." The man who just spoke, a red headed giant of a man dressed in a black cloak introduced himself.

"Kanzaki Kaori." Stated the woman in a shirt and a pair of jeans with one leg removed. "We represent the 0th Parish of the Church of England, Necessarius."

"Now," Stiyl started as he lit a cigarette "we are going to have a conversation about your future in this world."

Xlestia whimpered.


World Five - When science and magic cross paths, a friendship is born.

Author's Note:

This is getting a little away from the story premise, so I'll try and stick to more logic-based foils in future, not firepower-based foils.
EDIT 4/7/15: Changed Xlestia's last minute de-Ascension as I have since found out she was actually born an Alicorn.