• Published 24th Feb 2015
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The Conversion Bureau: Worlds Where It Wouldn’t Work - Sora2455



Worlds where The Conversion Bureau would fall flat on its face.

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World Three - Edolas

Author's Note:

Note to self: if I want commentary on what I wrote rather than what I should write, write about Batman.

Right away, Xlestia knew something was very, very wrong with this world. It was the magic - usually, a world either had magic flowing freely though the whole world, or it had no magic at all.

Here, it... just sat in place. Not moving. If you wanted to collect magic for a spell, you had to either generate it, or physically gather it yourself. Xlestia closed her eyes in concentration as she felt the world around her. Here, magic was.... a physical substance?!

That was extremely disturbing. If magic was physical, that meant that it was finite. As in, it would run out some day. Now, she and her ponies generated their own magic internally, but they supplemented that with magic from the world around them. Not having that would make magical activities much harder - the Earth Ponies and Pegasi would be more or less fine, but she, her sister and her unicorns would tire themselves out casting magic much faster than normal.

She had come to this world with the intent of conquering it, but now she wondered if it might actually be a mercy to them to be converted into magic-generating forms. That should be a good enough motivator to make up for the fact that the Barrier couldn't possibly exist without constant upkeep, which she couldn't give it here...

But still, if magic was finite, then what did that mean for friendship?

Her thought process was interrupted by wing-beats. Preparing to scold the Pegasus who interrupted her, Xlestia was very surprised to find herself face-to-face with a flying cat flying though the royal windows.

It had wings, bright orange fur and an oversized head, but it was clearly a cat.

"Art thou Princess Celestia?" The cat demanded grandiosely.

Xlestia nodded dumbly.

The cat coughed into his paw and began to speak. "Hear ye, hear ye. Queen Shagotte of Extalia, ruler over the Exceed people, has a message for Princess Celestia of Equestria, ruler over all ponies."

Xlestia nodded. This was standard diplomacy for her, although she was surprised that a message had been sent so quickly. She hadn't even been here a full hour!

"Leave Edolas while you still can."

Xlestia blinked.

"That is all." The Exceed added, flapping his wings and flying off.

Xlestia narrowed her eyes at the retreating feline, before shaking her head. Run away? What nonsense. She had only just arrived!


Ponyville was mighty surprised when a tree-building sprouted out of nowhere into the middle of Sweet Apple Acres. At first they thought that something had happened to the library, but a second look revealed it was a completely different tree-building.

And out of the building spilled... humans?!

About half the town gathered to watch as a pile-up of human bodies fell out of the door and vomited onto the Apple family's soil.

"Levy, whatever you did with that transport, never do it again!" Came a cry from somewhere in the crowd.

"Hey, Lucy?" One of the humans, a spiky pink maned one asked nervously between heaves.

"What is it Natsu?" Lucy, a blond maned human with some impressive teats demanded in reply.

"Wasn't this place supposed to be a barren desert?" He replied, clearly scared of the answer. Or was that the answerer?

At that, Applejack moved up to explain. "T'was yesterday. Then the Princess moved Equestria here."

The humans were shocked to find a pony talking to them, but not as shocked as the ponies thought they should have been. "You managed to move a whole farm here?" Lucy asked in amazement.

"Heh. Farm? Try continent." One of the onlooking ponies corrected, to the rightful amazement of the humans. Then, the humans became confused.

"Wait, she had that much magic power and she chose to come here? There's almost no magic left in Edolas, why would anyone willingly come here?" Natsu asked, earning him a smack to the back of the head from Lucy. The other humans just remained silent, watching the conversation.

"The Princess used her own magic to bring us here. Any unicorn can get magic from inside themselves." Twilight explained, confused as to what Natsu meant by Edolas being 'almost out of magic'. How could a place 'run out of magic'?

"Wait... your ruler gets magic from inside? Like an Exceed?" The humans became visibly nervous. "Your ruler doesn't decide when humans die, does she?"

"What? No!" Came the response from about a dozen ponies at once.

"Oh good." The humans visibly relaxed. Then an idea seemed to occur to them. "So, those of you with horns... get magic power from within?"

"Well, anypony gets magic from inside, but only unicorns can cast spells with it. Why do you ask?" Twilight replied.

At that, the humans went into a huge group huddle. They spoke in hushed but clearly excited tones, and the ponies could see faces that were nervous, ecstatic, suspicious, worried, and some switching back and forth. The snippets that did escape put nopony at ease: things like "We can't fit a whole town in the guild hall!", "Free magic, dude. Free magic!" and "Ponies are herd animals. They won't leave 2/3 of their town behind!"

All at once, the group huddle ended, and most of the group dashed back inside, leaving Lucy and some blue-maned human mare outside. "Okay, everyone who wants to live, get inside the guild hall!"

The crowd of ponies didn't take that well. Ears flattened, and hooves pawed the ground.

Lucy punched the other girl in the back of the head, smashing her face into the ground. "Levy! Seriously girl, this is why no-one ever lets you open your mouth, you psycho!" She turned to face the ponies. "What she means is, anyone who doesn't want to be here when the royal army gets here will get inside right now!"

"What makes you think we have anything to fear from this 'royal army'? And who are you losers anyway?" Rainbow, new on the scene, shouted.

Pretty much on cue, the distant city of Canterlot was wracked by an explosion loud enough to be heard from Ponyville. Shocked, the ponies stared at the smoke coming from the mountainside capital.

Lucy grinned as Levy picked herself back up from the ground. "We're the last of the Dark Guilds, Fairy Tail. And we're your ticket outta here."


Canterlot was burning.

The guard-ponies were doing their job to the best of their ability, but they were hampered by a pony-power and firepower discrepancy.

Not only were there more of the invaders, but they could one-shot any pony hit. Why? Well both Fairy Tail and Friendship is Magic ran on variants of Cartoon Physics - so smashing each other into walls and such was merely painful, not fatal. The trouble came that the army soldiers weren't trying to kill the ponies. Ironically, they were trying - and succeeding, for the most part - to convert them.

Not into humans, of course, that would be silly.

They were using specially designed magic weapons to convert them into Lacrima - magic storage crystals. Originally, the plan had been to convert the Exceeds into Lacrima when the situation had become dire enough. But now a convenient new magic-rich power source had presented itself, and the king of Edolas - Faust - had jumped on the situation with glee. Consequentially, flat blue crystals with the faces of ponies were littering the grounds of Canterlot.

It should be noted that this wasn't completely a rout for two reasons. One was that the guard-ponies did have access to better air support - there were more pegusi then there were flying royal army troops - and the other...

"GET OUT OF MY CITY, YOU FILTHY APES!"

... was Xlestia.

Being an Alicorn, and thousands of years old besides, she had access to more and more powerful spells then anypony else by far, with the possible exception of her sister and her student. With a protective shield-spell around her, powerful blasting spells flying every which way, and her reverting every pony-lacrima she saw made her a walking rallying point. Where she went, the fight swung to the ponies favor.

Of course when she left, the fight swung back, so Xlestia was speeding around the battlefield trying to be in as many places at once as she could.

Clearing the royal gardens of humans for the fourth time, Xlestia barely heard Token Minion's frantic cries from the top balcony. "Princess! PRINCESS!"

"WHAT!?" Xlestia roared back.

Token Minion cringed but pointed. "THEY HAVE A DRAGON!"

Oh, fantastic. Flying up, Xlestia saw what her aid had seen - a massive dragon of metal was approaching the city. One more crisis to deal with. Flapping her own wings, Xlestia flew to meet the dragon mid-way, outside the city.

The dragon was both smaller and closer than Xlestia had thought - it was about 30 to 40 meters tall. When she approached, a man's voice blared from it. "Who dares challenge the king of Edolas!"

"I, the princess of Equestria, dare!" They were ruled by a dragon? That explained the sudden, unprovoked attack.

"Heh. You wish to try the power of a Princess against the power of a King? Very well! My Dorma Anim thirsts for your magic power!

Without any further fanfare, both royals opened fire.

Xlestia's blasting spell didn't leave a scratch on Dorma Anim's armor, and the King's Dragon Rider Missiles failed to break Xlestia's shield spell. This status quo was maintained for several volleys, during which Xlestia continued to fail to leave a mark on the enemy but her shield spell continued to weaken.

From inside his dragon armor, the Dorma Anim, Faust the king of Edolas chuckled. The elderly human knew full well that no spell would ever pierce his trump card's armor. Dorma Anim drained the whole world of magic in order to operate, something that was simply unthinkable in the nearly magic-free state of Edolas. But if he could take the magic power of these ponies... then Edolas would have everlasting magic power! The greed at such a thought overrode any reluctance to use his ultimate weapon.

Meanwhile, Xlestia was growing tired. Alicorn or not, she was running low on magic. Blocking attacks and throwing out mining-grade blasting spells had weakened her even before she entered this fight, and she had nothing to show for it. Magic attacks clearly weren't working... maybe she should just throw something at him?

While dropping the Moon on him was tempting, but not only would it be horrendous overkill, as low on magic as she was, she couldn't manage it without the help of the absent magical field. There were a lot of much smaller things still within possibility, though... especially when you considered that Edolas had many floating islands. Smirking, Xlestia grabbed one with telekinesis and swung it with all her remaining might.

Her actions hard to miss, Faust turned Dorma Anim to face the coming island. Too large! With seconds to spare, the king activated Dorma Anim's Black Sky mode, where it drained fighting spirits for extra power. With all the power the mighty artifact possessed, it roared, the mighty metal dragon firing a beam of pure magic directly into the incoming island.

Exhausted, Xlestia watched the island break apart under the metal dragon's magic. No...

Emerging from the dust cloud, Faust grabbed the sun princess in a metallic claw. And now, my dear, you will submit before the King!


World Three - Where friendship was finite