11. Desperate Souls
The castle was a tiny bit darker than she expected, with some pony like Discord, Cadance would think he’d have a much more… colorfully decorated home. Perhaps it was dark only to cover up the disarray and general unkempt manner of the room in which she’d entered. It was becoming steadily clear the further she stepped hooves into the place that it had some sort of explosion must have taken place, that being the only explanation she could think of as to why everything was in such disarray. Of course, Discord’s magic being what it was it must not have taken any extra effort at all to tidy up some. He also didn’t strike Cadance as the type to cover up his messes, so that just made the lighting situation - or lack thereof - all the more peculiar.
Actually, come to think of it she thought she had heard Auntie Celestia mentioning that he hadn’t had his torches lit when she’d gone storming off to see him here just a few weeks ago. That was the evening Twilight had gotten up the courage to propose taking on the chaos magic to her… and when her true feelings for the draconequus were brought further into light.
Not having actually had the pleasure of meeting Discord, she only had hearsay from others to go on about what he might be like, or how he might act. She had to assume he sat in wait for most of his visitors because when she did spot him he seemed completely at ease. The first thing Cadance noticed though about him wasn’t his disjointedly mismatched appearance, nor the affluent ease with which he used his magic - almost as an afterthought, like the glass of chocolate milk that was floating around him of its own accord - it was his amourial aura that struck her.
The young princess could tell that it had taken on a fresh, new luster to it, it glowed brighter than she could have imagined in a being so ancient. Her aunts’ auras were forged from centuries of connections, from all the different loves they had held over the years. His aura had such a new feel to it, it looked closer to the pure and untarnished ones she saw surrounding foals. It was more complicated, a bit more intricate than that, but the shades were still brighter and much less worn than on an adult pony.
There was his natural magical aura throughout - that blazing electric blue she had begun to notice in Twilight’s aura - and that was clearly the oldest color among them… clearly depicting that for the longest time the only pony he truly loved was himself.
This was one of the moments when Cadance’s gift for seeing these auras was a very handy trait, all that he could tell her of his connections to the other ponies - and the things he might hide from her - were practically spelled out before her, floating around him without Discord’s knowledge.
The violet hues of philia - friendship - danced around him through the blue, and the princess could even see some of the oranges of familial love and - she was quite surprised to spot - a trace of the purely white agape, the eternal love. The one most prominent as she approached was the one that brought a sweet, thoughtful smile to her lips, for it told her exactly why Discord had summoned her. A deep yet clearly red aura - eros - glowed all around him. This was about Twilight, how could it not be?
Her smile growing a bit mischievous and maybe a little bit too knowing, she inclined her head to greet him, not expecting him to return the courtesy. He had his head leaning on his clawed eagle hand, the feigned indifference of his when she’d entered gone now, replaced by something close to impatience.
He finally spoke, raising an eyebrow at her. “What, what are you smiling about?”
Cadance attempted to stifle her grin, but just thinking back to the love aura surrounding Twilight, comparing his with hers… it was frankly sort of adorable that his was so much… deeper.
“Nothing, just well… pleased to finally make your acquaintance, Discord.” His expression gave away that he knew she was lying but was just fine with that. “I sort of met you once before, when I was younger… well, not exactly ‘met’. I visited the gardens at the castle where you were being held in stone.”
“Ah, memories,” he rolled his eyes with a sarcastic sigh. “Can’t say I recall that. Don’t be offended though Princess, when you’re stuck in one place for so long, the days tend to run together with not much happening around you is retained. Evidently, I was a fixture for many little pony field trips to those gardens.”
“And yet the little ponies know so little about you,” Cadance commented, remembering the book Twilight had found in the empire’s library, and the fervor with which she spoke of how unfair she felt it was that Discord wasn’t noted for his contributions to the balance of Equus. “I can understand that my empire had been lost for longer than my lifetime before even my foster grandparents were born. When the Crystal Empire came back, few ponies even knew of its previous existence, or why it was such an important part of Equestria.”
“You ponies always seem to approach me with some form of common ground, don’t you?” he asked. “Well, those of you who have spoken with and trust Twilight to give you a good way of dealing with me.”
“I wasn’t trying to get you to agree with anything, I was merely being friendly. I’d like you to know that I do understand your predicament,” she paused for a moment, noticing with a new burst of light in her chest that his red Eros aura had spiked exponentially upon mentioning Twilight’s name.
“I reallyunderstand,” she added with emphasis, looking once more at that soft yet brightly warm aura running along the length of the spirit of chaos.
Discord did not appear to notice her directness nor her eyes looking just off to the sides of him, darting around his head and face without actually looking at him in the face. It could have been that he was used to that, ponies avoiding his gaze out of fear, or intimidation, or annoyance.
“Do you?” he questioned halfheartedly, Cadance imagined that he didn't get very many ponies saying that to him either, or at least few that actually meant it.
“I think I do, Discord. Or maybe you might prefer I call you 'Uncle'? I call Princess Celestia and Princess Luna 'Auntie' since Auntie Celestia took me in when I was younger. So, that does technically make you something like my... great uncle?” She hadn't given it all that much thought until that moment, but it was true that – being a princess and adopted charge to a princess – they were technically related in a cursory sense.
“Whatever makes you comfortable and can speed this along,” he answered with a bit of swiftness to his sentence, like this was a meeting that he was keen to get over with, but not out of impatience. It was he who had sent her the message asking for a visit in the first place.
“How about Dissy?” she teased, fairly bravely in her opinion, but if he couldn't take some ribbing than he was not the spirit being she had heard of.
“How about no?” he deadpanned.
She shrugged like it was worth a shot and then continued. “Anyway, I do think I have an assumption. It isn't that big of a leap to think that this has something to do with Twilight, am I correct?”
Her teasing had eased her sense of hesitation and uncertainty about being near the draconequus. Cadance knew that she really did have nothing to fear from him, especially with this more subdued nature he seemed to have adopted... but this was still a being of complete unpredictability, so being on one's hooves wasn't something completely out of the question. Shiny had told her to stay on guard (after she'd refused his continued offers to come along with her) at all times when around him. Shining Armor didn't know that Cadance was there alone with him because she knew he would most likely flip out. It did take her some effort, but she figured that if Twilight could trust him enough to be alone in a room with Discord, she could do the same.
“And what would make you think that?” he asked.
“Your note expressly said to come alone, and especially not to bring Twilight,” she recalled, pulling out the note she had found with her magic and reading off the 'especially don't bring Twilight' part word for word.
Cadance enjoyed the show Discord's aura made when she mentioned the unicorn again, but this time she spotted how contrasting the red glow was to his demeanor. As much as he was masking it – and he was fairly good at it from what Cadance had seen so far – the young princess knew the workings of love well enough to see its pleasant and sometimes not as pleasant side effects. Something sorrowful lay behind those red and yellow eyes.
“Is something wrong, did something happen between you two?” she asked concernedly, so much in her romance-counseling tone of voice that it surprised even herself, and caused Discord's ears to perk with a questioning look.
“There are certain things I hadn't seen all that direly important to tell her about lately,” he said, now fiddling with the white end of his tail. “When the inevitable happened and she did figure them out along with my efforts to – shall we say – shade the truth, she reacted with the anger that I had expected, and with something else I could not have guessed at. The plan that you two hatched up while she was up with you.”
“Well, maybe I helped inspire it, but it was pretty much all her, Discord,” she said. She tilted her head in another questioning look that he was not quite staying on for long. “You know why she thought it up, why she's doing this, don't you?”
The aura flickered. “I now know that. I also know that she was always one for finding a fair and balanced solution to problems,” the way Discord said it was with a fair mixture of both annoyance and regret, almost like this was a lie he was disappointed to know in his heart wasn't true.
When he didn't continue, Cadance continued the thought for him. “But those weren't the only reasons, were they? Discord, did you fail to think that she might have come up with something like this – something so crazy and dangerous – out of a desire not to lose you? Twilight wants you to be happy – and she wants to have you in her life even if it means a very huge change in her own – it is not that difficult for me to see her motives... and I think you can see them as well.”
For a moment Cadance wondered if she was wrong if Discord really didn't realize Twilight's feelings for him. He had dropped his tail now, and leaned back in his throne, trying to look as perfectly at ease as he could muster. He had donned the mask once again, and he spoke with more of a business sense than he had done since she had entered.
“Tell me, little princess, what do you know about matters of the heart? That is your special talent, right?” he asked.
Cadance nodded, for once not sure where this was going. “...yes,” she answered slowly. “I can sense emotional bonds between ponies, and aid in bringing them to a stronger light when needed. A pony's heart is a turbulent place, lots of mixing emotions – mixing forms of love – swirling in them.”
“And in your experience, has any pony just sort of, avoided it? Or succeeded in possibly... getting over it?”
Cadance had to think about that. “Well, you can't exactly avoid love, Discord. it is one of the greatest forces, the greatest constants. Every living thing with a soul can feel it, and no pony can avoid finding it in some sense. Not even ancient beings like you are immune,” she wanted to add 'clearly,” with another inward smile to his love aura, but she stopped herself.
“As for 'getting over it'... perhaps after a fashion, superficial love can ease away, but the kinds that were never that important or strong, to begin with,” she said. “The truly important bonds, those can never truly be forgotten, or 'gotten over'. One pony may think that he or she can move on, but if that love has touched their heart, it is there forever, no matter what.”
“And if it is not something superficial, it wouldn't harm any pony who had to get over it? What if say... one could make that pony get over some love that they needed to?”
Cadance blinked at him, he was very clearly leading up to a question, but she very much hoped it wasn't the one she was coming to think it was.
“Getting over love and forgetting about it entirely are two very different things, Discord. You would have to remember the love to be able to get over it, if you forgot it completely then there would be nothing to get over.”
“Precisely,” Discord interjected, which only made Cadance's suspicions grow stronger.
“But then the lessons, the memories, everything important from that love's time in the pony's heart would be gone as well. The pony in question would be altered, he or she wouldn't have one of the only good things about losing love, which is the lessons learned to take with you.”
“But, there are times when forgetting would be best for every pony involved, are there not?” he asked.
No, Cadance did not like where this was headed at all. Reluctantly, she eased out a nod. “...Yes, there are. There are very dire cases where a pony's love for another has been... undesirable or even a danger to themselves or the object of the affection.”
“And when those cases happen, you have been tasked with dealing with them, correct?”
“Well... yes,” she flusterdly tumbled out the answer. She wasn't proud of it, but it was something else that her power over other ponies' love was capable of. She could create, enhance, and – if forced – destroy love.
“But Discord, it isn't something I like doing under any circumstances. I try to avoid using any manipulations on any pony. Their hearts are already fragile enough as it is, I don't want to add to any drama.”
“Oh you wouldn't know the fun of manipulation if it jumped up and bit you,” he said with a small smirk, probably thinking back to his days of using his brand of mind alterations. “But hypothetically if you were being employed to help some pony forget a love connection, how would it happen?”
Cadance's eyes softened and her heart sank at his 'hypothetical' question. She watched with added sadness as his love aura began to dull and her head lowered some in spite of herself.
“Discord,” she began softly. “I don't think this is the right kind of hypothetical question to be asking me right now.”
“Well, why not? This is a perfect time. We both know she would be better off without me, there's just the matter of our... connection,” he said with a pause, the aura flickered and dimmed a tiny bit more. “If that weren't a factor, she could go about everything like this never happened.”
“But, but... what about all that she has shown you through your connection? What about all that you have learned since accepting those forms of love into your heart? I know how you feel about her – I can see it – you care for her too much to just let it go like this. Making me help you forget won't fix everything, it will only put you back where you once were. Alone.”
She thought for a second she might have gotten through to him, because he looked up and straight at her face, something which both of them had been avoiding through no intention on her part.
Although the look he graced her with now was something more like pity as if she were the one who didn't have a clue what was going on.
“Oh my dear, I wouldn't want to forget. No... not in a million years. It is Twilight that needs to forget me. I want you to remove those feelings she's inexplicably grown towards me, so she can give me back my power and go back to her life.”
The princess found herself welling up just at the thought... at the mere prospect of this being before her – the one that so many ponies feared and still feared to this day – having such a strong love for some pony else that he was willing to erase that bond they had formed from the heart of the one pony to have ever captured his. Was he really asking her to do that? How could he think that Twilight would be better off without knowing she loved him if she was doing all she could to show him she did?
She honestly felt like she might just start crying right in front of him, because never in any scenario she could picture would she have imagined that this was what Discord had wanted of her. Cadance always loathed erasing love from a pony, it felt so unnatural, and the ponies never seemed quite the same, quite as happy or fulfilled afterward. Why would she want to force Twilight to have to go through that? Just for him, this being of chaos? Even if Twilight did love him – and even if his intentions might be noble – it was a pretty big decision to make about some pony else's feelings without consulting them.
“So, you want me to wipe Twilight's mind and heart clean of the love she has for you, without even telling her?” she asked with exasperation. “There is a little some pony whose feelings you aren't considering here, Discord. That would be Twilight's.”
“Don't you think I have already considered every other option?” he said, and Cadance heard it again, that regretful cadence in his tone. Perhaps he really had thought of everything else possible.
“Even if this plan of hers works – which I still do not see happening – she is still going to have to bear the same burden I was saddled with for all these eons. Being the creature that the whole of Equus has decided is the one to fear, to avoid. Being a pony and having friendships of her own, it is only going to tear up her delicate pony sensibilities when they decide to turn on her, to shun her. She would have to live the rest of her existence with only you for company, as I had Harmony.”
“You're forgetting that she would have you, which is the whole point of this,” Cadance fired back, starting to become angry at his suggestion. “And you have met her friends, have you not? They would never abandon or shun her just for the choice she willingly made. They would take some adjusting, but they would always love their friend.
“And isn't one of her reasons for becoming the new chaos being to inform the rest of the ponies about why chaos and order need each other?”
“But you know as well as I that this was not the way it was supposed to be. She was never meant to become the next chaos being, she was never meant to become my friend, and she was never supposed to have any love toward me. I was never supposed to be capable of it, and here I am, feeling love, can you believe it?” he seemed to remember who he was talking to. “Well, of course you would believe it. But the point stands. None of this should be happening, and it wouldn't if we had never--- if I hadn't---” he floundered, actually unable to finish it seemed.
The sentence hung there for a little while between them, and Cadance let it before giving him a kinder expression than she was still feeling at the moment.
“Perhaps this was not the way things should be, but that is a matter of opinion. Plus... it is the way things are now, so there is no turning back. I know you might be scared, but that is natural. Love is a leap of faith, and all leaps are scary to some extent. You just have to have faith and hope.”
“Now you really sound like a pony,” he quipped, but at least he appeared to be listening. When it was finally evident to him that Cadance was not going to be entirely supportive of this idea at this moment, he sighed with frustration and resignation.
“I suppose it was a long shot. But if you had seen Twilight lately - really seen her- I feel you might see things differently.”
Cadance was curious more than a little worried to find out what that meant, for she hadn't thought there was anything off about her when she saw her last. But there was that sudden argument she and Shining Armor had had that had come seemingly from out of nowhere. She had only caught snippets of what was said, but if Shiny thought there was a problem – and if Discord was willing to go this far to correct it – it must have been direr than her sister-in-law let on.
“If you feel like she needs help, why is this what you think to do?” Cadance asked, but his previous words gave the answer. He honestly saw this as his only alternative. But why, was it really that bad?
“Because my dear princess, I feel like she might have needed help from the moment she found me hiding in the forest.”
At that, Cadance didn't know what to say. What do you say to a being who thinks so strongly that he is the reason behind every pony he cares about's unhappiness? And when he sadly might not be entirely wrong?
Eventually, she figured that it was alright to take her leave, their business being done with her refusal to carry out this plan of his.
She had this sinking feeling though, that she shouldn't depart just yet. She felt she had to know that Discord wasn't already thinking up some other way to indirectly hurt the unicorn they both adored.
“I suppose I should go. I'm sure my husband is worried about me,” she said as she took one last look towards the draconequus. His aura so sadly muted now she thought she might tear up again.
“Just, Discord, I know things don't seem great right now, but please consider what you and Twilight have. Don't do anything rash.”
Cadance didn't wait for a reply, for she wasn't even sure that she would get one. She merely nodded to him and disappeared in a flash of her magic.
Discord had not made the young princess any promises. She had refused to help, well that was probably something he should have counted on. She didn't know fully what the stakes were, if she had been there with them when he discovered how the magic - his magic – was harming her, Discord doubted that she would have said no. This love Twilight held for him, that was what was poisoning her even more so than the chaos. As much as it filled his own heart with joy to know that it was there, that they shared such a mutually strong bond, Discord felt selfish for even allowing it to go on this long.
Her brother was right, what sort of life could he give her, even if Discord didn't manage to kill her by continuing to give her more chaos power? Even if things went perfectly, what was to become of Twilight's life? Was he expecting a happy life, marriage and foals and all of that normal stuff? Could they even expect anything resembling a normal life, if that was what Twilight wanted? Well, she wanted him, so perhaps she understood what she might be giving up. But he didn't want her to have to give anything up, especially for him. Her possibilities were endless without him, as far as Discord could tell.
He continued to doubt her belief that the world would just accept her as the new chaos being because they already knew her. If Shining Armor had been any indication, her family and friends were probably just waiting for it to go wrong, or for her to come to her senses. No, Discord knew what he had to do. Deep down he had probably always known, and it ached inside that it had come to this.
It wouldn't do this time to disappear without a full explanation, without a real explanation, as he'd done before. This wasn't the time for his shading of certain truths.
Discord needed to find the courage to yield the whole truth, and he knew it hurt them both, like the magic that they had both come to know. She deserved an explanation, he owed her that at the very least.
Finding her in her room back at her library, she had looked to be on the verge of sleep when he appeared, but her eyes found him, immediately filled with concern.
"Twilight---" he began, a solemnness in his tone that was so uncharacteristic he was certain she must know what was coming.
"What's wrong, did something else happen?" Twilight asked in a hurried whisper. "I knew it, I knew it couldn't be that easy."
She began to stand but his paw found her shoulder and eased her back down.
"No, no. Nothing else happened. Nothing yet, anyway," he tried assurance, but then he remembered that whole honesty thing he was supposed to be doing. There was nothing to be gained by hiding anything from her anymore.
"But you were right. Something else will happen, and it will keep happening for as long as I'm here. So you know what I have to do."
Discord had an enormous sense of Deja vu at her expression. Again he saw the sudden drop in her brightness, then the wheels in her mind start up again, trying to find another outcome.
"But Discord, you can't--- I can think if something else. We can work this out." Her voice was growing so familiarly frantic. It pained him to have to be the cause of her anxiety without any intention to fix it.
He could only attempt to calm her and get her to see reason. Now that was a switch.
"We tried," he explained in a controlled way he hoped was more soothing than condescending. "We tried it your way, and it was a valiant effort. But we both know it wasn't going to be a permanent solution. Not after it started affecting you in that way."
"I know it went wrong, but--- we could try again, or--- we could try something else---" her volume had grown as well as her distress. She fought against his paw, standing up from her bed as if she were about to dash downstairs and search her books again for an answer.
With every stuttering attempt, she made it was all Discord could do to keep his paw on her shoulder as she struggled, all he could do to not be swayed by the tears he could already see forming in those brilliant violet eyes.
“You can't, you just can't. After all, we've done – all you've done – you can't simply give up on your freedom, on everything.”
But Discord didn't consider it 'giving up', not anymore. She needed to understand that his perceptions had grown, and just how drastically different his 'everything' had become.
“There was a time when I valued my freedom and my own interests beyond anything else. That was my everything. It's hard to fathom for a creature such as me who had never known any other way to be that it was an empty life.
'Knowing though that my departure from your world will solve all of the problems here so that you, Pony Boy, and all the rest can live safely in your happy little pony existences... I think I consider that a fair and righteous trade.”
It was as eloquent as a farewell as he could muster, and Discord thought maybe his words had stunned Twilight into silence. A small part of him still hoped she was impressed through all the grief he was putting her through at the moment.
He lifted his paw from her back and slid it upwards to cup her face. He saw her close her eyes and smile involuntarily through her tears.
“Thank you, Twilight Sparkle, for giving me everything.”
Twilight reached a hoof up to where his paw held her, she stroked the fur for a moment before giving one last whimper.
“This doesn't have to be goodbye,” she quavered. The shimmer from her eyes leaving as the tears streaked her fur.
“I know, it doesn't,” Discord answered, reserved yet warm. He pulled her face closer to his, taking in that remarkable unicorn's features just once more.
“But it should be.”
He then brought her in for a kiss. It was a much softer, gentler kiss than he usually gave her. A regretful ache coursed through him as powerfully as the magic he sent into her through their embrace.
Manipulating a pony's mind was one of the things he had promised to never do again, and Discord would never have even thought he'd find himself doing such a thing to the pony he cared for most in all the Equestrian plane.
As his lips joined with hers, he could feel her breath slow, her muscles ease, and he held her steady with his clawed hand as she slowly lost her balance. He eased her into a calm, dreamless sleep. One that she would remain in until someone came to wake her in the morning. Now she couldn't argue, and she couldn't stop him.
He took in her sleeping form one last time, attempting to memorize every contour of her face, every stray hair that fell from her mane onto that face, everything about this mare that had done so much for him.
With any luck, she would never see him again. But her world would be safe.
Stats
Page generated in 0.018 seconds
Total duration
877 users online
550,823 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I want to leave a meaningful comment, but all I can think is a simple, lame, and boring word. Wow. I mean it's just such a beautiful story that has me feeling what I'm meant to feel and think quite a fair bit. Just wow.
You made me cry. Good job. I hope you're proud of yourself.
Im about to die
This storyline still hits me so hard and i love it with every fiber of my being!
Thank you so much for writing this !
Every time i finished a new chapter the struggle begins again haha the excitement and hype for the coming stuff is eating me xD
Great story, really like the idea of romance between Discord and Twilight. Thanks
She needs you Discord, it would be more dangerous to stop now, chaos is unpredictable and dangerous.
*sniff* GODDAMN IT Story, what are you doing to me? *sniff* Discord is supposed to either make me laugh or sad, not outright crying!! Best. Twicord. Story. EVER!