• Member Since 5th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen Monday

Cryptic-Dash


Student, Artist and Author

T

In a time long before equestrian civilization was a great empire, this empire expanded into the stars and beyond, however years of warfare against rebels and aliens left it in ruin, and after so many years of bombardment the last of the empire just disappeared, until nothing was left... or so it was thought.
In a time before nightmare moon, and the years where ponies expanded out into the world, the princesses make a discovery that could change everything previously thought, an empire only told as myth and legend.
When the princesses unearth long lost artifacts they have no way to operate the technology, where it will sit for centuries waiting to be awoken.

Story tags and notes: New tags may be added through out the story as it develops, as for updates on it, I will try to update it as much as possible but work must be done and time is only finite so there may be a bit of waiting between chapters, however I will still do as much as I can in the spare time I have.
I hope you enjoy the story.

Extra note: The sex tag is for future chapters and may not feature yet (plus I never tried writing stuff like that)

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 34 )

I think i can already see where is this story going,but perhaps i am mistaken.

Yay, you're back!!!!!

I look forward to more of this

Comment posted by Arxsys deleted Feb 23rd, 2015

You should get a proofreader, or a better one. There were many basic mechanical errors (for instance, "their/they're") littered throughout both chapters.

For potential readers of this story: The first two chapters are mediocre setup for the "humans as ancient aliens" concept that you would probably expect based on the description. It remains to be seen how the story will develop once humans and ponies actually meet. (Or "human", if the story goes the "lone survivor" route.) It's not terrible, but it's not what I'd call good either. My low opinion is in significant part due to the setup, specifically how humans were wiped out by random alien invaders who were themselves wiped out by some mysterious human-built global MAD* death weapon, even though the aliens were still presumably on all the other planets they'd taken from the humans, and the annihilation weapon also somehow allowed ponies/griffons/etc. to be populating the world 10,000 years later and also the guy who sets off the device lives while everyone else in the base drops dead, for reasons not yet explained and I don't see how it could possibly make sense that he should live.

If you can overlook glaring weaknesses in the setup as long as the part actually taking place in "present day" is interesting, then the above shouldn't bother you and the story remains essentially a blank slate.

*MAD: Mutually Assured Destruction, or in this case "if I am about to die I will kill us both" applied on a global scale. The original MAD was more like both sides saying "if you kill me I will still be able to kill you before I die, so don't kill me".

5660093 For starters thanks for the feedback, yes I have no proofreader and my grammar is not what I'd call fantastic, however I am trying to improve so sorry it dosent meet your expectations :unsuresweetie:
As for the story direction, it has hardly just begun therefore things that may elude you are yet to be explained etc etc...
And for the general plot direction, feel free to express where you think its going but I'd rather not have it dismissed as mediocre just because maybe its not to your liking or you have seen it before.
Well now thats out the way, hope you stick around and find out what does happen. :twilightsmile:

Proper nouns need to be capitalized.
One word lacked a space.
I strongly suggest getting an editor(s) and pre-readers if you want to make this story shine. It has promise, but I can't and won't overlook bad grammer or punctuation.

5668808 I 100% agree with you, I'm going to get an editor/pre-reader after the next chapter (hopefully)
thanks :ajsmug:

A good idea that's well played out, but the grammatical and spelling errors seriously detract from the story.

5690714 *sigh, I hate writing sometimes... okay so erm I am so glad that people like the overall layout of the story, and I may have kinda just threw the chapter out there :unsuresweetie:

No pre reading was done, no checks before uploading which if I had done this I think my face would have met the keyboard. I do plan on going back and correcting the attrocious world of my writing and hopefully make this more... errr user friendly?
Anywho the next chapter has been delayed a little since my work has doubled in the last week (games suck sometimes)
Thanks for the feedback, hope you like whats to come :pinkiehappy:

(man, I need to stop writing massive replies :facehoof:)

awesome story man

Why is it ALWAYS just one human that survives?:facehoof:

a good start I especially like how it turned into a story that queen gaia read to her fillies

You should start making some chapters in which you better explain what happened in the past. The concept of this fiction is sort of overused but it is still good if done propperly. The grammar errors are a bit painful to go through though, please get some editor to review your material before you post it.

I like it so far.

Am i the only that is getting irritated by the AI using anyway over and over again?

The part of the story where celestia described the notations with the friction empire reminded me of this story
I'll kill you with my teacup

Please tell me you are still writing this story please:applecry:

IF I had the money I would PAY you to continue this story PLEASE CONTINUE IT I BEG OF THEE :applecry:

Any tips on a writer to be?

PLEASE WE NEED A NEW CHAPTER

Ok its a new year so PLEASE UPDATE!!!:raritydespair:

Dead? If not WHERE R U!!! Pls update!!!:fluttercry::applecry:

7285751 Actually, maybe not so, I have returned :3
Sometimes I even suprise myself, I'm sorry to those of you who were enjoying the story and never had it updated, I do plan to work on this again as the idea still appeals to me, I've been very busy and now summer is here, frreeedom~ ^^

6867440 soon, I'm glad you liked it so much and sorry I abandoned it, this shall be fixed :rainbowkiss:

7290419 oh ok. I understand


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:flutterrage: *HYPE* :flutterrage:

INTRIGUING...I hope you will eventually continue this story.

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