Lessons in quirks

by Mike84

Chapter XXXVI

Twilight hesitated for a moment. When she had arrived here earlier today, the gate of the high metal garden fence edging the screening hedges that encased the front yard had stood wide open, allowing her to walk right up to the front door and use the door knocker. Now however the gate was closed. While the sun had by now disappeared and given way to Princess Luna's luminary, the illumination of the windows showed that the ponies inside the mansion were still up and awake.
There was a cord in a slot of the left of the stone posts on which the metal gate was hinged. Undoubtedly it could be pulled to work a mechanic doorbell.
As Twilight raised a hoof to pull the cord Rainbow Dash asked: "Shouldn't we just fly in or open the door with magic? You know, element of surprise and all?"

Twilight lowered her hoof. "We can't just... break in. But you have a point about surprise, Rainbow. Everypony, please stay out of sight in the screen of the hedges. Maybe we are lucky and Swallowtail himself will come to open the gate. I would rather confront him outside the house and with some distance from anypony else."
Applejack and Rainbow Dash took position just out of sight behind the stone posts on both sides and the others right behind them. Pinkie Pie had put on a black mask that might have made Twilight consider calling the authorities had she seen anypony else sneaking around with it. Mercifully no pony was on the street leading past the Rich Mansion to see the peculiar ambush which a princess of Equestria was apparently setting up in front of a rich subject's house.

When Twilight was certain none of the others were visible from the entrance of the mansion, she took a deep breath and pulled the cord.
A few moments later the door of the mansion opened and a ray of light from inside fell on the cobbled way. Twilight recognized that it was Swallowtail himself who was now coming down the way towards the gate. So he hadn't left yet, Twilight thought with a grim satisfaction and wondered which other plans or schemes might be keeping him here. She was sure the alleged servant had recognized her, but he kept approaching until there was no more need to raise the voice. Twilight kept as neutral and inconspicuous an expression as she could, not to arise any suspicions.

"Princess Twilight", the alleged servant said with a curt bow. No tone of his voice letting in on any thoughts or sentiments that might be passing through his mind as he spoke.
"Good evening, Mr. Swallowtail", Twilight said. "Would you please open the gate?"
"Master Rich is putting young Miss Diamond Tiara to bed. I do not think he is expecting any visitors anymore today. If you would return tomorrow I am going to announce your visit to Master Rich."
"It is of the utmost importance that I speak to Mr. Rich now", Twilight said, putting a lot of stress in every word. Swallowtail was looking at her, his expression lacking any kind of expression whatsoever.
"The investigations of the theft make it necessary for me to enter. It is your master's and therefore in your very own interest that the investigations are successful, or is it not?"

Twilight almost bit her own tongue. The way she had said the last words would certainly alarm the fraud.
"Very well", he said after a moment. "I shall get the Master here now."
"Mr. Swallowtail, open the gate now!"
This was not the request of a visitor, but the direct and unmistakable order of a princess.
Swallowtail raised his eyebrows a little, but then, for Twilight's surprise, he picked a keyring from a pocket of his tailcoat and intricately unlocked the gate holding the key with his teeth. Swallowtail took a step backwards and Twilight pushed both of the wings open with a spell.

With one leap Rainbow Dash landed on one side of Swallowtail while Applejack rushed to the other. Twilight kept her head lowered, her horn pointing at Swallowtail without the grille of the gate wings in the way anymore. Pinkie Pie and Rarity closed in behind Rainbow Dash and Applejack while Twilight could hear the Fluttershy flapping right behind her.
If Swallowtail was surprised by the sudden encirclement he didn't allow himself more than a look of mild astonishment to both of his sides before looking back at Twilight.

"I was unaware you brought entourage, Princess. I must ask for your retinue to wait outside when you go to see Master Rich. Surely you do not wish to disturb young Miss Rich's sleep by..."
"Retinue?" Rainbow Dash called infuriated.
"The game is up!" Twilight said and couldn't keep a triumphant smirk from her face. "We know what you did!"
"So you do?" Swallowtail asked calmly, raising one eyebrow.
"And we've come to get you!" Twilight confirmed.

"My apologies, Your Highness. I understand that competent and appropriate attendants are difficult to find nowadays...", he gave a very very telling look at Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, "...and I appreciate the difficulties constituted by the need to assemble a domestic staff more decent than this one, occasioned by your recent crowning. But my services belong to the Rich family and I will not be wooed from my Master's service, however dire your need for more adequate personnel may be."

"Personnel!" Rainbow Dash burst out. "I'll show this would be flunky who's personnel!"
If Rarity hadn't held her back with a quick spell, Rainbow Dash probably would have pounced upon Swallowtail. The look Swallowtail gave Rainbow Dash was dripping with contempt.
"Most dire need indeed", he declared.
"It's over, Swallowtail, or however we are to call you!" Twilight said. She almost hoped for the servant to triple in size and start sprouting fangs and horns or something like that. His calm composure irritated her more than such a transformation would have scared her.
"We know that you are behind the theft and that you cast your spells upon Mr. Rich, his daughter and Miss Cheerilee!"

"I am surprised, Your Highness, that you should be aware of such vile activities of mine before even I myself am aware of them", Swallowtail said. "I might be inclined to contemplate the probabilities of this, but for the fact that you dare to accuse me of acting against the interests of my Master or even attack him, or any member of the family!"
At the last words Swallowtail's tone had lost the casual composure and slightly ironic undertone of his previous utterances. His voice was sharp and imposing and his posture was of such pride and staunchness as would have befitted a memorial rather than a thief caught.

"I know not what might induce her Highness to such ridiculous suspicions, but she may rest assured that she is mistaken. Good evening, Your Highness."
Swallowtail gave a bow so curtly that it was more of a nod rather than any show of respect and he gave a gesture towards the gate.
"Oh no, you are not getting off the hook like that!" Rainbow Dash called. "You tell him, Twilight!"
"I'll tell you what induces my suspicions!" Twilight growled, feeling Rainbow Dash's fury rubbing off on her and more than anything fueled by the arrogance of this, admittedly convincing, impostor.

"You are not who you claim to be! You have not been living in Ponyville since the days of Mr. Rich's father! Nopony we asked has ever seen or even heard of you! Your magic allows you to manipulate the minds and memories of ponies and you jinxed Mr. Rich and his daughter into believing that you were a longtime servant in their household! With your access to every part of the house it was easy enough for you to plan and commit the theft! Your magic allowed you to just teleport the money and yourself in any out as you saw fit! And..."

Swallowtail gave an inimitable sound that could have been anything from a furious growl to a jeering laughter and for a very short moment his solemn composure got a crack.
"Celestia's most faithful student they call you! I pray the royal sisters will never unleash their less faithful students upon their subjects!"
"How dare you ridicule Celestia!" Twilight barked.
"I am not. You are the one ridiculing yourself, Your Highness, making yourself an embarrassment to good Princess Celestia and your entire estate!"

Swallowtail had found a sore spot and it took Twilight a huge effort not to silence him with a spell.
"Her Highness is mistaken. My magic would not allow me to manipulate anypony and most certainly not to teleport anypony or anything in and out of the mansion as I saw fit. If this is a question of magical capabilities I daresay Celestia's most faithful student is a more probable culprit than I am."
"Oh, so you are suspecting Twilight too?" Pinkie Pie asked cheerfully curious.
"Not now, Pinkie!" Twilight snarled, feeling that she couldn't think of a less suitable moment for any antics from Pinkie Pie.
"So you claim you could not teleport in or out of the house?" Twilight asked, trying to focus entirely on facts and blind out all anger.

Swallowtail nodded, but Twilight noticed the nodding came somewhat hesitantly and there seemed to be a subtle change in the expression of the servant, though Twilight couldn't put her hoof on it.
"Why is that?" she asked, keeping a very close look at Swallowtail's face for any sign of dishonesty.
"I am not authorized to give you that information, Your Highness", Swallowtail said after a moment. "Not authorized?" Rarity protested. "It may have escaped your esteemed attention that Twilight Sparkle is a Princess of Equestria whose royal authority should be sufficient to satisfy the demands of a butler pony!"

Swallowtail gave a little bow to Rarity and it was impossible to say if it was a mock or not: "It is not the vanity of this butler pony that needs to be satisfied by the authority of a princess, but loyalty to his Master that will not be overridden by the quirks of said princess."
"How dare you—", Rarity began, but Swallowtail turned to Twilight again.
"If her Highness is inclined to satisfy her curiosity without vain attempts to infringe my loyalty, she may want to teleport her own royal persona into my master's house."
There was a moment of silence.

"Careful, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash whispered loud enough for everypony to hear. "That's a trap!"
"The decision is that of her Highness", Swallowtail said coolly. "Her fancy colored courtier may rest assured she is not in danger around me in the absence of her mistress."
Rainbow Dash was livid with rage now and had it not been for Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy coming to Rarity's assistance to hold her back, she might now have attacked the servant who disregarded her reaction like it was the buzzing of a fly.
Twilight hesitated. Nothing so far had run the way she had expected. Rainbow Dash could be correct with her guess about this being a trap, but by now Twilight was angry enough to take the bait if only it got things moving and make the imposter drop his mask.
A purple radiance flashed up around Twilight's horn the moment before she dissappeared.

A metallic clash could be heard as if somepony had struck against the metal fence surrounding the yard. There was a flash of purple light near the wall of the mansion and Princess Twilight Sparkle rebounded from that flash of light as if she had flown head on into a wall that was only just soft enough to spare her any broken bones. She landed hard on her back.
"Twilight!" Rainbow Dash shouted and was at her site within the blink of an eye. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie too rushed after her, forgetting completely about Swallowtail for the moment.

"Twilight, are you alright?" Rainbow Dash asked, shaking her fiercely.
"Stop that!" Twilight gasped, trying to catch breath.
"I told you it was a trap!" Rainbow shouted.
"Where is... Swallowtail?" Twilight panted as she saw all her friends standing around her. She was struggling to get to her hooves.
All of the others immediately looked towards the gate.
Far from making a getaway, the servant was casually strolling up the cobbled way towards the perron beside which Twilight had landed.
"You brute! How dare you—", Rarity began.

Swallowtail just spoke firmly enough to silence her without any need to raise his voice much:
"A loyal servant will not prattle away about the safety precautions his Master takes to protect his property. It is not within the servant's authority to prohibit princesses from testing said precautions."
Neither Rarity, nor Fluttershy or Pinkie Pie could react fast enough to keep Rainbow Dash in check, and if they could have, it was not sure if they would have wanted to, but the moment Rainbow Dash was about to pounce upon the servant there was a voice from the door of the mansion stopping her in her tracks.

"What is going on here? Princess Twilight! What is the meaning of this, Swallows?"
Filthy Rich stood in the door of his mansion. Even in the dim light outside and against the ray of light falling through the door, Twilight could see that he was still looking very pale. But his voice sounded very firm and his bearing looked more steady than during Twilight's previous visit.
"Master Rich, Princess Twilight is under the impression that I am responsible for the theft of your money. She is convinced that I have cast a spell upon you and the young Miss to make you think of me as the loyal servant to your family while I in fact was only an imposter. She believes that I cast a similar spell upon a Miss Cheerilee, for reasons which the princess has not yet laid out to me. I do not recall having ever met this Miss Cheerilee, but I do recall her name as that of your daughter's teacher, Master Rich. The Princess furthermore believes that I used my magic abilities to teleport myself and your money in and out of your house. Since I consider giving away any details about your house's safety precautions in conflict with my obligations and duties to you, but considered it beyond my authority to prohibit a princess from putting them to the test—"

"You talked her into trying to jinx herself into the house!" Applejack protested.
"Swallows, did I not ask you to answer any questions which the princess might have?"
Mr. Rich spoke softly, but the effects of his words upon the composure of his servant were more distinct than anything anypony else had said so far.
"I admit that in the face of the accusations raised against me by her Highness, pride and indignation about the notion that I might act against your interests or even attack you or the little Miss may have taken the better of me, Master Rich. I failed you and I am very sorry for that."
Swallowtail lowered his head.

"Princess Twilight, did I not assure you of my absolute confidence in Swallowtail? Did you not tell me you didn't mean to question the integrity of my loyal servant?"
As he spoke, Mr. Rich stepped outside, descended the perron, walked over to Swallowtail and put a hoof on his shoulder in a display of trust and protectiveness. Swallowtail raised his head and there was a look of relief and gratitude on his face. It was a scene that didn't miss its effect on any observer.
"You did", Twilight confirmed. "I did", she admitted. Her mind was racing. Just how could everything turn so totally different from how she had expected.

"But at the time there was a lot I didn't know. Nopony else has ever seen Swallowtail before!"
"But did I not mention he hardly ever leaves the house? How many ponies did you ask, your Highness?"
Twilight looked at all the others.
"Did you ask anypony who is not here at the moment?"
"Inkhorn!" Twilight called. "She said she knew you a little but she didn't know Swallowtail!"
"Yes, Inkhorn is a pleasant conversationalist, a competent official and I should really invite her and Featherscribe for dinner some time. She has never been to my mansion before though and I never introduced or mentioned Swallows to her. Anypony else?"

Twilight felt like the ground underneath her hooves grew rather thin. She didn't recall having asked anypony else about Swallowtail. Zecora had apparently not heard of him, but with her living in Everfree Forest and not having any contact with the Rich Family that Twilight was aware of, this was hardly any evidence.
"He does not appear in the list of all citizens of Ponyville which Inkhorn checked out in Town Hall! Everypony is listed there, but Swallowtail is missing! Mr. Rich, I am sure this must be very confusing for you, but there are spells and potions that allow for the manipulation of a pony's mind and memory. Your loss of memory to the events of yesterday is a very strong indicator that you have been subjected to that kind of dark magic. I was going to ask you if you were willing to have Zecora examine you to maybe help you recover your memory..."
"Zecora... is this the zebra living in Everfree Forest of whom I heard... stories?"
"She is not some evil enchantress!" Pinkie Pie called.

"I am willing to give everything a try to regain my memory, Princess Twilight, but your assumption that Swallowtail would be able... I mean that he would cast any spell on me or anyone in my family is not...", Mr. Rich seemed to be looking for a word to finish the sentence without making it sound too harsh.
"The list", Twilight insisted. "Why would Swallowtail not appear on the list?"
"It is strange, but even competent officials may make mistakes. Maybe his name was overlooked when the list was copied, maybe his entry ended up on a wrong page, maybe Inkhorn just happened to overlook it. I was not aware, by the way, that these lists are open for public inspection."
Twilight was in no mood to justify herself for this inspection.

"Mr. Rich, everything is pointing towards Swallowtail. There is a lot less evidence against Mr. Blanket who is currently held in custody under suspicion of being the thief than there is against Mr. Swallowtail. The theft could not have been committed without the use of magic to begin with and with the precautions of your house...", while she had recovered her breath, Twilight was still aching from the fierce impact, "...it is even more likely that whoever did it must have been aware of these precautions. Maybe the thief levitated the moneybags outside the perimeter and teleported it away from there. Which unicorn other than Swallowtail would have such knowledge of your safety measures?"

"But Princess Twilight...", Mr. Rich said. "...wasn't your suspicion that Swallowtail was a mere fraud? If that was so, he would not have that knowledge of my safety measures."
"He could have acquired that knowledge from you through his magic", Twilight said.
At this point Swallowtail gently removed his master's hoof from his shoulder and said:
"Master Rich, with your permission I would like to expose myself to whatever magic the princess considers appropriate to determine whether or not I am the kind of fraud, imposter, illusionist or whatever her imagination tells her I was."
"Swallows, there is no need for this! I have absolute confidence in you!"
"This means a lot to me, Master Rich. But the service to you and your family is both profession and vocation to me. At this moment it would be a service if these suspicions were dispelled. Unless you explicitly prohibit it, I insist for her Highness to inflict upon me any jinx that would help to end this ridiculous charade!"

Mr. Rich nodded slowly and Swallowtail turned towards Twilight, giving her a defiant look.
"Here I am, Your Highness, at your service!"
Twilight didn't know what to say. This was yet another turn of events that she had not foreseen. There was no backing out of this situation and as she thought so, she was wondering what it was that she wanted to back out of. Wouldn't this spell she was offered to cast give her all the clarity she could ask for?

Twilight took a step forward, laid the tip of her horn onto Swallowtail's chest and concentrated.
Her spell met almost no resistance whatsoever, so for a moment she thought that she had missed or somehow failed to produce her spell. But as she looked she could see the reddish ray of light engulfing Swallowtail that would lift any illusion or even transformation.
The servant was twitching in discomfort.
"Please grow fangs and claws!" Twilight caught herself thinking, but other than some hair of Swallowtail's mane standing on end now there was no visible change about the servant.
His appearance was his unaltered natural appearance. Twilight ended the spell feeling slightly sick suddenly.

"Are you satisfied, Princess?" Swallowtail asked, sounding a little shaky.
"Your appearance is genuine", Twilight conceded, sounding more shaky than Swallowtail.
"I think you should go now, Princess", Mr. Rich said.
Twilight nodded slightly, closing her eyes and tried to think of something she could say. Suddenly a thought struck her; a last straw to grasp for that she had not taken into account.
"Your appearance is genuine", she said. "But that only proves you are not concealing your appearance now! You could still use magic to mess with the minds of others or to commit the theft!"

"Twilight...", Applejack whispered cautiously, "...don't ya think you are getting fixed too much?"
Mr. Rich's look at Twilight was very stern now, he didn't say anything for some moments.
Finally he turned towards Swallowtail. "Swallows, thank you very much for everything. You may go inside now if you want to. Or... if you want to... you may tell."
"Do you wish me to tell, Master Rich?" Swallowtail asked, his voice sounding even more shaky now.
Mr. Rich pulled his servant into an embrace. "This is your decision, Swallows, not mine to make. It is the one way to rid yourself of any such suspicion even by the standards of her Highness. I will respect your decision either way."
Swallowtails took a step backward and nodded curtly. "I'll show them."

Mr. Rich turned towards Twilight again, his voice sounded rather cold. "I appreciate your eagerness in investigating the theft, Princess Twilight, but your investigations are misguided and flawed. You might for example want to consider asking Granny Smith about my loyal servant. I am pretty sure she is one to have seen him back in the days. However, Swallowtails decided to let you in on a personal matter that should dispel your suspicions against him here and now. I must insist upon your every word to be discreet about this!"
Twilight nodded slowly as did the others. Mr. Rich probably didn't know the meaning of the Pinkie promise gesture performed by Pinkie Pie, but he wasn't minding her much.

"You said yourself that this crime could not have been carried out without the use of magic, Princess Twilight", Mr Rich said.
Swallowtails stepped forward and lifted one of the tails of his tailcoat, revealing a blank flank.
"I am a blank flank, Your Highness", he stated. "And my magical capabilities are surpassed by the magical capabilities of an average common turnip!" he added with a very bitter sound.
Suddenly images from her memory popped up in Twilight's mind. Swallowtail carrying rather than levitating a silver tabled with two filled glasses and a bottle of Cider and Swallowtail intricately opening the gates holding the key with his teeth rather than using magic for it.
Twilight was torn from these recollection by the sound of a gasp from the door. Diamond Tiara stood there, her jaw dropped, her eyes wide open in utter surprise.

"Miss Rich!" Swallowtail called and for the first time his voice was one of actual fright.
Diamond Tiara turned around and vanished inside.

"Diamond Tiara!" Swallowtail mumbled and rushed after her.
Mr. Rich had grown even more pale than he had been all along, his face looked like it was set in stone.
"Mr. Rich...", Twilight began, not really knowing what to say.
"Go, Princess!" Mr. Rich said numbly. "Just go!" And with that he turned around, entered his house and closed the door behind himself.

Author's Note:

Last edited on December 13th 2015.

Comments

[Chronicler06]

Sorry if it's be a while since my latest comment. Though I'm sure you already know by now how infrequently I tend to comment on most things. Anyway, this story seems to be taking quite an interesting turn these last few chapters (I actually almost hesitated to read through this latest chapter, due to how Twilight and her friends treated that pony who turned out to be completely innocent), and I always look forward to what's next.

For areas of improvement, I haven't noticed anything specific to point out, though there are a few things coming up frequently that I should note. First is your tendency to mix up certain pairs of letters which end up changing certain words in ways I'm sure you don't intended. I had previously mentioned v and f, for words like live and life or save and safe (and if I correctly remember your response, you seem to have a pretty interesting method of keeping that in mind, with v for verb). However, I've noticed another pair of letters that you seem to keep mixing up: d and t, for words like side and site or thread and threat (that last example in particular, the two words have very different meanings). I'm not sure how I can help you to avoid mixing up that set of letters, but I think it's good enough that I'm at least pointing this out.

The other frequent issue has to due with Applejack's dialogue, where you seem to keep switching back and forth between regular text (I'm going) and accented text (Ah'm goin'). (I particularly noticed this issue in the previous chapter.) I honestly don't care which of these two you decide to go with, but I must insist that you pick one and stick with it for the whole story. I'm pretty sure I had already brought up this inconsistency once before, so I'm a little curious why it seems you've done nothing about it. (How far in advance do you write these chapters before you publish them? Perhaps I'm just reading the ones you finished before I first brought this up and I've simply yet to see the actual results.)

[Mike84]

6180502

However, I've noticed another pair of letters that you seem to keep mixing up: d and t, for words like side and site or thread and threat (that last example in particular, the two words have very different meanings). I'm not sure how I can help you to avoid mixing up that set of letters, but I think it's good enough that I'm at least pointing this out.

It certainly helps to point these out, thank you very much
I got to admit though that when checking out all the threads respectively threats and related words (threatening, threadbare etc.) I didn't spot a case where those two had been mixed up. Is there a concrete case in the past chapters?

The other frequent issue has to due with Applejack's dialogue, where you seem to keep switching back and forth between regular text (I'm going) and accented text (Ah'm goin'). (I particularly noticed this issue in the previous chapter.) I honestly don't care which of these two you decide to go with, but I must insist that you pick one and stick with it for the whole story. I'm pretty sure I had already brought up this inconsistency once before, so I'm a little curious why it seems you've done nothing about it.

As for Applejack's language I did get rid of all the "ye", which indeed are no feature of Applejack's language. However, as I said back then Applejack is not thoroughly consequent in her use of "I" / "I'm" respectively "Ah" / "Ah'm" either. A main source for me to study Applejack's language are the transcripts of the episodes. In any case she uses both throughout the series:

Like I wrote back then, I always imagine how the words would sound in a movie scene when spoken by her and then decide for the "I" / "I'm" respectively "Ah" / "Ah'm" depending on what sounds better to me in the given context. Also I take it that the whole situation and whoever Applejack is talking to may have an influence on her choice of words, but I am rather certain that both variants have already been used throughout the same dialogues in the series. Therefore, as the author, in this case I must insist myself to let Applejack talk the way I feel comes closest to the way she does in the movies. I admit that the inconsistency may look a little confusing, but with both being present in the series, both are meant to be present in this story.

How far in advance do you write these chapters before you publish them? Perhaps I'm just reading the ones you finished before I first brought this up and I've simply yet to see the actual results.

I do write them pretty far in advance. I can't say exactly when I wrote the last chapter I posted here, but the final page of that chapter would be page 160 in the original document while by now the story has reached page 267 (chapter 59).

[redmar]

Given the length of the story itwas too early for the culprit to be discovered but it's good that everything around Swallowtail has been cleared up.
After the hearing Frank would probably like tot alk to Swallowtail about his lack of a Cutie Mark.