[Information redacted by order of O5-██]
Scouring the galaxy for a chance to turn the tide in their war with the Changeling Empire, ponykind makes a profound discovery:
A sapient race, untouched by the war consuming the stars around it.
But when contact with this race is marred by violence, both sides must scramble to preserve peace between them.
Failure could mean the end of both.
Inspired by the fic Victory at Any Cost by FanNotANerd
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Good pacing, good writing; interesting and enticing!
I wasn't sure what to expect when you first contacted me about this. But my expectations were generally low. So saying that they were surpassed doesn't say much.
I'll say instead that I'm impressed. And I'm really tough to impress. Keep the action coming, don't let things get bogged down in space politics, and this could end up being really good.
I only noticed one error:
I think that first word was supposed to be "Start." Forgot a T there.
And I only have one criticism: the chapter lengths are a bit short. Technically, those first two chapters can be grouped together without much difficulty. Most people here are accustomed to chapter lengths between 2 and 5k words, simply because when you're scrolling, 1,500 go past in the blink of an eye. Just something to keep in mind.
As for what you've done with the
admittedly shallowworld I set up, this is pretty good. I mean, the Dusk's stealth properties seem to behave the exact same way as the Normandy's, but since the original fic was heavily inspired by Mass Effect anyway, I've decided I don't care.Just one question: why is the Human tag there? I won't try to write the story for you, but I only intended there to be ponies and Changelings in the fic's universe. It's probably hurting your view count a bit, seeing as everyone who sees it automatically assumes this is a bad HiE fic. Just my two cents on the matter.
Anyway, after that decidedly confusing review, have a like and a fave and all that. I'm interested to see where this goes.
5665200
Glad it's not a train wreck yet.
I'll be trying to tell as much of the as I can through the eyes of the grunts to avoid that very problem (or at least try).
You are correct, sir. Easy fix. If you find any more, please, don't hesitate to point to them out.
Yeah. What you read was as much to get over my muse's inertia ("What do I do, George, what do I do?") as it was to actually tell the story. Now that I've established a pattern, I should be able to get longer chapters out in the future.
Magic Effect is definitely in play, and Dusk was built with that in mind.
Hearth's Warming 2.0
That's all I'm saying at this point in time.
I will endeavor to not disappoint.
5664639
Glad you like it.
Howabout one-way heat conductors to channel the heat where its useful?
(But yeah, interesting intro.)
Comment. Critique. Crucify!
Okay, maybe not that last one. That last one hurts.
Hm, I find it's an interesting premise. (Though I do want to see more human contact.)
It has pretty good construction, though it would be better for you to use ETA instead of ee-tee-ay and FTL instead of eff-tee-el.
5719860
If you like the premise, I suggest giving Victory at All Costs (a link is in the description) a read as well if you haven't already; it's where Contact came from and this story is set in that universe. It'll give you a little more background.
We'll be seeing more humans shortly. The War and the events that occurred in LV-218 play into each other from the beginning, so I'm trying give both plot lines their due attention. This story is as much about continuing the story in VaAC as it is about pony/human contact shenanigans.
That was a stylistic choice. It felt a little more natural to 'spell' things like that out in the dialogue, since that's how acronyms work in spoken English. I'll only be doing that for things that aren't 'really' words, like ETA and FTL.
I'm also kind of stuck with it, since I did that last chapter and I'm trying to keep things consistent.
Yeah, so new chapter. I'm sorry it took so long to-
PUT THE HAMMER DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM THE NAILS!
The universe is fairly well-developed. Props for making both sides spacefaring civilizations.
The setting reminds me of a mix between Honor Harrington and Mass Effect.
As for story, I suspect the Changelings have found the Human colony.
5793022
The setting belongs to FanNotANerd, I'm just playing in it, but I'm glad you like it.
FanNotANerd's story inspired this one, it's linked in the description if you decide to give it a read (which I fully recommend doing, by the way).
A lot of the First Contact stories I've read have had one or the other (usually the ponies) as planet-bound primitives. I wanted to do something a little different.
I was going for that kind of feeling with the humans, though, again, the Mass Effect elements are all FanNotANerd. I'm just extrapolating from he made.
I can neither confirm nor deny at this time.
So this took forever. New tag, new look, (hopefully) better writing.
Why the new tag? Better safe than sorry. When your standard issue rifle would go through modern tank armor, things tend to get messy.
Also! Behold the unholy abomination that is my attempt at conlang! Look upon and despair.
The technical name is Relativistic kill vehicle, and if you could launch 1 million tons at .9c, that'd be enough to strip a planet of it's atmosphere.
sir isaac newton really is the deadliest son of a bitch in space.
Yay, update!
Yeah, once you get casual spaceflight down, the energies involved start getting ridiculous. "Any interesting space-drive is a weapon of mass destruction," after all.
I really, really hope some folks with their heads screwed on right are in charge on both sides...
6198234
That's about 100 times the mass of an 'unfired' Type-3 (the largest 'caliber' at 10 thousand tons) HVI.
448 million megatons (if I did my math right), or roughly nine times the dinosaur-killing asteroid, is still a hell of a yield though. Mutually Assured Destruction level stuff.As for the name, H(e)VI just kinda rolls off the tongue.
EDIT: Ignore me, I did do my math wrong.
6198397
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/02/Xanatos.JPG
6198503 Oh yeah, changelings.
6198503
WolframAlpha is your friend.
No joke...
450 Teratons, about 3.74 dinosaur killers.
6198559
. . . Yes it is. I really need to stop forgetting about that site. /bookmarks
6198598
I love finding the many, many Easter eggs...
I feel confused.
6608653
What about? I might be able to fix that.
6608805 So why are the ponies attacking the humans? Are the ponies more advanced than the humans? Did the ponies mistake the humans for changelings? I just feel like I missed a few things or something.
6608837
It's a combination of wrong place at the wrong time, differences in psychology, and good ol' paranoia.
The captain of the Lance Held High was worried the Equestrians might have been a threat, and the military isn't known for playing nice when you get somewhere you're really not supposed to be.
The Equestrians have spent the last few years fighting a war for survival against the (until now) only other known intelligent species in the galaxy. Suddenly these aggressive, unknown aliens flying a ship as big as their largest (the Lance was about a kilometer long, which is the size of a pony or Changeling dreadnought) get in their face and start yelling.
Assumptions were made and knees jerked.
More like they advanced in different directions than humanity did. Both have roughly the same capabilities, and are at roughly the same 'stage' of development, but have different strengths and weaknesses and took different paths to get to where they are today. Humans brute-forced where ponies finessed and vice-versa.
It's kind of hard to make defenses that defeat a weapon you've never encountered before.
6609092 So this is taking place in an entre galaxy then, that clears a few things up I thought this was taking place on Equus. That might be due to the fact that I read this a while ago and only came back to it today, so I may have forgotten a few things. Thanks for clearing things up for me.
6609596
No problem. Glad I could help.
6198559 Um, not to poke holes in that nifty site but if you slow down the 10,000ton HVI weapon to 1 mph... you still get 1.6 dinosaur killers of energy instead of 3.4 dino killers when you go at 0.9c. If you slow it down to 0.1mph, you still get 1.6 dino killers (8.153×10^23 joules).
Er. Shouldn't there be a bigger difference? Maybe you're looking at it's potential energy rather than the kinetic energy?
I think something's be misinterpreted, somewhere. I'm not sciency enough to know what.
6869659
Kinetic energy is calculated by this equation:
Joules = 0.5 * Mass (kilograms) * m/s^2
So 10,000 tons (9,072,000 kg) at 1 mph (0.447 m/s) would look like (0.5*9072000*(0.447^2)) equaling 906 kJ of energy, about the energy equivalent of 1/5 of a kilogram of TNT
Additionally, you did not factor in relativistic effects.
6869771
I just used the provided links (two) and changed a few numbers around. Still, once 10,000 tons gets going, it'll take a lot to stop that mountain sized bulldozer, even at a snail's pace.
6871146
But, even with using WolframAlpha, I still get the same number. Even if it is off by two hundred joules.
EDIT: I indeed had the wrong thing posted in my first links, using mass energy instead of kinetic energy. Even still though, at those speeds the kinetic energy of the projectile approaches the mass energy of the projectile. Therefore the numbers, which were off by 40%, looked legit to me.
Is this story still updating?
Cause it's awesome!!!
This is exactly my kind of story, haven't found many of them on here sadly.
7632847
Not dead yet, just a bad case of writer's block.
7633254
Eughh! I know how a pain in the ass that can be.
I think the best way out of that is gaining inspiration, from books, games other stories ect.
Halo was always my favorite when involving mlp, maybe that can help you?
By the way how big are there ships? Don't think you mention how big they exactly were.
7634397
There's inspiration and then there's execution. The ideas are there, they just don't want to go down on paper.
The Lance Held High was a human frigate. At 1100 meters*, it was a light capital ship.
The largest pony ship at Farpoint is a cruiser. At 620 meters**, it's a mid-sized capital ship.
Pony and Changeling ships generally top out at roughly a kilometer (Changeling ships are more advanced and can get somewhat larger).
Humans have a somewhat different tech base. While they do have a different upper limit, I hope you'll understand if I keep it secret for now.
* - 3609 feet
** - 2034 feet
7635197
Yeesh, that is a problem. But nothings impossible!
I'll look forward to this stories progress, whenever that will be.
Don't know if I'll be able to but anything I can do to help?
Interesting...I'm just wondering if you are going to finish it...
Any luck with updating this AWESOME story?
8121007 I should be able to by the end of next month. Probably.
8121128
YES!!!
There's very rare stories like this one out there.
And this ones the best of all of them.
Your AWESOME!
Love the story and really hope you update but I have a few questions.
Humanity seems to really get this war started any reason?
Did a war happen between earth and her colonies?
Is the human government like The Systems alliance from Mass effect with a parliament or is it like Halo with a military government?
What are the fleet numbers for the ponies, humans and changelings?
Is their going to be any big mishaps from both military's like in WW1 with failed attacks and offensives?
Pegsi vs Fighters in space?
Human and changeling alliance?
Humanity occupying pony worlds and dealing with the inhabitants?
And also have you ever played Stellaris ?
8315988
Hi, sorry it took so long to reply. I am still working on this, but the next update is TBD. Sorry.
I'm sorry, I can't parse this question.
Long story short, yes, but that's not the war they're referring to.
The Confederacy is more like the Alliance than it is the UNSC.
Spoilers.
Fighters vs fighters. Some of them might be flown by pegasuses.
More Spoilers.
I've had my eye on it, but I haven't had the chance to play it yet.
8788676
What I meant by the first question, is that is there a reason humanity seems to be jumping right into war. Like trouble on the home front and them wanting to draw attention into a war.
8906560
There's a lot of fear in Confederate politics. This leads to them maintaining a "peace through superior firepower, if we have the biggest stick then maybe we won't have to use it" sort of attitude. They're not quite going to war. Yet.
is this awesome story still being worked on?
9174142
The next update is still TBD. Lots of re-writing going on. But thanks for asking!
9174729
It's an awesome story! I really want to see more of it.
how are things looking on this?
hey there. xd
so how's the story coming along?
Just remembered this story, sad to see it hasn't been updated, but happy to see it's still here.
Hey, I know this has been kind of dead for a few years. But I wanted to say u really enjoyed I, and I'll be following just in case you decide not come back.