I've Now Become an Expert
At precisely six in the morning—not a minute earlier or later—Derelict Apathy woke up. The bed was made as soon as she got out of it, and a shower was commenced right after. Showers usually lasted between ten and fifteen minutes, but were never longer than twenty. Once she had dried off, washed her face, and brushed her teeth, she would leave the bedroom to head to the kitchen.
She liked everything orderly and predictable. That didn't classify her as obsessive compulsive; she had already tested herself. She didn't mind if her surroundings were disorderly, and had no issue if there was an uneven amount of bananas or if her newspaper was crooked. When it came to the rest of her life, however, she liked to keep to a schedule.
Perhaps that meant she had repetitive or obsessive tendencies, but that was beside the point.
Derelict enjoyed her retirement. When the idea of leaving the professional world of psychoanalytic therapy first took root in her mind, she had spurned it. How would she occupy her time if not with patients? However, after years of treating ponies with various disorders, she realized she was bored. There were no more cases that challenged her. No new puzzles to solve.
Now she was free to explore new challenges every day: crosswords geared toward doctors and chemists; mathematical brainteasers that baffled and amazed; and logic puzzles that even she struggled with from time to time. She was never bored. Any time she did feel bored, she simply bought a new book of puzzles.
Until that stopped working. She noticed the onset occurred rather suddenly—in the middle of a puzzle, to be exact. One moment, she was entertained; and the next, she wasn't.
"How puzzling," she had said when it happened.
That was when she sought out a roommate to see if companionship would solve it. Ponies were social creatures, after all. It was instinctual for them to seek out other ponies, so she put an ad in the newspaper. The first—and, technically, the last—to respond was a mare by the name of Lovey Dovey.
Lovey was a truly fascinating case. Derelict had seen countless personalities in her years, but none came close to matching Lovey's. To the untrained eye, she was an endless fount of optimism and energy.
Derelict's eyes were far from untrained, and she could see beneath the facade the first day they met. There was a loneliness inside Lovey. Desperation lurked in her every action. She was so desperate, but why? What for?
Derelict was determined to find out, and that was when the mornings stopped being quiet.
...
But this morning was quiet, just like they used to be.
"Lovey?" Derelict called, looking around the living room and spying a figure wrapped in several blankets sitting on the couch. "Good morning. This is quite unusual for you."
The bundle moved some, but otherwise didn't respond.
Derelict stood in front of the couch and tilted her head. "Are you sick?"
"No," a quiet voice replied. It was most definitely Lovey's.
"Then should you not be up and getting ready for work?" Derelict lit her horn and started to peel away the layers of blankets.
A pale pink hoof shot out and grabbed the blanket's edge to yank it back into place. "No."
Oh. A new development. Derelict's pad and pen floated over to start taking notes. L has developed reclusive habits and lessened speech. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"
"No."
Instigating event: unknown. Derelict lowered herself onto her recliner and crossed one hindleg over the other. "All right. How long do you plan to stay on the couch?"
There was a pause before the blankets shifted and one eye peered out at her. How odd—weren't Lovey's eyes bright pink? They looked more grey than Derelict remembered. "Forever."
The pen tapped against the pad a few times before taking notes. L appears to have lost color vibrancy. Possible physical manifestation of depression.
"Why do you not want to go to work?" Derelict watched the still bundle of blankets for any further sign of movement. "Did something happen?"
The eye disappeared as the blankets shifted again. "No."
Short responses; unwilling to talk; further symptoms of depression. "This is a safe place to talk. I will not judge you."
After a long, quiet moment, Lovey's head poked out from the blankets. She had dark circles under her eyes—likely from a lack of proper sleep. "You won't?"
Progress! Derelict raised her brow. "What did I say? I said that I wouldn't."
Lovey hesitated. She opened her mouth, breathed in, and turned her head away. "I think—I think Magnate is done with me."
Magnate? The coltfriend? Derelict kept her expression as stoic as always, but she felt a wave of disappointment. Was it as simple as an affair of the heart? That was incredibly banal. A tragic backstory would have been more interesting to unravel, piece by piece, thread by thread.
However, Derelict had already gotten her hooves in this deep. The least she could do was continue forward. "And why do you think that?"
"Because—" Lovey sniffled. "Because I did what he said, but it still wasn't enough! He wanted me to forget about love lines, so I did! I got a normal job and became a normal pony and met him like a normal couple and he just—" Her voice hitched and she raised her hooves to cover her face. "He just walked away."
Lovey was a full-grown mare, and yet she was acting like a filly. This was no surprise. Love had fascinating and often unexplainable effects on the brain, and once the brain was compromised, there was no hope.
Derelict arched one brow. "Why did he ask you to forget about love lines? They're a part of who you are."
"They are." Lovey's gaze wandered. Derelict noticed that this happened often, increasingly so since she had taken a job as a weatherpony. "They're never gone."
Possible anxiety disorder due to presence of 'love lines'. Derelict reached out to put a hoof on Lovey's foreleg to check her pulse. Symptoms: increased heart rate, constricted pupils, and labored breathing.
"But he doesn't like them. Or—no, no." Lovey trembled, and Derelict jotted this down. "No, he doesn't like mine. His. Ours! I don't know if we're connected. I don't know if we're not connected! He didn't believe in them, but now he does, and—and he knows that I don't know if we're soulmates or not!" The tears had begun, as Derelict expected and already prepared for. The tissue box was hovering in the air, and Lovey grabbed a hoofful of them.
"I see." Derelict tapped her pen idly.
Love lines were important to Lovey. They seemed to be responsible for much of her behavior: her obsession with love, her intermittent spells of anxiety, and—Derelict suspected—her desire to decorate with pink. For Magnate to ask her to disregard them was a sign of controlling behavior, a fear that Lovey's uncertainty of their connection was a sign of their potential incompatibility, or a serious misunderstanding that she was blowing well out of proportion.
Derelict knew one thing for certain: communication was both the problem and the solution.
"Please excuse me a moment." Derelict set her notepad down and rose from the recliner. "I will be right back."
"Okay," Lovey said quietly, her voice muffled by the tissues her face was buried into.
As she left the apartment and headed for the stairs, she scoured her memory for what Lovey had said about Magnate when they first met. "I think this would be an absolutely perfect place, because it would make me his two-floor one-door neighbor, which is practically living together!"
It was wholly inaccurate logic, but admittedly endearing. And a harrowing reminder of how much Lovey had changed.
Derelict missed Lovey's smile.
Now, after descending two floors, Derelict was faced with a decision: was it one door to the left, or the right? She glanced between the two doors. They were, unsurprisingly, identical. There was nothing to differentiate them from each other aside from location. Given that most ponies in Manehattan worked high stress jobs such as accountants and bankers, it was just as likely that she would find Magnate as she would disturb a tired pony trying to enjoy their weekend.
The odds were an even split, neither in her favor nor against. She shrugged and went for the right for no other reason than it happened to be on the right, knocked, and waited.
After a minute passed and she knocked a second time, the door finally opened and a familiar brown stallion greeted her with the same tired eyes that Lovey had. "Derelict?"
"Good morning, Magnate." Derelict gestured for him to follow her. "Please come with me."
His ears shot straight up. "Why? Is something wrong with Lovey? What happened?"
Genuine concern. Well, that was a good start. Derelict merely offered a shrug and turned to head back up the stairs. He would either follow her or not, and the hurried hoofsteps told her he chose the former.
Once they reached her floor and stood outside the door, she paused to assess his condition: constricted pupils, labored breathing, and sweat lining his brow. He didn't seem to be so far out of shape that two floors should put him in such a state, so she came to the conclusion that his state was brought on by concern for Lovey's wellbeing.
Satisfied by this, she unlocked the door and walked inside. "Lovey, I've brought somepony to speak to you."
Lovey's eyes went wide when she saw Magnate and she dove back into the blankets to seek a false sense of security. "No, no, no!"
"Lovey." Magnate trotted over, then put a tender hoof on the trembling bundle. "Lovey, I'm sorry. I was wrong, I—"
Derelict cleared her throat. "Excuse me." She lowered onto her recliner and prepared a fresh page on her notepad. "Magnate, please have a seat so we may begin."
Magnate turned to look at her with a slight frown. "Begin? Begin what?"
"Relationship counseling," Derelict said plainly.
It was understandable that Magnate would react with confusion and skepticism. After all, he was a classic Introverted-Sensing-Thinking-Judging personality. She was challenging his logical way of thinking with something foreign and subjective like counseling.
What surprised her, however, was that he sat down. "All right."
M is open to counseling. L is still hiding. "Magnate, why do you think I brought you here?"
Magnate glanced down at Lovey, then met Derelict's gaze. Bravery? Confidence? A desire to fix things? "I assume it has to do with Lovey's current state."
"In a way, yes." Derelict crossed one hindleg over the other. "How would you describe her state?"
Magnate sighed, his composure falling in an instant as he slumped forward. M appears to be displaying guilt. Acknowledges his involvement. "Because I said some terrible things to her." He turned his head to look at Lovey, who had started to climb out of her blanket nest. "To you. Lovey, I'm sorry. I thought you would be better off without me, but I'm no good without you. I'll change, all right? So, please, forgive me."
Derelict blinked. Unexpected development. M and L appear to be in an unhealthy relationship—both are dependent on each other. "Lovey? Do you have anything to say?"
Lovey just shook her head, not looking at Magnate. She tugged the blanket tight around her shoulders.
"I see. Magnate, when you say you are no good without Lovey, what do you mean?"
"What else could I mean?" Magnate glared at her, aggression flaring briefly. "I used to be fine with being alone, but then I met Lovey." He reached out and stroked Lovey's cheek with a trembling hoof. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did."
"No, I'm sorry!" Lovey withdrew from him, her ears folding back against her mane. "I'm the one who made a mistake!"
The cycle needs to stop.
Derelict sighed and raised a hoof. "I would like to interrupt." She lowered her pad and pen, leaned in, and crossed her hooves to rest her muzzle on them. "Both of you have made a mistake, but it's not the one you each think you made. The problem here is a lack of proper communication.
"Magnate, you said some things that you now regret. Lovey, you tried to change who you are because of what he said." Derelict shook her head. "Magnate, can you see why that is a problem?"
"Because—" Magnate blinked. "Because, look at her! She's not herself. She's not Lovey!"
Lovey furrowed her brow. "What? Of course I'm Lovey. Who else would I be?"
Magnate sighed and dropped his head into his hooves. "Is this really what relationship counseling is supposed to be like?"
"Oh, no, but I'm not licensed anymore. I retired years ago." Derelict shrugged. "That means I can be honest without losing my job. So, in my honest opinion, you're both wrong. Magnate, Lovey—you can't simply change who you are. From what I understand, the issue isn't who either of you are, and it isn't about love lines. It's that neither of you have made an earnest attempt to compromise due to poor communication."
"Compromise?" Lovey blinked.
Derelict nodded. "Lovey, you try too hard. You hide your need for validation with exaggerated acts of affection and optimism. Magnate, you are too inexperienced. When Lovey pulls, you push. When you push, you regret not pulling instead. I've seen all of this several times before. Both of you need to talk with one another rather than pushing and pulling."
Magnate looked up from his hooves. "I—" He straightened up and just stared at Derelict.
She returned the stare with a blank expression. Any emotion betrayed on her part would affect his mental state. He had to accept and reject emotions on his own, not based on any accidental influence on her part.
From her limited exposure to him, she believed she had a good grasp on who he was: a logical, rational stallion who buried himself in work and had never been in a relationship before. The combination of his wariness of love with Lovey's overbearing desperation for it was dangerous. Without taking the time to sit down and understand one another better, it could even become toxic.
Something must have clicked because Magnate's expression softened. "I believe I understand—to a degree, at least."
"You do?" Lovey looked up at him with uncertainty on her face and in her voice.
"Yes." He turned toward her. "I think I do. Or, at the very least, I know where Derelict is suggesting we start." He stood up and offered a hoof for her to take. "Lovey, will you come back to my apartment so we can talk over breakfast?"
Lovey rubbed at her eyes, then nodded and took his hoof, a small smile crossing her lips as he pulled her out of the blankets. "Okay."
Derelict smiled as she watched the two head for the door together, leaving her to the peace and quiet of being alone. Her pen lifted from its resting place and took the last of her notes.
Rather than simply hearing, M and L may finally start listening. Will check on their progress in a week.
Satisfied with her work, Derelict replaced the pen and paper with a crossword puzzle. "Let's see. A five-letter word for silence..."
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A successful intervention! Stupendous!
Quiet.
"Alligator."
Wait, no, that was a three letter word for some kind of animal...
And finally! Discussion! It's important! Thank you, Derelict! Though, given who the two ponies are, perhaps you should do some following up. As you said: desperate and inexperienced. Because what and how are just as important as the fact it's occurring.
Crystal, I took a break from writing notes on what to say at my first relationship counseling session in a few days to read this. I'm not sure if it helped. It's nice to see Lovey and Mag takes steps in the right direction, but it also make me wish my problems with my husband were as straightforward.
Either way, thank you for writing, your stories are a happy distraction for me. I've said before I wish I could be more like Crystal Wishes, and your characters are inspirational.
Love this! Glad that Derelict caught the Pink Flu and caught on on to how to fix the issue!
Well done, Derelict.
Are you looking for "quiet" or "still"?
7678097 It was a little daunting when I was prepping to write this chapter, that I wasn't sure if it'd come across as a good intervention, or forced, or contrived, or... what have you. I'll take successful and stupendous!
7678109
7678348 hahaha.
Derri planned to check their progress in a week, though if Lovey comes back and hides in her blanket nest, I'm sure that would escalate to 'go down and bust down Magnate's door'.
7678391 I am very sorry to hear that, and I hope things go well for you and your husband.
7678392 Derri is a very smart mare!
7678643
7678850 'Twas quiet, to "close out" the theme from the last chapter and this chapter (The apartment was quiet, the office was quiet, the morning was quiet... etc.)
7678348
Family feud can do bs questions because you're just trying to think like a stupid person. Frog does have three letters in it! It also has 4.
Now we just need to hope she can survive his family
7678850
DrWho
... nailed it.
Yaaaaaaaay. Lovey and Magnate are the best...... even if they need help from time to time
7678348 Huh. Looks like the Polish "Familiada" is a copy of an american show called "Family Feud".
apotential.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/the-more-you-know.jpg
Thank you for this knowledge.
Well done Derelict Apathy, well done.
Lovey and Magnate are my OTP! ... Which is kinda obvious but still! I SO want them to come together!
I love this. I died at "How puzzling..."
Hooray! Reason prevails! Lovey and Magnate need not fear the perilous nuance of relationships with Derelict at the helm of the S.S. MagnaLoveylict!
Good job!
Ah Derelict. Good job getting the two to sit down and talk about there problems.
Anybody else imagine Derelict with Scribbler's voice?
Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Let's see how this goes.
The last chapter made me sad, but this chapter made me happy.
I was kind of surprised by this line until I remembered that it was a morning scene.