Discord's Apprentice

by Architect Ironturtle

Lesson 1, Part Two: Prankical Practice

"Ok, my apprentice, listen up!" Discord was pacing on top of one of the windows in his suite, while Pinkie Pie lay on the other one and watched him. Anypony who looked in the from the gardens would have seen them appear side by side, despite being on opposite sides of the room. "However well you may have done on your first test, this is only the beginning. Before we can move forward to the more advanced techniques, you need to get used to using magic, and I mean the focused kind, not your usual variety." Pinkie Pie nodded.

On the outside, Discord was composed, acting every bit the Master, as he had watched countless ponies teach their own students over the years and knew the part well. However, on the inside he was bouncing around in circles squeeing in happiness. He had never had someone to share his laughter with before, and it. Was. GLORIOUS! More than worth the trouble of having to bring her up to speed on just about everything, which, so far, was one of the two only major turnoffs to the whole idea.

Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, was starting to lose some of her earlier trepidations. Discord had kept the prank they committed clean and harmless, was helping her get a better grasp of her skills, and most importantly, the awful phrase that haunted her everywhere she went never even came close to his lips. He understood what she did at an even higher level than she did, and it was an absolute relief to finally have someone who wouldn't look at her sideways and then shrug if she did something out of the ordinary. Discord was still talking, so she pulled her thoughts out of her navel to listen.

"Therefore, I declare that the rest of the day shall be spent on more pranks, designed by us, built by you, and our victims best hope, not pointed at them." Discord twirled a wrench in his paw.

"That sounds great! But who do we get first?" Pinkie Pie twisted her mouth into a question mark shape, something she'd never done with her friends because she knew it would freak them out. However, since it wouldn't bother Discord...

"An excellent question, my dear. Tell me, who do you think deserves a shock?" An electric current traveled up his horn and antler.

"A shock? Aren't those kind of painful?" Pinkie curled up on herself at the thought.

Discord sighed, face in talon. And there was the other turnoff: Pinkie's occasional inability to understand non-literal sentences. "I meant a mental shock, Pinkie. Something to liven up their boring day, or let them know they're acting stupid, like Prince Blu-blu."

"Oh." Pinkie thought for a bit, and a gold coin fell into her ear. "Well, I think Princess Candace's life is pretty dull, how about we do her next?"

"Sounds like a plan." Discord steepled his claws over his desk, now hovering in the air right above Pinkie's window. "I know what I would do to them, but do you have any suggestions?"

"Well, maybe just one..." Pinkie grinned, and Discord mirrored her expression.

88888888

Cadance was just finished with her Royal duties, and about to do the last chore of the day before she could go spend some time with her hubby: Read her mail. Only today, Discord showed up holding a package and wearing a mailman's uniform with, "Storks INC." stitched on his hat. He pulled a clipboard out of his pocket that was at least twice large as its would be container, and flipped through it. "Are you Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?"

Cadance scowled. "Discord, you know perfectly well who I am. We've met before, after all."

Discord pretended not to hear. "You are? Good. I've got a special delivery for you. The usual guy was sick, so they asked me to fill in." He reached into the package, and pulled out-Cadance's brain suffered a fatal system error and had to reboot. "Well, are you going to take her or not?" No, it hadn't been a nightmare or a crazy vision, Discord was holding, of all possible things, a filly. A filly with a pink coat, dark blue mane and eyes, wings, and a horn. "Uuuuhhh." Cadance wouldn't have been able to close her mouth even if she knew it was open.

"To answer your questions, yes, this filly is real, and yes, it is yours and Shining Drama's. Now don't make me take her back, the company has a strict no refunds policy." With that, he placed the filly on Cadance's back, tipped his hat to her, snapped his fingers, and disappeared. Cadance turned and stared at the filly, a simple little creature that had just completely broken her world and everything she thought she knew about it.

"Um, Cadance? Caaaadaaaance, is everything all right? You don't usually take this long with the mail." Shining Armor stepped into the throne room and was met the view of his wife on the floor, having fainted dead away, with a filly chewing on her mane.

88888888

Pinkie Pie knew Shining Armor had found out about her little idea when an extremely high pitched and girlish shriek echoed through the Crystal Empire, indicating that the fake foal Discord and she had made had turned back into it's composite parts of bugs and snakes. Ponies all around her glanced up at the castle in confusion, then went back to their lives. Pinkie herself, meanwhile, was chilling on the side of a bookshop (sitting, not clinging) while she waited for her Master to come back. The mare who owned the shop had given her a very strange look at first, then shrugged and gone back to work, inadvertently becoming yet another reminder of what she tried so hard to ignore. Pinkie was distracted from her sour thoughts by the signal she and Discord had set up in advance, namely one rubber chicken squeak followed by a thunderclap and an alien sound effect. Pinkie pulled on reality, and made a hole to the roof of the store, where Discord met her.

"I never would have expected such an excellent reaction from that approach, my apprentice, what ever gave you the idea?"

"Well," chirped Pinkie, "You know how the Cakes lives have gotten turned upside-down recently? They had twins!"

"I see." Discord nodded sagely. "You've done well, Pinkie, especially for your first. I have the feeling this is the start of a beautiful friendship." They stood there, trying to maintain their composure, until another scream, this one of despair, emanated from the tower. "WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" They lost it, and couldn't find it until the sun had set, and it was time to head home.

Author's Note:

Yes, yes I am trying to break your brain, why do you ask?

Ugh, I always seem to get inspired just before bed.

Comments

[FurryBrony]

Oh, wow. This is excellent! Can't wait for more.

[Tennis Match Fan]

As always, I am the one who is concerned for the foal's well-being. She'll be taken care of and not forgotten, right?

[Architect Ironturtle]

Of course. Shining and Cadance are good parents, they're just shocked senseless from suddenly being parents.

[Architect Ironturtle]

5655145 I'll cover that next chapter, regardless of what I told you.

[Ozymandias42]

5655072
I agree and have to step back on my earlier comment.
If this is the stories format. A episodic gag-thingy. Than we truly don't need the more emotional aspects.
Well done!

[Tennis Match Fan]

5655153 Yayz!

[Limelight02]

I like this.

[Philosophysics]

I CHALLENGE YOU TO BREAK MY BRAIN!

[Frantic Starz]

this filly is very real, and yes, it is yours and Shining's Drama's

this filly is very real, and yes, it is yours and Shining Drama's

[Alondro]

There are 3 other chaos users I know of who've mastered their skills beyond compare...

artinbase.com/slika/big/37082317/Animaniacs.jpg

Now there's a crossover no one's thought of!

GET WRITING YOU LAZY BUMS!!!

I cannot, for I have SCIENCE to do! Delicious, magical science...

"Well, I think Princess Candace's life is pretty dull, how about we do her next?"

Dayum, Pinkie! I never knew you pimped it like that!

[Alondro]

5655151 The child is neglected frequently, juxtaposed with periods of being spoiled rotten... and becomes Blueblood II... but an alicorn version... the Crystal Empire never recovers from the devastation.

[the other sans]

and it. was. GLORIOUS!
twice large as it's would be container
You are? good.
"I never would have expected such an excellent reaction from that approach, my apprentice, what ever gave you the idea?
The stood there, trying to maintain their composure

1. Forgot to capitalise.
2. Its.
3. Forgot to capitalise.
4. Forgot your closing quotation mark.
5. They.

[rainbowscratch27]

and it. Was. GLORIOUS.

[Bugsydor]

I love this story. Why did it languish in my RIL bin for so long?

You are one of a very select group of authors who understand Discord and can write him well.

[josue]

5816352 I have a darker version he becomes neglected forgotten hated for ruining his parents relationship with his untimely arrival turns to dark magic leads a Army of golems to the castle slays his parents who forgot and neglected him and rules the crystal Empire with a iron rule lead an army against Equestria is crowned Empire of Equestria Equestria never recovers from the war enslaved to the crystal Empire and its new emperor

[DiscountDiscord]

Pinkie thought for a bit, and a gold coin fell into her ear.

Took me a second to get that pun.

[Yunic]

Sooo strange,i love it

[iloveportalz0r]

the fake foal Discord and she had made had turned back into it's composite parts of bugs and snakes

*its