Lesson 4, Part 4: The Flirt-Off
Brain rubbed his eyes and looked again. Nope, it was still there. "You can not be serious," he said flatly.
Pinkie merely grinned and pointed at the blocks of metal floating in the tub. "Of course I'm not serious," she said happily. Before Brain could wipe his brow in relief, though, she continued, "He is!" and pointed at Wakko, who had pulled an anvil out of the bathtub (wooden tubs were in short supply) by his teeth and was staggering under its weight towards the drop zone, the rickety platform they were all standing on swaying underneath him. The tower was built in a massive slinky-spring shape, causing the top to be just above the heads of the dancing crowd and pointing towards the floor, while having any object dropped loop around the entire length of the structure to land on one of the targets (read victims) standing next to its base.
After making his way to the edge with the black and yellow stripes, Wakko took careful aim with a telescope as contorted as the tower and let go. The anvil fell upwards, spinning in circles around the scaffolding before scoring a direct hit on a bulldog, driving him into the ground and out of sight.
"Aww, I was aiming for the mime," Wakko pouted, before pulling out an apple and taking a bite, "Your turn Pinkie. See if you can hit the pirate."
"Okie-Dokie-Lokie," she chirped, sticking her own head in the water and sending up a few bubbles. Brain looked around for an escape route, but none presented itself. He had no idea how Pinkie was able to make so many cardboard cutouts of herself to act as party police, and he wasn't completely certain he wanted to. Unless he could make an army of photographs of himself to take over the the world with. Now that's a thought...
His attention was pulled out of his navel a moment later by a spray of water from a triumphant Pinkie, holding the tip of an anvil in her mighty jaws. She calmly tap-danced to the edge of the platform and let fly, managing to nail the pirate that had been running around in circles screaming after he was picked for target practice.
"Nice shot," said Wakko approvingly as Pinkie beamed.
"Thanks!" she said happily, "Now you go, Brain."
Brain looked at her like she was the most oblivious creature he had ever met, and that was saying something. "You do realize I am incapable of lifting such massive objects, correct?"
"Of course," Pinkie said cheerfully, "That's why we have a mouse-sized tub!" Sure enough, a tiny tub full of tiny anvils was strapped to the edge of the bigger one.
Wakko walked over and examined it, then said, "Faboo. That's a nice feature."
Pinkie frowned. "I thought you made this game," she said.
Wakko shrugged. "Maybe I did," he replied, "I don't remember: we made a lot of stuff." He gestured out and up at the rest of the party, which by this point stretched beyond the event horizon.
Just stick to the plan, Brain thought to himself, and tough out the madness. In the end, it will all be worth it, even if I'd rather dip my ears in sulfuric acid than listen to this drivel or participate in these stupid games.
"Come on, Brainy-Brain-Brain," Pinkie cooed, "It's fun!"
With an aggrieved sigh, Brain hopped off the balcony and trudged towards the bucket. Taking a deep breath, or as deep a breath as a mouse could take, he stuck his head in and bit, somehow snagging the tip of an anvil on his first try. After carrying it over to the edge of the platform, he looked at his tiny anvil, then over the side through the targeting pipe, trying to figure out who he could drop this on for any sort of comedic effect. It was awfully puny, so maybe someone small to compensate?
"Bubbas, Bubbas!" Somehow Mindy's voice carried over the music, and Brain adjusted the scope enough to see Mindy the toddler of Mindy and Buttons chasing a bubble as big as she was right towards the landing zone. Perfect, Brain thought, and with a quick calculation to determine localized gravity, Mindy's speed, direction and acceleration, the anvil's weight, distance to fall, wind speed, and the maximum flight distance of an African Sparrow, let go. He even accommodated for the anvil growing to full size the moment it left his grasp, although he'd put it down as a highly unlikely variable.
Pinkie, however, was not quite so prepared. "Noooo," she shrieked in horror, "not the baby! Come on, we have to save her!"
She got within two inches of leaping over the side before Brain's upraised paw stopped her, "That won't be necessary, my dear. Buttons is-"
"AAAAWWWWOOOOOOOO!"
"Right on schedule," Brain concluded with a smirk. Sure enough, just as the anvil came within five feet of crushing poor Mindy's everything, Buttons the dog, her loyal companion and perpetual safety net, threw himself under the bus, or anvil, in this case, and shoved his charge a few feet forward, out of harm's way. She continued onward, cooing happily while Buttons got flattened like a rivet that had taken one too many hits from a hammer.
Staring down at the results of his actions, Brain had to admit he felt pretty good. Usually he was on the receiving end of any beatings that went down, so being able to dish it out for once was... liberating. He still thought bobbing for anvils was an idiotic pastime, though.
"There, I did it," he growled, trying to and not quite succeeding in hiding his amusement, "Can we go now?"
Pinkie turned green as Buttons got back up and took off after Mindy in painful pursuit, and managed a hasty nod before flying off in search of a convenient concave surface. Brain rolled his eyes, muttered, "Amateur," and started climbing down the ladder. Really, what kind of a cartoon goddess can't stomach a little violence? She even did it herself a few seconds ago!
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"Got any fives?" Pinkie asked, peering over the top of her cards at Dot.
"Ah, fiddlesticks," Dot grumbled, then pointed at the card on the far left of her hand, "You, go over there." The playing card saluted, and goose-stepped across the table, slipping neatly into Pinkie's formation. Pinkie smirked, laid the new card out with its matches, then tossed another bit on the pot and said, "Brain, got any 10s?"
Brain grinned slyly, standing on a raised platform in front of his own card formation, "Go fish," he said, causing Pinkie's ears to droop, and she drew a card from the stack and tossed another bit on the pile. He had to admit, Poker Fish was actually turning out to be pretty fun. Sure, having sentient playing cards was a bit weird, but he'd seen, heck, he'd done more bizarre things in his lifetime, so they only earned a raised eyebrow.
The rules of the game were fairly simple: Take the base of go fish and make it so every time you guessed a card, you had to put another unit of currency on the pile, be it bits, gambling tokens, coins, what-have-you as long as they were all of equal value. If you put down extra money one turn, from that point on all players have to match the new amount or drop out of the game. It can be played as winner-take-all, but that set of rules was reserved for games that aren't among friends or when everyone at the table sucked at math.
Since that wasn't the case here, once all the cards had been played, the money would be split into thirteen portions, and every set of four a player had got them one 13th of the pot. Brain didn't really have a use for money beyond purchasing stuff to take over the world with so he could be reasonably trusted not to cheat, although he had a feeling his opponents would be able to tell if he did.
"Got any sevens?"
"Go fish."
"Got any nines?"
Two cards walked across the table.
"Got any fours?"
"Go fish."
You know what, this isn't all that interesting. MOVING ON!
88888888
"Hey, Yakko," Pinkie shouted, pulling up short next to the 3-D chessboard and allowing Brain to catch his breath, "How's the game going?"
Yakko looked at the board, which was covered in black pieces except for far top right corner, which held the white king, queen, and a pawn, "Eh, could be worse," he said with a shrug while Daffy Duck vented steam out of his non-existent ears, "I could actually be losing to this bird-brain."
"Oh, really," Daffy growled, "If I remember correctly, I'm black here, not you."
"Yes, yes you are," Yakko said with a glance at Daffy's feathers, "but I'm still beating you. Checkmate in 5."
"Hah! I'm calling your bluff!" He shoved a black rook a few squares to the right and shouted, "Check!"
"That's great, guys!" Pinkie said with a smile, "I call next game. Brain, you up for some strategy?"
Brain thought it over for all of two seconds. A chance to stay in range of the power source without arousing suspicion while playing a game that didn't make him want to rip his ears off? The choice was obvious.
"I call white," he said brightly, or at least as brightly as he felt like getting, which wasn't very much.
"Checkmate!" Yakko shouted while Daffy gaped.
"How!? HOOOOWWWW!!??" Daffy bellowed, "I had this one in the bag!"
"And I let it out," Yakko said smoothly, "This game always was a little catty."
Daffy glared at him, "That's an awful joke and you should feel awful for making it."
"Hmm. Nah," Yakko said, "Come on, let's go get some food." He stuck hand out to Daffy, who reluctantly shook it, and the they walked off, allowing Pinkie and Brain to take their place.
88888888
"Checkmate," Brain said calmly as he breathed an internal sigh of relief. Who knew Pinkie was a budding chess master? If the game had lasted even two more turns she would have pinned his rook between her bishops and run her queen to the back row. He hadn't worked this hard to beat someone in months, and it felt him feeling... happy? Is this what happy felt like?
"Drat," Pinkie swore, "Best two out of three?"
Brain smiled. "Sounds good to me," he said, and started guiding the pieces back to their starting points
88888888
"Yeah, shake it!" shouted the DJ over the roar of the crowd. Brain was dancing. He'd never danced before, much less on top of Pinkie Pie's back. After winning the their second and third matches of chess, Brain had finally succumbed to the party atmosphere and was boogeying with all his might as the pair went to meet up with their friends. The enthusiasm all around them only fed their own energy, a rare experience for any introvert, and Brain was no exception. The smile on his face could rival the moon, and he'd completely lost his stoicism somewhere between the chess, the food, and the pole-vault/dancing contest.
They eventually made their way out of the crowd and into the relative quiet the bubble corner. Stepping around a large, ellipse shaped tub of soap, Pinkie and Brain found Pinky and Discord practicing the fine art of bubble animals.
"Done!" said Pinky, tying the final knot in his latest creation, "I call it, 'Two Kittens, Playing at Sunset.'"
Staring in wonder at the near-photographic scene in front of him, Brain said, "Fantastically done, Pinky. I had no idea you were so talented."
Pinky beamed at the praise, then frowned as he hopped up on Pinkie's back to examine Brain up close, "Ok," he said, "Who are you and what have you done with Brain? He owes me five bubble wands!"
Brain just chuckled and handed the plastic tools over, "It's really me, Pinky," he said soothingly, "Let's just say I've had a change of heart."
Pinky cheered and swept him up in a bone-crushing hug, "Yay! I always knew you had it in you be nice. Now you'll be an even better ruler!"
"Ruler? Oh, right!" He pulled out the scanner and saw to his delight it had finished a few minutes ago, "With this device, I shall claim the power of chaos for myself, and then the world! NOTHING CAN STOP ME!!!!"
"Um, you do know we can hear you, right?" Brain squeaked, then glanced over his shoulder and into the very unamused face of Discord. A face that was surrounded by countless arms from countless monsters, more eyes than you shake a scalpel at, and an extremely nauseating ripple in space-time. His face became two, then a hundred, then a million, and then, as reality itself buckled under the strain, Discord leaned in so close they could feel his breath and whispered, "Boo."
Pinky and Brain jumped out of their skins, through the roof, and so high into the air they landed on the windshield of a passing plane, then fell for miles through the sky until they landed in a mattress factory a good 10 miles away from where they'd started.
"Pinky," Brain groaned as he pulled out his spare skin suit and put it on, "when we get back to the lab, remind to make a note that says, 'Never mess with any creature from beyond space and time.' After that, we must prepare for tomorrow night."
"Tomorrow night?" asked Pinky, "what are we going to do then?"
"The same thing we do every night, Pinky," Brain said with a smirk, "Try to take over the world. Oh, and have fun while we're at it. Failure or not, I don't regret anything that happened tonight. We should do it more often."
"Yay! Narf!"
And so the walked off into the darkness, arm in arm and ready to take on humanity.
They're Pinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!
88888888
Meanwhile, back at the party, Pinkie and Discord were on the floor, clutching their sides in heavenly agony.
"Oh, the looks on their faces," Discord chortled, "Priceless!"
"Yeah! Hehe," Pinkie replied, "That's always the best part. That and the surprised shrieks."
"Too true," Discord wheezed, "I swear I thought they were going to explode!" That set them off again, and it wasn't until Dot found them five minutes later that they were able to pull themselves together. Still chuckling feebly and leaning on each other for support, they greeted Dot with half-hearted waves between their fits of laughter.
"Aww," Dot cooed, "you two are so cute! Are you dating?"
"What!?" They exclaimed simultaneously, "No! Ew!"
They froze, then shook the ice off their bodies and turned to glare at each other.
"So," Discord said coolly, "I'm not good enough for you?"
"Apparently I'm not good enough for you either," Pinkie replied in a similar tone.
"Well, then," Discord droned, "I guess I'll just have to prove you wrong."
"Likewise," Pinkie replied.
"Flirt-off?"
"Flirt. On." They sauntered off towards the center of the dance floor, walking easily on nothing at all since they didn't look down. The guests parted before them like environmentalists before a herd of deer, all eyes upon them as they set down evenly in the middle of the dance floor and squared off against one another. Somehow they'd both found cowboy hats along the way, and their spurs clicked against the tiled floor as they circled each other warily, waiting for their opponent to make the first move. A tumbleweed blew by, courtesy of one of the cowboys.
"Wow," said Wakko, "This won't end well."
"Yeah," Yakko quipped, "Like Miley Cyrus's career."
Pinkie and Wakko glared at each other across matching drum-sets, momentarily distracted from the proceedings.
"But it's so romantic," swooned Dot, gazing longingly at the couple as her brothers rolled their eyes.
"Girls," They said in unison, then went back to watching. Sappy or not, they wouldn't miss this for a get-out-of-water-tower-free card: or a dozen, or a hundred, etc.
Pinkie sent the opening volley this time, sucking on a lollipop as she sat at a cafeteria table table, making bedroom eyes at Discord and wiggling her rump suggestively. Discord, meanwhile, was showing off his magical skill: no less than 23 different objects orbited him in ever-changing patterns, each one making a random transformation as it moved. He was dressed in a muscle shirt that showed off every inch of a rack he'd hadn't possessed a few moments earlier, and he was giving Pinkie his most charming smile. She just smiled back and sucked harder, pulling the lollipop out of her mouth and running her tongue over it slowly. Carefully. Savoring every inch.
"Heh, just be glad she's not using a Popsicle," Wakko said, grinning slyly.
Yakko stared at him for a moment before he turned to one of the cameras, blowing it a kiss and waving, "Mwaah! Goodnight, everybody!"
Pinkie got off her stool and sauntered over to Discord, swaying her hip from side to side. She started circling him, rubbing up against him and purring as she did so, like a giant pink fluffy cat. Discord, meanwhile, had tossed out trying to impress her, and was instead scratching her behind the ears. She purred louder and rubbed harder, which made Discord smile triumphantly.
Slowly, carefully, he knelt, bringing his face level with hers as his eyelids drooped to half mast. The world dropped away as their gazes locked, and the room held its breath as their lips moved closer. three inches, two, one...
However, before the kiss could actually happen, George popped up on Discord's shoulder, hit him over the head with a picture frame, and dissappeared again. As Discord rubbed his head in pain and glanced down at the photo, his eyes widened in horror as he took in Celestia's visage and realized what he'd almost done.
"Ok, you win, you win!" He pleaded, "I surrender, you're attractive!"
"Right, thanks," Pinkie said sheepishly, "I guess I got a bit carried away."
"A bit?" Discord snapped, then sighed, "I'm sorry, Pinkie. I shouldn't have pushed. It's ok if you don't find me attractive, we're friends, and that's what counts, and I shouldn't have let my ego get in the way. Hug?"
He opened his arms and Pinkie stepped into them as the crowd d'awwwwed and cheered. Then, before they separated, Pinkie whispered in his ear, "It's ok, Discord, I wanted to know I was attractive too, even without ever acting on those feelings. Actually, I think we both do like each other that way now, but our friendship is more important. Besides," She handed him the picture, "you're taken."
Discord smiled and wiped a tear away. "Exactly," he said happily, "And I wouldn't have it any other way."
"That's so sweet," Dot sobbed as Yakko blew noisely into a handkerchief, "And odd. Have either of you ever seen something like this before?" They shook their heads as one, then went back to blubbering into their hankies.
Pinkie nodded to the DJ, who struck up a new beat, and she and Discord walked over to meet their co-hosts.
"So," she said after a few moments of silence, "Now what?"
"Party?" asked Wakko.
Pinkie grinned. "Party."
They partied.
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Sorry about that, I used the old chapter holder from April 1st and the story didn't show up in the recently updated list like it should have. Fixed now, enjoy.
What is this a crossover of?
6531841 Warner Bros. in general and Animaniacs in particular.
Pinkie and Discord.
6532366 No, Pinkie and Wakko. They both play the rimshot, links included.
My head hurts reading this lol
...what the hell did I just read?
I need to read the Necrocomicon again, my eldritch lobes are going soft.
Pinkie smirked, laid the new card out with it's matches
succumbed to the party atmosphere and bogeying with
To true
I swear I though they were going to explode
1. Its.
2. Boogeying. I think. Boogey is two Os right?
3. Too.
4. Thought.
Dang, you had me on the edge of my seat there with the Flirt-off. DiscoPie/DiscoLight are some of my favourite pairings.
That was suitably epic.
Just a shame we didn't get much more Pinkie-and-Pinky action than we did.
"Yeah," Yakko quipped, "Like Miley Cyrus's career."
Awww snap
I think this is my favorite part
I’m late to a good book